truecap
@truecap
13 Years10,000+ Posts
Comments: 8 · Posts: 20090 · Topics: 685
Thank you notes
Save your stamp. 😉
I my opinion, thank you notes are good manners and indicate proper upbringing. I am aware that in today's world a face to face thank you is acceptable, as is a phone call, text or even facebook message. Yet, it shows class and good manners to send a hand written one as well.
If someone who can't be there in person takes their time, goes shopping, picks out a gift, pays to have it sent to you, an acknowledgement of that gift is REQUIRED. In this scenario, not sending a thank you note reveals you are ungrateful for the gift, the person's time and money and really shows selfish or greedy behavior which is reflective of poor character.
In that scenario, that person would NEVER receive another gift from me.
Thank you notes may not be important to you, but they ARE important to the person who thoughtfully took the time and effort to send you a gift.
I'm talking wedding, baby, graduation...
Birthday and Christmas presents are aknowledged in person (aknowledgement is required if sent).
If someone who can't be there in person takes their time, goes shopping, picks out a gift, pays to have it sent to you, an acknowledgement of that gift is REQUIRED. In this scenario, not sending a thank you note reveals you are ungrateful for the gift, the person's time and money and really shows selfish or greedy behavior which is reflective of poor character.
In that scenario, that person would NEVER receive another gift from me.
Thank you notes may not be important to you, but they ARE important to the person who thoughtfully took the time and effort to send you a gift.
I'm talking wedding, baby, graduation...
Birthday and Christmas presents are aknowledged in person (aknowledgement is required if sent).
Posted by caprigoral
I don't expect it. I'm usually surprised if I receive a *thank you' note. I beat myself up the other way if I missed someone on the list and forgot to send them a 'thank you' note, soon after the occassion. So as long as I'm the gift giver, I'm indifferent. I'm sensitive to showing other people gratitude though, but I'm not as good at it as I'd like to be.
This is very honest, but it shows your intent is to aknowledge their gift. It's true that sometimes things slip through the cracks, but the effort is appreciated.
My question stems from a high school graduation student this past spring. She sent me an invitation. I mailed her a check and have not received any kind of aknowledgement whatsoever. I'm actually a little offended. I know she got it because she cashed the check.
In this scenario, I blame her mother for not teaching her. However, she won't be getting another gift from me.
In this scenario, I blame her mother for not teaching her. However, she won't be getting another gift from me.
I just don't like doing it, and assume others don't either.
You don't send them to me, and then I don't have to send them to you.
Good deal. 🙂
You don't send them to me, and then I don't have to send them to you.
Good deal. 🙂
Posted by ChaelPosted by nasha82
hummm this is no different to seeing somebody you know on the street and they just walked past you like they dont even know you, always expecting you to say hello first, manners and respect cost nothing so why dont people want them if they are free—? The mind boggles!!!!
coz u have to give welcome cards in response to thank you cards and it becomes this whole tedious correspondence delivered by pigeons.click to expand
I'll have to send you an "lol" card in response to this post, gimme ur address.
Posted by Impulsv
Why not give with out the judgment of what u get in return.
What's common courtesy to one might not be to the other.
It's a fact of simple manners.
Posted by nasha82
hummm this is no different to seeing somebody you know on the street and they just walked past you like they dont even know you, always expecting you to say hello first, manners and respect cost nothing so why dont people want them if they are free—? The mind boggles!!!!
It's completely different!!
Posted by Chael
i used to use them coz i didn't like talking to my family. now i just don't say thank you.
a phone call is way better i think if the intentions are to keep the bonds close.
Phone calls are fine. At least you aknowledge the gift.
Posted by starlover
I recently sent a thank you card to an elderly couple who had given my son some work over the Summer holidays. They are clients of my ex. He told me today they were over the moon and it made their day...they asked him if i was English
😛
Exactly!! It made them feel good and appreciated.
Posted by CapTenn
I just don't like doing it, and assume others don't either.
You don't send them to me, and then I don't have to send them to you.
Good deal. 🙂
No one likes doing them, but it means a lot to the person receiving it to know their gift was appreciated.
Posted by ChaelPosted by CapTenn
I just don't like doing it, and assume others don't either.
You don't send them to me, and then I don't have to send them to you.
Good deal. 🙂
like no gifts on xmas?click to expand
Sure. That too.
Posted by truecapPosted by CapTenn
I just don't like doing it, and assume others don't either.
You don't send them to me, and then I don't have to send them to you.
Good deal. 🙂
No one likes doing them, but it means a lot to the person receiving it to know their gift was appreciated.click to expand
Not to me. 😢
I assume most do it out of obligation because they are "supposed to", not because they are truly thankful.
Have I become too much of a cynic?
Fair chance.
Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
ffs, "Welcome cards".....
does that mean I have to send a thank you note for the welcome card?
when will it ever end? 😱
haha .... I agree.
Enough. If I have to go through all of that, just give me the damn gift back and forget it ever happened.
