Changing Yourself

Me and my Pisces bf aren't getting along too well at the moment. This is because he wants me to change parts of my behaviour that he doesn't like and gets hurt by. I feel he's being over-sensitive. An example is, I had a really bad crick in my neck, like when it feels your neck tendons are gonna snap or something, so it was painful to talk and he asked what was wrong, so in pain I sort of grimaced through my teeth that it was a crick and he went mad, shouting at me for nearly half an hour for not apologising straight away for shouting at him. I personally didn't feel like I had too.

I suppose my question is should you change yourself for someone? What if you feel that these changes are gonna change the person you are too much? How much should you change if you haven't noticed a problem before?

I like the idea of having a partner that makes you a better person, but I feel that sometimes he's draining me. Other bf's haven't mentioned this problem, and I'd been with some of them longer. And none of my friends understand what he's on about.

I'm confused 😢

lol @ the crick in the neck.

memories...

that shit is absurd!!.....How can you call someone a friend if they bolt out at any minor falling out? Expect as friends to argue, and have different view points that's just life, how could someone just throw away a friendship just becuase someone didn't respond the way they wished they would? I'm sure if you explain to him CopperHead, that you where in pain that'd he'd understand....that is, if he's any friend.

In regards to having to change for anyone, it's really your own decision: some people should have to learn to expand and learn that life isn't about them and their needs or feelings all the time (maybe this is HIS lesson to learn from not yours....), it really depends on how much you care for him.....anyone willing to change themselves for a loved one usually loves that person a GREAT deal in order to accept any short comming in themselves and alter it to another persons convenience .....maybe you can help him come to terms with who you are, and how you express yourself rather than having to change for someone else's sake....as an idividual, you've got a right to express yourself in the way you feel comfortable with, and since you aren't INTENTIONALLY going for the guys throat, then all should really be forgiven, it was just a petty argument.....

Try to work it out with the guy...if he's worth keeping to you....does his negatives out weigh his positives? than get rid of him, otherwise this could become a great friendship....someone whos so sensitive can really be one of the BEST friends at your disposal becuase you could confide secrets in them and becuase of their sensitive nature, they'll be sure to keep them in great confidence....I would never throw a friend away unless they are becoming an enemy to me.....

I wish I had some friends I could talk about the WATERY part of my nature to.....most air and fire don't have that depth....I've found out it's not me who's uncomfortable with feelings, so much as it's my adaptable nature that is often at odds with it...but honestly, having feelings is more important than just changing for the sake of not wanting to make waves.....life is full of big waves......all you can really do is ride 'em out, and see where they take you to....to tell the truth, I identify more readily with feelings than I do with rational thinking....but if feelings get in the way of progress and cause me to vacilate, I go with my head....I want to move forward, to understand yourself is to really be at peace with everything ih my book...

btw! if someone isn't interested in a TOTAL REVOLUTION (meaning they are willing to change in some respect too cuz this guy is making this out to be like a relationship, not a friendship) than I wouldn't change: change is something no one, NO ONE is above or immune to. Remember (and you heard it from a Virgo!!) No one is perfect, so everyone needs change in their life.....that's what makes life great: changing your perspective according to your own choice.....that's where the pefection lies in....

"he wants me to change parts of my behaviour that he doesn't like and gets hurt by."

"so in pain I sort of grimaced through my teeth that it was a crick and he went mad"


Normally, when people talk about behaviour that needs to be changed, it's not an isolated incident .. so, my question is: Do you often shout at him?


If we took just your example, then it would appear that he's being completely unreasonable .. however, it was actually used as an example of your behaviour, which indicates that this sort of thing is a continuing issue.

It's a normal Piscean trait to soothe over, mend or heal our partners when they are ill or injured .. when our loved ones are in aid, we are usually the ones to help them. So, this leaves me to believe that if he got angry over it .. then there is a re-occuring issue over which he's getting agitated with you .. and you with him.

Perhaps, the prudent move at this time would be to take a break. Often times, people push each other to stay together and force each other to fix an issue face-to-face .. when all they need is a little time-off to sort their heads out. This just sounds to me like it's a case of getting too much into each others face and not enough time to be free of each other.

Hope your crick is better 🙂

Hummmm - Well when I first read your little comment cappywench I thought yes you have a point until u said "The downside of Pisceans is ..... heh eheh

No, seriously you do partially have a point - I know I found it difficult to find fault with myself because I thought people just dont understand me (They didnt & still dont - I speak alien!) but when I grew up a bit I realised that most time others around you will change once you start making changes within yourself.

"I guess the downside of pisceans is that they tend to find fault in others but never see their own behaviour as a cause of negative behaviour in others. Hence they make no effort to change or adapt themselves but demand change of others."

************ My good friends (a sag & a virgo) have allot to do with helping me see my faults (nit picking bastards). My Virgo mate says I am the only one he knows that will listen & 'Take' a stern lecture & walk away & have a think about it then Ill return a week later & say I learned this & this from what you said & the rest is bullshit. So there 😛 You should know Pisces is the most adaptable sign in the Zodiac so to say they make no effort to change is just wrong - Think most of us thrive on change & love digging deep to find truth.

"this usually isn't a problem because they come across as nice people, it's only when you get very close to one that you realise that there is a certain passive aggressive quality to the sign which means that you can never get them to do anything you want unless they have thought of it first."
************ Passive aggressive?? Perhaps. But you are not smart enough to be with a Pisces if you havent figured out how to get one to do something for you 😛 JK Really!!

I don't really shout at him, it's usually him raising his voice because I've 'hurt' him so much. Other arguments have included silly things like me asking him to turn the tv down a bit if I'm in bed or me stressing about money. Apparently this makes him feel bad. So that means he has to argue with me about it. This morning he was in a mood because I noted he was paying a lot for the internet!!! Literally all I said was, 'That's expensive isn't it?!'.

CW, I can definitely see where you're coming from, if I even suggest that any of his behaviours are upsetting me that causes an argument, although he calls it defending himself because he's done nothing wrong, but if I try and 'defend' myself in an argument that makes him even more angry because he feels that I have no right to say anything because I have done wrong, full stop.

I totally believe that your partner should help you become a better person, in a positive way, but I'm not feeling that here at all.

He's always maintained that he hates fighting, yet it is him who carries it on and on. If I say nothing he gets wound up, if I say something, he gets wound up. I don't really like fights, I like to discuss things in a reasonable way, I can only think of one or two times I've actually shouted at him and that's because he was shouting and wouldn't stop so I had to shout to actually be heard.

I don't actually think that your partner should have the responsibility of changing, but that they can show you a different way of thinking or reacting that fits better with who you feel you are.

He had a very bad childhood and I'm pretty sure that affects his reactions sometimes, but he won't go get any help. And we haven't been intimate for months because of how low he's been feeling, and his answer to this is for me to try harder. Which I have done on more occasions than I care to think about. I don't know how to suport him anymore, and when I ask him it upsets him and he only says for me to do the same things I've been doing. But it never seems enough for him.

* changing you

A crap 😢 you got me there copperhead! I am deffinately like that - sucks hey! Sorry for u

Sounds like a stressed out Pisces, and with his bad childhood, many of the negative traits of our sign come out in extremes, like over-sensitivity and defensiveness. It would be beneficial if he could talk out his deeper feelings, or somehow come to terms with them. Old modes of thought, and habits are getting the better of him. And unfortunately you're on the receiving end. Stress isn't going to change anyone, and it shouldn't. He needs to practice relaxation/stress management and not take (everything) so seriously. ..some fresh perspective on life. Good luck to you both.