SpinCycle
@SpinCycle
11 YearsPisces
Comments: 0 · Posts: 206 · Topics: 13
Define Love...
Posted by jeannegrey
Your belief and attitude towards this subject is VERY in line with your moon, my dear 😉
When I was younger I used to think it was a feeling that couldn't be controlled. You either felt it or you didn't was my philosophy. Nowadays, I believe I am more in line with how have defined it---its not always kittens and rainbows and sunshine, sometimes it is and sometimes it hard work and dedication. I think this is lost in today's world, and maybe why divorce rates are higher and higher with the times.
I don't know I think its a combination of heart and head. But I do think there is something to be said for both. Your heart has to want it in the first place, and initial attraction is important, but it is nothing with common sense, dedication and a choice made to stick with it even in trying times.
Interesting...and yes that Taurus moon..gets me every time...but every now and again...My Scorpio ASC rears its ugly head..
Posted by SpinCycle
Is it an emotion/feeling or a choice? A verb or a noun
We often here we "fall" in love. As if it's effortless.....I tend to disagree..
Love has many faces but is shines through compassion. Compassion comes from wisdom, humbleness, belonging and empathy. You carry compassion in your mind and your heart. Ultimately you choose to be compassionate and build and strengthen it in your heart as an emotion.
Love has to be nurtured in order to continue within a person for another person. There are times you just don't feel love towards another. "Falling" in love is infatuation of a person..a connection witnessed between two souls. Love is then a choice to open, pursue and nurture. Same goes the opposite way... When compassion is depleted, hurt feelings are involved a choice is there to stop loving or per say "falling" out of love.
You cannot force someone to love you or you love another person..you have to choose this action and make a commitment to it.
Your thoughts?
That was...beautiful, actually. I hope to hear more in the future.
I don't believe you can choose to love someone. You can make the choice to continue meeting a person or you can make the choice to close yourself off from the possibility. However, just because you choose to be compassionate does not mean you will feel or find love. Love is a chemical in your brain that you can't turn on (or off) just because you put effort in to something or choose to stick around. Commitment is not love. Since love comes from chemicals in your brain, it's more likely that it is an emotion. That's how it shows itself. Perhaps it does take time and the longer you choose to spend with someone, the more you get to know about them, and suddenly you realize you have feelings much stronger than just 'like' for that person. It's true that if you give up or choose to not let someone in that it's unlikely you'll find love, but it's also incorrect (in my opinion, and maybe slightly supported by science) to think that you can choose who ignites that chemical reaction in your brain.
Don't believe in it.
Okay Scenic......
Choosing to love means one will choose actions that demonstrate love regardless of the emotion that is felt
When you "love" someone you do not hurt them. You not want to bring them to feel anything negative. Compassion and Empathy.
You are willing to sacrifice items for the well being of the person you love. Selflessness.
You learn listen and communicate effectively to keep peace and harmony between the one you love and yourself. Humbleness
When you are angry you still though that darkness wish no ill will on the one you love.
As people we distort and twist words, actions and justified to the point of 'Right is wrong' and 'Wrong is right' to fit circumstances at the "moment"
Our actions show the definition of what "love" is to us as individuals in a unique way. Just as each answer here shows what "love" means on a personal level. If love was not a choice then love would be the same for everyone. That chemical would just spill out and show up the same and everyone would love. How does that explain the people we do not like? Does the chemical not spill out? Is there a button we push, a thought we think? Or do we choose by how a person presents themselves and actions shown to begin to show emotions that represent to us what love is?
Commitment is not love...commitment is a promise to continue to do the emotions that invoke your definition of love regardless of the situation. Commitment is working at keeping being compassionate to another with unconditional acceptance.
