Please help deciphering this pisces guy

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cancergalforreal
@cancergalforreal
13 Years

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Hello all, need your help here to decipher this guy... To give you a little bit of background information, this Pisces guy is my coworker who is twice my age. He is my superior, and I have been providing reports to him and give him data he needs even though he is not my manager because I want to help him the best I could as a team. In the beginning he was very aloof to me, he probably thought I did not know what I was doing so he ignored me a lot (wouldn't answer my questions, etc). I just brushed it off since I have heard that this guy just simply isn't the nicest person in the world. Over the time he's gotten much nicer to me though, he would help me if I have question, directing me to the right person and he did let me know in advance that he was going to point out something that I did that could be improved during the status meeting (I guess he didn't want to throw me under the bus). We were even joking around few times this past month.

So yesterday, he asked me to update a file and I have been having issues with accessing it. Once we got off the phone I IMed him and this is the conversation:

Me: Hey, I still can't access the file
Him: Reboot
Me: Do you think it's my computer?
Him: either that, or it's you

So... what did he mean by saying the last sentence?? "Either that, or it's you"? Was it his way of brushing me off because I asked him too much question and he felt that I become too dependent on him? The reason why I told him I still couldn't access the file was because I thought I could probably just send the my report out to him and he could update it (remember he's not my manager, so I am not obligated to do stuff for him. Yes I am obligated to give him the report, but the file that I couldn't access is his responsibility).

When we were on the phone, he seemed fine to me, so at first I thought he was just teasing me. I did not know how to respond to that without being unprofessional so I just told him OK I would reboot the computer. He was right, I could update the file after that, so I IMed him again telling him that I was able to finally update it. He did not say anything after that.

So... what do you think he meant? Need your opinion especially Pisces men... I have been very nice to him because I respect him and I wanted to support him the best I can, but I am wondering if that makes him uncomfortable and if I should step back a little bit and be more aloof. Not answering his IM right away, etc.


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SilentSentinel
@SilentSentinel
13 YearsPisces

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It just sounds like you haven't earned a reputation with him. Don't expect a Pisces to be impressed by your fancy words, or your intelligence, or who you talk to, or your physical appearance, or your money, or anything BUT the goodness of your heart. Be honest and sympathetic with him, but DO NOT FAKE IT. I see people bullshit all the time and I usually act like I didn't notice. Sometimes it's understandable given the context, but other times I lose a lot of respect for that person. When he realizes you are a person that he can rely on, he will be straight up with you, very generous, and will go out of his way to help you, if it's important. Until then, trying to work with him will be like trying to decipher encrypted code or figure out how a magic trick works.

"Either that, or it's you": That was probably just an objective way of saying maybe you need to try a different way. I don't think he was trying to make you feel bad.

Acting fine on the phone: Probably thought your little mix-up wasn't a big deal. We can play mind games but we aren't type A aggressive people who mess with you just because we hate you. We distance ourselves from those types of people and let you mess up their own lives. If something is wrong we will usually assess whether there is something we can do to fix it. He didn't do anything, so 1) he didn't think anything needed to be done (most likely situation), 2) he didn't care (possible, but doubtful), or 3) he didn't think there was anything he could do about it (very doubtful).
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SilentSentinel
@SilentSentinel
13 YearsPisces

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Also, best way to befriend probably anyone is to cheer them up when they're feeling down. When talking to a Pisces, it can be either very hard or very easy to know when something is bothering them. If you think something is wrong, just ask a light question, like "How's it going?", and gauge their response. If they don't want to talk about it then don't pry. We don't like to push our problems on to other people, so if something is wrong we may mention it subtly. It can slightly bum us out when no one notices, but at the same time, speaking for myself, I understand it's impractical to expect them to catch on to everything.

Basically, if the sentence sounds like there is a "..." to the end, then just ask them if everything's okay, listen sincerely, be sympathetic, don't say they're wrong even if they are, they're probably just saying crazy stuff that they don't necessarily mean, or haven't even considered the magnitude of what they are saying. We just want to vent and ultimately sort things out ourselves, while knowing that there is someone who's there for us.
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cancergalforreal
@cancergalforreal
13 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 12 · Topics: 2
Thank you for the response. I think you are right... it is hard to earn a reputation with him though. I think our relationship was worse because of this reason, but I think he started to respect me a little bit (even though as you said, I haven't really earned his full respect yet).

Posted by SilentSentinel
Until then, trying to work with him will be like trying to decipher encrypted code or figure out how a magic trick works.





This is so true! I'm just not sure on how to respond to him. Should I be nice? Should I be aloof to not creep him out? He's very hard to read. Most of the time I feel that he probably just don't care. Perhaps I'm trying to analyse him too much haha.

