Here it goes......

What do you guys do when Life becomes an utter bore? When everything around you is superficial, and the people who are are proud of their superficiality? Right, play the game....Wrong, I won't, I can't, and never will; It pisses me off that I can't really talk from deep down inside: that's where I come from...that place that leaves you feeling naked, and scared and even ashamed...... to have someone to confess the darkest parts of my nature to.......and better yet, to have that person fall in love with me for it.....I wish someone really recognized that. It's just.....I'm really growing bored with life, and have been for some time now.......well how bout 14 years....day in and day out the same thing....I guess I'm looking for some MASSIVE upheaval of change in my life.....I just can't take the day-to-day living anymore, I've reached my limit....so guys what's up?

wtf.....I'm just frustrated.......I've got no passion for anything, and that's the WORST part of it all.....living in your head, and not getting excited about anything suxxx an aids dick! It's like being at a job you hate, and you know you NEED the job!!!! FRICCKKKK!!!!....I've been exploring all possibliites and wondered if you fish had anything that relates to this and if you had any answers.....(this was the very thing I wanted to speak for the longest time) I can't understand it.....I hate the feeling of being detatched....I'd like to connect to what I'm feeling, and I'm aware of it, but I can't come up with any answers.....maybe I'm just long over-due for a massive pubecent melt-down.....or I'm having a pre-mid life crisis 😛 lol which ever y'all prefer......😛 ughhhhhh dammitt......what the hell.....Now you see what's been going on in my head...

.....total chaos.....

but who can you talk to outcast? I'm being up front about what I feel, and who can I share it with? I've got needs like anybody else, and am I supposed to go without feeling fulfilled? Fuck no. I want what I want, and I refuse to be denied, and that's the simple truth: but what I want is to ELIMINATE these feelings festering in me......when you've got people all around you but no one cares to hear about the dark stuff......the stuff that makes you rather turn a deaf ear out of fear.....what the hell....a person who KNOWS what they feel should have to pretend that they don't feel? No, not me, and I'll raise hell untill everyone gets my point....

You go on vacation and find yourself again....

Vacation huh? mm, I'm sure you know Virguys by now 🙂 that's outta the question....🙂 lol though you're on to something....find myself again huh?......makes me wonder if I've ever KNOWN myself.....I've been very existential my whole life....obsessed with trying to find meaning with my life....trying to find something that would CHANGE me, or kill off this obsession......the people in my personal life underestimate the complexity of this situation.....this is my SOUL here....the whole contence of my being.....I've been looking for myself in everything....doning things not just for learning's sake but to find myself.....who am I? I couldn't find myself in material things, what a person does isn't who they ARE: I can't find myself.....I've grown past limits, and I change so rapidly I get lost....I gotta get my head/heart back......I'm talking outta my feelings right now becuase my head isn't giving me personal information.....I need to connect with myself....or risk getting lost.....Maybe it explains my lack of ambition....

who is this person? Why do I feel so 'estranged' from myself? I've got deeper problems than the superficial crap goin' on around me, and my parents just think.....'oh, it's adolecence' but to question the very core of your being? I feel lost....I've got no tether, and I feel like I'm just floating, and I want to stop....what the hell, they don't know what to do, but then being so secretive, I'll NEVER let them know how deep this runs, I don't trust them and I just want to be rid of them....they can't help and show no real interest in doing so....I've been hoping I've been growing, changing....maybe I should get a girlfriend....I'm gonna try to get SLAYED.....🙂

VE .. for a long time, I used to feel a lot of what you are experiencing, which led me on a spiritual journey to try and find my meaning of life. At the time, what I didn't realize in which I do now, is that my spirit was waking up .. it wanted more than what life can offer.

I found a lot of spiritual aid in studying Gnosticism. The Gnostic attitude is of non-conformity with the dreariness of existence, with its passing pleasures and pains. It is a yearning for something higher and more real, rebelliousness against convential beliefs that are commonly accepted without questioning. Gnostics seek ever deeper levels of truth to be realized, a more absolute reality to be discovered, and they know that all this lies nowhere but within oneself.

Upon researching this ideology and realizing that this attitude is one I was just born with naturally ... I AM naturally rebellious against any convential belief system and will defy against anything excepted without questioning = blindness, ignorance, to just muddle along in the dreariness of the existence of life itself was a slow suicide for me.

