pisces withholding sex?!

I've been seing this pisces guy for over a year...we've had alot of up & downs and I've dated other people in between because he wouldn't give me a relationship (says he can't put everything into one & that it isn't his priority - school/work is). anyways we've recently gotten closer and actually met each others friends & have invited each other to different things. Before, we mainly stayed the night together and that was it.

I know he cares about me cause when he gets under my skin & frustrates me, he tries to make it better & makes me smile again (he used to act innocent & not fix it). our communication style s are very different since Im a Libra.

We had sex alot most of last year, but the last few months he hasn't wanted to or doesn't try but maybe once a month! When i ask why, he says that that's all i ever think about....and other times he's just tired. i did used to accuse him of using me for sex only & that he didn't respect me. sometimes now he'll even say "im just respecting you"...like being smart.

is this his way of "punishing" me or does it go deeper than that? still trying to understand Pisces. do they feel more insecure the closer they get to someone? Or is it a trust thing? I don't get why before we could have sex and that'd be it and now we can't!

any insight would be great! also, what can i do to change the situation??

Hmm... sounds like either he is using you or there has to be some deeper cause which was not mentioned in your above post. I don't know if it's because my Venus and Mars are both in aries, but to me "the fucking is the fucking", and that's sort of sacred regardless of whatever else might be going on.

For me if it gets to the point where I don't want to have sex with this person anymore, it's an issue so massive that I don't want to be with that person at all any longer, but, Pisces come in all shapes and flavors so...

You used to accuse him of using you for sex only. Maybe he is punishing you for that. You probably hurt his feelings and it probably interpreted to him that you don't enjoy sex with him. Unfortunately it may never be the same between you two. That's how Pisces are.

Yes, I think Pisces like to withhold sex and it's mostly a power thing. It has to be when they want it and on their terms. The more you want it, they more they tend to resist you.
I never ask for sex but am sure to rave about it when I get it... which is very easy to do.

It seems to come and go as well... sometimes it's more hanging out and being friends, then it will be all about the sex for a few days. Unpredictable. It seems with Pisces, the more you focus on one part of the relationship positive or negative, the more problems you will see in that area.

Seriously, once you become apathetic about it, his interest may peek because he'll be wondering why you DON'T want him, haha! Bloody fish...

Posted by shellshocker
Yes, I think Pisces like to withhold sex and it's mostly a power thing. It has to be when they want it and on their terms. The more you want it, they more they tend to resist you.
I never ask for sex but am sure to rave about it when I get it... which is very easy to do.

It seems to come and go as well... sometimes it's more hanging out and being friends, then it will be all about the sex for a few days. Unpredictable. It seems with Pisces, the more you focus on one part of the relationship positive or negative, the more problems you will see in that area.

Seriously, once you become apathetic about it, his interest may peek because he'll be wondering why you DON'T want him, haha! Bloody fish...

^^^This

Also, I know that I get annoyed/tired if all my partner wants to do is have sex. I want relationships that are more meaningful and I tend to shut down and need some time to focus on other things in the relationship when asked to have sex too often. If he's like me, then the more you push him on it, the longer it'll take him to come around. Of course, his reason may be completely different, but just throwing that out there.

I don't think he's punishing you I just take it as you were getting on him for only wanting sex from you so he's doing what you've asked and that probably killed or stiffled that area with him. I mean if it was me and I was told that I would resist and decease with that and even if I had to urge to have sex your words would be ringing in my ears. Then if you harp on the guy for not laying you he will probably be like hell is there no pleasing her?

He would always have to wonder if it's okay if we have sex or not. Will she think I'm just using her to have sex or not. That's just too much. I would just be like screw it no sex period and it's over and done with and focus on the friendship aspect of it. Pisces like our relationship to flow like the waters we come in. When we hit barriers or are accused of only wanting sex if we are in the mood and we are together or some what together that makes it unnatural to us cause we can't do what we want to do. If we wanna cuddle we want to do it, if we wanna talk we will do it, if we wanna have a go...you see what I mean? If not we are stiffled and that makes us feel straggled and trapped and we are walking on egg shells.

If I were him I would of done the same. To me you just played your hand wrong. If you didn't want to have sex you shouldn't of accused him of screwing you just because you have a vagina and there. You should of asked hey can we not have sex or be like I want to build on us outside of the bedroom. I'm not saying stroke his ego but going the accusal route def bit you in the arse. I'm sure he didn't take kindly to that if that wasn't his intention and you killed his sex drive towards you. *shrugs shoulders* That's my 2 pence but like it was said earlier merfolk come in different flavors.

I have aqua in my 7th and 8th house so not having sex isn't a biggie I like my relationships to be focused on the friendship aspect but I do have leo rising and mars so I do have those highly sexually charged moments. It comes and goes (no pun intended) but yeah sometimes I'm a vixen and sometimes I wanna be just buddy buddy and talk. I feel like if we are striving for a relationship I should be accepted during both of those phases and the inbetweens. Hell we are pisces so we will be accepting of your phases.

