Born on a Rotten Day: Pisces

ugh...what a rip!

pisces men suck. check please!

none of that was pleasant but in all fairness, it did get cut off at the "but."

only a ding bat would believe this madness

i found the rest! gotta love google!

If You Love One: Pisces Man

He's a dreamboat who lives for romance, and his hypnotic charisma will leave you weak-kneed and breathless. He may be a visionary like Copernicus, or a joker ?? la Billy Crystal, but a Pisces man is intuitive, caring, and sympathetic. No other male in the Universe is as capable of profound love and devotion. Unfortunately, he's so in love with himself that you don't stand a chance.

The male Fish is the emotional black hole of the Universe. Toss your heart, soul, and car keys, and all will disappear forever. This guy learned at an appalling young age how to weasel his way out of work and charm his way into bed.

He's definitely sensual, sexy, and cute, in a debauched sort of way. Don't let the fa—?ade fool you. At home he may be a quiet little Fish, swimming around and around the beer bottle, but romantically he is the great white shark of the zodiac. A Scorpio man will hurt you because he has a morbid fear of rejection. Your Pisces guy will do it just to keep his teeth sharpened.

He's a natural born liar. And he's honed the art until he fools himself. Such as when he's perched on his favorite bar stool, watching the sports channel and ogling hot bodies, but telling himself he's gathering material for the novel he plans to write. The only thing this loser will ever write is a smeared phone number on his cocktail napkin.

cont...

He's self-destructive. Pisces Desi Arnaz had everything. Looks, career, and for its time, a state-of-the-art TV show with wife, Leo Lucille Ball. Arnaz possessed the extraordinary talent for both creative artistry and business acumen. He also possessed the extraordinary Piscean thirst for alcohol, and roving eye, which ultimately left Ball no choice but to divorce him. Ball became a megastar. Arnaz battled alcohol and obscurity for the rest of his life.

He loves sex games. Feel free to wear your nurse's uniform but expect him to play patient, not doctor. Buy a dog collar and he will bark. Introduce him to your best friend, if you dare, but don't leave them alone. He will have affairs anywhere, any time, with anyone who will hold still long enough. And with an icy detachment that rivals his Gemini cousin. The Fish can cleave you full of his declarations of undying love, drive straight to his favorite watering hole, and pick up the first available body.

Or, full of his divine spiritual fervor, ?? la Pisces Jimmy Swaggart, hop in his Caddy and head for the nearest hooker. In classic Pisces self-delusion, when caught with his parables down, Swaggart blamed the woman for being a minion of the Devil who tempted him to stray. Then he gave one of the most spectacular public displays of improvised remorse and Emmy-caliber acting since the night female Fish, Tammy Faye Bakker, ripped off her false eyelashes on TV to prove that she wasn't afraid to reveal her real self. Can you say Amen?

Don't expect your Fish to be the breadwinner. Some Pisces males start on a career path early, but if yours hasn't dropped the remote and picked up a degree by the time he's in his late twenties, forget it. You will end up with a ne'er-do-well who thinks making his fortune means winning the lottery, and that Real TV is culturally educational. If you are a Virgo with a job, house, and checkbook, or a Cancer who doesn't mind playing nursemaid for the rest of your life, this guy was meant for you.

cont...

He's tedious. He has a compulsion to use the same clich—?s he's used since high school and will invariably run a subject straight into the ground in the shortest time possible. Telling him he's not funny only eggs him on, because he's not after your laughter, he's out to provoke you.

All bluff and no substance, Mr. Fish is a cast of thousands and even he doesn't know what scene he'll play next. But, since he does like role-playing you could pretend you're the Lone Ranger and ride on.

If You Love One: Pisces Woman

She has an aura of responsiveness that instantly puts you at ease. The female Pisces is a classic romantic who expects her mate to be a gentle man. She prefers privacy to partying, quality to quantity, and you, alone, to the rest of the world. Consider yourself the luckiest man alive? What if I told you that her zodiac nickname is Queen of the Horizontal Mamba, and that her commitment to you won't necessarily slow her down?

