Controversial??

I am curious about your opinions...and I realize it is possible you will all disagree with me on this issue.

Here is the deal. My daughter is 14 (will be 15 in Jan). We have a very close, open relationship. Because of this, she has sometimes confided in me things that surprise me (things I NEVER would have confided in my parents about...) She started to tell me about pot and her friends using it...I knew it was just a matter of time before she tried it...
So, I talked to her about it...I could tell tell that my words did not reach her.
I am not totally against mj and do think it has a place in health matters. It can help with n/v and increase appetite in those with Cancer, it also helps with insomnia..

Anyway, this is what I did. I got some from a friend and shared it with my daughter. (I actually have fond memories of my drug days...or should I say "daze" LOL!...I learned a lot...and part of what I learned is how dangerous drugs can be!...I never did anything addictive...other than nicotine).
OK. So, I was the one who 'introduced' her to it...knowing it was only a matter of time...I wanted her to know that you are not completely in control even though you think you are...and, even though it is 'fun!', it is not a way to live your life...
I didn't want her to get 'caught up' in it...and therefore become estranged from me as many teens do (because they think the parents have no clue!)

It would seem that I succeeded in what I proposed to accomplish. She agrees that it is not a way to live your life. She does 'use'it, and she knows that I will know if she does.

I suppose this is unconventional. But, I have seen too many families torn apart because of drugs. I have tried my best to be upfront and honest with my daughter and to educate her...but, the temptation to 'try' remains...this is why I had her try it under what I considered a 'safe environment'. Weird?? Yeah, that's me...

o_O i dont know what to say. Cus thats far from what korean parents would do so its pretty interesting to hear this, so you actually tried some with her to teach her a lesson or to show that you werent going to be those parents who were closed minded by this? or even both. Durno. But i know you werent doing it to introduce it to her, cus i KNOW that she would be already introduced to it since everyone in HS does it mostly. And i dont think its wrong or weird, its just a phase of life that you were trying to teach.

Luz, (Lena) I had already tried it! (years ago!) Yes, I knew she would be exposed and tempted...I no longer knew the prevalence...but, I didn't want her to be caught up in something that my friends' teenagers seem to be caught up in...

This was my (weak) answer to it...

Thanks for understanding!

GAHHH @_@ call me luz or lena if you like, which ever. I'm sure she understands what you were trying to teach her. I dont think it was like a "hey! take a hit and get addicted!" cus you were trying to teach her with your OWn self instead of her friends doing that to her cus im sure her friends arent going to share it with her for some life lesson. So yeah, i understand ^.^ and np

I am curious...what would korean parents do?

they'd kill us.

I think it was good what you did star; you de-glamourised it, took away all the taboo associated with it. Part of the reason so many teenagers smoke it is because it seems 'decadent'. It's not decadent in my eyes, it's damn stupid!

Seeya,
Libragirl.

Oops! I said 'does' where I should have said, 'doesn't'...as in "she doesn't 'use' it"...

Thanks also for understanding, Libragirl...
I like how you put phrased your thoughts...you put it into words what I tried to do, better than I put it into words!
Later Girl!

Ok, this hits very close to home, because in my younger days I was quite wild and lived to get high! I wasnt into boys or things like that; I was into drugs. I have never tried to hide the fact, because I think we are all here to learn from each other; I know that I have learned so much from talking and listening to you all on th is board!!!

It was very hard for me to get off drugs, and it was not glamours or fun; it was a nightmare! The life style was scary and disgusting. It became a habit that had an enourmous price to be paid. I lost everthing I had worked for on several occassions. I know this is not AA, and I am not meaning to preach, just share something. I have been TOTALLY clean since Jan. 1993, but I still feel the effects it made on me. It is still with me, and in my brain. I feel it sometimes when I try and consentrate or when I am reading or writing etc.. I was addicted to opiates mostly, but I started out just smoking pot. I can tell you that it makes the brain lazy. It affects your long and short term memory, it ruins your consentration or ability to focus away, and retards your ability to learn in everyway. There may be medical benifits for using i.e, cancer etc...but that is the only benifit!