Are Pisces males really THAT touchy about everything? I consider myself a fairly sensitive man, but compared to the picture you guys paint of other Pisces guys it seems I have about as much sensitivity as Atilla the Hun.- 😄

Posted by simplysweet987

I've been seing this pisces guy for over a year...we've had alot of up & downs and I've dated other people in between because he wouldn't give me a relationship

So, if he doesn't adhere to your demands .. you try to punish him by being with other guys?

Why should he give you anything at all ..... when your reaction to not getting what you want is to betray?

Posted by simplysweet987

i did used to accuse him of using me for sex only & that he didn't respect me.

You use guilt with him again?

So, again, if you don't get what you want .... you try to punish him?

Posted by simplysweet987

I don't get why before we could have sex and that'd be it and now we can't!

Because you can't be trusted .... you've already proven that ... see posts above

Hmmm all very good points. i didn't really think i was betraying him by dating other people...i gave him alot of opportunities to be with me & he played the hot & cold game for awhile so i just gave up & moved on each time.

Either way, im not trying to point fingers here. but what can i do to fix this aspect of our relationship?

Oh and i haven't asked him for it or mentioned anything about it since the last time we did it...which was a month ago.
i feel like its a game with him though...like he bought a huge box of condoms the other day & he said oh this'll last the rest of the year.
Idk but something's gotta give :/

Thank you so much and i think youre absolutely right lol
although i basically will mirror his actions when he makes me mad..then he'll usually wonder what's going on.

i will try that. Guess im still learning to be gentle with this type of guy & more understanding, its not easy!

Posted by piranhaparadiise

Posted by sexifulscorpio
Ok seriously, ur dealing with a pisces... When I want sex, all I have to do is get naked, or start touching him and kissing on him, or putting on cute underwear and bending over in front of him... Works Everytime... I know how to get what I want from him, and u should know the same too from ur pisces since its been over a year... What i can say is that they do tend to get comfy, and relax a lil more, they do like to be dominated n told what to do, ONLY in the bedroom... Just be sexy they can't redistributed sexy....

nope...resolving the issue by bending over for sex is *not* going to get you on a deeper level with a Pisces man...

seriously ...it all stems from him being *offended* at being accused of using her for sex...he's not with her for sex...witholding sex is showing her it's not all about sex...but he'll teach her a lesson for saying that...that's a true Pisces...

Pisces want stimulation of the heart and mind...sex is just icing on the cake...to have a deeper level with the Pisces man...stimulate his emotions his heart and mind...not his dick...lol

click to expand

I like that. True

Posted by piranhaparadiise

Posted by sexifulscorpio
Ok seriously, ur dealing with a pisces... When I want sex, all I have to do is get naked, or start touching him and kissing on him, or putting on cute underwear and bending over in front of him... Works Everytime... I know how to get what I want from him, and u should know the same too from ur pisces since its been over a year... What i can say is that they do tend to get comfy, and relax a lil more, they do like to be dominated n told what to do, ONLY in the bedroom... Just be sexy they can't redistributed sexy....

nope...resolving the issue by bending over for sex is *not* going to get you on a deeper level with a Pisces man...

seriously ...it all stems from him being *offended* at being accused of using her for sex...he's not with her for sex...witholding sex is showing her it's not all about sex...but he'll teach her a lesson for saying that...that's a true Pisces...

Pisces want stimulation of the heart and mind...sex is just icing on the cake...to have a deeper level with the Pisces man...stimulate his emotions his heart and mind...not his dick...lol

click to expand

word! I would never play the whore to GET my Pisces attention... only when I've already GOT it

Posted by XV2
Are Pisces males really THAT touchy about everything? I consider myself a fairly sensitive man, but compared to the picture you guys paint of other Pisces guys it seems I have about as much sensitivity as Atilla the Hun.- 😄

I think some Pisces guy's ideals of how they are in a relationship does *not* reflect how they really *act* in a relationship.

example: The Pisces will go on and on about how important communication is in a relationship and being open and honest about your feelings. Does he do this? absolutely not!!! Everything is indirect and subtle and he gets pretty pissy if I don't read between the lines and figure out what's wrong with him.

I called him on it once and he just smiled and said, "I meant silent communication." wtf?

I'm a Libra also seeing a Pisces for almost a year now (10 months) and he will sometimes do this...delay sex and frequently reference that it feels like the first time when we wait. I can't stand it, though the anticipation is intense and our lovemaking VERY passionate when we finally succumb.

@ Shellshocker: Hmm... well one thing I??ve noticed is that when there are topics/areas of conversation into which one routinely switches from open communication to silent communication has to do with having found something in the other persons?? behavior which is inconsistent with what was originally believed to be the person.