Ms. Pisces is as sexually diffuse as Fish-boy, except where the male tricks his lovers into believing he is a prince in frog's clothing, she tricks herself that every man she gets between the sheets, or on top of the Xerox machine is her One True Love, at least for a couple of hours. This woman has kissed dozens of toads in her quest for a soul mate. Trouble is, she rarely lifts her eyes higher than the swamp. Of course, this is extremely lucky for you if you are demented, unemployable, a hopeless mama's boy, or an escaped felon.

cont...

Her basic personality is like a metaphorical aquarium where a great variety of fish jostle for position. Dangle your fingers over the tank and you'll never be sure whether a gentle dolphin will raise its back to be petted or Jaws will snap them off for lunch. Angry Fish spout like Moby Dick blasting steam, then dive for the nearest dark place. She will become visibly agitated if you press her, and can snap off a few sarcastic remarks. However, she will most likely just shriek and dissolve into a hysterical sobbing heap.

At first you'll adore the lavish attention she offers. Soon, though, you'll get a distinct tight-in-the-chest feeling when she begins to nag. And the Pisces female has honed the art of nagging to the level of Chinese water torture. She will prod and push, trying to mold you into her ideal mate. Trouble is, she has not a clue as to who that person is. All female Fish idealize Daddy, especially if he doesn't deserve it, and apply this same irrational logic to you. It has nothing to do with heroes and everything to do with distancing herself from a truly intimate relationship.

A Pisces woman may appear fragile, helpless, and other-worldly. However, beneath that innocent smile is a spine of stainless steel. Consider Elizabeth Taylor, the famous Pisces astrologers love to use as an example of an exotic, delicate Fish. Taylor has survived dozens of operations, several near-death experiences, and brain surgery. Her health issues alone would have killed a lesser person years ago, not to mention her romantic stamina in the marriage arena. In addition to multiple divorces and widowhood, she's survived two marriages to the same Scorpio, Richard Burton. You call that fragile?

Ms. Fish is her own worst enemy and prefers self-pity to rational discussion. Argue with her and she will either turn the air blue with language so foul it would make a sailor blus, or fling herself upon the nearest piece of furniture and sob her guts out. It won't take you long to figure out that she's hooked on drama and actually likes a good fight. It gives her a chance to hone her acting skills, and clear out her sinuses at the same time.

cont...

Although usually very intelligent, her offhanded attitude toward life will leave you wondering whether all her synapses are firing in sequence. She will forget to balance the checkbook for months, coast into the gas station on a fume and a prayer, and swear that the refrigerator was full just yesterday. If you intend to have a decent retirement income and eat regularly, you will have to control the purse strings and learn how to cook.

No other woman in the Universe comes on so devoted, selfless and understanding, and departs with a bigger chunk of your bloody heart stuck on her little pink fingernails. And she will be fluttering those artistic hands long after you've run screaming for the nearest therapist's couch.

If You Are One, Born Rotten

Pisces has often been called the dustbin of the zodiac. Mental hospital is a closer description. On your trek around the karmic wheel, you've not only picked up everyone else's bad habits, you've managed to forego most of the good ones.

You are as obtuse as Taurus, anal as Virgo, and as wishy-washy as Libra. You blather as much as Gemini and Sagittarius put together, but your conversation is limited to instant replays of all the boring details of your crises-laden life. When you want something you can knock down more little old ladies than an Aries fighting to be first at a Macy's white sale. You are as freaked-out as Aquarius, obsessed as Scorpio, and whiny as a Cancer with a sore throat. Your penchant for theatrics makes the most flamboyant Leo look reticent, and your opinion of yourself is higher than that of a Capricorn who's just foreclosed on a Swiss bank.

You also have the special-to-you-alone gift for viewing life from a perpetually unworkable slant. You are so afraid of conflict that you would rather eat worms than confront a problem. But that's fine with you because it gives you the excuse to lie on the couch all day, flipping the remote and sighing.

cont...

The cliche of the lights are on but no one's home was no doubt first used to describe a Fish. You will fade out in the middle of commuter traffic going seventy, wake up in the next town, and have absolutely no idea how you got there.

Every Pisces is addicted to something. The obvious dangers are booze and drugs. However, serial romances, food, TV, and excessive sleep are also ways you avoid dealing with reality. You are probably a lifetime member of every organization with Anonymous in the title.