When we part from the one we "chose" to love we then have to separate our emotions from that individual. We have to stop "doing" in order to stop loving. We choose to hold on to what was. Which is why we can love an individual forever even if we are not with them. Even if they created pain. Memories and our own being will allow us to stay in a pseudo relationship. If we choose to let memories go and begin our minds with a clean slate we stop loving that person and begin to just care about what was. This is when we heal and have a clean slate to "love" again.
Your thoughts?
Choosing to love means one will choose actions that demonstrate love regardless of the emotion that is felt
When you "love" someone you do not hurt them. You not want to bring them to feel anything negative. Compassion and Empathy.
You are willing to sacrifice items for the well being of the person you love. Selflessness.
You learn listen and communicate effectively to keep peace and harmony between the one you love and yourself. Humbleness
When you are angry you still though that darkness wish no ill will on the one you love.
As people we distort and twist words, actions and justified to the point of 'Right is wrong' and 'Wrong is right' to fit circumstances at the "moment"
Our actions show the definition of what "love" is to us as individuals in a unique way. Just as each answer here shows what "love" means on a personal level. If love was not a choice then love would be the same for everyone. That chemical would just spill out and show up the same and everyone would love. How does that explain the people we do not like? Does the chemical not spill out? Is there a button we push, a thought we think? Or do we choose by how a person presents themselves and actions shown to begin to show emotions that represent to us what love is?
Commitment is not love...commitment is a promise to continue to do the emotions that invoke your definition of love regardless of the situation. Commitment is working at keeping being compassionate to another with unconditional acceptance.
When we part from the one we "chose" to love we then have to separate our emotions from that individual. We have to stop "doing" in order to stop loving. We choose to hold on to what was. Which is why we can love an individual forever even if we are not with them. Even if they created pain. Memories and our own being will allow us to stay in a pseudo relationship. If we choose to let memories go and begin our minds with a clean slate we stop loving that person and begin to just care about what was. This is when we heal and have a clean slate to "love" again.
Your thoughts?
Staying in love is definitely a choice, because it requires focused work to do so.
Falling in love, on the other hand, it is most of the time spontaneous and unexpected. It could become a choice once you've learned what triggers it for you. I know what triggers mine, so I'm free to love who I want and when I want.
Falling in love, on the other hand, it is most of the time spontaneous and unexpected. It could become a choice once you've learned what triggers it for you. I know what triggers mine, so I'm free to love who I want and when I want.
Posted by SpinCycle
Okay Scenic......
Choosing to love means one will choose actions that demonstrate love regardless of the emotion that is felt
No, not at all. This ^^^ seems to confuse being in love with faking love when it's not felt. One can't feel love for someone all the time.
Posted by UndinePosted by SpinCycle
Okay Scenic......
Choosing to love means one will choose actions that demonstrate love regardless of the emotion that is felt
click to expand
No, not at all. This ^^^ seems to confuse being in love with faking love when it's not felt. One can't feel love for someone all the time.
I'm taking a course in psychology which is why I started this I was curious about what other people thought of the subject. Have a blessed day today everyone.
Posted by SpinCycle
I'm taking a course in psychology which is why I started this I was curious about what other people thought of the subject. Have a blessed day today everyone.
Interesting topic. the topic of love is often discussed in social psychology though,is that your course?
@Spincycle:
The actions that demonstrate love are not directly correlated to being or falling in love. You can want to bring happiness to people you don't love. You can sacrifice things for people you don't love. You can communicate well and without arguments with someone you don't love. Love is not those things. You may be more likely to do those things because you love someone, but compassion, selflessness, etc, are not love. That's why they are their own thing.
The reason why chemicals don't respond to everyone is complex. It's starts in the initial attraction phases. We're attracted to people who have a certain smell (which indicates their genes are different enough from our own or that their immune system is good). We are attracted to people who have qualities we admire. Without these attractions, we cannot make it to love. Therefore, our selection is already narrowed. Then, we get to know someone and we get comfortable around them. If things go well, chemicals will release and voila! Love is able to happen because of all these particulars that occur before it.