You know how for the most part the begining of relationships is "all about marketing" and people only show the parts of themselves that they intuit the other person will find agreeable? Depending on how important (or trivial) a discrepancy one might run across eventualy seems to dictate the degree of silent communication, there is a fear there that the idealization that was built of the other person will shatter, so in a way one is hoping to bring back what one thought was there, but really wasn't. haha

In any case, the inevitable shattering is probably for the best, it's all an illusion anyway.-

@piranhaparadise.....well i tried that & buttered him up telling him nice things & said id like us to communicate better & build trust....really sweet other stuff
and he said he feels like im slowly talking him into a relationship & that i know how he feels about it.
wow. and this is why i usually give up trying in the first place! feel rejected...

... so.. he's STILL not giving you a relationship.. which was why you moved on once before? Well, you took him back WITHOUT that all-fired-important relationship.. and you've made yourself out to be a dumbass at worst, and a woman with low standards and weak boundaries at best. A crumb-taker. That's a major attraction-killer with guys.

Okay, so maybe he's cutting out the sex part to teach you a lesson (yes, I'd find it VERY offensive to be accused of using someone only for sex!).. maybe he's growing a conscience and not wanting to lead you on, since you clearly want more of a relationship than he wants to give. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt you more than he already sees he is.

Or maybe he's just a douche and you're his gal pal Girl Friday convenient companionship while he keeps his options open for a woman who DOES know what she wants and HAS strong boundaries.

This guy doesn't sound like someone I'd feel good about spending so much of my time and energy on.. there's a gabillion other guys out there.. ones with whom things won't feel so hard and awful and sad and difficult. What makes THIS guy so special? He certainly doesn't treat you so special.. why waste more time?

Posted by Nefer


Okay, so maybe he's cutting out the sex part to teach you a lesson (yes, I'd find it VERY offensive to be accused of using someone only for sex!).. maybe he's growing a conscience and not wanting to lead you on, since you clearly want more of a relationship than he wants to give. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt you more than he already sees he is.

Or maybe he's just a douche and you're his gal pal Girl Friday convenient companionship while he keeps his options open for a woman who DOES know what she wants and HAS strong boundaries.

This guy doesn't sound like someone I'd feel good about spending so much of my time and energy on.. there's a gabillion other guys out there.. ones with whom things won't feel so hard and awful and sad and difficult. What makes THIS guy so special? He certainly doesn't treat you so special.. why waste more time?

This goes back to my original post. I get the feeling that he is using her. Not meaning to stir controversy with the ladies who posted here -because I generally think many of their posts are spot-on- but if he were actually pulling back on the sex to show her that he wants "quality time" instead of "just sex", I don't think he would be so reluctant to have a relationship.

It would seem more likely that he originally thought she would be more "open" to having casual sex and leaving it at that, and once she asked for a relationship he pulled back. Now he seems to be wanting to teach a lesson, but I don't get the impression that it's a lesson in the depths of his affection.

Who knows of course, just the impression I get.-

What's the lesson he's teaching me??
and yes i think that's true...he thought id be more open to casual sex im sure. if it makes any difference, he's Brazilian and once he graduates this summer, he doesn't know if he'll find a job here in the US or have to.go back home.
that makes everything more complicated cause i just keep thinking eventually he'll just leave anyways so why try.
I've tried dating other guys but something always brings me back to him. 😢 Idk why

Posted by simplysweet987
What's the lesson he's teaching me??
and yes i think that's true...he thought id be more open to casual sex im sure. if it makes any difference, he's Brazilian and once he graduates this summer, he doesn't know if he'll find a job here in the US or have to.go back home.
that makes everything more complicated cause i just keep thinking eventually he'll just leave anyways so why try.
I've tried dating other guys but something always brings me back to him. 😢 Idk why

Seems like he's trying to test the limits of his sexual "power" over you, or something along those lines, hence the smug "im just respecting you". Withholding it when he wants, giving it when he wants, seeing how far he can push it.

As for the reason you keep going back to him= it seems like the nature of your relationship is more sexual than spiritual, that can be a hold on someone powerful enough to "force" one to endure situations which are clearly not good for you... like, not commiting to you in any way, his reluctance to have a relationship but his willingness to have lots of sex with you when he wants to.

If you??ve come to the point of thinking "why try?" (and I think you said this in more than one post) you might want to evaluate whether your own interest in him is purely sexual as well. If it is, it might make it easier for you to free yourself from him... or... 🙂

And one more thing...if I've told him before that it'd be best to move on cause we want different things....which at this point i either think he's just plain scared of commitment or is using me to cover his loneliness.....WHY still bother with me if I've told him to let me go??

if someone tells me to move on, im gone in a heartbeat from feeling rejected.
guess its not the same with this guy...Idk.