Looking back, I see NO good that came from my experience with drugs, except that my work is now helping those who are in the same boat I was. I see alot of destroyed lives from it. The worst I see is adults with third grade educations, and no prospect for a decent life, because they dropped out of school, and they are only able to get low paying meager jobs. They are stuck in the judicial system paying huge fines for crimes they committed, because they were too poor to make ends meet. They ended up stealing food, clothing, and whatever they needed to survive. It is a endless cycle of slavery for them. They are literally in bondage because of drugs. They are given huge fines at the least, and at the most they are sentenced to very lenghty prison time!!! Very sad; very ugly situation.

There was one guy that came through our office that was in his late 60's early 70's. He had been arrested for pot. I was observing the counselor involved with the case. He told me after the man left that he was gonna cut him alot of slack. Reason: because if you make it to that age in life and you want to get high, then you just go on ahead and do it. You earned the right to PARTY! HAH! I agree with that too, and that is all I have to say.

DRUGS SUCK!!!!

Ok... maybe it IS just me.... but I have never had any inclination to do drugs of any sort. Alcohol, cigarettes, even aspirin turn me off completely. So I guess I'm living proof that there are people who aren't tempted to do these things.

Star... I personally disagree with introducing your daughter to pot... though not for the same reasons you probably think. I have lived for six years with my aunt and uncle who are downright hippies so my views on illegal drugs are very liberal. It's none of my business what a person wants to do to their own body.

You cited the health benefits of marijuana and I agree with that. Also, out of all the drugs there are, marijuana is the best (or I should say least of the evils). However, it is much more cancerous and dangerous to your lungs than smoking is because it doesn't have filters for the smoke you inhale.

I don't rememebr where you said you live, and your state's drug laws are probably a lot more lenient then our New York Rockerfeller Laws which send you to life in prison just for first time offenses. The chances of getting caught are slim but, if it happens, your entire life is ruined. That's the case here at least.

Finally, my last argument against it is that it's another luxury that you don't need. I figure that if a person who would normally get hooked on a substance (psycologically) never tries it, then they never have to worry about finding the money for it. Maybe that's just a miserly attitude of mine =).

I don't know your daughter, though, or how she would react in any stuation where pot is so I cannot really judge whethere or not you did the right thing. At the very least, marijuana is not an addicting drug so no real permanent harm can come from smoking it once. I wouldn't have done it... but then I am not you.

I definitely understand your arguments, Gwen. I will have to admit that I did not think of the legal ramifications as I didn't intend to ever buy it again. But, it would have been devastating to me had I been caught...this is true.

After I did it, I thought it was probably a weird parental thing to do, as it could have gone awry and not at all the way I had hoped. Luckily it did go as I had hoped.

I was never heavy into drugs. My ex-husband was though. I was quite naive at the time. His life became very sad...and more than likely still is...

well uh, ive never done drugs... well i DID smoke a cig ONCE with my friend outta curiosity but it tasted nasty and plus its bad for you and it makes you smell nasty so i stopped.. and i went to raves and my friends were rollin and krap and i didnt do it ^^ ohohohho arent you so proud of me? Ofcourse you are.

What a story Suzi. I understand your need to live (when you were younger) to get high. I used to do the same. You name it, ive tried it. I used to stay awake for 3 days at a time, every weekend. I used to buy it (speed) by the ounce, not the gram and it all started with marijuana. The reason i tried speed and other drugs is because i couldnt get marijuana one night. Hello, big mistake. Im not blaming anyone, but i believe one drug leads to another. I regret my use of marijuana, but most of all, i regret my use of LSD. As a result of my drug use, i now suffer panic attacks if im not careful, and depression if i dont look after myself. I suffered a huge depression 5 years ago, that took me 3-5 years to come out of, so i in no way, condone the use of drugs.

I won't go into details, but the life style associated with drug use is sordid and traps you if you're not careful. Before you know it, the only friends you have are junkies, users and pushers. Not a very nice crowd to hand around in. You not only lose certain aspects of your cognitive abilities when you're on drugs, you lose so much more. Example:

I met these two herion junkies on the bus a few months ago. What they were saying to me was so interesting. My analysis of the situation is that you lose so much more than your 'brain'. You lose the respect of those around you, you lose your own self-respect, you lose your life, your home, your car, your children. Even when you get off the drugs, you have the physical after effects such as rotten teeth, that stigmatise you. You lose the same amnount of years you were on drugs, in personal development, because it has all been a blurr. The thing is, there are huge CONSEQUENCES that go with taking drugs that extend far beyond just being addicted. It can potentially ruin your life, even if you get off them. Oh yeah, users often live with guilt. Guilt for letting themselves down, guilt for what they've done. You wouldnt think that ten years on drugs could ruin your life but it can.

