How to control our emotions?

Is there something that you guys do to help control your emotions? I've been with an Aqua guy for the past 4 years and we're both 23. He is just sooooo cold sometimes. Whenever we get in a fight he becomes really distant and doesnt ever want to talk about the problems. I on the other hand always want to talk it out. So pretty much what ALWAYS happens is that he starts avoiding all my calls when Im upset and says he doesnt want to talk to me until I calm down and act more rational. Which ultimately ends up pissing me off even MORE and making me super depressed.

Recently we were fighting and he blurted out "I dont want to be with u anymore" while we were fighting. He didnt actually break up with me though cause after I said "that's not nice, dont say that" he said "yeah well u were being really mean." And when I started crying and asked him if he really meant it he said "dont worry we're going to be fine. Stop it ur making me feel weird. I have to go." And now whenever Im able to get him on the phone he doesnt want to talk about it. I mean after being together for 4 years we should have better communication skills by now. It's soooo annoying. And I've just been freaking out now the past couple days because I dont know if he really wants to break up with me or if he's just being an Aqua and is too uncomfortable with talking about emotions.

But this is seriously starting to keep me from being able to concentrate on my schoolwork and tests. Is there something I can do to help me relax? Anything that u other Pisces do that manage to help u keep ur emotions under control and not have such a panic attack? I have a test today but I was way to depressed to be able to study for it. Thankfully I kind of already know the material so I wont be totally screwed but this would be really bad if it were any of my other classes. Any suggestions on what to do??

Also he is my first and only bf so far, so its pretttty hard from me since I havent had any other break up experiences before, or just any other relationship experience in general. I cant imagine breaking up with him cause he's like my best friend. We've talked every day for the past 4 years at least an hr a day and I cant imagine what my life would be like without him...I know Im soooo dependent and clingy. I HATE it. 😢

Aww you're adorable. First of all if your in a relationship with an aqua congrats you landed the illusive man.

Second when I read this what screamed to me he's doing the I can't talk about my emotions aqua thingy maggy. They look at everything logically and not emotionally. They can't deal or ignore their own emotions so dealing with others emotions, esp people they care about taps into their own and makes them uncomfortable. That is why he bolted so he can be alone and analyze the situation and plan accordingly.

With that being said I think he wants to be with you still cause honestly aquas have no qualms about pulling the plug out of the wall and bouncing and being fine with that decision once it's reached. Usually those decisions are final, finto, done, they been moved on. So him saying that it's fine, take his word on it and try to overcome this.

I think I talked to you on the aqua boards before not too sure but your situation sounds familiar but if not I apologize it just maybe that time of the month that people seem to be having a lot of relationship problems... a lot of pisces/aqua relationship qualms are coming up lately. *shrugs shoulders* I dunno what that's about. Anywho

Some aquas just don't want to talk about problems and issues and avoid them like they are the plague, some aquas meet them head on and wants to get them fixed cause it nags at them, could be the difference between the saturn and uranus aquas (I believe those are the planets). Sorry I went on a sidebar again. I really do think you guys need to work on your communication skills. You obviously are like me and NEED to have things talked out so you can move on and rebuild but he's obviously is the type that wants to ignore and hope it fixs itself without having to druge up problems and emotions. You need to be able to convey to your aqua that this is a must for you but you need to state it in a way that's not demanding (aquas are rebellious as all hell) and just tell him that you need this so you can move on, so both of you can move on in your relationship. Also try you hardest to keep your emotions in check when you have this convo cause once you unleash those emotions on him you'll knock him off balance and he will retreat and it would be a moot point.

In terms of being able to control your emotions, my suggestion is to remember to take time for yourself and not displace your center by projecting it onto someone else. It's nice to be able to get in touch with oneself and feel reassured rather needing validation from others. I agree wholeheartedly that communication is important, but I just want to caution you to be wary of the difference between real communication and simply asking for reassurance.

I'm in school too so I know how that goes. So for me when I'm in that mood music does wonders, I don't know if you like exercise if so take long scenic walks with music in your ears. Enjoy the scenery and marvel at life's beautities. Read, go to a museum, listen to poetry, watch movies, hell kick box, do yoga.

Life has so much to offer, we are so small in the aspect of everything. Put it into context as the world at large, gain perspective. People are dying everyday because of pestilence, war, famish, homeless. There are so many plights man has to overcome and do or die trying. Is really fighting about this worth all the emotions that you are giving it to. The earth is so small compared to the universe we are just a speck. and we are a speck within that speck. Really thinking about that makes those really big problems in your mind seems well insignficiant.

Life is so precious and short, it should be treasured like a black pearl. If you truly have found someone that you love and they love you in return you found your needle in the haystack. You can either choose to throw that needle back into the haystack and proceed to dig for another or keep it and work on not loosing that needle. It seems you want the latter.

The morale of all of that is try to let go. I know it's so hard as a mermaid cause we are so emotional but there is so much out there that our emotions could be poured into. Good thing is Neptune has came home to us and he will help make you stronger, until then just keep things in to context. What seems big and huge really isn't the scale of a pea when you truly look at it from a differnet view.