Then, I started opening up my psyche, meditating, raising my energy vibrations ... until one day, I was able to see my aura and it is indigo. Which explains to me why my mission in life is to shake up old systems, to clear the ignorance out of the path to make room for Crystal Children. Though people may think I am a deciever .. in reality, I can see truths that others cannot. It only appears to be a deception because they cannot see what I can.

I know who I am, I tell other people exactly "who" they are, and "why" they are .. a system buster. I will NOT respond to guilt or discipline.

This is a natural condition in which is my place in life. And it sounds like you are one also. Check it out .. just google Indigo Children.

Eeeeeek too much thinking is not good for ones soul.....Free yourself of the chains that bind you to you....Fly like ze birds and bees...get yourself out of the hell hole that is known as you...

Enough of the philosiophy.....

Rrrrrarrrr.....run run..

(sorry I am in a whack mood today)

But seriously....don't think too much...LET IT GO

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt and skirt and found out its all a pile of poo really....

"the people in my personal life underestimate the complexity of this situation.....this is my SOUL here"


I understand how deep your soul runs, VE .. and that other people don't understand that your vision of life itself wears no clothes, it's naked and has the ability to soar like an eagle, far above anything anybody else could even imagine exists in this 3 dimensional illusion, called reality.

MM, for some reason I can't let it go.....have you ever been in a situation that runs deeper than consciousness? It's as if this has somehow....'mutated' or 'bound' itself to me....I feel like I've got to go into psychological/spiritual surgery....How do you let go of something that is APART of who you are? It's like I've transformed into this thing I don't want to be....I was FORCED to be it somehow....and I don't take kindly to being forced into ANYTHING....what's going on inside of me? Now if I was ever confused, this is the time of deep confusion....beyond anything physical....comming into contact with something that could make or break me....I still march on....I need, no am obsessed with the truth...
I see your point P Angel, and it's been well taken in....I'm really not thinking, just speaking about what's inside of me, not thought wise, the emotions, my soul....My gemini mother refuses to talk about this and my scorpion father, well I don't trust him worth a damn.......

I did google the indigo children thing and it's actually quite accurate.....The whole

'They come into the world with a feeling of royalty (and often act like it)

They have a feeling of "deserving to be here," and are surprised when others don't share that. '

yep right on the money.....😛 The surface of things never really matters....that's not where the truth lies....never has been....reality is just day to day living, and I wondered why with the other Virgos they thought I was just 'crazy' lol I was trying to generalize my OWN personality, and FORCE it onto others.....I don't really Identify with the sign, but I was BORN there....wheres my justice? lol.....Who can I express the deepest parts of my nature to? I can't continue to starve myself anymore....did it for too long, and it's not paying off anymore....

....I guess I'm looking for some MASSIVE upheaval of change in my life.....I just can't take the day-to-day living anymore, I've reached my limit....so guys what's up?

Go read the star signs - Its all about CHANGE! My fav word this year so far is FREEDOM!!!

Yeah I agree with u Missmorals - too much thinking & philosiophy atm will do your head in - its time to look externally not internally.

"lol though you're on to something....find myself again huh?......makes me wonder if I've ever KNOWN myself.....I've been very existential my whole life....obsessed with trying to find meaning with my life....trying to find something that would CHANGE me, or kill off this obsession......the people in my personal life underestimate the complexity of this situation.....this is my SOUL here....the whole contence of my being.....I've been looking for myself in everything....doning things not just for learning's sake but to find myself.....who am I? I couldn't find myself in material things, what a person does isn't who they ARE: I can't find myself.....I've grown past limits, and I change so rapidly I get lost....I gotta get my head/heart back......I'm talking outta my feelings right now becuase my head isn't giving me personal information.....I need to connect with myself....or risk getting lost.....Maybe it explains my lack of ambition...."


Wow! I just started part time study VX doing MultiMedia - I was at this point where I could not have even been bothered talking to people anymore, my job seamed like death & I was thinking seriously about a life of solitude & for the first time solitude seamed so right & something I could so easily do. I was over my realtionship (still kinda over it) & I thought I was going nuts with analysing everything! The why who how & what the hell am I doing??!!? I just wanted to get rich & fvck off!!!!!
But study, study saved my arse! I cant believe it took me this long to to study something so interesting!!
Really keen for travel again too - want to go it on my own!!! Dont think the relationship I am in is going too well ... I dont have a definante on how I feel about it but its not lookign very bright atm! Change is a wonderful thing 🙂

