Sex Drive

Well, i knew this would get everybody's attention. This is a personal question and i know it's hard to answer (thank goodness for alias's!) but im wondering, as you've grown, aged or whatever, have you noticed your sex-drive changing? Eg. Do you want or need more sex as you get older? Or have you found you drive to have been reduced? Is it quality, not quantity now you've grown up or older? Or don't you really care? Do you find your emotional and intimacy needs have changed in regards to sex? For example, do you find it more fulfilling emotionally than before? Do you feel sex was more 'physical' than emotional in your earlier years, for example, in your late teens and twenties? Do you feel you are more 'sensual' than 'sexual' and if so, do you think this comes with age?

I know these are personal questions but i don't feel that desperate urge to get laid like i did in my late teens and early twenties. I want sex to be fun now rather than the be-all and the end-all of my relationships. Sometimes i don't feel sexual at all, whereas during my twenties i used to crave it 24/7. What's happening to me? Is there hope out there? I hope nobody i know reads this 😉

I suppose i feel my sex-drive/sex-nature is deeper than it used to be. I feel like i could connect with somebody on a deeper level than i could have a few years ago.

So how's it going out there in sex-drive land? Are people getting it more than they want? Not as often as they want? Are your needs being met? Are your emotional and intimacy needs being met through sex?

( as Ronald Regan always says first) Well,

lets just say I have become VERY familiar with my own body! HAH! I am finding out more about myself than ever before! I am discovering things all the time all kind of stuff,lol! As a matter of fact, I was laughing in the shower this morning, and I am sure if someone heard me, they might have thought it was rather strange. Like "what the heck is sis doing in there?" LOL
Seriously, lets use the word 'mature' it sounds better than saying 'older'. Dont want to use that word. It doesnt sound very proper. Another examplem would be, instead of saying-- I would like to see your cheapest whatever, you sould say-- what is your least inexpensive whatever, ok!!
But for real now, my DRIVE is STRONGER than ever, but it has taken on a different meaning. Before it like playing rough and tumble, and sex was like some kind of sport. Now it would be more from the heart. It would be gentle and tender and with alot of emotion and passionate soulful. You can have rough times too, that is good too, just not all of the time. Now I like to take my time and enjoy one another fully. Although my memory is fading fast, I will have to think about this some more and get back to you. Damn, why did you have to bring this up, LG—lol. I was getting use to it!!!

Suzy 😛

...and I will take that last question off the air, thank you!

I love that song by Otis Redding-I got my dreams!

Hey Libragirl,

Well, I don't know if I've been with enough people or even been on the planet long enough to answer these questions, but since I'm a Scorpio and simply can't resist any topic dealing with sex (haha), I think I'll chime in anyway. 🙂

I've always had a strong sex drive, and I don't really feel that dissipating as I get older, I actually feel it increasing. I think I have a stronger sex drive now for example than I did at 16, and I think the reason for that was self-protection back in high school because I thought (and still do) that most guys that age were idiots. I'm actually glad that my sex drive wasn't as high as it is now back then, because I think I would have ruined myself emotionally if it had been. I have always equated sex with love, never seperated the two in my mind, so therefore I feel I can't really have one without the other and be totally satisfied. My libido is higher than my actual "escapades" though, you could say. I definitely keep it under control with regards to acting on it. If I'm with my bf, okay, fine but if not, I have to really really control myself.

This is a good topic, but I have to go now, I'll come back later with more. 🙂

Okay I'm back. I have several things to add. First being, I am capable of having so called "meaningless sex", and I can see how that could easily happen between people, but I have never had it. Even a one-nighter meant something to me and involved feelings (on his side too--and if I had suspected otherwise I would have never allowed it to happen). I would never be able to cut off my emotions completely, at least ultimately. In the end, if I had meaningless sex, I would be upset with myself for not making a better choice in a partner and choosing someone who I could connect with on a deeper level. Even though I could probably go through with the act, I would soon wish that I had been with someone who could give me more than just c*ck. Even kissing someone to me is pretty intimate and involves emotions. And of course, so does everything else between that and sleeping with someone. I do wish that I could be with someone who fulfilled me on all levels, but there always seems to be an imbalance to my relationships...either more physically fulfilling than emotional, or the other way around. You see, this is why I need a Cancer man. LOL. Preferably an older one. Fulfillment all the way around, and I know because I've been with a few of them in my day (not necessarily sex, but other things). But, I digress...

