My faults...are they that bad?

I want very few things from people. Things that I will gladly give to them, if they give these things to me. Yet so few seem capable of fulfilling such simple desires.

1) BE LOYAL TO ME. Friend or lover, just be loyal. Don't carouse with others of the same sex. Don't incite my jealousy.

2) BE HONEST AT ALL TIMES. Don't lie. For any reason. Don't lead me to believe one thing, when really something else is what's reality.

3) BE A NICE PERSON. Don't put me through butter just to be your friend/lover/whatever.

treetrunking hell, treetrunk....I am incredibly depressed right now. WTF....WHY can't I attract people into my life who are decent———

I forgot to list my faults.

I've been told, and know, that I am a "strong-willed person". Especially in relationships. I mean, dammit, there are things that are okay with me and there are things that just aren't, and it would be Fake for me to pretend that the not-okay-things are in any way okay. There has got to be someone out there that understands. I am ALSO a pleasant person, I don't just lay down the law like some cookiemonster and get all Hitler about it.

My second fault is that I might be a little bit idealistic. Perhaps I think things can work that someone who is more pessimistic wouldn't think would work. But does that make me the fool, or them the pessimist— Am I the bad one there? I really didn't think so, but you know...I don't know. Maybe people feel pressured by me to perform well in the relationship (and I'm not speaking sexually). Maybe my idealism only increases their pessimism. I don't freaking know.

Third main fault - Jealousy. Do I throw temper tantrums? Not usually. Maybe if it's deserved - and even then, the extent of my temper tantrums are this: I will question the person until I find out every detail that I want to know, and then react, usually by being silent. I normally don't yell, and I've never been violent. I just retreat into seething fury. But I don't really strike out with no cause. Maybe what I think is worthy of striking out really isn't and I'm a Freak of some kind. WTF...I swear to god I am a decent person, fun to be around, etc...and yet, People Screw Me Over, whether they mean to or not. When they aren't actively screwing me over, they're hurting me. There are some that don't do this...but usually if it's a guy he's doing one or the other. I am not exaggerating here.

And why the hell are my relationships ALWAYS *incredibly good* at first, and then...descend into a hellish painful misery——? What is going on—?

Okay, im not even going to read the part about your faults. Compared to me you are an angel, lol.

Okay, i couldn't resist, i just read. I'm not even going to respond to your 'faults' bit, that stuff seems normal to me. Unless i have been around a bunch of freaks too...!

Look, this guy didn't work out. Look at it this way. Life is getting all the crappy stuff out of the way for you. It's not always going to be like this, these people are just in your life to teach you a lesson and knowing what we don't want is as good, if not better, than knowing what we want. When you know what you don't want, you can eliminate the 'bad' from your life.

The right person should respect you.

I think that you need to learn to love yourself more, respect yourself (which you obviously do), and realise that another person may not always be the answer to your wellbeing.

In regards to the optimism vs. pessimism thing, i have always found that when somebody is intimidated by you/me/whoever, they will try to put you down or reduce you somehow, to make themselves feel better. You don't need to make yourself small for anybody. Just be yourself. If somebody can't handle it, they are not the right person for you.

lol. Hi Libragirl - I appreciate all your help tonight. I'm so glad someone is on dxp right now. Not that I'm going to keep you up. It's just good that someone is out there listening.

I'm no angel - those were just my main faults. I must have annoying little personality traits that even I don't notice because they're so ingrained. But the above are what I think my real faults are. It is comforting to know that I'm not too much of a freak, though. I just may be normal and the people around me are the...unable-to-accept-normal ones.

I think this person did respect me...that's what's painful about it not working, is that I have no right to really be mad at them. They just didn't believe that things could work, as much as I believed they could. It's so hard to let something go that you really knew could have been, and was, great. I don't know if they wanted to put me down specifically, I don't think they did, but they did put the possibility of a deeper relationship down. Ugh...sad.

Ok, now we have catagories for personality traits.

Level 1: Offensive and no way anybody can handle.

Level 2: Not quite as severe but might emerge under times of stress or cigarette craving.

Level 3: Rarely seen unless under the influence of alcohol.

Level 4: Not visible to the human eye.

Level 5: Redundant and not worth talking about.

Okay, I'd better go, spent enough time on here tonight.

lol...goodnight m'dear...

The WRATH OF GOD!!!!!!! I feel it in YOU! LMAO. Guy's perspective, stop whinning, get over it, move on, and don't ever give up! Life is life. Right now, you are too emotional. Like CRAZY!!!!WHOA!

One more thing, if you base your relationships on horoscopes. You're being naive, why limit yourself and have some stupid paragraph about your birth sign be responsible for your whole basis of your relationship.

TWO WORDS: "COMPROMISE AND TRUST"

Thank you ljoneeye...for your insightful and helpful posts.

Addendum: I don't base my relationships on horoscopes.

Freaking butter, man.

Wait...still not done.

I come here to talk to supportive and helpful people, not people who want to make me feel worse than I already did. So...yeah...you have the option of not responding, if you're going to be like that about it. It really doesn't serve any good purpose. So thanks for chiming in with...whatever that was. But like your mother (should have) always said, if you don't have anything nice to say...