The self-esteem issues associated with drugs. Where does the story end. I personally regret the day i ever tried drugs and i wish there was a way i could turn back the clock. I think you did the right thing Star, because i know i started out taking them to rebel against my parents and if it didnt appear so decadent, i may not have tried it or continued with it. There is also a big difference between trying things once or twice and binging. I think the pressure of getting caught or the anxiety associated with emotional issues forces/drives one into a binge situation. Binging is so much worse for you and does the most long term damage.

Im all depressed now but there's nothing i can do to turn the clock back. I just have to concentrate on making my life as best as i can.

Seeya,
Libragirl.

I saw the bad side of drugs mostly because of what it did to my ex-husband...

And, yeah, that is why I did what I did with my daughter. Her friends sneak around so much with everything...even music that their parents won't let them listen to...it becomes something they HAVE to do!

I stayed married too long with my ex...he was always going to change...to be clean and sober...but, it just never lasted long enough! By the time I left him...he had been wetting the bed for about a year...except for the times I woke up and escorted him to the bathroom to save him the embarassment and me the clean-up! Yeah...a life of drugs is no life at all! You are maybe the only one who understands me on this issue!

Thanks Martine! I think you are awesome...I didn't mean to make you all depressed...

I was not completely innocent where drugs were concerned...I just did them occasionally...but, for some reason, it wasn't something I would seek...for me, I guess it was because I was ever conscious of my babysitting job...(my husband at the time...)

He gave me LSD without my knowledge. I was very naive when I met him...but, I got a drug education quickly..

I hope some good has come out of this post for you, Libragirl. I would never desire to hurt you. I am proud of you for how far you have come. Not all succeed, as you may know. The people my ex chose to associate with in the end were people not even my dog could stand...

It is sad, indeed what it can do to a person and how it can control their life!

Luz! I am WAY proud of you!!

YES! I am very proud of you, Luz. You are choice! But I am not surprised at all, because you are that type of person. You are too smart to get caught in a trap and have too much going for yourself(artist) to ever let that spoil. Keep it up! and I luv ya!

Star, you didn't make me depressed, i suppose just talking (or thinking) about it hits home. It is just so depressing to think how i could have ruined my life but now i have to turn poison into medicine and make it work. I am surrounded by people who take drugs all the time and it becomes a constant battle of having to say 'no' all the time. Drug people are nothing but players. Ive had my drink spiked with all sorts of stuff. I suppose there IS nothing i like about the drug scene. I am surrounded by it all the time and its a constant struggle to keep my integrity. It was only last night i saw a guy i know and used to respect, selling ecstasy. I'm so over it, it makes me sick. Am i so wrong for thinking like that?

I am one of the lucky ones i think. I cottoned on early enough to realise i didnt want to lose my teeth, mind or body over it. I would love to work in a law institute and bring them all down!

Star, i knew a guy who drank so much he used to wet the bed. He even got up one night and pissed in the corner of his bedroom. You sound too nice to have people like that in your life and undoubtedly did the right thing in getting rid of him; yuk. I am surrounded by people who take drugs and i sometimes wonder where my integrity is.

Thanks for your vote of confidence SQ, btw, i am libragirl not luz! (It must be late and you're tired, i understand!).

SQ, is your life so much better now you aren't on them anymore?