Another reason i keep going back is cause he'll say i want to keep seeing you & talking to you. i like where we are.
after last night's conversation that's what he said...im good with where we are, don't you worry. that always makes me more frustrated though.
and i said well good for u. as long as you're happy, everythings great. maybe im just selfish but I've tried being patient, honestly i have.
its obviously not what i want but i like the guy & obviously keep blindly hoping for more.

You seem to keep referring back to moving on, or seeing other people, or harping on differences .... you're not genuine to him, and he likely senses it.

The Pisces person won't open up enough to commit their sensitive feelings to a person who isn't sincere ... and a person who (uses) situations for purposes of ultimatums usually only gets us on the surface level, which can be quite uncaring, unaffectionate, and luke warm (at best).


You don't have him. A Fish binds themself to the person they love, and shares their entire existence with that person. You won't find a more loyal and dedicated person.

You aren't experiencing that, which means you no more than his surface ... and everytime you (use) a tactic to attempt to make him react to you as if you're more special than you are (like in saying you see others), the closer to his surface YOU move yourself .... because a Pisces person can see beyond your words. They know whether you are special or not, and everytime you do that, or say something like that to him, he can clearly realize that you are compelled in saying it for a reaction, which = to the Pisces that you aren't that special of a person if you have to point it out.


If you have to draw this attention to yourself because you feel compelled to do it for your own sense of security .... then you aren't special to the Fish. Pisces people are looking for deep, profound individuals who are humble and sincere.

Posted by simplysweet987

... i like the guy & obviously keep blindly hoping for more.

You aren't getting any more ... by your actions of betraying his feelings in seeing other people, you have manuevered yourself to be relating to his surface .. which like all people is shallow and selfish.

Posted by simplysweet987

I've dated other people in between because he wouldn't give me a relationship

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By those ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ actions, you sufficiently proved to him that you aren't trustworthy, you aren't a loyal person and therefore aren't girlfriend material.

You're fuckable though, since you don't seem to notice anything beyond the surface level and respond to ego strokes ... so yeah, he'll likely keep you on a string.

I've dated one Libra girl. I liked our conversations, her playfulness, openness, and honesty was very attractive, and she was kinda kinky which was fun. But a couple times I asked if she could do something differently, she lost any idea of what to do, and kept asking what she should do. Total mood killer. Even if she pretended to know what she was doing and was confident about it, it would have been hot, even if it wasn't what I was looking for.

Gotta admit, what sexifulscorpio said was incredibly hot... Lingerie is your best friend 😉

I can only speak for myself, but I would think that Pisces guys like a girl who's a little aggressive, likes to take charge, but is still open to new ideas. Hot and heavy, and if it's in a serious relationship add some romantic passion to it. From what I've gathered, it seems Libras like playful sex (possibly with set rules?) with equal roles, and aren't so much into domination/submission. I'm not talking anything extreme necessarily, just certain... asymmetric... positions. She was very touchy about those things, thought the idea implied that the guy wanted to have power over her. Pisces just like a little role playing 😉

However, she did have an ex who was chauvinistic and verbally abusive, so that could definitely have had an effect on what she was okay with. This could just be a bad case, so take it with a grain of salt, and hopefully the other information may be insightful if you apply it to your context.

Oh I just remembered, she was a Virgo/Libra cusp. Don't know the other aspects of her chart.

Posted by PotHeadVirgo22

Posted by simplysweet987
I've been seing this pisces guy for over a year...we've had alot of up & downs and I've dated other people in between because he wouldn't give me a relationship (says he can't put everything into one & that it isn't his priority - school/work is). anyways we've recently gotten closer and actually met each others friends & have invited each other to different things. Before, we mainly stayed the night together and that was it.

I know he cares about me cause when he gets under my skin & frustrates me, he tries to make it better & makes me smile again (he used to act innocent & not fix it). our communication style s are very different since Im a Libra.

We had sex alot most of last year, but the last few months he hasn't wanted to or doesn't try but maybe once a month! When i ask why, he says that that's all i ever think about....and other times he's just tired. i did used to accuse him of using me for sex only & that he didn't respect me. sometimes now he'll even say "im just respecting you"...like being smart.

is this his way of "punishing" me or does it go deeper than that? still trying to understand Pisces. do they feel more insecure the closer they get to someone? Or is it a trust thing? I don't get why before we could have sex and that'd be it and now we can't!

any insight would be great! also, what can i do to change the situation??

Well i have a friend(Cancer) who's girlfirnd doesnt even like sex period and she's a pisces
It seems to be either a controlling factor or.....hell idk....being in controll is the only hypothesis I got from it, but you are right pisces do have a tendacy to withhold sex whenever they feel like it regardless of who it is hurting so....

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do you know what hypothesis means?