If you weren't trying to be a jerk then my apologies.

treetrunk people

Sometimes being supportive is giving you a dose of reality. You aren't always going to like what you hear, the truth hurts sometimes. Pheonix, my belief is you want it a little too much, I'm not saying stop trying but just relax a bit. I know from my current experience that I didn't date many people until recently, because I wanted I relationship I started going out and meeting people. But if you get into this mode where you're desperately searching for a relationship, a guy who doesn't really care is going to come along tell you what you want to hear and take what he can get until you wise up.

So my advice would be to chill out, hang with friends, meet new friends, but don't be gung ho about finding Mr. Right, Right now.

Capricorn Guy

Phoenix..there is nothing wrong with you. The only people who would disagree with me are the ones that are not compatible with you and that doesnt mean butter because I assure you, the replies you recieved from this post should prove my point.

*Ahem* prove my point as in there ARE people who think good of you. So that counteracts any over-exaggerated judgements you've placed on yourself.

🙂 cheers no tears pwahah.

Thanks you guys. I do need to take a break from everything normal that I do. I need to do some different things. I should call some friends and go somewhere with them. They might know some people, some nice guys. OR they might not, in which case I suppose it's just not meant to happen for me right now. At least I know they'll listen to me, maybe they can help. Maybe they'll restore my confidence in myself the way some of you are trying to do. 🙂 I can't really take a vacation, but there are always my days off. I do want to clarify that I'm not desparate, even if my posts give off that vibe. I'm disillusioned and freaking out over "why" things didn't work with someone...and perhaps I should just accept that they didn't and not ask questions. I'm not so much desperate to find the almighty Him as I am desperate to not get involved in any more crash-and-burn things. I need to learn not to be so naive, trusting, etc. Believe it or not, I trust people too much...especially in love situations. It's stupid. Men are men; they're going to be easily tempted by other women, they're going to want to take the easy way out of things. Or maybe just some men. I hoped I'd wake up less sad today but it didn't quite happen. I paced for a while, getting really angry, but decided I shouldn't act on that...so I came here. You guys have been quite helpful, thank you.

Thank you my dear SimplyMe. I know...there is never a perfect relationship. There will always be disappointments. And I suppose nobody else will ever intuitively know what I want/need out of them unless I tell them Before a relationship typa thing begins. What's sad about this whole thing is that I was willing to put in the effort, to make the relationship not a long distance one. I was prepared to do everything that would be necessary to do, to make that a reality. And I believed this other person was, too. But before there was even a real, true chance to do that, the other person decided, basically, that it was going to be too much work. And I don't understand how you can love someone, truly love them, build such a good rapport with them, share so many secrets and intimacies with them, Knowing the entire time that it would all be worth it in the end because eventually you'd really be together, only to have it be decided so quickly that it would be too much work. There is no such thing! It's impossible for me to see how something so rewarding, the finding and meeting of what may have been your true love, could be aborted before it's really had a chance to take off, simply because it wouldn't be "easy" to make it happen. That's not even trying, in my opinion. Why wasn't it worth it? Why was I not worth it? It sickens me, that in my head I actually let this person in to the point that I would change my life for them, when as it turns out they were thinking otherwise...that it would be better for them to do the easy thing and be with someone in their same city, or just not be with me at all. I can be such an idiot!

Oh, Parallax...that was very nice. Thank you so much for your post. It really helps.

I think it's the city I live in, first of all, or at least that is one of the factors. It's basically a small city or a large town, most people know each other, or many do. There are, though, plenty of strangers also. Not having met a great deal of men since my last breakup is mainly my fault, because all I do is work. I just go to work and come home. Because I know, or fear that if I actually make a huge effort to seek someone out, I'm only going to be dealing with yet another frickin' a...well you know. I'm so confused on "what" to do here. Do I let fate take over entirely? You'd think that if something was meant to be, really, that it would just...suddenly come to me one day. But, God helps only those who help themselves...so maybe the wrong thing would be to do nothing. Maybe I've done something or thought something evil that I've forgotten about and that's why I don't deserve a nice solid relationship. Eep. I do not know.

Thank you, for the compliment. 😛 You my friend are also a very talented writer.

Yes, the going to school and getting a degree thing is going to happen. But (here's where I might get some flack) it's not going to be through a traditional university, it's going to be through the University of Phoenix online. They have a Criminal Justice Administration Bachelors I'd be interested in. I want to do it because it's less expensive, more convenient, and fully accredited. I know...it's not the ideal environment for meeting anyone...

Well thank you. I didn't expect a good response and am nicely suprised. 😛

Thank you, Sweet-P. Your post was also comforting. I used to believe that there was One, true love for each of us, but as time goes on and people keep coming into and out of my life I'm starting to doubt that. It makes more sense that there would be many, logically. My heart would still like to believe there is One special one, though. You have a great spirit also and deserve the best. I'm going to read your thread now, I didn't know about it until you just mentioned it because I don't usually check the Pisces boards. 🙂 Thank you for your words.

Sweet-P, I can't thank you enough for your kindness. I know what you mean about the people here being a big reason why you're still around; I feel the same way. In some ways I believe an even greater intimacy with people is possible online rather than in person. People are much more guarded in real life, from fear I suspect. I am listening and taking very seriously everything you're saying, Sweet-P. You're a good soul, you have a lot to offer, and I'm very glad you're bestowing your kindness and wisdom on me. I think, if I remember right, you're around my age, you've also experienced similar things to me, and I think you have a lot to teach us around here ('specially me. lol). 🙂 Hugs!!