Trying to be friendly to befriend him seems almost impossible... since he appears VERY aloof most of the time. There was only few instances where he shows that he is actually not a robot, like few days ago when I was getting off and told him have a good evening, and he actually told me to get some sleep, etc etc. It's hard to be nice to someone that appears aloof, you know?

The reason I'm drawn to him is because I feel that he is misunderstood by almost everyone. They thought that he was rude and mean (yes he could be) but I saw the way he treated his coworkers that he considered as friends, like you said he did go out of his way to help them. I think he was actually a very nice guy, so I want to help him the best I could.
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Scenic
@Scenic
13 Years5,000+ Posts

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I'd say continue to be nice (unless aloof is easier for you), but don't go out of your way to do anything for him. He probably doesn't care much for work friendships. Just from experience, I would say if he had any interest in wanting kindness or attention from any of his coworkers, he would show more kindness, himself. Just focus on doing your job and he'll focus on doing his.

As for the conversation you had, I think he was just stating a fact. Like "you either need to reboot it or you're not doing something right." To me, that just sounds like a normal thing to say, especially for work. No other way to say that that would make it seem nicer.
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kiwi
@kiwi
13 Years

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either he's busy and only able to reply in few words or he doesn't take what's being given lightly.

he probably feels as if you're expecting something in return when you offered your support. mind you, your complaint (this article) will probably escalate later on.

In most cases the "giver" always thinks that it's the "reciever's" obligation to appriciate what was given that s/he's NEVER ASKED FOR.

realistically it would seem like you're selling your support to him and expect appreciation as a payment in return. obviously he hasn't paid you well recently, it would better if you don't do business with him until he's demanded your service e.g. needs your support.

you're doing your support as a business, not an act of charity.

do you mind if you tell us why you're supporting him? besides your reason of respect for him of course...
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cancergalforreal
@cancergalforreal
13 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 12 · Topics: 2
Thank you all for your answer. No he is actually first decan... Feb 23rd is his birthday.

Well I don't know why I want to help him so much, perhaps because he was being nice to me first? As I mentioned he was known as a crude, mean guy and he blatantly ignored me in the past. I didn't take it personally and just did my work the best I could, ask question to him if necessary even if he did not answer. But then he was the one who started being nice to me, he initiated conversation one time when I was working late, asking me why I worked so late, etc. Not sure if all Cancers are like this or if it's just me, but people usually started getting my attention after they gave me their attention first.

And I like him, as I said I feel that he was actually a really nice guy who (seems to) want to go out of his way to help those who considers as friend. I think he is a very kind person.

@kiwi: can you elaborate further on your remark regarding my complaint escalating later on? You mean I will bring it up to him?

@nemesis: yeah I figured that he doesn't care about being misunderstood at all. I don't want to 'fix' him or anything. I don't know, perhaps I'm just reading into this too much. I think I should just accept that he does not care about this kind of things, and learn to not care either.

Thanks for the response guys... I appreciate it.
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tbird
@tbird
14 Years1,000+ PostsPisces

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Me: Hey, I still can't access the file
Him: Reboot
Me: Do you think it's my computer?
Him: either that, or it's you



Hmm the man is being blunt. Honestly he's telling the truth or nothing but the truth. Either your computer works perfectly and you are operating it incorrectly or you are doing everything correctly and the computer is glitching.

Nothing more or less. Don't read too much into this. It DOES seem you want something out of this work relationship. Word to the wise DO NOT GO THERE!! OMFG! Don't do it!! It will be awkward and if you do sleep with a superior you will honestly be percieved by your co-workers as a harlot (not to say that you are) and your trying to sleep your way to the top. This will stress your relationship and it cannot blossom perfectly (if it did go there) because everything would be in secret and pisces do not work well with these types of relationships. When a pisces is done with a relationship they will act like you don't exist...you don't want this type of relationship to exist in a work environment. You could be transferred (not to say this is correct, but he does have the higher ranking position) or worse you loose your job.

Just don't go there...get your mind right and keep it off that man. Do you job to the best of your ability and keep it moving. My two pence about the subject. Take it or leave it, if you do leave it, I would not be suprised if you do go there in a few months you will be back on here asking what went wrong.
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cancergalforreal
@cancergalforreal
13 Years

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@tbird: yes he is a very blunt person. You are absolutely right... I think I just need to detach myself from all these stuff. I am trying to analyze every single thing that he said or do, and it's getting really tiresome.

And thank you for the word of caution... I do need someone to remind me that. 🙂 I have to admit that I might have a little crush on this guy, but I am completely aware that I absolutely, 100% , cannot have a relationship with him. I will never begin anything other than work relationship with him, everything is just inside my head right now (and always will be). That I know for sure. Right now what I can do is to support him at work and do my job the best I can.





