Is cheating in a relationship...

really that bad? Lets think outside the box on this one. Is it not selfish and fearful to want to keep that one person to yourself? Is it not a flaw to love so much that it would hurt? Could loving that deeply just be another form of insecurity?

Is it insecurity that causes a person to want to keep that other person to themselves...jealousy? Feeling inadequate without that person in your life? is it really cheating that is that bad? Or is it simply the fear it causes the other person? Is it my fault your so fearful? Get what I'm saying?

If people learned to become more secure for themselves, this type of problem wouldn't occur. I think it's a mix of hollywood movies, advertisements and all that BS that makes ppl think that they NEED to be in a relationship and live the romantic life...i think that's gross and its a big turn off for me when I meet girls like that. I think ppl need to learn to be more confident in themselves...and that confidence isn't a condition...its unconditional, meaning whether you're in a stable relationship or not, you're proud of who you are and you're confident in yourself despite what's happening around you.

To me, there's nothing worse then insecure women and that is the biggest turn off in a relationship...that's what actually makes me want to look elsewhere. If the person wasn't insecure, then in that case I would be more than happy to stay with them and I wouldn't feel like I want to be with someone else.

Hmmm I do get what you guys are saying and I appreciate the input 🙂I gotta go to work now so I wont answer till later, but this will be a good debate 😄

Venus is in 24 Degrees Pisces.
You have a dreamy, fanciful, romantic nature and a very creative imagination. Indeed, at times, your private fantasies are more appealing than the reality around you and it is difficult for you to leave them. You tend to be unselfish and giving in relationships and are extremely sensitive of the needs of others. Be very sure that those you help are worthy of your devotion and are not merely taking advantage of your innocence and naivete.

"LOL typical Pisces warped bullshit,"



More like, typical Pisces thinking in ways others can't wrap their minds around.


I hear you, Hybred. I've pondered this as well, but I wouldn't waste my time here. People can't get past their own ingrained perceptions of right and wrong enough to entertain such a concept.


"is it really cheating that is that bad? Or is it simply the fear it causes the other person? Is it my fault your so fearful? Get what I'm saying?"


Yes I do.

"interesting. i would have guessed something much different."


A venus in Sag, Aqua or Gemini I'm guessing.


You put way too much weight into astrology these days.

Posted by MsPisces.
"LOL typical Pisces warped bullshit,"



More like, typical Pisces thinking in ways others can't wrap their minds around.


I hear you, Hybred. I've pondered this as well, but I wouldn't waste my time here. People can't get past their own ingrained perceptions of right and wrong enough to entertain such a concept.


"is it really cheating that is that bad? Or is it simply the fear it causes the other person? Is it my fault your so fearful? Get what I'm saying?"


Yes I do.

I "get it" too. Regardless what my personal feelings may or may not be, I understand completely what the OP is talking about. I have a male friend I've known for a long time. One time we were having just general conversation and I asked him if he worried about his girl stepping out on him? His response (paraphrasing), "No, I can't control what SHE does, but I can control myself. If I love her, protect her and do right by her, then hopefully that will be enough; if not, she is free to go and find someone else who will do better. Not my problem to worry about her cheating or not. That would be her issue, not mine." He had no fear of it at all, and a very healthy outlook too. Also, I find that women tend to worry/fear this a hell of a lot more than men. That's not to say men don't worry about their woman stepping out on them, but women tend to (from my experience) "fret" about it a hell of a lot more than men do.

Indeed, USC.

And I think what the OP is getting at, is *why* cheating is such a major offense.

One would probably say because of the lie, but is that really the truth? If I lie to my man about how much I spent on a shopping trip, even if it was A LOT of money, would that lie be as bad as if I went out and made out with a guy? I doubt it.


Both are lies, and in fact, the lie about the large amt of money is much more damaging in a practical sense, yet even if I didn't lie about making out with someone and came right out and told him, it would be a much harder pill to swallow.

And I think the OP nailed it when he said:

"Or is it simply the fear it causes the other person?"

Posted by KingPisces
I hope you die of AIDS.

This is a great example of why the root of the issue, not cheating in and of itself, can rarely be objectively discussed.

People take it too personally. I think a lot of people on DXP are lonely broken hearted sobs who've been cheated on one too many times, tbh. Why else would these topics (open relationships,etc) be such sensitive issues here.

I think the OP is saying the reason cheating is such a huge deal, is because of insecurity and fear. Not saying insecurity causes one to cheat...although that can happen, I don't think its the basis of what he's suggesting.