I found myself more or less concealing myself rather than expressing it......keeping a low profile, but the anger was building slowly under the surface.....It's just messing with me.....I resent my father becuase of his sensitivity in the fact he doesen't want to look at the 'truth' the ugly part of our relationship..... I get the whole 'you better be weaker than me' vibe comes from him....I just wanted to do what I wanted to and freely express what I believed and will do it: I just didn't want to loose him, but he's irrelevant at this point....I'd rather just burn the damned bridge with him.........and trust me it hurts.....I loved that man to death.....almost became a slave for the jerk.....and he abused his influence over me time and time again, constantly asking to be forgiven.....I question his every move, I observe his every action....I despise him, tried to keep the feelings in to honor my parents out of respect.....but the relationship with him has always been tense and uneasy.....
I know that underneath my diplomatic, and adaptable ways I'm just like him....I resent that and want to change.....change untill I no longer resemble him....I feel deeply ashamed of him......I had so much pride in him....wanted to be like him, now, I hate him.....I can't let it go....even though it's tearing me up inside, and I look calm, and unemotional....that's FAR from the truth....no, P, nothing about this young man, is unemotional except his face....that is to keep bastards like him away from MY territory....I won't deal with ANYONE in my way....that's the truth.....I've concealed my true nature very well.....the people in my family have no idea of who I truly am, and I've shed so many times....I've lost myself.....trying to get ME back now....

"Eeeeeek too much thinking is not good for ones soul..."

Maybe your soul could use a well-needed vacation, VE. A breather.. Maybe do something different, out of your element. Keep extra busy, or do something creative. It may give you a different perspective on things. Too much bound emotion needs some kind of outlet. Meditation or relaxation, may also help. Maybe you could write or find other expressions for your deeper feelings. At least for now. Could prove to be a good catharsis..

Thats allot of anger VX!! God yea you have to break away!!!

What it is you despise about yur dad?

I did the same thing with my family - I despised them at for years - it took me 6 years to write the letter telling them how I really felt. & the apology I got? None - just excuses - It took 13 years all up to get them to change - but they are now - very slowly.

Have you ever loved someone, but deeply resented them....? I want to forgive him, and my mother for what they were incappable of doing.....trying to 'transform'......that's been the theme of my life for years.....forgiveness....name one Virgo that has a problem with grudge-holding, and bitter resentment! I can't think of one.....or at least one willing to admitt it....I HAVE NEVER opened myself this wide before.....someone who disciplines their emotions and their mind to such a point emotions are purged from their face....that's the REAL VE....trying to keep the world out.....trying to remain in CONTROL of myself....didn't want the world in screwing with me.....If mom and dad could ANYONE could.....I have to say.....emotions are the truth....always believed it....the truth of the idividual the truth that intiates change....and understanding.

A Virgo doesnt forget - Control? I WISH - resentment, Think thats the way I am starting to feel about Mr Man.

Are you the type of Virgo that goes out of there way to help someone & gets stomped on? Theres a book called Compassion & Self Hate: An Alternative to Despair by Theodore Isaac Ruben - Its good

I agree with most who have said on this board that meditation & yoga as well as reading some inspiration is helpful!!

Clearing the mind

pisces:What it is you despise about yur dad?



pisces.... you already know the answer to that question.... lol When you love someone......someone you would SACRIFICE yourself for, like seeing that dying animal in the street you want to save....that urgent desperation to save their live and love that person with all you have......to protect them and be their light when they feel lost....I prided myself on being the beacon people could come to when they were lost.....but my father.....abused something so pure, and passionate....took advantage of something that I gave so earnestly and intensely....I just wanted to protect him and my whole family.....but I screwed up and loved the wrong one, and got burned I want to be done with him but some part of me says it's not over yet.....I watched as a child as they suffered an wondered: 'should I get involved? Or should they learn this lesson? I want them to be strong, and know I'm here to protect them all' I wanted to be that person that was watching intently; trying to protect them.....focused on protecting them fighting for them.....Then they started falling apart....that hurt me, but I knew that sobbing wasn't going to do shit, I got active and helped: always wanting to ease their pain....that's just the way I am......I know I should've spoke up, voiced my feelings, but I always had a way of 'overstating'.....They didn't understand how much I cared.....I was just deeply concerned with how they we're fairing....still am.....for me to be told 'I can't force or can't do' is out of the question......I CAN, and WILL for them, for myself....

VX - I have extream duality - Sometimes (depending on how hormonal I am at the time) I really do want to save "the dying animal" but over times I think well maybe the animal is better off dead than dissabled for life! and still other times I have nothing at all - no pity nothing. & I feel guilty for it later & beat myself up.

