Did I do something?

There's this adorable guy at work that I've known for awhile.

I'll be 25 this year and he just turned 29. We me at work a year ago and he was the first person I got to know here. I admit I can be classified as socially inept. I focus on work unless I'm approached but once I am I am very outgoing.

I don't approach as much as one normally would but I can and do 65% of the time it's about work cause I really don't know what to talk about since I'm not approached much.

Despite this me and Aquarius joe as I'll call him developed a great friendship. we all have hung out together before. Though several months ago he just stopped talking to me as much. He only talks to me if he has to usually. There are times 2-3x a week he'll bring me into a conversation he has with others but won't necessarily talk to me he just bring me into it. Sometimes if we are alone he'll randomly bring up something but that hardly happens.

I see him so lively with others and I often wonder is it because I'm so "into work" seeming? Once in spoken to I'm a great conversationalist just not a great initiator.

I adore this man completely and he seemed to be mutually so in the beginning but I don't know now.

I am grateful he brings me into conversations he's in or may join mine at times but never says anything to me just the others in the conversation.

I do approach him at times at least 3x a days which is no where near as often as he approaches others but I find it's mostly work socializing as I don't know what to speak of especially since he stopped talking if a personal nature to me.

Also, I know he doesn't thing I'm weird or thinks ill will of me, cause he's always friendly but I really feel like I'm not good enough for him or something.

Any Aquarius gentleman want to give me any pointers:

1. Why did he stop when we used to gab and chit chat frequently?

2. How do I recreate that old vibe?

People are suppose to meet halfway, to give equally.

since you don't, and know you don't .... I'm not clear why you ask.



But, since you did, you must be kind of dumb ... so, I'll tell you for you.

He's not interested in being friends with you, because you don't put forth effort in being a friend. But, because he is nice and polite, he will still act nice and polite.

Wow you were kinda harsh. This is supposed to be a kind of help forum

But because you didn't actually read what I put and you don't understand verbs I'll say it again we USED to talk all the time but HE just stopped out of no where. I STOPPED talking as much because of this dilemma and I BECAME quiet not just with him but others.

I HAVE repeatedly tried to put myself out there and initiated HE responds at times sometimes not.

But it's mostly about HOW he speaks. He's jovial with others. If I'm speaking to others HE gets jealous. Why get jealous when he's not trying to be active.

Posted by BitterandConfused1234

Wow you were kinda harsh.

wow, you are kind of a dumbfuck

Since you are a dumbfuck ... I'll state it again ... maybe you'll be able to get it.


He put forth all the effort, and now he doesn't want to any longer. He is a nice person, so he acts like - this is why when you are around, he acts nice.

Aquas are curious, friendly and helpful people. You were a newcomer, and therefore interesting to him. For a while. You took his attention a bit too.....personally ("adore", "grateful", "jealousy").

He's not avoiding you, he just doesn't want you to get the wrong idea!

@undine That's his choice then. But if I try to interact with other people, then he shouldn't do weird things to prevent that. Everytime I speak with other people regardless of the topic serious or hilarious, he'll crash the conversation.

Posted by BitterandConfused1234
@undine That's his choice then. But if I try to interact with other people, then he shouldn't do weird things to prevent that. Everytime I speak with other people regardless of the topic serious or hilarious, he'll crash the conversation.

Didn't you say he brings you into his conversations with other people? That is barely a way to prevent you from interacting with others, quite the opposite!

Unless...maybe you stir the conversation in the wrong direction or embarrass him with what you are saying (he may feel responsible in this case, since he brought you in).

Why don't you take him for a minute aside and ask him gently something like: "I wonder why are you talking over me ? Did I say something dull or wrong? I' I think I behave a bit odd, could you help me understand how I come across?"

Admitting that you are not as socially skilled as he is, may spark his interest again. Then ask him to mentor you about such situations.

@Undine He does bring into conversations "sometimes", but its rare. He doesn't even let me talk during those times or he cuts me off to talk its like what was the point then lol.

I have pulled him aside too as well. He always acts like he didn't do anything he just did 3 seconds ago. But if I do those same thinigs to him, I'm being petty. But if I try and do my own thing, he hovers.

You two know each other better now and maybe this is the real dynamic of your working relationship.

You can't ask him to give you more attention than he does, but you could tell him off when he talks over you next time: "Are you teasing me?'; "Please let me finish" And try to stay friendly (smiling helps) and calm.

If you suspect he's romantically interested (I don't), he'll come clean about it sometime. You are not teenagers anymore. Are you sure he's not involved with someone already?

I don't know what he's doing with his life becuase we don't have conversations anymore. But whatever his status or life style is shouldn't be affecting the way he treats just me. It's almost as if he's lashing out becuase of something I did, I didn't do anything to my knowledge.

When I started working for the first time, there was a colleague who clearly liked me, even knowing that I was married. He gave me a lot of attention, compliments, and plenty of unsolicited advice during the first 6 months. There were other colleagues more competent than him, so I used to thank him but ignore his advice, while asking others for help when he wasn't there.

I bruised his ego by doing so and he resented me. He started making sarcastic remarks about me. He did other nasty things which were probably bullying. He didn't stop, until I mentioned some of those things to our supervisor. The situation was probably even more awful than I thought, because our supervisor became speechless and livid! A few days later, my ex-admirer turned-tormentor changed once more, this time showing me plenty of respect 😄!

I'm not going to project my memory onto your situation, since you clearly like the Aqua and want his attention. You probably won't bully him either 😈. Just saying that in a professional setting you could bruise someone's ego without any malice. Luckily there is always someone above both of you who could help when things spin out of control.

Posted by Undine
When I started working for the first time, there was a colleague who clearly liked me, even knowing that I was married. He gave me a lot of attention, compliments, and plenty of unsolicited advice during the first 6 months. There were other colleagues more competent than him, so I used to thank him but ignore his advice, while asking others for help when he wasn't there.

I bruised his ego by doing so and he resented me. He started making sarcastic remarks about me. He did other nasty things which were probably bullying. He didn't stop, until I mentioned some of those things to our supervisor. The situation was probably even more awful than I thought, because our supervisor became speechless and livid! A few days later, my ex-admirer turned-tormentor changed once more, this time showing me plenty of respect 😄!

I'm not going to project my memory onto your situation, since you clearly like the Aqua and want his attention. You probably won't bully him either 😈. Just saying that in a professional setting you could bruise someone's ego without any malice. Luckily there is always someone above both of you who could help when things spin out of control.

Yeah too bad uppermanagement won't do anything. Honestly if I bruised his ego (if that's what it is) if he would just let me know I'd apologize. But here I am in the lark about things. There was a time for a while where I had personal stuff going on (relatives passing away, financial situations getting worse to help my parents out etc.) and so I just stayed focused on my projects as a distraction because I didn't want to think about all the stuff I had to do in my personal life. He ended up ASSUMING I was angry at him and starting giving me the silent treatment again. I didn't confront him about it but I did tell him that I was going to be gone for a while so he had to take over my workload and I wanted to know if he had time so i can update him.

Boy did the way he was acting that day changed when he found out the reason. Of course he didn't admit making an assumption but that's what I'm dealing with, he acts weird for no reason. I just come here do my thing alongside people I should respect and get along with but there's a disconnect somewhere.