For me, I'd rather get cheated on than ending up with a man who is horrible with money and lands me in debt. Just sayin.

You're heartbreak has made you completely biased, KingPisces...and bitter.

Your*

Posted by KingPisces

Posted by MsPisces.
For me, I'd rather get cheated on than ending up with a man who is horrible with money and lands me in debt. Just sayin.

Gold digger much?

click to expand

What makes you say that?


Because my finances are more important than my man being with another woman?

Eh. Many are in open relationships, and don't even realize it lol So the sharing takes place either way.

Hurt feelings from cheating can be mended. A low credit score, however.....much harder 😉

I can see ... and agree.

Posted by aPiscesPrincess

Posted by KingPisces

Posted by MsPisces.
You're heartbreak has made you completely biased, KingPisces...and bitter.

Nah not really. I'm perfectly fine now. I just do it to make DXP a bit more interesting 🙂

You're not biased or bitter at all. There are some women who are actually worth it.. you're with me now 🙂

click to expand

Well isn't that sweet.


His bitterness over his ex cheating, is making him believe an open ie honest relationship can't work. He wasn't even in an open relationship, so how he can draw that conclusion is what leads me to believe he is bitter and biased.

I am weary of any man who constantly talks about their ex in a negative light.

Exactly..

"I didn't say it wouldn't work. I only said "I hope you die from AIDS"."

lol Ohhh okay, my bad. Cause that makes it better 😛


I don't need a mans money, but I do need him to place the same importance on money as I do.

But I hear ya...since I ain't fucking wit no broke nigga, guess that makes me a gold digga 😛

Posted by MsPisces.

Posted by KingPisces
I hope you die of AIDS.

This is a great example of why the root of the issue, not cheating in and of itself, can rarely be objectively discussed.

People take it too personally. I think a lot of people on DXP are lonely broken hearted sobs who've been cheated on one too many times, tbh. Why else would these topics (open relationships,etc) be such sensitive issues here.

click to expand

Yeah, I don't understand why people take ish that has nothing to do with them so personally? Case in point, Tiger Woods? Who gives a flying f@ck if he had sex with 1 or 200 women (besides his wife and his family since they are affected by this); yet there was so much hatred, etc directed at him, and mind you, I know people will say, "Oh, he tried to pretend he was perfect, etc." I call bulls# $ t because I never ONCE saw Tiger pretend to be a "church going/bible thumping, I'm so good person." The only thing I think he wanted to be perfect at was golf. Period. Yet, when I hear people (especially women) talk about him, it's as if he cheated on them— Furthermore, while people don't talk about it...umm, he didn't invent cheating, nor will he be the last successful/rich/athlete to cheat. Can anyone say, John Edwards...and a slew of others.

Posted by ellessque
I hope people are not modeling their own lives after these morons.

Sadly, people are; hence the reason people call these folks "role models." Whether I agree with that or not, it's a reality, that is out there, and it's always thrown in the mix when an actor/athlete/public official is "caught cheating" etc, people rise up "he/she is supposed to be a role model." Yeah, so whether you agree or disagree with that, it's a reality as people DO look at and try to emulate these people.

Posted by ellessque
so, I guess if your finances are straight you'd be okay with paying several hundreds of dollars a month on medication and thousands of dollars a year on healthcare for a STD like HIV?

makes sense, I suppose. *shrugs*. I guess it's kind of like an insurance policy, eh? As long as you can pay my medical care go and dip your dipple where ever you please?

I'm not saying I'm okay with my man cheating. I'm saying there is a lot of misplaced importance on that one aspect of a relationship.

Yes, I would rather find out my man cheated on me, than to find out he is financially irresponsible to the point of taking me down with him.

I have never been on birth control as I use condoms, so the likelihood of me contracting HIV from his cheating is slim. Also, I place a huge importance on a mans sexual health. If he tries to sleep with me w/o a condom with no worries, I wouldn't continue to date him. Men who are adoment about protecting themselves with me, are also likely to be adoment about protecting themselves with other women, so just because I get cheated on, doesn't mean it will be unprotected. There is always a risk, but the risk will remain no matter the situation, unless of course you're abstinent.


A man isn't the be all and end all for me. My money is a lot more important to me at this stage of my life. So yes, investing in a man with the potential to ruin me financially is much more a scary thought than investing in a man who might cheat on me one day.

"Yet, when I hear people (especially women) talk about him, it's as if he cheated on them— Furthermore, while people don't talk about it...umm, he didn't invent cheating, nor will he be the last successful/rich/athlete to cheat"


Exactly.