My Dad? Well, He is soooooo selfish. He had too many kids to a woman who he has had affairs on & He manipulates me because he is so nice & hes my dad & knows I love him. Theres allot more of course - my up bringing wasnt the best & he wasnt around when I needed a dad 😢 He was always helping other people but never his family.

"....took advantage of something that I gave so earnestly and intensely....I just wanted to protect him and my whole family.....but I screwed up and loved the wrong one, and got burned I want to be done with him but some part of me says it's not over yet....."

WHAT AN ASSS!! Thats not right mate 😢

wouldn't you all despise someone who tries to crush you? Your hopes and dreams? You'd resent them.....hell you'd want vengeance....find anyway at all to destroy them and make them suffer....over and over, and over....break them down like they did you....Yes, I'm HELLIFYINGLY vindictive, I can be an angel, or a devil and I NEVER forget a slight, or a deed.....In terms of my father, I don't know the man, and am inclined to staying FAR away from him putting it behind me as if it never happened the same goes for my mother....they have NO passion at all.....they just fly around as if they have no feelings at all I'm starving with them they don't understand me, and yet again it fills me with that same lonliness I've felt since I came out of my mother.....I can't STAND callous people....why do you think I fought so hard on the Virgo boards stressing Virgo DO have feelings?! Callousness=Cowardice....

My mind is clear......it's my heart that needs to be released.....I wrapped it up in ice and chains years ago, and now, I want it to come out....loved definitely burned me, and now, I'm facing relatively the same 'burning ground' as a Scorpion.....move forward, or let these chains bind me.....I wonder who am I without these chains? I kept them on for a life time, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.....dulling the true potential of my being....

these feelings were in the bottom of my mind, heart, and soul.....purging them is doing me wonders.....dammitt it feels good, to feel.....thinking is fine, but feeling.....is something else in general....Looking for the person that will understand these wounds of mine....I can't be the 'vestal virgin' I used to be....that was an old form/skin....only know, where do I go? Forward of course....to my higher form.....from this pain something has GOT to come from it....something that will change me....I hope it inspires others....not for the negative and obvious destructive speech....but hopefully they'll read between the lines, and learn the true content of my message.....the pain dosen't have to last.....if you have the courage to change....I do have it, but I NEED someone to LOVE.....Myself included.....There's a deep hunger in my soul, and I don't know how to feed it....

Mystic Fish:Maybe your soul could use a well-needed vacation, VE. A breather.. Maybe do something different, out of your element. Keep extra busy, or do something creative. It may give you a different perspective on things. Too much bound emotion needs some kind of outlet. Meditation or relaxation, may also help. Maybe you could write or find other expressions for your deeper feelings. At least for now. Could prove to be a good catharsis..'

Yet again you provide excellent advice....I'm an artist in every sense of the word....but I like the 'darker drier' stuff or the 'fanciful romantic stuff' the stuff.....I'm writting a story about a young man and a woman in love that are ULTIMATELY forced to kill each other, or undo the very universe and change the course of history.....

Wow - that book sounds liek it will be good reading when its done!!!

Throw yourself into music & writting

I'm wit it pisces....but equally important, I'm throwing myself into my emotions......it's crazy when you know EXACTLY why you feel the way you do.....no ambiguity in my character, just....well secretive....I think I TURNED INTO A SCORPIO!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!! lol 😛

Damn, I've got to get into a relationship.........ever want to build an empire for you sweetness? Get them anything and EVERYTHING they want? Just to see that look in their eyes........? and I don't mean JUST the dollar signs!!! lol (damn, I'd be furious if that was the case!!) 😛.....I treat the world like shit but my lady like a queen.....I work ESPECIALLY hard for my lover....I feel she needs to keep her eyes on me, and to do that, I've got to be taken care of buisness, and making time for her....always do IF I'm in Love....I'm ambitious in love but not so much in the worldly sense......

I just want to share and sow my wild oats with someone.....😛 lol It's true I can laugh about it, but it's just the truth.....😛

Ur wild oats would be hot!!

"Wow - that book sounds liek it will be good reading when its done!!!"

ditto for me! does sound like a good read, VE! 😉

My feelings, the deepest aspects of myself haven't really changed....but the way I see my father and mother has changed....there is still resentment for not getting what I needed emotionally but I'm trying to forgive them....but I'm glad this happened as well....so much of my wisdom comes from the depth of feeling rather than logical approaches.....I 'Know' beyond a reason why.....I found out that there are some rather twisted thoughts/feelings in me......I just wonder, who can understand how twisted things are for me, and still love me for that? I have confidence in that, but I wonder who it will be.....?