I have never understood how anyone could have completely meaningless sex. With no strings attached at all. I could never do that. Even if I pretended (which is what I think most people do--even men I don't believe are truly that callous) that I was "just having fun" or "just getting some", it would be a ruse. And I'm not about pretending in any sense of the word. Plus, I am way too jealous to ever let my lover be involved with other women. No way. I would be deeply hurt if he wanted to be, too. So I don't really believe there is such a thing as meaningless sex. I think that people pretend for their own reasons, that they're okay with making love to someone but not being in love with someone.

As for the "are you more sensual than sexual" question, I think I'm much more sexual than sensual, if your definition of sensual and sexual are the same as mine. Don't get me wrong, foreplay is good, great, fabulous (and necessary), but I am a let's get down to business, "ravage me" sort of lover. I tend to be too passionate to do the slow, hours and hours of foreplay thing (although every once in a while, that's nice too). I like a sexually aggressive partner (although I can be sexually aggressive if that's what he prefers) but one who is *able* to be sensual also if that's what the mood calls for. But generally, I'm a "take me now" sorta gal. I do like my surroundings to be sensual though: candles and incense I really like, and music is good, but let's put it this way: I'd rather have Zeppelin playing than Barry White, you know what I'm saying? LOL 🙂 Something with an intense, driving beat. hehe...

Now that I have bared my soul to you 😉

TTYL

Oh and in reference to the question about "is it quality or quantity for you", the two are really interchangeable to me. I mean, I would not be happy if every time it was only 5 minutes, but really, sometimes a "quickie" is fine. I'd much prefer less "quickies" and more...uh, "longies" (lol, I just made up a word), but sometimes both people just want to get their cookies, you know what I mean? Ideally we would all have the time to have hot passionate sex all day long, over and over and over again. LOL, or perhaps that's just me? But...can't always be done. Basically I feel that as long as "the act" is full of passion, I'll be happy no matter how long it lasts (within reason).

Lastly, I will respond to these questions:

"So how's it going out there in sex-drive land? Are people getting it more than they want? Not as often as they want? Are your needs being met? Are your emotional and intimacy needs being met through sex?"

At present, no, I am not getting my needs met on any level. Am I getting it more than I want? No. lol, definitely not. Am I getting it less than I want? Yes, because like I said before, if I was with the right person I would be wrapped around him at every available moment.

Lol, yes Suzi, 'mature' is definately a better word!

Hi Libragirl! I would have to say that my libido was always high...but, has grown even stronger with age! Hmmm, I want quality and quantity! But, just with my guy! I guess I always felt an emotional attachment...I tried 'casual' sex years ago and I sucked at it! I did something out of anger once and it was really stupid...but, that is the past....anyway..

(At the risk of offending...There was a time when I was a 'born-again-virgin'...a friend told me that after a certain length of time 'without', you can reclaim your virginity! LOL!!)

I feel sensual and sexual...but, I am shy about it really, so, I find I am freer at the age I am now than when I was in my 20's.

Luckily for me, my drive seems to match my guy's! However, sometimes circumstances make it impossible for intimacy...(we don't live together)...
Yes, my emotional and intimacy needs are being met!

He is so sweet...he loves to cuddle afterwards...in fact, he would rather I spend the night more often, and sometimes teases that I am being a 'wham-bam-thank-you-Man' kinda girl! LOL! I don't mean to be...it is just circumstnce..maybe that will change...but, not just yet!! I am not ready to move in as I have too many obligations and need to live where I am to get the help with schooling my daugher that I need...but, that is way off the topic!

