Dating a pisces

LoL, after all my pisces bashing. Guess I'm about to regret all that. Pisces taking me out tonight. Plus I met 2 pisceans on Tuesday night and really liked them. Maybe my basis for pisceans was inaccurate. Hm. Well anyway.

And, I made a promise to talk to / date more than one person at a time.. so even though I'm not sure if this is right, its something I haven't tried before so I'm giving it a while based on my promise. meh. Yeah, in case you keep tabs on me. 😛

Typo.. While should have been WHIRL

Dating more than one person at once may be all fine and dandy but will end in failure with a fish

*smile* I've found that the biggest "bashers".. get the biggest lesson when Karma throws one in their path LOL

So you never cared for Pisces. Maybe you met a few bad ones.. now it's time to meet some good ones LOL

Sky said "date" not "sex" or "have relationships" with more than one guy (though idgaf how many or how few guys a woman has sex with - HER body, HER choice. But NOT having sex with these guys will help keep her from getting emo-bonded from the sex hormones and ending up in an FWB situation where she wants more, he just wants sex.)

Ladies, never play games, never lie.. always be real and be honest... but just because a guy takes you to dinner or a movie, doesn't mean he automatically keeps you all to himself while he decides if he even likes you enough to take you out again, much less if he'd want a relationship with you. Waiting around like that sucks.. and usually backfires. If he wants you to be exclusive, he will SAY so... and until you're exclusive.. you're not exclusive!


Sky has the (common) habit of meeting a great guy and immediately throwing herself into him and only him and treating it like an exclusive relationship.. when they're still casually dating and getting to know each other. It's been backfiring on her, she's not the FWB type.. She NEEDS to date several guys.. just getting to know them, and herself, figuring out what she likes and what she really wants.. meeting some great guys, maybe even the right one for her.. go out and have fun, and don't laser-focus all her (scary lol) Scorp intensity on one guy, that's just too much too soon.. until and unless one fabulous guy makes it clear he'd like to be exclusive, asks her outright for a comittment and SHE agrees.

Doing something totally the opposite of the way we've always done it FEELS SCARY.. but if the old way isn't working, time to try something new. If it doesn't work, you can always try something else. The ONLY WRONG way to do something... is to keep doing it the way it never worked, over and over, expecting different results.

Posted by Pesca2
dating more than one person? i would find that rather confusing....

what conclusions do arise?

person A has a great sense of humor

person B has ambitions

person C is intelligent

whom to take. whom to choose?

but good luck anyhow!

You take D.. the one guy who has MANY amazing qualities and who ASKS you to commit to him because you're BOTH developing feelings for each other and want to have an exclusive relationship.

i think its ok as long as you let them know from the get go so they can choose to go along or not. Personally id leave her in the dumps. Because id feel guilty if i did the same to a girl. But not everyone feels that way.

I am very fishy and I would want you to date only me, even from the beginning. I know some people date lots at one time, but I need to just be with you from the start. If I knew you were dating others, I wouldn't feel special to you, I would feel like it's a competition and make me sad and then not able to give myself totally to the process. I wouldn't feel like some others might that I should try to win you over. I would feel as though I couldn't be that special to you if you were dating other people.

Yep,same here..

If I found my date was dating several other guys,the magic I inject,and in return expect would be now be constricted and not as expansive.My romantic vision of that person would diminish and I would be a bit put off.

Oh, you Pisces men are very amusing.. but I've got your number.

YES most men "WANT" to think there's no other men around their romantic interest. Very territorial. You want to be not only the best, but her ONLY. (Male ego is a bitch!) But Fish esp want to fall in love, be in love, build trust and love and all that stuff we dream of...

That's a dual-edged sword, however.. because you sensitive fucking male Fish WANT all of this.. but ONLY with someone you're really feeling! When some (brand new?) chick that you feel little to nothing for wraps herself all up in you, getting up in your grill, behaving as if you guys are already in a committed, exclusive relationship.. you jump stream (or like most men, sleep with her without giving her a commitment, if she's down for that.) Slippery Fishies cannot be caught by blunt force cornering... it's a process of easing closer to his fishbowl and heart.. allowing him to feel and build and process his emotions without pressuring him for MORE than he can currently provide. Flattering to have women all over you.. but hardly fair when you aren't feeling it for her. Put your egos to rest and see what she's really trying to accomplish here, and realize it's better for you BOTH, and smarter for her.