I feel.....heartbroken....I've been spending my whole life looking for completion....that was another theme of my life....completion and wholeness....what could make me feel that way.....This constant nagging feeling of hunger for something.....desire....for only that.....it's getting harder to take part in everyday life becuase there's something gnawing at my being: I'm obsessing more frequently, and getting to sleep is impossible: I've been an insomniac for years staying up till the whee hours of the morning.....I try to subtley express it through my eyes, through my speech, but no one's pickin' up.....But with something so deep.....how could any NORMAL person (reality based) really provide answers for me....? This is torture, and I've been going through it for years.....constantly hungry for something PATHETIC....you have no idea how it screws with my head that I'm not able to get it myself.....loosing power/control for me is IMPOSSIBLE to do....I don't like questioning myself or being unsure, I just want to know whats going on with me....

Be it becuase of the Virgo in me, once I've got a problem I've got to get to the bottom of it, and will obssess over it untill It's come to a close......I can't give it up....not yet. I feel powerless, and unable to influence myself.....

I see. But I REFUSE to think that I'm whinning at all....not a tears dropped yet, and they won't. My emotions are under my control, and that AWARENESS piscesgoddess is the sumation of the actions taken: the REWARD of struggle and hard work: work that would've deeply depressed someone with normal determination: the growth I speak of can't really be shown in the physical realm it's something astral, spiritual and humans will struggle with these aspects of themselves whether they're shutting out the doubts and fears with facades or are focusing on their inner demons: That is the action that matters.

This isn't a PHYSICAL matter that can be adjusted like a knob on a door......you should know that emotions of such depth can't be shown so easily perhaps YOU don't understand the nature of this problem.....I didn't ASK you to FIX me in any sense of the word, (I am in no sense broken, I'm simply changing, expanding as to make room for something new to come) I asked for advice on what's going on inside of me to see if you could drop a clue...if you can't understand that then I'd say you're the one at detriment to my being....and such is the fate of your opinion.....it's cast aside.

I'm navigating new territory and I need to know who is friend to me, and who is foe I have no time to delegate and be diplomatic: I'm breaking new ground, and this is something that has been a long time coming for me. I need more information on this situation.....

PisceanGoddess If I wanted the PRACTICAL approach/advice (I am an Earth sign afterall: I know what I have to DO, but this isn't a surface/superfical problem: I don't know how to decipher this new data that's comming at me), I would've started this on an EARTH sign board. The nature of this problem isn't worldly, so practical advice can't work here. This is the SPIRIT here.....not something that can be summed up with some practical ideas.....something is RUMINATING at my soul here.....can you even understand that? Has something so deep ever happened to you? If it did, I'm sure you'd be a little more receptive to the nature of the situation.....THAT is why I came HERE to the fishes....who knows more about these matters than they? My ego has no part to play in this....this is every aspect of my being merging....maybe were just at different poles of our lives....no offense taken, just feel maybe YOU don't understand.

The only real issue I see here, VE, in which you need to work on with your new found ability to comprehend that your conscious awareness is on a higher level, and steadily growing .. is that you haven't brought it to yourself to own, yet.

It's obvious that you are on a journey, you are searching for meanings and answers .... so that you can find nirvana in a psyche that is throwing messages at you, in which you know you need to decipher, so you can find this inner peace.

However, you are still in need of fixing, though, you believe it to not be so because you know that this is spiritual in nature.

What I'm talking about is that you are still hung-up on not being understood or comprehended by your parents. This seems to be your true angst in most situations. This enlightenment that you face, that we all face when we encounter our spirit desiring to ascend to greater hieghts is a lonely journey ... there isn't anybody who can truly comprehend the morphing of spirit you are going through. And so long as you are ALLOWING this distress of being so mis-understood by your parents torment you .. it will retard your souls evolution.

Your parents cannot grasp, nobody can .. except you, what you are going through. Though, most Pisceans can relate because this is a journey we have been embarking upon our whole lives, so we know exactly how this is effecting you in the aspect that it feels "other-worldly" .. however, every persons conscious awareness brings to them a unique reality that sets them apart from every other person.

When reading all your posts ... I'm always left with the feeling that what you long for, more than anything .. is for your parents to understand why .. why you are you.

This holds you back .... this is what is causing your inner turmoil. This is why you are struggling to find what you can "feel" is right in front of your face, but remains elusive to you.