I don't view writing thank you notes as an obligation. I truly like expressing my gratitude for those who so graciously did something nice for me, went out of their way for me, took the time to buy/send me a gift. Their thoughtfulness and kindness should be aknowledged.
Proper thank you notes are not generic. They should always add a personal touch letting the giver know how special their gift was to you and how you intend to use the gift.
Proper thank you notes are not generic. They should always add a personal touch letting the giver know how special their gift was to you and how you intend to use the gift.
Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
what are we supposed to do with them after we are done reading them?
they just collect dust or take up space in storage containers in the basement that I'll have to move one day.
it's a waste!
....but that's just my opinion. I understand everyone is different.
I just hope nobody ever asks me to dig up some thank you note they sent me because I don't have it anymore. lol.
You're not required to keep them, just appreciate the message.
Posted by ImpulsvPosted by truecapPosted by Impulsv
Why not give with out the judgment of what u get in return.
What's common courtesy to one might not be to the other.
It's a fact of simple manners.
No not really in mine we enjoy our parties n each other's companies n gift give, at baby showers ect. N truly enjoy each other's company But none of us expect thank you cards.
No one does them.click to expand
What if it's someone you don't normally socialize with? Someone you'd be obligated to send a gift to. Like the boy who used to mow your yard sent you a graduation invitation, you send a gift. You don't see them in social circles... Wouldn't it be proper for him to send you a note thanking you?
I'm not talking BFFs or someone you're really close to.
Posted by ImpulsvPosted by truecap
I don't view writing thank you notes as an obligation. I truly like expressing my gratitude for those who so graciously did something nice for me, went out of their way for me, took the time to buy/send me a gift. Their thoughtfulness and kindness should be aknowledged.
Proper thank you notes are not generic. They should always add a personal touch letting the giver know how special their gift was to you and how you intend to use the gift.
But u are making obligatory with statement if judgment if not done. Talking about class, ect..click to expand
I was brought up that it is classy to aknowledge a gift in writing. I apologize if that comes across judgemental, it's what I was taught.
However, I do believe that a lot of people, especially older people, do think negatively of those that don't write thank you notes for graduation, weddings and baby showers. Most won't say anything if they don't receive one because they feel it would be impolite to do so. They just don't send a gift the next time that person has a special event.
It's nice that you did that Impulsv.
Posted by starloverPosted by truecapPosted by ImpulsvPosted by truecap
I don't view writing thank you notes as an obligation. I truly like expressing my gratitude for those who so graciously did something nice for me, went out of their way for me, took the time to buy/send me a gift. Their thoughtfulness and kindness should be aknowledged.
Proper thank you notes are not generic. They should always add a personal touch letting the giver know how special their gift was to you and how you intend to use the gift.
But u are making obligatory with statement if judgment if not done. Talking about class, ect..
I was brought up that it is classy to aknowledge a gift in writing. I apologize if that comes across judgemental, it's what I was taught.
Me too truecap...it is just good manners and a lovely thought
click to expand
Thanks for saying so! It's nice to know I'm not the only one that feels this way.
Posted by Impulsv
It's interesting because in my culture it can be said to be rude to visit someone n come empty handed. Lol
If ur visiting bring food! Lol
You are right about the cultural differences.
My issue has to do with those in my own culture, who I know as aquaintances. People I would obligated to buy a gift for.
Posted by truecap
My question stems from a high school graduation student this past spring. She sent me an invitation. I mailed her a check and have not received any kind of aknowledgement whatsoever. I'm actually a little offended. I know she got it because she cashed the check.
In this scenario, I blame her mother for not teaching her. However, she won't be getting another gift from me.
For that, not one thank you or acknowledgement? It could be by any means but she should have thanked you before doing anything with it.
As for thank you notes/cards, I can't seem to function them. A phone call works great 🙂
If I see this person, either a thank you in person or I might even get them something as a thank you.
1. If you give a wedding present (for example), do you expect a thank you note? Yes
2. Are you offended if you don't get one? No, but I do think it's ill-mannered and shows a lack in cultivation, not to acknowledge or say thank you (whether by note, email, ecard, telephone call etc.).
3. Do you think better of people who do send them? Yes
4. Do you think worse of them if they don't? Unfortunately, many common courtesies aren't a priority anymore. It seems to be the norm.
5. Are you indifferent? Not completely, since I personally observe the custom. Any thanks I give, is always genuine.
6. If you attend the shower and they say thank you in person is this good enough for you? Yes
7. Or should they still send a written note thanking you? Not necessary, if verbal acknowledgement was given.
8. If you don't attend the shower or wedding and mail them a gift, do you expect a thank you note? Yes.
2. Are you offended if you don't get one? No, but I do think it's ill-mannered and shows a lack in cultivation, not to acknowledge or say thank you (whether by note, email, ecard, telephone call etc.).
3. Do you think better of people who do send them? Yes
4. Do you think worse of them if they don't? Unfortunately, many common courtesies aren't a priority anymore. It seems to be the norm.