Did you know that you can fall in love with someone by keeping eye contact with them and, at the same time, exchanging feelings or talk about what you're passionate about? This is a quote I found from an article "This is because when you look someone directly in the eyes, his/her body produces chemical called phenylethylamine that makes the person feel in love. This is why if you want to make someone fall in love with you, one of the first thing you should do is to look into his/her eyes." More chemicals. You didn't tell you're body "Wow, he or she is making eye contact with me and I want to fall in love with that person because of this, so go release some chemicals!"
See how that works?
The actions that demonstrate love are not directly correlated to being or falling in love. You can want to bring happiness to people you don't love. You can sacrifice things for people you don't love. You can communicate well and without arguments with someone you don't love. Love is not those things. You may be more likely to do those things because you love someone, but compassion, selflessness, etc, are not love. That's why they are their own thing.
The reason why chemicals don't respond to everyone is complex. It's starts in the initial attraction phases. We're attracted to people who have a certain smell (which indicates their genes are different enough from our own or that their immune system is good). We are attracted to people who have qualities we admire. Without these attractions, we cannot make it to love. Therefore, our selection is already narrowed. Then, we get to know someone and we get comfortable around them. If things go well, chemicals will release and voila! Love is able to happen because of all these particulars that occur before it.
Did you know that you can fall in love with someone by keeping eye contact with them and, at the same time, exchanging feelings or talk about what you're passionate about? This is a quote I found from an article "This is because when you look someone directly in the eyes, his/her body produces chemical called phenylethylamine that makes the person feel in love. This is why if you want to make someone fall in love with you, one of the first thing you should do is to look into his/her eyes." More chemicals. You didn't tell you're body "Wow, he or she is making eye contact with me and I want to fall in love with that person because of this, so go release some chemicals!"
See how that works?
I feel that you're confusing the things you do for someone you love the same way as love. Like Undine said, you don't feel love all the time. If you try to be selfless during the times when you're unhappy and don't feel love...that's commitment and dedication. I can be that way with anyone who I feel is important to me. That doesn't mean I love them.
I value my friendship with my best friends. If one of them made me angry, I could still choose to be there for them and to ignore my own problems for them. What you're saying is that would mean I would love them. You are not separating love from other actions. Love is a feeling. Dedication, loyalty, commitment, selflessness, etc, are actions that you do for someone you think is important in some way or that you care about. But care is not synonymous with love.
I value my friendship with my best friends. If one of them made me angry, I could still choose to be there for them and to ignore my own problems for them. What you're saying is that would mean I would love them. You are not separating love from other actions. Love is a feeling. Dedication, loyalty, commitment, selflessness, etc, are actions that you do for someone you think is important in some way or that you care about. But care is not synonymous with love.
Dang. Lot of good answers from Pisces on this thread. This is what makes them special imo. When they say something meaningful, it's always deep and from the heart.
This is why if you want to make someone fall in love with you, one of the first thing you should do is to look into his/her eyes." More chemicals. You didn't tell you're body "Wow, he or she is making eye contact with me and I want to fall in love with that person because of this, so go release some chemicals!"
Scenic there is no right or wrong here..it is a personal view point. If you believe that a person can look into anyone's eyes and this chemical spills out into the brain and they are in love then you can believe that. Sounds like Voodoo...LOL. But hey maybe that can happen.
If that was the TRUTH then we can find anyone we are attracted to and stare at them and this chemical will spill out. Maybe for yourself it may but for another person they too will have to have that same attraction to you for them to stare back and they fall in love. Again what your saying is that "love" is uncontrolled until you stare in someone's eyes and boom it happens. Then folks just walk around loving people they never chose to love.