Don't be afraid of the water .. let go of the shore and let yourself glide along the sweet and soothing current. Your soul won't betray you, VE .. it too longs for you to let go of the shore (reason), and flow in it's stream (spiritual enlightenment).

You have to do it alone, friend.

.....I thought I was in the stream P......all these feelings erupting over and over and over....it's driving me crazy becuase I can't let go: I've grown to accept that they fall short of my ideal, but still I alone am left with the resentment and hunger.....

I was reading something about Cancer/Scorpio, and what I learned was that they are HORRIBLE at letting go, or moving on....Scorpio would be the better of the two becuase of it's transformative properties, but the stream(ocean) as you call it is what anchors them to their pasts and their feelings making them unable to continue on.....which I can realate to completely....I've withdrawn into a bitter black depressive mode, and I resent everyone, and their happiness: Constantly and obsessed with the idea of destruction of myself or others in a mood to cause tension and conflict becuase I deeply resent everything: and that is probably the core of why I lack passion.

I'm obsessively caught in a subtle vengeance/anger spiral....I honestly and deeply would give anything to give back what I was given.....burning constantly with the feeling of vengenace...the feeling of just destroying someone else....being alone? Ha! No challenge at all, been doing it this far, I'll do it all the way....only thing is P, there's alot of darkness in me......just building over the course of my life that's never seen the light of day......

I just want to be left alone in my own dark corner.....one part wants that, and the other just wants to lash out constantly.....I DESPISE my parents and virtually everyone......THAT is what my SOUL is telling me: Destroy all those who brought you pain......strike back horribly so they remember that under that calm face, is a cold-blooded monster: take back what rightfully belongs to you and ONLY you....I'm really just too through.....with emotions, logic everything.....I'm shutting down for a while....

These I believe are my instincts.....not just feelings....these are the bones of my make-up.....I can feel it now, even as I'm typing this....the resentment, and being obsessed with revenge....it's in everything I do......if not only to strike back at them than what good is life?.....I tried finding subtle ways of getting back at them.....minor irritants and displeasing acts, but I had to keep in mind they served a purpose untill I could get out on my own that was money....another tool of life I'm none too fond of....my SOUL cannot let go of this feeling, and won't until I strike back at everyone. I my feelings tell me get stronger....be stronger, look for strength and don't let anything stop you.....My soul is currently obsessed with destruction.....I can't let go of the scathing feeling of hatred.....I have to forgive them, but part of me tells me that it would feel better to just strike back....

I understand a lot of what you write and I know where it comes from, and I also know what it's like to long for understanding in others, only to be met with people who only see a faint trace of you. But really, no one can entirely understand what it is you're experiencing and I guess we can't expect it. Maybe other people also acknowledge these same feelings of being misunderstood but they just don't let it touch them and are content existing in their most ?spiritual?, internal realm, entirely independent of other people. And I go back and forth. As much as I do long to find someone who can really understand me and that what drives me through this life, I know that this is asking a lot of other people, especially if I can't offer the same in return. And that is one of my goals in life, to try to always understand what motivates a person and see where their thoughts and actions stem from. And believe me, it makes for a happier existence when you can approach people from the standpoint of accepting their limitations, and relating to them accordingly.

We all have our limitations and it's impossible to expect things from people that they are not capable of bringing to light within themselves. And there is no reason to blame or resent them for this, b/c contrary to what we have grown accustomed to believing, we are not artefacts of free will (we are a product of our genetics and life experiences from the very first instant we were born). I also used to resent my mom, b/c she was never really emotionally there for me during my adolescence when things were really hard for me, but looking back now, I understand things differently. She was also going through things I failed to see, because I was not able to see beyond what I was going through at the time. Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is that you have to relate to other people with their limitations in mind, and accept that we're all human and that none of us have this life figured out. And anyways it matters much less in this life how other people relate to us than who we are inside.

The worst thing to come of other people mistreating you or letting you down, is to let that erode your internal character, and let the outside world strip you of your integrity. And you have to let go of this need to be in control and of this pride, b/c under the surface they actually have control over you and are more rancorous than an autoimmune disease attacking the body. Believe me, I also know what it's like to be assaulted not only from without, but from within, to let negativity invade your soul. We all do I think. I understand these feelings of detachment and contempt for this world which fails to live up to my own ideals. But when I start to feel this way, I try to remind myself that everything in this world, including everyone around me, is part of this flawed system and that this world will never mirror my ideal. So while I can't change the world outside, I try to take comfort in the fact that I can still uphold these ideals inside and in who I am as a person. That's all we have anyways.