Pisces have every psychological and psychosomatic illness known to man and participate in medical research trials more often than any other sign. You love the attention and use the twenty-five dollars to buy wine. You are so afraid of confrontation that trying to carry on a conversation with you is like talking to a bobble-head doll. You can't make a decision, no matter how inconsequential, and you have the social presence of a doormat. But, you do hate to see suffering. That's why you wear dark glasses.

Your favorite TV shows are the Jerry Lewis Telethon and the PTL Club. you love to cry along with fellow Fish Jerry and to self-righteously bash those lacquer-haired televangelists.

As the last sign of the zodiac, you've walked in every other sign's shoes at least once. And slept in all their beds. You charm the pants off anyone??

You don't do realism. Instead you prefer to view life from either your internal set of rose-colored glasses, or from a state of altered consciousness. Either way, you drift through the years with your head in the sand, preferring your fantasies and dragging behind you an endless line of losers you call family and friends. But that's OK with you, since it gives you an excuse to drink and bitch.

You are the chameleon of the Universe, and the shades of every other sign flutter through your soul. Because you are so acquiescent and hate conflict, you are invariably underestimated. Once you learn to quit underestimating yourself, that quality is precisely what will give you the edge over every other sign.

Yours is the philosophy of ??

pfft...i know i read this on here before. i was hoping for more detail about pisces male on it's one extra flip fuqn line! so i was right. you spazz's suck.

and the thing about pisces dudes not making money is outlandish too..

2 of the top 10 richest men in the world is pisces..(Bernard Arnault and Karl Albrecht)

i think the thread starter coochie has cobb webbs in it and she wants a pisces to come dust that old shyt off

does it say anything about pisces men not having a sense of humor?

i sawed dat Meg-God! stop hiding from tacky-blue-shoe

it really wasn't meant to be funny..just like her claiming how we suck wasn't funny

Posted by MegStings

Posted by DAMEN VI
it really wasn't meant to be funny..just like her claiming how we suck wasn't funny

Have yourself a smile it's okay.

click to expand

no big deal..i like how she made you unhide your lil quote about me too..that was kinda sexy

before or after he's gored and i dine on shark fin?

the women respond with humor, the piscean men respond like bitches. is this what they mean about your being in touch with your feminine side?

Ive read this book before its good 🙂

"And the Pisces female has honed the art of nagging to the level of Chinese water torture."

" .... that trying to carry on a conversation with you is like talking to a bobble-head doll"

"But, you do hate to see suffering. That's why you wear dark glasses."

ahhh, so the piscean gay men respond like real men while the straight men respond like bitches.

i stand corrected.

wait...he's an aqua. well, they're generally bi so i say we roll with it 😛

^^ lol@ this fat slob dying for attention..get off dxp, put the porkchops down, go wash your musty ass,step outside and find some d.i.c.k

but taurus broads is the dullest, most boringest sign in the zodiac so its no wonder you spend most of your time on here..no man with any type of self respect would want you

i say we got on a d.i.c.k. hunt together! i'll bring the lube!

after all, it's just a matter of time before you embrace your sexuality. what are you favoring? top or bottom?

naa..i think u just want MY dick..is this your way of coming on to me— you don't have to talk indirect like this..just offer to give me some head and i might let you..just make sure you brush your teeth 1st, i don't want dick smelling like morning breath so late in the afternoon

Don't be an ass Damen.

you want me to suck your wee?

awwh, that's so cute. i guess that whole part about piscean men and hookers is true. after all, i'm a pork-chop eating flat slob with morning breath and dysentery (just threw that in for good measure) and yet, you want me to go down on your wee—

again, top or bottom?

Posted by venusianbull
Don't be an ass Damen.

i hate to sound so childish but...SHE STARTED IT!!