You want things both ways. That's unfair. Cuz when you ARE really feeling the girl and wanting her to yourself, to allow your connection and relationship to blossom... you speak up and you ASK her for that, duh! Mostly cuz if you weren't even falling for her at all, and she was head over heels for you way too fast and way too soon (aka way faster than you) you'd have already swam away. Fish!

So don't tell Sky who is trying to stop putting too much on a man who hardly knows her & isn't on the same page.. that she should continue the way she's been doing it & failing miserably to find commitment, much less love. She's not planning to have relationships with several men... but until she HAS a man who wants exclusivity with her, it's to her own detriment to casually date only one man and get hooked on him while he's still figuring out if he even likes her enough to keep dating her.

Fish, don't lie to yourself with all of your "sensitive" emotional loving natures.. or to this poor girl. At the core, you're still men.. and you still want love and commitment.. with someone you also love. NOT with some chick you just met on a dating site and took to dinner, and suddenly she's in over her head like a cling-on. Sheesh!

I'm not a guy, I'm very much a girl, with three planets in pisces... I wasn't saying Sky should do one thing or another, I was just saying that is how I personally feel and she could take from that as she wishes and yes, I would like to be the only person on their mind. If I knew the guy who was asking me out, even so much as had a crush on someone else that they were thinking of asking out too, I wouldn't go there, not because I want to be arrogantly important, but because when I am involved with someone I give my all and I hope they would too...

^^ But you're the woman in this situation, you know, the species that tends to get in too deep with guys who aren't feeling it like she is, and usually gets left heartbroken when she wants more, he doesn't. (And don't try to tell me you've never had a guy totally head over heels for you, but you just couldn't bring yourself to feel as much for him. When that happens, you swim away, you don't keep him hanging on. Men tend to let her keep hanging on for a bit, esp if he's getting sex. Different mentalities.) Sky's not looking for a bunch of suckers to use.. she's wanting a special one who wants her just as much.

But how's that working out for you, to do what Sky always did, throwing yourself headfirst into one guy you just met and barely know? How's it work out for you to wrap him up like your Last Great Hope, to want and need to focus only on him so badly for your own validation that you move too fast, get hooked before he's even really into you beyond initial attraction?

We women do this, a lot. We get emotionally hooked (sometimes physically too, if we give into our sexual attractions before a bond has been created) and suddenly, we realize he's not on the same page.. it's all still so casual to him, but feels so serious to us, and we want more. Suddenly you have to "have the talk" because Mr. Man doesn't seem to be moving forward in/towards a committed relationship.. does it help your "position" because he wasn't actually seeing anyone else, so therefore when you're ready for "more".. he should be too? Sorry, doesn't work that way. Even if you're the ONLY girl he's seeing.. if you get in over your head before HE feels a closer connection/desire for you, it backfires.

Serial dating and laser-focusing on ONE GUY is what most commonly trips us women up. A couple generations ago, they did it differently than we do now. Women actually DATED (not talking sex here) several men, getting to know them, seeing what developed emotionally.. until ONE great guy wanted to keep her to himself and asked her to commit to him. (Then she wrote Dear John letters to the rest of the guys - that's where they came from!) A generation or two ago, dating wasn't so fucked up with people focusing on ONE person the second they met, getting hooked, having sex w/o a commitment, then being heartbroken when the other person didn't actually develop feelings and want a relationship.

It would be GREAT if attraction and relationships worked that way. You meet, you focus on each other.. you both fall in love and commit.. or you both DON'T and you move on, no hard feelings, no hurting. It doesn't happen that way, though!

Taking out the laser-focusing, staying real and honest, and allowing things to develop.. that takes the unspoken pressure of a guy.. which also backfires. Sky isn't taking about using a bunch of guys.. she's talking about waiting until a man's feelings catch up to hers instead of acting like it's a relationship when it actually isn't.

It's not about her fucking a bunch of guys or getting what she can from multiple men, which seems to be the common misconception. But this is about differing male and female mentalities.. and (Pisces) men usually don't WANT a woman they feel nothing for to get wrapped up in him and hurt.. he's not out to hurt her.. but if he thinks she should automatically make herself exclusive to him BEFORE he wants her in that way.. gonna backfire for the guy too.. cuz guys lose attraction for women who do that.

