Waisting Time

I think I'm in a rut... I sit around, and can't seem to get anything done... I had so many plans for this summer... Now I'm having the hardest time getting out of bed at all... I go from the bed, to the computer, to the kitchen, tv, computer, sterio, computer, pretend to clean something, sterio, computer, kitchen, computer, bed.... and the cycle starts again... I would go out side, but it's either too hot or raining, but mostly both... I've got no reason to go out anyway, there's nothing interesting outside... Damn... The phone bills are going to be through the roof this month...

I fully admit I have no life and every day is simply a waist of time... See? I'm honest with myself... I don't try and convince myself I have a purpose... I'm in such a blaa mood that I don't even care to look for a purpose, who needs that anyway? Stupid purpose, always trying to get in everyone's way, trying to make their lives meaningful or some scam like that... Stupid people, always looking for the same thing but can't find it... But what I really hate is stupid rules... Stupid rules... stupid stupid government... Stupid paper work... Stupid waist of time... Boring boring boring... I'm going to be yelled at when they find out I've done nothing... Nothing at all... When will the yelling stop— It never stops... Damn yelling... Why can't I get any friggin peace and quiet? OWWWW!!!! BLOOD!!! sparkle motion blood!!! Why does it have to be all red and staining... Why is there a spider on my wall... Why do people eat spiders in their sleep? Why can't the spiders realize they shouldn't crawl into people's mouths... The spiders are suicidal... LOL... What the heck is the point of suicide? If I was at the point where I didn't care that much, there's a hell of a lot of things I would do before I killed myself... Stupid Nihilism... Yeah... That's it, take the easy way out... Stupid people who give up after forty years of working to build one thing... Stupid people who go back on all their principles... Damn hypocrites who teach one thing but never bother to live their lives that way... When will the yelling stop— I fainted not because of the moment, but because of the many moments before that... Damn people... Damn Damn Damn... Why do people hyperventalate— Is that how you spell hyperventulate? I don't know... Why do we care how we spell hyperventulate? Why will people not care about cheating their mother out of her very last dime but they care how you spell a stupid little world like hyperventulate... Where's the priorities? Where have they gone to? Why do people argue over everything? Why can't they agree— When will the yelling stop— Why do people act so selfish? Stupid selfishness, always getting forthemselves, but it didn't make them happy, did it? They're still just as miserable as the next guy... Hehehe... What makes a person happy? Existencialism (not spelled correctly, not carred) you have to live your life in the service of others... Boring... and then what have you found out about your self? You have nothing and want everything... Stupid want... Stupid hole... SCREAM!!! When will the yelling stop— But now, never will stoop to that level, never hit, never punch, never see the bruises... No... Never yell, no denile... No but to stand firm... Tell don't yell... Why then does time never stop being as a desert in the world... What is the sand in the hourglass saying to me? The ocean is full of sand dunes... You can die of thirst in the sea or die of thirst in the desert... What kind of choices are these— Stupid choices... Meaningless... pointless... We can walk across the whole world, and then low and behold, it's a circle, we've wound up back where we started... Stupid world... What do people learn? Only what they're forced to... Willing? Who is willing to change? Nobody wants to change when change means sacrifice... No one volunteers sacrifice... Do they? Very few... But usually there's some pay back... Stupid pay backs, always having some sort of catch... Not like baseball, you can't see the bases... Not until your already out... Stupid red socks you suck, yankees rule... Damn, now I'm going to get beat up... Stupid boston people... Stupid cities... Stupid culture... Stupid void of culture... Stupid hopes, stupid dreams, stupid society... Stupid rules... When will the yelling stop?

sparkle motion it, sparkle motion it all

morgan needs a hug.

aw morgan..dont feel down.. there will be more experiences in the future, just because you are in a rut right now, doesnt mean it's always going to stay that way, change is the essence of life, just dont expect things, expecting things can lead to depression sometimes since not everything always goes your way. Maybe you should just go with the flow? I feel like that sometimes also, it sucks ne? but you're still young, when you look back at your past wasn't there already experiences made there? so you see, things will happen for sure in the future also. So cheer up! *pounces and gives big hug* 😄

🙂 thanx for the hug... sparkle motion, this stupid flow that I'm going with is going nowhere at a very slow place... Perhaps by some lapse of luck I may end up somewhere.

Hmmmmmm, maybe you should do something you enjoy? maybe you should take up a hobby or some sort.