Perfect example....some ladies here on DXPNET do not hear a man when he says point blank he does not want a relationship. He is not ready or he's too busy but your company is fine. They on the other hand relinquish themselves to the feelings that are being produced by his hot and cold demeanor. He knows he doesn't want to commit or choose love at the moment. Women ignore and fall with the idea of love with this person. He already chose not to love her and she chose to pretend not hear him and take what he displayed as a friend and magnified it as more. Her choice to succumb to these feelings was her doing.
Society has given us countless amounts of movies, songs, etc to give us an idea of what love is. We take these and we put them into "real" terms instead of understanding what "love" truly entails. We are infatuated with the thought of being in love. That fairy tale, that happily ever after. Even with issues per the TV these are so each to overcome. But reality is we as people have direct control over all of our emotions. We choose based on other emotions invoked if this person is worth to be loved or not. Our parents, kids, family and friends. We choose that path with them. My mother I admired her. I did not love her. My first husband I loved him and still do. My memories of him are fond ones. Despite the hard times he made me feel other things within me that to me says he is worth the love I hold for him.
Scenic there is no right or wrong here..it is a personal view point. If you believe that a person can look into anyone's eyes and this chemical spills out into the brain and they are in love then you can believe that. Sounds like Voodoo...LOL. But hey maybe that can happen.
If that was the TRUTH then we can find anyone we are attracted to and stare at them and this chemical will spill out. Maybe for yourself it may but for another person they too will have to have that same attraction to you for them to stare back and they fall in love. Again what your saying is that "love" is uncontrolled until you stare in someone's eyes and boom it happens. Then folks just walk around loving people they never chose to love.
Perfect example....some ladies here on DXPNET do not hear a man when he says point blank he does not want a relationship. He is not ready or he's too busy but your company is fine. They on the other hand relinquish themselves to the feelings that are being produced by his hot and cold demeanor. He knows he doesn't want to commit or choose love at the moment. Women ignore and fall with the idea of love with this person. He already chose not to love her and she chose to pretend not hear him and take what he displayed as a friend and magnified it as more. Her choice to succumb to these feelings was her doing.
Society has given us countless amounts of movies, songs, etc to give us an idea of what love is. We take these and we put them into "real" terms instead of understanding what "love" truly entails. We are infatuated with the thought of being in love. That fairy tale, that happily ever after. Even with issues per the TV these are so each to overcome. But reality is we as people have direct control over all of our emotions. We choose based on other emotions invoked if this person is worth to be loved or not. Our parents, kids, family and friends. We choose that path with them. My mother I admired her. I did not love her. My first husband I loved him and still do. My memories of him are fond ones. Despite the hard times he made me feel other things within me that to me says he is worth the love I hold for him.
I don't see him often but when I do I still get all warm and mushy. My choice to hold onto those memories is why. If I let them go then I wouldn't feel anything for him. He would just be my EX.
Our personal "idea" of what love is also sets the pace for our relationships. Sometimes our idea of love and what it looks and feels like are unrealistic. A set up for disaster. Only through experience and growth will you know what to actually look for. Back in the day dating was realistic. Men choose, asked parents to court and proceeded to woo a woman into marriage. Back in the day we worked hard to respect and show compassion to others this proved very well for long lasting marriages. Even arranged marriages. Two people marry who are strangers. They did not choose each other. But over the course of time they "loved" each other and would not see harm come to one another. Love isn't forced. Nor is it something uncontrolled. We control it by our other emotions. We can make others fall out of love with us on purpose by stopping doing what they enjoyed about us. Love will dissipate quick once key components are stopped.
Our personal "idea" of what love is also sets the pace for our relationships. Sometimes our idea of love and what it looks and feels like are unrealistic. A set up for disaster. Only through experience and growth will you know what to actually look for. Back in the day dating was realistic. Men choose, asked parents to court and proceeded to woo a woman into marriage. Back in the day we worked hard to respect and show compassion to others this proved very well for long lasting marriages. Even arranged marriages. Two people marry who are strangers. They did not choose each other. But over the course of time they "loved" each other and would not see harm come to one another. Love isn't forced. Nor is it something uncontrolled. We control it by our other emotions. We can make others fall out of love with us on purpose by stopping doing what they enjoyed about us. Love will dissipate quick once key components are stopped.