Don't fool yourselves.. no, no one wants Lay Down Sally who is whoring around with a whole bunch of guys and wants YOU to join her harem.. but they also don't want a chick turning all desperate and clingy and losing her shit because he's not ready to propose in 2 months.

Best way to keep yourself from getting wrapped up like that, ladies.. is to get to know men without laser-focusing on men who aren't "there" yet.. let things develop.. if he develops feelings for you, he'll ASK you to be his... if he develops feelings and you don't.. don't keep him around.. but that doesn't happen as often as the other way around.

Hey now.. that wasn't an insult.. I LOVE Scorpios, and I understand them. It was a compliment! 😉

And I heart you ladies too.. that's what I'm about.. helping women get what they really want, without hurting anyone (esp themselves!) in the process. Every woman deserves HER Happily Ever After, whatever that looks like.

Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius
I am very fishy and I would want you to date only me, even from the beginning. I know some people date lots at one time, but I need to just be with you from the start. If I knew you were dating others, I wouldn't feel special to you, I would feel like it's a competition and make me sad and then not able to give myself totally to the process. I wouldn't feel like some others might that I should try to win you over. I would feel as though I couldn't be that special to you if you were dating other people.

I tend to agree with this.

All people are subject to feelings developing, and if you put yourself in a situation where you are dating multiple people, there is the possibility that any of those suitors can start to have deeper feelings for you. And just because they were ok with the fact that there are others being dated before these feelings developed, doesn't mean they will still be ok with it once they start to like on a different level.

Friction, mistrust, rejection, jealousy .. all kinds of these sort of feelings could, and likely will accompany the positive feelings of like .. so that the suitor is left with feelings so confusing that mixed signals are being flung all over the place.

Multiple dating is fine and dandy for a person who is strong and comfortable and confident .. which is the complete opposite of this Scorpio woman, who is confused, insecure and easily hurt.

A lot of what you said Nefer, though, it sounds nice ... this Scorpio never even alluded to most of it ... your assumptions are very soothing, but, they are also things she never said, nor implied.

Perhaps, she PM's you, or you just know these very deep feelings she has from another post. 🙂

Posted by P-Angel
Perhaps, she PM's you, or you just know these very deep feelings she has from another post. 🙂

Or because I know more of her story and situation than most people here do. Which is why she called out for me in the first post. Believe me, I'm "assuming" nothing about her situation.

She's a good woman, with a good heart, and it keeps tripping her up with guys who aren't ready for "more" with her. She's dating to learn more about what SHE wants and needs in a relationship, and keeping her tendency to drown herself at bay. And, if she dates a few guys (from dating sites, usually) and realizes that this way is not working for her, she'll try something different again. Because she's open to change.. open to changing how she's always done things and failed epically. And that's always a good thing ^_^

How come she isn't saying these things?

I like the way you think, to be sure ... but, you seem to be placing a lot of feelings on her that are yours, and not of hers.


I will go back to the history, and see how much of this she actually said about how she feels.

It doesn't really matter though ... she seems to be a lot like ScorpioDreamer = sad for no visible reason. Perhaps, there is a lot in there .. who knows?


At any rate, if you help her ... more power to you.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius
I am very fishy and I would want you to date only me, even from the beginning. I know some people date lots at one time, but I need to just be with you from the start. If I knew you were dating others, I wouldn't feel special to you, I would feel like it's a competition and make me sad and then not able to give myself totally to the process. I wouldn't feel like some others might that I should try to win you over. I would feel as though I couldn't be that special to you if you were dating other people.

I tend to agree with this.

All people are subject to feelings developing,

Friction, mistrust, rejection, jealousy .. all kinds of these sort of feelings could, and likely will accompany the positive feelings of like .. so that the suitor is left with feelings so confusing that mixed signals are being flung all over the place.

Multiple dating is fine and dandy for a person who is strong and comfortable and confident ..

click to expand

If a person has the qualities of strength and confidence, I think it would be easier for them to focus on dating one person WITHOUT falling in too deep or expecting premature relationship exclusivity.

You can make it clear to a man that you are interested in him, and only him... while maintaining space, your own interests and not becoming fixated on your not-yet relationship.