The one thing I guess I realize is how precious intimacy is. I don't think I fully appreciated it in my 20's. When love and intimacy become scarcer that is when the appreciation starts...so, when you do have it again...you really appreciate it and feel that it is a precious gift that must be protected, nurtured, and respected.

Good topic, Libragirl! I love you too!

I think my sex drive is slowing down a bit. I am 25 years old. I prefer sex that is meaningful. I do like quickies on occasions and sometimes longies I mean sometimes you just don't won't to go throught the trouble of foreplay.

I could never have meaningless sex. My feeling would be lost. Ya know, they say that when you get to the age of 40 as a woman, your sex drive increases. It sounds backwards because you have less hormones. Men are at their sexual peak in their twenties and for us it's 40s? Go figure. Men slow down in their thirties and forties. They become more family oriented and stuff.

lol mine is uh...stable.. *cough*

Lena, dont you mean 'stable' as what is in it. Like farm animals! ones that go oink oink!

Mine couldnt be better! *hack* oh, that darn flu season is here again!

Well mine is non-existant! No, im sure it's there, it just needs someone to activate it, lol! It's funny that some of you mentioned 'meaningless' sex, i was only talking about that the other day. It's strange how we have to prove ourselves though our sexuality. I think we've all pretended, at some stage, to enjoy sex or enjoy the person we're doing it with. You can only pretend for so long and then guess what? It's over.

It's funny how we base our self esteem on sex.

I never pretend that I am enjoying it. I either do or I am not having any! Never got any self esteem from sex. What does that even mean? I feel good about myself when I do something good or acheive somethings or help someone out. Not from doing that, for heaven sake what are you trying to get at anyway. Like we are cheap or something. Well, maybe some get their reward from that, but some of us dont know what the heck you are refering to!!

Libragirl,
I have faith that you will find the one you are supposed to be with..
Sometimes stuff like that happens when you least expect it! That is how it was for me...I had resigned myself to be content to be alone...not that I wasn't going to date! LOL! Shortly after my acceptance of my fate...I met him! Somewhere there is a woman looking for you and she is everything you ever dreamed of! (If I knew how, I would do a little 'love spell' for you!)

Lena, as always, I love you! Don't let the nasty comments get you down!

LOL! yeah right, with those lame ass comments? you swear it would ROFL, i love you too star!! keep being your bad ass self ^.~

Suzi, 'self esteem' is feeling good about yourself. What i was referring to was that some people only feel good if they are desired by someone else or if they 'look' good or attractive to the opposite or same sex (I definately have a self esteem problem right now!). It's good that you have sex for sex's sake, some people don't, i know i haven't always. Sometimes you just feel you have to prove yourself through sex, although i wouldn't bother with that now. I think it's a 'twenties' thing.

When it comes to love im a fool. I finally meet someone who comes pretty close to what i desire in a person and because i procrastinate so much, i go to call her and her number's been disconnected. Oh well, not to give up hope 😉 Thanks Star, we'll see what happens. I'm glad you are happy with your guy, you deserve it. I've always maintained that no matter how miserable i am (pre-menstrual at the moment, can't you tell!), i in no way would want anyone else to be unhappy 😉

🙂

That may just be the PMS that is making you feel like that. I get it too but much worse. I could fill up many pages with my symptoms!
Ihave PMDD, nothing worse. I would try some scented oils and candles(aromas seem to sooth me), warm bath, maybe alittle chocolate and tea. I dont know about you but I am usually in tears and everything I feel I feel 10 times worse. My back hurts and my breasts are sore and I just ache to the point of not being able to deal with much. Some people dont like to be touched when they are having it but I am the opposite.(no such luck here, oh, well no biggy)

I think you will find your special mate. Just hold on and maybe dont procrastinate again.

Sorry for the terrible puncuation. Sometimes I just cant be bothered. I guess I am lazy! HAH!

Yes, thanks Suzi, i have definately learned my lesson, PROCRASTINATION IS BADDD!