Posted by tubbyscubby
you want me to suck your wee?

awwh, that's so cute. i guess that whole part about piscean men and hookers is true. after all, i'm a pork-chop eating flat slob with morning breath and dysentery (just threw that in for good measure) and yet, you want me to go down on your wee—

again, top or bottom?

well i'll give you the benefit of giving good head since you SUCK at everything else

booooooo! weaaaaaak!

i'm going to need you to do some anal keigels and try again.

anal keigels? why don't you do some stomach crunches or some chin ups to get rid of that pot belly and turkey neck you walrus looking bytch

and i've NEVER seen you before but im willing to bet my life you UGLY..pretty women don't have time to post up on a message board as much as you..

ok bet!

i'll work my gizzard while you strengthen your sphincter. if you work hard at it, you'll take the term "fresh fish" to epic levels!

first worldwide gay male superstar with a sphincter of steel.

oh you fishy's and your ability to "read people."

*yawns*

yes, my face is as ugly and as dark as my soul.

your not witty so of course the onlything you can come up with is "your gay",smh...if your mother was around i'll let you watch me make love to her old wrinkled face..i hope she's not dead yet

Ive seen tubbys photo shes actually got a wispy look. She gets fired up but to be honest seems quite grounded. Ive argued with her before in a less than promoting fashion. However shes said her piece and let it be why waste your time arguing soemthing that has no real relevance? She copy pasted it and it doesn't necessarily reflect her full true beliefs on the matter. Shes been interested in a pisces man before or perhaps still is, hence a formed interest whether waning or growing im unsure. You become what you put forth my friend ascend or descend. I fall from time to time. But i rise once again and walk forth with new knowledge.

actually, my mom is dead may she RIP but if you wanna go defiling graves and what not, go right ahead. but thanks for proving how depraved your sign really is.

i argued with thefish? hmm, must not have been AWESOME! or i'd so totally remember.

Posted by thefish
Ive seen tubbys photo shes actually got a wispy look. She gets fired up but to be honest seems quite grounded. Ive argued with her before in a less than promoting fashion. However shes said her piece and let it be why waste your time arguing soemthing that has no real relevance? She copy pasted it and it doesn't necessarily reflect her full true beliefs on the matter. Shes been interested in a pisces man before or perhaps still is, hence a formed interest whether waning or growing im unsure. You become what you put forth my friend ascend or descend. I fall from time to time. But i rise once again and walk forth with new knowledge.

yea you right..i really don't know why i even bothered talking to this pathetic beast..

and wtf is a wispy look? should i be insulted?

wispy = frail, like a crackhead..either way you lose

wispy = flowing and a bit wild. You shouldnt be insulted.

i'm a frail, wild, crackhead that eats pork-chops, has a turkey neck and morning breath?

i can live with that.

ciao!

nuff about me but thank you sea. i am sorta like a fungus.

the pisces male write up was a lil depressing. either i'm being overly sensitive because i happen to be chatting up one or the author was a lil extra harsh. when reading most of the other ones, there was a hidden positive beneath all the sarcasm. not the case for the piscean men write up but i'm not done reading through the other signs yet.

ACK! hide that please!!! 😢

must maintain anonymity.

should be illegal.

thanks sea.

Posted by seavixen2
Tubby grows on you...you just have to get used to her. She's opinionated, stubborn, & perfectionist. She's blunt...she's a Taurus.I've debated with her as as well, people, myself included get fired up on topics. I have to say...she doesn't hold grudges 😉 And to be honest, I've seen her picture and she's hot...you'd eat your words Damen if you saw her...

taurus women is meat heads..i've been with a couple and they're nuthing special..kinda dull

my cousin mother is a taurus too, she had a foul mouth thou..she's pretty funny too, but that mouth is the reason why her husband of 13 years left her ass,lol..she use to put him down because he lost his job..now she's alone,ordering high price meals and living like a hermit.. but she puts up a good front like it didn't bother her,smh..just another example of a dumb, thick headed taurus that didn't know when to shut the fukk up and act like a real woman instead of a beast..

so she's still living high on the hog...err pork-chop?

13 years was a good run and given he was statistically poised to die first anyway, his leaving hastened reality. she'll figure it out soon enough as now she can focus on screwing the pool boy. good bully!

this is fair game right?

*looks at mr.dxp*

Well, I agree with the self-destructive part. The rest is a bit sketchy. I'm not a Pisces, but I know many Pisces who are unfortunately self-destructive and whiny people. It's why so many people end up leaving them. lol I Love Lucy.