Posted by SilverScorpio
Dang. Lot of good answers from Pisces on this thread. This is what makes them special imo. When they say something meaningful, it's always deep and from the heart.
Thanks for that SilverScorpio. This trait can be good and also it paints us to some as phoney. I often get "how can you feel that way" or "no one feels like that" We truly are sincere when it comes to things we are passionate about and in love. It is just easy for us yet so hard to get others to understand that what we are displaying is real. Of course you have the fakers out there but for most of us faking is hard.
Have a great night!
I know you say it's your opinion, but I really think that fundamentally, you're wrong. Opinions can be wrong, you know. From what you're saying, you still have a habit of describing things that may happen the same time as love or be related as love. I don't see how you can think that you can fall in love with anyone as long as you want it to happen. I tried this before and it didn't happen. He didn't meet my emotional needs and it never happened even though I wanted it. When I fell in love with people, it was slow. I didn't know it was happening.
Your example of the man choosing to not engage in a relationship...the correlation there is weak. Sure, if you don't give love a chance then you likely will not feel it. But is it true the other way around? Do you really think that by choosing to hang out with any of the women in his life that he can will himself to fall in love with all and any of them? That sounds ridiculous. I can ask you the same. Out of all the men you've met and didn't give them a try, you think you could fall in love with all of them if you had simply wanted it and given them a chance? Even the ones you hardly knew anything about? Just because the man in your example chooses not to give others attention does not mean that he couldn't find himself having feelings for and then falling in love with a girl without intention to do so. It also does not mean that if he gave that girl a chance that he would be able to fall in love with her. Especially with your example...the girls who are self centered and post about this stuff on dxp - you think they have the best qualities that you make you fall in love with them? Pfft, not if the guy knew about it.
Yes, some people with arranged marriages end up loving each other. Neither you nor I know how such a thing happened. You can't say they chose to love that person because there is no evidence. We simply do not know what happened or what they felt or thought. That example is, I believe, not relevant.
While you think that the science behind love is whacky, it supports my view. There are some great videos on youtube that are similar and quite interesting. If you type in 'Science of Attraction' in youtube, you'll be presented with videos on attraction from smell, attraction from voice, and some other ones. There seems to be quite a lot when I type in "Science of love", as well. Those might be noteworthy. I'll definitely be checking some out. If you're looking to get a taste at what research h
Your example of the man choosing to not engage in a relationship...the correlation there is weak. Sure, if you don't give love a chance then you likely will not feel it. But is it true the other way around? Do you really think that by choosing to hang out with any of the women in his life that he can will himself to fall in love with all and any of them? That sounds ridiculous. I can ask you the same. Out of all the men you've met and didn't give them a try, you think you could fall in love with all of them if you had simply wanted it and given them a chance? Even the ones you hardly knew anything about? Just because the man in your example chooses not to give others attention does not mean that he couldn't find himself having feelings for and then falling in love with a girl without intention to do so. It also does not mean that if he gave that girl a chance that he would be able to fall in love with her. Especially with your example...the girls who are self centered and post about this stuff on dxp - you think they have the best qualities that you make you fall in love with them? Pfft, not if the guy knew about it.
Yes, some people with arranged marriages end up loving each other. Neither you nor I know how such a thing happened. You can't say they chose to love that person because there is no evidence. We simply do not know what happened or what they felt or thought. That example is, I believe, not relevant.
While you think that the science behind love is whacky, it supports my view. There are some great videos on youtube that are similar and quite interesting. If you type in 'Science of Attraction' in youtube, you'll be presented with videos on attraction from smell, attraction from voice, and some other ones. There seems to be quite a lot when I type in "Science of love", as well. Those might be noteworthy. I'll definitely be checking some out. If you're looking to get a taste at what research h
Also, it's interesting to note that the word 'love child' came about because it was considered normal for a woman in an arranged marriage to have an affair with someone who she 'loved' or who emotionally stimulated her and produce a child from it. Just an interesting micro history lesson!