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Scenic
@Scenic
13 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 273 · Posts: 5457 · Topics: 33
Oh hey, him and I are birthday buddies. ; ) well, if you want to be friends with him, keep being nice and maybe he'll open up more. Just over do it. No being clingy out constantly wanting to talk to him. Keep it casual. He'll open up when he wants to, and if you guys get on better terms (which may not be possible since he's probably in work mode at the office), you may see more of that.
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cancergalforreal
@cancergalforreal
13 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 12 · Topics: 2
Posted by Scenic
Oh hey, him and I are birthday buddies. ; ) well, if you want to be friends with him, keep being nice and maybe he'll open up more. Just over do it. No being clingy out constantly wanting to talk to him. Keep it casual. He'll open up when he wants to, and if you guys get on better terms (which may not be possible since he's probably in work mode at the office), you may see more of that.



Thank you for the suggestion. 🙂
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deezie
@deezie
19 Years1,000+ PostsPisces

Comments: 73 · Posts: 3385 · Topics: 36
Me: Hey, I still can't access the file
Him: Reboot
Me: Do you think it's my computer?
Him: either that, or it's you

Ummmm If I were to have said this to someone, it would have been because
- I knew it was the computer, and that restarting it would fix the problem (which I believe it did in your case)

and

- BECAUSE I knew it would fix the issue, I thought I'd try to be funny about the fact that I'm so smart that the reboot would rectify the problem - and say "welllll if the reboot doesn't work, it must be you that's the problem" - a safe and humorous insult (to me anyway), because I was positive it would be the computer that was the problem.

That's me though... enacting that 3rd decan pisces misfittery 🙂
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cancergalforreal
@cancergalforreal
13 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 12 · Topics: 2
Posted by deezie
Me: Hey, I still can't access the file
Him: Reboot
Me: Do you think it's my computer?
Him: either that, or it's you

Ummmm If I were to have said this to someone, it would have been because
- I knew it was the computer, and that restarting it would fix the problem (which I believe it did in your case)

and

- BECAUSE I knew it would fix the issue, I thought I'd try to be funny about the fact that I'm so smart that the reboot would rectify the problem - and say "welllll if the reboot doesn't work, it must be you that's the problem" - a safe and humorous insult (to me anyway), because I was positive it would be the computer that was the problem.

That's me though... enacting that 3rd decan pisces misfittery 🙂



This is what I thought he was doing too! I thought he was teasing me about being unable to open the file, because (obviously) I can operate the computer. He did joke in a sarcastic manner to me several times... which was what made me think so (as an example, one time on Friday he told me that this report wasn't due until the following Monday end of day, but if I wanted to stay all night to complete it he had no issue with that). But he did not reply to my IM at all after that, that's why I think that it wasn't really a joke.
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cancergalforreal
@cancergalforreal
13 Years

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Posted by Nemesis
"@nemesis: yeah I figured that he doesn't care about being misunderstood at all. I don't want to 'fix' him or anything. I don't know, perhaps I'm just reading into this too much. I think I should just accept that he does not care about this kind of things, and learn to not care either."


most pisces just march to their own drumbeat (great melodies hehe). don't take it personally. you can march with, as long as you don't start taking control of the drum-set.






You are right he probably doesn't care about any of us and just do whatever he wants or whatever he thinks is right. I guess I do need to learn to switch myself off and just tune him out, like how I did few months ago. Sometimes I am blaming him for causing me to be in this state (I know, I know, it's my own personal issue that has nothing to do with him because he was most likely just trying to be nice since I was being very nice to him) and wished that he stayed as the super crude, mean guy he used to be.
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SilentSentinel
@SilentSentinel
13 YearsPisces

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Posted by P-Angel
You await with bated-breath, as if he is an actual participant in the delusion you have running in your brain. The reason why he appears as though he doesn't care is because he doesn't .. and probably isn't even aware you have a fantasy about him having feelings for you.



Nothing she said has even the slightest tinge of connotation that could suggest she's attracted to him, let alone harboring a full-blown fantasy as you claim. She said he's a misunderstood person who comes off as mean and rude, but has a nice side to him. Pisces are complicated, misunderstood people, and sometimes others just want to understand us better because they've seen our good qualities.
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P-Angel
@P-Angel
20 Years25,000+ PostsPisces

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Posted by SilentSentinel


Posted by P-Angel
You await with bated-breath, as if he is an actual participant in the delusion you have running in your brain. The reason why he appears as though he doesn't care is because he doesn't .. and probably isn't even aware you have a fantasy about him having feelings for you.



Nothing she said has even the slightest tinge of connotation that could suggest she's attracted to him, let alone harboring a full-blown fantasy as you claim. She said he's a misunderstood person who comes off as mean and rude, but has a nice side to him. Pisces are complicated, misunderstood people, and sometimes others just want to understand us better because they've seen our good qualities.
click to expand






For being a Pisces, you sure don't read between the lines very well.