Keeping emotions in check while dating is difficult for most woman. Trying to do this with several men seems like an emotional nightmare to me...
I know it can be done if we're only talking about surface, initial attraction... but once those feelings start to develop there is only enough energy for two people... yourself first, then the man.

It may be harder for a woman to realize she has feelings for only one of her suiters, breaks it off with the others and now only wishes to focus on 'the one'. She may feel like she is now owed more from this one man because she has placed him above the rest. Even if she only does this subconsciously...

I agree with everything Nefer says (as usual, I love everything you pin-point. I find so much truth in it)

As for P-Angel's comment on it, if said person is experiencing any of those feelings (mistrust, jealousy, anger, ect.) He or she shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place. As commenter above said, you must first love yourself and then you are able to fall in love with someone else.

There's so much more to life than love and that's another misconception us girls make. Love is fine and dandy, and even I can admit it's amazing enough to make us all think about it on a day-to-day basis, but without being happy with yourself and the life you have without love, you can't achieve anything within love.

In easier-to-connect terms: I'm sure most men want their man-dates to go duke it out on the X-box or go do a shooting out in the wilderness without girls calling them twenty-four-seven due to the fact she has no life. And same goes for women who should have a right to go shopping without her man asking her where the hell she is.

The more we trust ourselves, the more we trust each other.

I believe you two misunderstood what I was saying ... I wasn't talking about her feelings.

Nefer did a fine job advising HER what to do .. I'm talking about the guys.


"All people are subject to feelings developing,

Friction, mistrust, rejection, jealousy .. all kinds of these sort of feelings could, and likely will accompany the positive feelings of like .. so that the suitor is left with feelings so confusing that mixed signals are being flung all over the place."


Why would I mention friction, mistrust, rejection or jealousy if I were talking about the girl who has the multiples, not one of the multiples.


I think this should be looked from the other perspective ... how would she feel if she was one of many the guy was seeing?

I know, P.. and there's no one answer for it. That's why Sky posted this thread.. she couldn't reach ME at the time, so she was hoping to reach anyone who could help her get clarity. Sky's trying to deal with all these guilty feelings about anyone she may potentially hurt, and she's struggling to not revert back to her comfy old self-sacrificial ways. She doesn't WANT to hurt anyone, she just wants to break her dating habits that have not served her well, but served the guys very well.

I'm sure that there are men out there who would feel hurt and insulted if on their second date, asked if she was seeing anyone else and she answered honestly that she's dating others, but nothing serious. It's possible that she'd meet one of those type of guys who literally throws himself into every girl he decides to ask out, (erroneously) expecting her to be doing the same without asking, and feeling all kinds of negative reactions when he finds out she's not "doing it" like HE "does it." Absolutely, I can see that.. and it's an unfortunate situation with no easy answer. (That's why I advised her to always be honest.. he has the right to make an informed decision about wanting to date her further.) I still feel that MOST guys wouldn't flip out if she's dating others.. until and unless he starts developing feelings for her - at which time he'll need to speak up and ask to be exclusive. Communication is crucial.

With Sky's situation in particular.. she keeps putting everyone else's wants/needs above her own (even if they never ASKED her to!)... Sky doesn't do what's good for Sky.. Sky does what she THINKS is good for the guy, projecting her own feelings into the scenario, deciding what he would WANT her to do, and acting accordingly, UNASKED. I'd LOVE to see Sky build her own self-confidence and self-acceptance so high that she never again considers sacrificing or ignoring her basic needs in order to please a man, or allows herself to be strung along by a guy who isn't ready/wanting anything more serious.. Nasty habit of backfiring, that. I'd love it if Sky COULD date one man at a time w/o sacrificing herself to undeserving men. So this is one way that many women break bad habits and build their self-confidence -- without getting hooked on yet another guy before he's ready for more. Dating several men AND keeping busy and happy in their own lives, not getting hung up on any one man who isn't willing or able to go further than FWB and feeling heartbroken again.

I agree that what you said was exactly as women must realize when relating .... however ...


As far as sky saying she feels according to what you say ... I can't find that.

*sigh* P.. you can look through her past posts all day long, and you won't find 1/10th of what she's told me directly. It's not that you "missed" anything.. most of it wasn't there TO miss, which is why I absolutely understand most people not realizing her position and true goals on this dating multiple people thing.