Oh, girlfriend, I could tell you some stories but I wont. I saw things I shouldnt have; I still get upset and sick when I think, so I try to put it away. My ex was the one who introduced me to hard drugs. I think I was weak willed and still hurting from my divorce. For the longest time I tried to get him to stop, but it was all around him and his friends too! One night I asked him to let me try it. I wanted to know what the big pull was. Here we were, just got together, and he couldnt have sex. I was thinking it was me. I didnt turn him on enough?! Turned out it was the drugs. Opiates and, especially heroin, takes that away from men. After the first one or two times using, I was into it, and the rest is history. I never had problems with my teeth or hygine, because I took care of myself. Some people dont do that whether they use drugs or not! My ex tried to sheild me from most of the life style . When people from out of town or hypes would come to the house looking, he wouldnt let me visit with them and I had to leave the house. It was strange! I finally decide to get the hell out of therea and I sold everything I owned, bought a huge lincoln town car and loaded the dogs up and drove not stop across the country. That was in December of 1992. I had some help from a dotor when I finally got here. I was a pretty sick girl, and since Jan. 1993 I have been clean. I never ever want to go through it again. I have changed my life around, and fixed alot of it; went back to school(college), graduated in May ,got the a good job, and working on second degree. I think of what I could have done with my life, if I hadnt wasted it chasing a bag or a balloon. Like I said the only good that came out of it was it got me back here. I was addicted for 4 years, not as heavy a user as most.

Good on you Suzi-Q, you did the right thing by running as fast as hell. What did you get your degree in? How's the new job going anyway?

I've never done heroin (that's one drug ive never done) but the other stuff stuff's you up just as bad. Speed gives you psychosis. It's the life style associated with it that is the problem. The people you meet, the situations you get yourself into...

I still think heroin is the worst though as its highly addictive.

Anyway, you've done well. Congradulations, and go out there and find a man who's not into all those things. Alanis Morrisette, "Are you not addicted?" Hehe.

Yes, it was very addictive. I was 'chasing the dragon' (inhaling it), and it is just as addictive as shooting it.

Star, I think what you did is alright, and the reason I think that is strictly because through talking to you on these boards for so long, I know for a fact that you are an intelligent person of sound mind (which is way more than can be said for most parents who share drugs with their children)--and I know if you come across that way here, your parenting skills are great at home. Would I have done it, if I was in your position? No, probably not. But, that's just a difference in methods. The point you were trying to make to your daughter is a noble one, an important one--that pot makes you STUPID. Believe me, I have done a lot of experimenting with it back in the day, so I can't sit here and talk about what an evil drug it is, but I no longer take much interest in it...and that is because the mystery of it wore off for me after I had done it a number of times. All it does for me is make me giggle more, which can easily be achieved just as well with a small amount of alcohol. lol. You took the mystery of it out of the equation with her, and hopefully that will influence her positively while she's in school and the whole pot thing is being thrown in her face constantly (which, nowadays, it is--constantly--believe me). I think just about every kid will dabble in the stuff no matter what, it's just that kids with very strong parental forces are much less likely to then go on to gateway drugs, or become addicted to pot. Even though they say it's not addictive, I have seen people who can't go without it or they sink into depression. Anyway, just so that I don't ramble further, I think your intentions were good, she shouldn't be damaged by it, hopefully she'll be positively influenced by it, and though by "society's standards" your method of teaching her might be called taboo or outlandish or whatever, it's just a different way of addressing the whole issue. Plus, what else can be expected of an Aquarian, but a non-typical approach to a typical problem? LOL.

Much love,
Heather

Thanks for understanding, Heather. You really did see what I set out to accomplish. I see what happens with my daughters friends...their parents forbid certain music, certain friends, won't let them see a boyfriend or girlfriend, etc. It just makes it more attractive...and they lie, sneak and do exactly as they were forbidden to do! A friend of mine forbade her daughter to see her boyfriend and guess what...her 13 year old daughter ran away with him!
There have been times when I did not care for certain friends of my daughters...I perhaps did not invite them to go to events with us, but, I never forbade her from having them as a friend...true colors come through on their own. I didn't feel I needed to point out bad qualities that I could detect (lying, dishonesty, lack of respect and consideration for others...), I figured she would learn it on her own. She did. She is a much better judge of character as a result.
I am sometimes amazed at how good our Mother/Daughter relationship is! I feel very lucky! She is awesome. She says to her friends, "Don't you just love my Mom!" Oh God! they laugh and say, "Yeah!" I realize this is subject to change! LOL! But, I do feel lucky that I have her as my daughter!

That Love is Returned to You!
Star