Be open, honest, try to communicate your needs to him in an analytical way and void of emotions. Keep a stress ball in your pocket if you need to squeeze on that sucker while you talk. If being around him makes those emotions come up do this in a email or text. That's a non-emotional form of contact and you have plenty of time to articulate what you want to say. If you do it in person and you feel your emotions bubbling up stop tell him to give you a min, walk away take a break, take a walk. Regather yourself and proceed. He would not mind and appreciate you keeping your cool and staying analytical. He thinks this way and cannot understand anyother form. It's foreign to him. I'm not saying you must conform to him you both have to conform to each other.

As an additional note, as someone struggling with anxiety, it might help you a lot to journal the attacks or do some artistic/expressive activity (such as painting, photography, etc) to re-focus the energy and adrenaline.

If he cannot allow himself to do so then maybe you should re-evaluate your relationship. Believe it or not aquas do hear what your saying and will and can change if what your asking for is logical.

Sorry for the novel...just in one of those moods.

Also I agree with what exempt is saying....yet again. lol

Posted by tbird

The morale of all of that is try to let go. I know it's so hard as a mermaid cause we are so emotional but there is so much out there that our emotions could be poured into. Good thing is Neptune has came home to us and he will help make you stronger, until then just keep things in to context. What seems big and huge really isn't the scale of a pea when you truly look at it from a differnet view.

And I agree with you, yet again! lol

Posted by crowned46

Whenever we get in a fight he becomes really distant and doesnt ever want to talk about the problems. I on the other hand always want to talk it out. So pretty much what ALWAYS happens is that he starts avoiding all my calls when Im upset and says he doesnt want to talk to me until I calm down and act more rational.

(

You put "always" in caps.

so, instead of actually looking at the cause, you are concerned the effect?


Ultimately what you are proposing here .... you want him to deal with your feelings your way. nevermind how he needs to deal with them because his needs aren't as important as yours.


That ^^ is the gist of this thread.

lmfao *huggles* I love this girl. Truly a wonderful poster! If you ever leave dxp it would be a dark day indeed.

You ask the wrong question .. you are concerned about the wrong thing.

You are asking how to control the effect, and you've not looked at the cause. Until you realize that there is an actual cause, you will react the same exact way every time = freak out.



What you need to focus on is .... he is allowed to deal with his feelings, his way. That's his right, as a human. Your goal shouldn't be to control how he deals, rather, allow him to his rights, and then he'll have more respect and regard for you when you are in need.


From what you've written here, for him to say that you need to calm down is a clear indication that you bombard him with your emotions, and you are beginning to smother him.


Did he mean it this time that he's finished? Probably not .. but, he planted that seed, didn't he?


Warning: continue to overwhelm him with YOUR feelings when he isn't ready to deal with them .. and that seed will germinate.

*blushes* thanks, tbird!! I could (and would) say the same about you.

The Cause: You, and your bombarding him with feelings


He has to process how he feels, according to his needs .. if you respect him, then you should step aside and leave him to this right.

Tell him something like: This (the event) really bothers me and I need to discuss it so I can find my perspective.


Then leave it the fuck alone. let him come to you. Give it time, if he doesn't come, then tell him again, only this time tell him it's important to you.


If he still won't ... then explain to him that you two aren't compatible in this department and that it's probably time for you to find a person who is supportive of you .. because you supported him in that you let him deal with his feelings the way he needed, but, he isn't letting you deal with yours the way you need, which is to discuss it.


It's pretty much that simple.

Awww *swoops foot back and forth like a pendulum* thank you!

Because it needs saying, P-Angel's last post with an example conversation seems to be a good way to handle the communication end of things. Short, simple, to the point usually earns a good response from Aquarius.

Because of the pull towards each other...it's freaking ridic... Seriously.

Posted by tbird
Because of the pull towards each other...it's freaking ridic... Seriously.

e_e praise by 100000000x
pfpfpffhththfhfffff
There's some weird connection with the two, really. not sure how to explain though

You seriously can't it... yeah it just is you have to experience it....crazy.

Yeah some mermaids can let their imaginations run away with them esp when their partner is out on the town... poor guy! Are they still together?

Yeah, lol, you have keep a good bit of distance in the relationship that you wouldn't otherwise. You also have to be the type who's comfortable with that. In a way, it gives you a lot of freedom to a not-so-annoying couple, totally enmeshed in each other's interests, oblivious to everyone/thing else, etc. It provides you with a lot of ways to retain your individuality, and dare I say...coolness.

To have a mate that is good to you is one thing, but to have a mate that is good for you is awesome..It doesnt sound like he is good for you sweetheart. Pisces woman Aqua Man= what you are going through. Most Pisces women I know that stay with a Aqua man for a long time end up being cold and callous bc its the only way she knows how to cope with her feelings and wake him up. They make better a friend for a Pisces woman then a lover. Friendship no expectations of them romantically and usually no emotional connection romantically. I opt for a friendship with one of these guys way before romane. Hope you work it out..