Sky DID reach me finally, and she and I are dealing with her guilty feelings in a very ongoing fashion.. it's HARD to break patterns, even if they're self-destructive. But still I responded here and elaborated more on her situation, not for HER benefit exactly (she talks to me outside of DXP and doesn't need my responses HERE) - but rather for the benefit of anyone who might read this thread and think, "OMG.. that's me too.. I do this.. how can I stop the Crazy Train?!"

In summary.. she DOES think about all those guys she may potentially hurt in this process, we've discussed this.. and she's struggling to not put their hypothetical feelings ahead of her own feelings and needs. I sincerely hope she DOESN'T really hurt anybody doing this.. she wouldn't deal with that very well, it's already hard for her to consider herself equally, much less more important than a guy she just met. There's a good chance she'll totally revert to her old ways, should that happen... and I only hope she tries something else, something new, rather than going back to something that never worked for her and only continued to destroy her self-esteem.

I just feel like if a woman is dating multiple men shes just not all that interested. IF she was she would be showing that interest by dating only me. I dont condemn dating multiple men but personally if i was faced with it i would politely as you say jump ship. Im looking for treasure in a relationship. Something specific and difficult to attain. Now if i had 6 different treasure maps and one boat im seriously fucked. (or ima player). I respect the other points of view. However there is only one me and i value myself. My value is higher than "in the running".

Its fine to date multiples as long as you let him know and give him the option to opt out. I think a man is more likely to hold back better pieces from a potential relationship if he hasnt got your full attention. Also hell be less likely to take you seriously as a long term partner. Maybe someone for throw away sex but that would be about the extent of your value in a multiple situation. But perhaps i just grew up in way to small of a community and im way old fashioned.

Not all men share my input but its my personal opinion. Its not jealousy or friction or mistrust i just feel like they dont know what they want and dont wish to be bothered with such a scattered being. If shes a prize and im a prize we will seek each other without interruption. I think multiple dating is the dollar store version of love. Theres tons of items and its cheap. However the rare stuff is honed and made through time and effort and getting to seriously ingest another person as a whole. Youll find that in a rare obscure little shop and theres only one of that particular item.

As far as p- angel is concerned she seems a tired old crone who contributes nothing of value anymore. Perhaps its because shes jaded or a man needs to do some dusting downstairs i dont really know. But a rat trap needs to come down swiftly on the neck of the rodent with wings and the crack would be glorious. Perhaps that would rebirth the once positive and valuable attitude she once had.

Posted by thefish
I just feel like if a woman is dating multiple men shes just not all that interested. IF she was she would be showing that interest by dating only me. I dont condemn dating multiple men but personally if i was faced with it i would politely as you say jump ship. Im looking for treasure in a relationship. Something specific and difficult to attain. Now if i had 6 different treasure maps and one boat im seriously fucked. (or ima player). I respect the other points of view. However there is only one me and i value myself. My value is higher than "in the running".

Its fine to date multiples as long as you let him know and give him the option to opt out. I think a man is more likely to hold back better pieces from a potential relationship if he hasnt got your full attention. Also hell be less likely to take you seriously as a long term partner. Maybe someone for throw away sex but that would be about the extent of your value in a multiple situation. But perhaps i just grew up in way to small of a community and im way old fashioned.

Not all men share my input but its my personal opinion. Its not jealousy or friction or mistrust i just feel like they dont know what they want and dont wish to be bothered with such a scattered being. If shes a prize and im a prize we will seek each other without interruption. I think multiple dating is the dollar store version of love. Theres tons of items and its cheap. However the rare stuff is honed and made through time and effort and getting to seriously ingest another person as a whole. Youll find that in a rare obscure little shop and theres only one of that particular item.

Completely agree. I feel the same way (even though I am a girl), you expressed it really well, especially: "more likely to hold back better pieces from a potential relationship if he hasnt got your full attention."

I also think it's a mistake to date multiple men ... I think it's wrong to do to the men.

I think if she was interested in a man and he told her to take a number and stand in line that his calendar is full and he'll fit her in .. she'd feel rejected, slighted.


Women do this all the time to men and I think it's wrong because she'd have a pissy fit if it were done back to her .. that's very insulting.


It sounds to me like what is happening here is that she allows herself to get hurt, and so the solution to break this habit is by believing that her feelings matter more than the guys ... and that's not a solution, it's the same fucking problem, just reversed.