There was another kind of funny thing I have related to this. I was watching a TED talk about love, I think. The speaker mentioned that her friend had his sights on another coworker but she wouldn't pay attention to him/was completely oblivious to his feelings. He knew that adrenaline rushes can lead to attraction or love so he took this woman out to an amusement park and went on one of the big coasters. After it was over, she said "Wow, that conductor was really cute!" Poor guy, his plan backfired.
Here's a short simple video on love from a biological viewpoint:
[iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/eDMwpVUhxAo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen][/iframe]
[iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/eDMwpVUhxAo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen][/iframe]
I correlate love with passion. With out passion you really just drop the L word down to like. Love is a stronger, harder and almost at times uncontrollable passion for something. And sure in relationships that initial flame of falling in love supposedly somewhat fades, but there still should be an immense and deep care for that person. Theres very few things and people I genuinely have a passion for and so I associate those few with what and who I love.
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →Related Topics
My 1st experience with Pisces was my Mother. She was just horrible. My 2nd, was 2 years living with one. Again, horri
Why do folks enter other folks lives with no intention of enhancing it? It is such a waste of time to lie and cheat, str
Do male Pisces (or perhaps Pisces in general, I'm totally unfamiliar with the sign) tend to get extremely attached in AN
I posted once before and received mostly vicious responses from haters, but there were a few constructive replies so I'm
Hi everybody! Long time lurker first poster. I would like to know your opinion about this: There's this guy, he seem
do they? even if they broke up with you or if it was a mutual decision to take space? How long do they take to get their
I met an incredible Pisces man on Tinder about 1 1/2 months ago. We made it to date 3 before sleeping together, and coul
is there an attraction from female pisces to aquarius males?
what does that mean? just like that, out of nowhere, no texts, no facebook messages, no answers :(
i am a free spirit girl, dont believe in tagged traditional relationships, i just go with the flow... if i like someone,
What does having a full moon today in Pisces mean?
YOU ALL ARE FREAKING AMAZING!!! Seriously I'm up reading through dxp and all of the pisces comments/response are ON
Do people not understand what passive-aggressive means? Thats what a pisces is. I have pisces mars and I am not soft,
I'm a pisces female with a Leo moon. I'm new to this whole zodiac thing. I'm always reading post that say pisces are sen
I am very big on compatibility with zodiac signs which can be accurate depending on the situation. Well I am dealing wit
I'm not a Pisces but I can somewhat relate to one (born on a 7 day in numerology which correlates with Pisces). Anyways,
Hi there! This is my first topic on the forum.About my situation; I had a pisces lover just before I have got separated
Well. Just a yes or no question there. But knowing Pisces girls I know you will pour your heart out on this. If I am luc
I have been a relation for about two month with this girl at work. she was perfect by all means ! sweet, caring and want
I can make the Sags, Caps and Aquas make sense. You're last on my list. So what a things that are MUST knows when it
We often here we "fall" in love. As if it's effortless.....I tend to disagree..
Love has many faces but is shines through compassion. Compassion comes from wisdom, humbleness, belonging and empathy. You carry compassion in your mind and your heart. Ultimately you choose to be compassionate and build and strengthen it in your heart as an emotion.
Love has to be nurtured in order to continue within a person for another person. There are times you just don't feel love towards another. "Falling" in love is infatuation of a person..a connection witnessed between two souls. Love is then a choice to open, pursue and nurture. Same goes the opposite way... When compassion is depleted, hurt feelings are involved a choice is there to stop loving or per say "falling" out of love.
You cannot force someone to love you or you love another person..you have to choose this action and make a commitment to it.
Your thoughts?