LOL... Yes... I have tried that... But I've come down with an extreme case of laziness, or something... Brooding's my new hobby.

i can relate to that, i havent been doing much either, there hasnt been much challenge in my life also, which is depressing :\ and there arent many advantages i can obtain since i dont have a car and my parents are always at work. Well, in this case, maybe we should both enjoy our time at home? no matter how painful that is. But someday, i guess we wont even have time to stay at home and cherish a quiet moment to ourselves, so maybe now?

Yes... I do cherish a quiet moment... And I do like being home and veging... But the moment never stays silent, when those people I live with come home and find me veging, they always try and ruin my blissful solitude with multitudes of mundain duties which I must preform... Or they just yell... Hmmm... My mother's a Lutheran... Maybe that's the problem... Idle hands are the devil's playground... Or something like that... Maybe she think's I'm being taken to the darkside of the force... Maybe she thinks I'm out to get her... Or maybe worst of all, she thinks I might side with my father in any arguments... Dun dun duuuunnnn.... *gasp*

My dad's b-day is on saturday... My mom picked out a card for my brother and I to give to him... I wonder if I really should put my name on the card...

How long can I stay nuetral— They're invading!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

your mom sounds like my step mom :\ quite annoying. Maybe i should talk to your mother about this? It might give a more clear conclusion to the things she does. But i have this problem where i cant communicate with my parents well since i wasn't brought up to be open and compassionate toward eachother, so what am i saying :\

It seems as though your parents relatoinship isn't going so well..must be tough in everyones position.

I need a whip... That way I can whip my life into my control...

correction, maybe you should*

I wonder which one of my parents will kill the other one first... *sigh*

And no... I've given up long ago on trying to communicate my feelings to them... It's worse than talking to a wall, because if you talk to a wall, the wall doesn't shout at you.

No... I just wait and bide my time until the day I don't have to deal with the madness anylonger...

My mother doesn't understand, she's the saint of self sacrifice in ever situation.

*every

why do they yell at you so much? what have you done to recieve that? seems like nothing.

Nah... I think everyone's just fed up with everyone else... It's a total lack of patience on everyone's account... People have just forgotten how to comunicate civilly...

i think they just forgot to feel compassionate toward eachothers situation, since each one is trying to justify their position because of the built up hurt. If you really want to fix things, maybe you guys should all sit down and set rules on what you can do and what you cannot, such as DONT interrupt lol and DONT yell at eachother. Yes. But if you dont want to, then i suggest you get away fast and start a new fresh beginning, but then your past will always be hanging on..so i dont know..

I think I can deal with a long distance relationship with them... I think that's the way to go... I don't think sitting down and laying out rules is a good idea, my family members are way to oversensitive about that sort of thing, I'm sure the suggestion would backfire... I think alcohol has something to do with the problem... My dad's a bit of an alcoholic...

You should tell your dad if he really cares about the family then he should stop drinking because it's affecting the people around him, he might take this as an offense, but you should tell him it's only affecting the people around him because you guys care and love him.

Blah, the whole traditional rule where the family is always going to be around you and how you need to be a part of their lives still when you move out sounds sometimes irritating to me, but parents have done a lot..yeah like in the financial and providing area..but your parents seem to keep scarring you with emotional problems. It's not right for you or for them. It's just causing more problems.

Well yes... Emotional problems and anxiety they do give me, but the financial benefits may just balance out the problem... Anyway, I would keep in touch even if they did disinherit me... My family isn't the closest family in the world, but it's the only one I've got... Well... At least I've got one at the moment, you never know what tomorrow might bring... Bleck... I'm so confused... I care and want to do the right thing... But I can't do anything... Why is this my responcibility again—

it's not your responsibility but you feel tied to it because you are a part of the family, so it's understandable, your family is confusing and it seems everyone really does care for eachother..because why else would they have arguements everyday? i think everyone wants someone to understand them. Blah. I dont know what advice i can give since i havent been there, i usually ignore my family and stay distant, i dont think that's the best solution, but it makes things 'easier' for everyone. Not saying you should take up this option.

LOL... That's the option I have been exercising... It's just the safest... It's like going with the flow... Let things work themselves out on their time... (hopefully)... Because I honestly don't think getting involved would help in the least anyway.

^^ i see your point, im sorry if i havent been the greatest help but i hope you feel better 😆

🙂 Thanx, I enjoy a little conversation now and again... The wall was starting to bore me 😛

^^ hahahaha

wow my life is almost exactly the same as yours right now. i sleep for hours, get up late, get something to eat, watch tv, go on computer, and then go to bed. every day.

Morgan stares at the scenery
she wakes from a bad, bad dream
killing time
your still alive
something on your mind
killing time
shes trying hard to read the signs
she takes a long drink of wine
its just about, just about
killing time
she dreams of better times
its just about, just about
killing time