I'd rather face the issue much more matter of factly. People cheat. In fact, A LOT of people cheat. It is a fact of life, but it won't ruin mine!

Posted by ellessque
I imagine we will all have to finance our medical care at some point. might as well work on that credit score now.

Ya damn straight! lol

Ones credit score is extremely important. If a man disagrees, I can't be with him.

@ KP - that lil' hamster golfer is uber cute 🙂

I also believe a man can still love you even if he did step out on you. If I get married, I doubt I'd divorce over him cheating on me. Granted, the situation will be weighed, but I will not let mere sex ruin my investment into a marriage.


A lack of respect, admiration, love, etc. would have to be present for me to leave.

Posted by ellessque
what about marriage Ms.P?

you obviously will not be using condoms during marriage.

What about it?


Using your logic, I might as well be abstinent.

Whether or not I place just as much importance on cheating as you do, will not affect the likelihood of me contracting a disease if in fact I do get cheated on. I don't get your point, Ls?

"When she slept with the other guy she didn't wear protection. It only took her a few tequila shots to forget about her personal health and by proxy, mine. Hence why she had to go running all over town to get a pregnancy test after she sobered up."


I'd put my money on you being a poor judge of character, although the possibility that shit just happens is also to be considered.

Posted by KingPisces
Ms. P: You got a Scorpio that has put the lock-on mode on you now like a sidewinder missile. If I were you I would eject while you still got time...I wouldn't argument back against LS. The woman speaks absolute truth.

Peri, out.

No need to dick ride.

people probably shouldnt be in a relationship if they are insecure and if being in a relationship makes someone become insecure than the should probably work on themselves before having thoughts about a relationship. it should be okay to go out with friends or to do your own thing if your in a relationship and if your having thoughts about cheating you should probably break it off before you hurt someone or hurt yourself.

Posted by KingPisces

Posted by MsPisces.
"When she slept with the other guy she didn't wear protection. It only took her a few tequila shots to forget about her personal health and by proxy, mine. Hence why she had to go running all over town to get a pregnancy test after she sobered up."


I'd put my money on you being a poor judge of character, although the possibility that shit just happens is also to be considered.

The latter rather than the former.

Takes a cheater to know a cheater...That plus I got Pisces intuition.

click to expand

I meant a poor judge of character wouldn't see she was capable of unprotected sex under the influence of a few shots.

Posted by Asleep
@ Msp:

You said a lack of respect, admiration, love, etc would cause you to leave. If your man cheated on you and he knew the relationship was exclusive, doesn't this indicate a lack of respect for your desire to be exclusive, and IMO respect and admiration can be roughly correlated so I would say that leg would get swooped also. Food for thought.

\


Yes, that would be considered. However, as you said, monogamy isn't inherit in us, so while you believe it is choice that keep us exclusive, I believe self control is the key ingredient. So, if it was purely sex, yes, respect would come into question, but my bigger issue would be with his self control/will power, or lack thereof.


I cannot without a doubt say what I would and wouldn't do in a situation I am not currently in. I know a lot of things would have to be weighed, but I can say that no human is completely free of the pitfalls of human nature. We are not perfect, nor is a marriage.

Humans are conditioned to not do a lot of the shit inherit in us. That's what makes us civilized and allows us to function as a society. I get it.

I just believe some of our priorities are a bit flawed.

I think a lot of the shit that often gets overlooked in relationships is far more damaging than the horrible dirty word everyone fears: cheating.

"The OP was basically saying that he doesn't understand why cheating is not okay and someone who is worried about being cheated on is insecure."


Not what he said or meant. He also mentioned nothing about open relationships.

Posted by ellessque
I agree Ms.P, but the topic is cheating.

Exactly. The OP, imo, was examining the validity of the importance placed on it.

Posted by Asleep
@ MsP:

Well said.

I'm contemplating theese sorts of things as I'm now in a relationship that has potential for long-term commitment. Relationships and people are not free of mistakes, flaws and quirks, I just have yet to draw my line on what I would deal with and where I know what it is, it's difficult to say after you've been with someone for years.

Absolutes are truly a fallacy.

Absolutely, Asleep. I try to avoid them like the plague, tho some things will always remain :/


I've been contemplating these types of things for as long as I can remember lol I've basically decided to stick with making wise, well informed decisions, and while we cannot predict the future and say for sure what we will and won't do, we can stay true to what feels right when the time comes.


We can intellectualize this all we want, but that's what it will come down to.