5. Are you indifferent? Not completely, since I personally observe the custom. Any thanks I give, is always genuine.
6. If you attend the shower and they say thank you in person is this good enough for you? Yes
7. Or should they still send a written note thanking you? Not necessary, if verbal acknowledgement was given.
8. If you don't attend the shower or wedding and mail them a gift, do you expect a thank you note? Yes.
Posted by starlover
We are like that too here Imp....bring cake or something to eat 🙂
I do that too! Cake and wine -always! 😄
Posted by starloverPosted by tamaraPosted by starlover
We are like that too here Imp....bring cake or something to eat 🙂
I do that too! Cake and wine -always! 😄
😄
Good manners are so important...some people i know don't even say thanks during the course of normal day to day life
It was drummed into me and i am glad it was
:=)click to expand
starlover, no doubt you have instilled the same good manners in your son. 🙂
Posted by truecapPosted by ImpulsvPosted by truecapPosted by Impulsv
Why not give with out the judgment of what u get in return.
What's common courtesy to one might not be to the other.
It's a fact of simple manners.
No not really in mine we enjoy our parties n each other's companies n gift give, at baby showers ect. N truly enjoy each other's company But none of us expect thank you cards.
No one does them.
What if it's someone you don't normally socialize with? Someone you'd be obligated to send a gift to. Like the boy who used to mow your yard sent you a graduation invitation, you send a gift. You don't see them in social circles... Wouldn't it be proper for him to send you a note thanking you?
I'm not talking BFFs or someone you're really close to.click to expand
I'd still say no. If you wanna get technical with manners...the kid invited you to a ceremony to celebrate an accomplishment with him. No one likes going to a graduation, they're boring and long. This ain't even your kid, so you send a gift instead. I could argue that is the breach of etiquette. You can't buy him, lol. Why is he obligated to send a note, you weren't obligated to attend the ceremony.
^^ that said, I have had my kids send thank you cards before. I was raised sending them to everyone for everything. I hated it. That's probably part of the reason I don't even like getting gifts anymore haha. I thank people verbally if\when I receive gifts. If it isn't face to face, give em a call. If it's not someone you'd care to be stuck on the phone with, who cares if they think your rude and why are they sending u a gift anyway?
The last time I made my kids write one was when my brother in another state sent them Xmas presents. He's far away and they have only seen him a few times since my daughter was a baby. I don't even talk to him on the phone though so I wasn't gonna make them. They don't like the phone anyway. So in that case, a thank you card seemed logical.
The last time I made my kids write one was when my brother in another state sent them Xmas presents. He's far away and they have only seen him a few times since my daughter was a baby. I don't even talk to him on the phone though so I wasn't gonna make them. They don't like the phone anyway. So in that case, a thank you card seemed logical.
Posted by LibraSidPosted by truecapPosted by ImpulsvPosted by truecapPosted by Impulsv
Why not give with out the judgment of what u get in return.
What's common courtesy to one might not be to the other.
It's a fact of simple manners.
No not really in mine we enjoy our parties n each other's companies n gift give, at baby showers ect. N truly enjoy each other's company But none of us expect thank you cards.
No one does them.
What if it's someone you don't normally socialize with? Someone you'd be obligated to send a gift to. Like the boy who used to mow your yard sent you a graduation invitation, you send a gift. You don't see them in social circles... Wouldn't it be proper for him to send you a note thanking you?
I'm not talking BFFs or someone you're really close to.
I'd still say no. If you wanna get technical with manners...the kid invited you to a ceremony to celebrate an accomplishment with him. No one likes going to a graduation, they're boring and long. This ain't even your kid, so you send a gift instead. I could argue that is the breach of etiquette. You can't buy him, lol. Why is he obligated to send a note, you weren't obligated to attend the ceremony.click to expand
Oh come now, realistically you know the kid doesn't care if you go. Most kids send out as many invites as they can, hoping to get a gift out of it. The more invites they send, the more money they receive.
Posted by LibraSid
^^ that said, I have had my kids send thank you cards before. I was raised sending them to everyone for everything. I hated it. That's probably part of the reason I don't even like getting gifts anymore haha. I thank people verbally if\when I receive gifts. If it isn't face to face, give em a call. If it's not someone you'd care to be stuck on the phone with, who cares if they think your rude and why are they sending u a gift anyway?
The last time I made my kids write one was when my brother in another state sent them Xmas presents. He's far away and they have only seen him a few times since my daughter was a baby. I don't even talk to him on the phone though so I wasn't gonna make them. They don't like the phone anyway. So in that case, a thank you card seemed logical.
At least you're teaching them to aknowledge the gift. Whether it's in person, a phone call, text message.....do something to aknowledge you received it and say thank you.
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If you give a wedding present (for example), do you expect a thank you note?
Are you offended if you don't get one?
Do you think better of people who do send them?
Do you think worse of them if they don't?
Are you indifferent?
If you attend the shower and they say thank you in person is this good enough for you? Or should they still send a written note thanking you?
If you don't attend the shower or wedding and mail them a gift, do you expect a thank you note?
These are just some sample questions to ponder. You don't have to answer each one, I'm just curious to what the current thought process on thank you notes are.
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