Hopefully, you'll grow the ability to see what is real
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P-Angel
@P-Angel
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Posted by cancergalforreal

When we were on the phone, he seemed fine to me, so at first I thought he was just teasing me. I did not know how to respond to that ...





They are two people who work together, here she finds herself not knowing how to respond to a platonic conversation .... and the only reason a person would not know how to is because they've got unrealistic expecations in thier head about the relationship being something other than two co-workers.


Posted by cancergalforreal

So... what do you think he meant?





Here it is again. She know clue what he meant, when every other person who read this knew what he meant, and all answered the same. While because she has an unrealistic expectation in her head about how he regards her, she cannot discern the obvious. This is because she has a fantasy in her head about him regarding her in a different light than he does.

don't make a fool out of yourself and actually think you are able to (get) how a woman processes her feelings

Posted by cancergalforreal

... I have been very nice to him ..... I am wondering if that makes him uncomfortable and if I should step back a little bit and be more aloof. Not answering his IM right away, etc.

click to expand




And again. She cannot grasp how he is feeling her, and whether he is uncomfortable. Why should a person feel uncomfortable because a co-worker is nice?

Be aloof?

Not answering an IM right away? .... for what purposes? ... because her reality of the situation is tainted, and she believes that she is effecting him emotionally, and the only way she could actually believe such unrealistic bullshit would be due to her having a fantasy running in her head.
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SilentSentinel
@SilentSentinel
13 YearsPisces

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Don't get laid much? You think I'm just gonna whore myself out to every girl that likes me? I actually have some self-respect, unlike most guys my age. I have plenty of girls crush on me but most of it is superficial, they see I'm not impressed and flock to me. Hardly have I ever crushed on someone at first sight, it leads to all of the problems that these message boards are flooded with. The few relationships I've had have been very good, and I'm proud of it.

I missed the comment where she said she had a crush on him. Regardless, you make it sound like a fantasy that she'll never be able to get over. It's a crush, she knows it won't work out and that makes her want it more, but in the long run she'll get over it. She's asking for advice and so far listening to it. Kudos to her. Still, you jump to conclusions about people when given pretty limited information. I'll admit I do it too, but I have yet to see you consider the possibility that you could be wrong, about anything. It's probably not a stretch to believe that you don't have many friends, and that you're perfectly fine with that.
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cancergalforreal
@cancergalforreal
13 Years

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Posted by P-Angel
::::: shakes head :::::



You await with bated-breath, as if he is an actual participant in the delusion you have running in your brain. The reason why he appears as though he doesn't care is because he doesn't .. and probably isn't even aware you have a fantasy about him having feelings for you.


And they talk about Pisces being dreamers !!!



Thank you for the response. You are correct on the most part, so yes you did read between the lines well. Unfortunately you judged me too fast and seemed to think that I am sitting around here with an illusion in my head, waiting for him to reciprocate my feelings. This is the part that you are wrong.

I do not wait for him with bated-breath... as I mentioned in my previous post I am not planning to pursue anything with him. Ever. I came here because I know due to the fact that I might have a crush on him, my feelings might have clouded my judgement, hence I need to ask a neutral, third party opinion. Everyone has given that, and I appreciate them helping me understand this whole thing. I appreciate your opinion as well, and I agree with you that he probably has no idea of this whole thing. Which is actually better for me.

For me, in the end of the day fantasy is a fantasy... but my life will go on as it is. If he is not my superior at work I wouldn't care, but since he is I want to make sure that I don't do anything stupid that would make the situation awkward. Hence I asked everyone about that line he said... if it showed that I am perhaps showing too much attention to him and it was his way to brush me off.



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P-Angel
@P-Angel
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Posted by cancergalforreal

... you judged me too fast and seemed to think that I am sitting around here with an illusion in my head, waiting for him to reciprocate my feelings. This is the part that you are wrong.






when in reality, I'm not wrong.


Posted by cancergalforreal

.... I am wondering if that makes him uncomfortable and if I should step back a little bit and be more aloof. Not answering his IM right away, etc.

click to expand






For you to now analyze your next move, which is what that ^^^ quote is referencing, is a situation in which you are realizing you need to manuever yourself with him, so you can get the response you want from him.

And for the record, any vision a woman has in her head about being with a man who shows zero interest in her .. is fantasizing. I'm not talking about a sexual fantasy, I mean a romantic fantasy.

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cancergalforreal
@cancergalforreal
13 Years

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Posted by Let*It*Be
"Hello all, need your help here to decipher this guy... To give you a little bit of background information, this Pisces guy is my coworker who is twice my age."


Whether he is a co-worker or not, whether you could go after him or not...he's twice your age, that alone should squash any fantasy, instead ask yourself why you even think of (fantasizing)being with a man twice your age and address that.



I have been asking myself that question over and over again, but I don't know the answer. I have a great relationship with my dad and there's no daddy issues. I think this guy just happens to be twice my age.