After always having a man through much of my teen and early 20s, its kinda liberating to be single and mingle. I date who I want, I keep options open, and its nice. There's a lot of great people in this world, and I don't feel like I'm missing out anymore. I don't really believe in the 'one' anymore. I think we have the potential to meet a lot of good 'ones', w/o having to settle with the first one we find. I dunno. Im just really enjoying myself.

Wow, Asleep! That's a whole notha story that I don't have time to get into atm, as I've got to run for a sec, but its funny you mention it. I was thinking the *exact* same thing when you mentioned how your girl cheating on you would make you feel. I could almost feel the emotion behind it, and what you just brought up is exactly what I decided against bringing up, afraid that it was too much and a bit of a stretch lol

Posted by KingPisces
I hope you die of AIDS.

Hey its harry potter 😄

Posted by MsPisces.

Posted by KingPisces
I hope you die of AIDS.

This is a great example of why the root of the issue, not cheating in and of itself, can rarely be objectively discussed.

People take it too personally. I think a lot of people on DXP are lonely broken hearted sobs who've been cheated on one too many times, tbh. Why else would these topics (open relationships,etc) be such sensitive issues here.

click to expand

This 😄

I opened this thread because I find ppl live in a weird hollywood oriented perception about life and forget to think for themselves...I'm simply using this thread as a catalyst. The rest is up to you guys...my conclusion?

I think we shouldn't chain ourselves to our partners in the sense that we give them everything and if they leave we lose everything. Love is like everything else, it takes balance. Too much or too little and it will not survive, but you have to temper it. People forget to strengthen themselves and expect the relationship to complete what's missing. How about feeling complete BEFORE you get into a relationship. So that way you have nothing to lose if it doesn't work out. Love is about sharing life together I was told, not depending on each other. Live and learn 😄

Posted by KingPisces

Posted by hybred27

Posted by KingPisces
I hope you die of AIDS.

Hey its harry potter 😄

Post your pic and then probably maybe perhaps I might bother...

click to expand

bah, i dont want to be mean 😄

Cheating is bullshit. I don't care what your sign is. It goes against a promise made to another person. If you want to 'spread the love' then do the rest of the world a big ol' fat freaking favor and stay single. Cut the shit and honor yourself enough to not put up with that crap. Seriously. Save someone serious minded from investing their time, their feelings in something that will only amount to a crumpled set of sheets and a wet spot. Giving the rest of humanity that has their shit together a bad name.

Posted by venusianbull
Cheating is bullshit. I don't care what your sign is. It goes against a promise made to another person. If you want to 'spread the love' then do the rest of the world a big ol' fat freaking favor and stay single. Cut the shit and honor yourself enough to not put up with that crap. Seriously. Save someone serious minded from investing their time, their feelings in something that will only amount to a crumpled set of sheets and a wet spot. Giving the rest of humanity that has their shit together a bad name.

Serious minded? Funny choice of words...are you mixing that up with expectations? Hence living in your imagination?

Posted by hybred27

Posted by venusianbull
Cheating is bullshit. I don't care what your sign is. It goes against a promise made to another person. If you want to 'spread the love' then do the rest of the world a big ol' fat freaking favor and stay single. Cut the shit and honor yourself enough to not put up with that crap. Seriously. Save someone serious minded from investing their time, their feelings in something that will only amount to a crumpled set of sheets and a wet spot. Giving the rest of humanity that has their shit together a bad name.

Serious minded? Funny choice of words...are you mixing that up with expectations? Hence living in your imagination?

click to expand

Expectations? Nay, demands.

Posted by KingPisces
^Stop stalling...Yawn...

man you're boring...I thought you wud have more to say -.-...so much for king lol.

Posted by gemtaur
You got a hug last week, he gets a thank you this week.

I'm SHARING my love 😛

LMAO —

Posted by venusianbull

Posted by hybred27

Posted by venusianbull
Cheating is bullshit. I don't care what your sign is. It goes against a promise made to another person. If you want to 'spread the love' then do the rest of the world a big ol' fat freaking favor and stay single. Cut the shit and honor yourself enough to not put up with that crap. Seriously. Save someone serious minded from investing their time, their feelings in something that will only amount to a crumpled set of sheets and a wet spot. Giving the rest of humanity that has their shit together a bad name.

Serious minded? Funny choice of words...are you mixing that up with expectations? Hence living in your imagination?

Expectations? Nay, demands.

click to expand

demands? too afraid to let your guard down? see what I mean by insecurity? cant live and let live