Strange Pisces Man

I dated this 45 yr. old Pisces for about 4 months, with alot of off & on due to fighting. Well, we broke it off completely back after July 4th, when I discovered that he really wasn't officially divorced as he said he was (although separated).

A few weeks ago, I had emailed him a sort of scathing email (bc. we had run into each other but completely did not speak and ignored one another), saying that I'd misjudged his character and chatised him for lying to me. All of a sudden after weeks had gone by, he texts me out of the blue this past weekend to say that I had my facts wrong, however he didn't care anymore, and hope I find what I'm looking for. Well, I figured he must care to be suddenly texting me on a Sat. evening after all that time. At first he agreed to meet me to talk, but then the next day he wanted to know exactly what I wanted to talk about before getting together. I told him - the divorce or lack thereof. He proceeds to text me the truth and that he's not yet divorced, will be in 4 weeks, I can verify it if I want, sorry he lied. I act totally cool and don't flip out or say anything mean at all. A few days later, yesterday, I ask him if he wants to go for drinks, no serious discussions. And after not responding for several hours, after some prompting from me to accept or decline, he says we should go our separate ways, and that he's just being upfront and honest (in telling me so).

WTF?? I feel like I got caught in a tailspin and he did a 180 in a matter of a few days when I had only acted more understanding and nicer than when we weren't talking. Any insight or thoughts on what was going through this Pisces mind? I am now trying to forget him - again - but this is troubling me.

Well, I was able to confirm that he filed for divorce a month ago. But, I won't be fooled again on thinking he wants another chance with me. It's like he wanted to "clear his name", save face, and then diss me or something?

I am a little confused here, as well .... you say that this relationship was broken off because you found out he was lying to you, which indicates to me that it was likely you who initiated this breaking.

Then you keep contacting him, over and over .... and say that he's doing a tailspin on you. What tailspin?

You keep chasing a man .. he keeps sniffing around ... you act cool to push him back .. he backs away .. you contact him again .. he comes sniffing around again .. repeat .. what 180 are you referring to?

I guess I'm just not understanding what the question is ..



"I had only acted more understanding and nicer than when we weren't talking"

This comes after he finally says, let's quit this, shall we?

If he is a liar, and betrayed you .. why on earth do you keep attempting to snare him back to you? Why would you be nicer and more understanding of him AFTER he injured you?


What the hell? I can't reason this out.

"But, I won't be fooled again on thinking he wants another chance with me."


:: scratches head ::


"Well, I figured he must care"
"I ask him if he wants to go for drinks"



CapGirl .... you have my head spinning here .... he isn't trying to get back with you at all, it's the other way around, luv.

You are chasing him ... you want another chance with him.

P-Angel, I wasn't chasing him any longer after finding out he lied about being divorced. I just had my "final say" and was bitching him out essentially in that email. Perhaps, his was just a delayed response to it, but it seemed like "sniffing around" or moreso like "stirring the pot". I neglected to include that the night prior to his Sat. text we had seen each other out and I purposely avoided crossing his path.

Yea, after he texted me the long explanation of "why not divorced but will be in 30 days", I was willing to accept it and give him another chance.

It doesn't matter I guess. I'm probably just venting here more than anything!

You got it, Starfish.

Also, Sat. night, I responded to his text with "I want to talk to you. Meet me tomorrow?" Within minutes, he responded "Yes, but stop acting like a misinformed detective. I've had alot of pain. I don't want anymore. It's that simple, gorgeous." So... with that, I did think he was looking for something. I merely then said, "I'll see you tomorrow then." Never happened-


This is just Friday drama for you all! 😉

To me .. the below contact from him that came after the break-up is clear, and it doesn't appear to have any other meaning ....


"he texts me out of the blue this past weekend to say that I had my facts wrong, however he didn't care anymore, and hope I find what I'm looking for."

"At first he agreed to meet me to talk, but then the next day he wanted to know exactly what I wanted to talk about before getting together"


she tells him she wants clarification on the divorce ...


"He proceeds to text me the truth and that he's not yet divorced, will be in 4 weeks"


she then asks him out for drinks in which he didn't respond, and then after being prompted to either accept her offer or decline ..


"he says we should go our separate ways, and that he's just being upfront and honest"



....... how can this be miscontrued? It's perfectly clear to me. He got caught in a lie, in which she freaked out and broke up with him .. and he swam away .. just as all us Fish do. She chases after him because she really didn't want to break up with him, her feelings were just hurt, which is normal ... but, in Fish- style , he cares not because he swam away.

How is this not clear? He hasn't said or done anything in which has been posted in here to suggest he wants her back.

No, I can't always reason out other peoples ways of doing things .. I also can't say ... this man is confused, to console her, when it is clear to me that he is not the one confused here .. she is.

I think he was lonely over the long Labor Day weekend, saw me out from afar, wanted to start something, then later thought better of it after the moment/weekend had passed?

Case solved! lol

CapGirl, I understand that you need to vent. But, I can't understand why this is confusing to you. Perhaps, my heart is set so solidly that's it near impossible for me to reason out emotional chaos.

Maybe, it's Piscean, maybe it's just me ... but, I think it's a Piscean trait.


It's like this ... once you approached him with an accusation about him and his divorce, in which you thought he lied to you (and maybe he did) .. the Piscean dis-associates, dis-connects.

Nevermind .. maybe I'm not reading this right .. maybe I'm not comprehending correctly.


So, disregard what I said ...


New words from me ..... chalk it up to experience, try to find whatever lesson was in it for you, and carry it forward. 🙂

I appreciate your take on it, PAngel. My words to him have been confusing/contradictory. It is too far gone now, and I should have realized that and not even responded to that text of his. But he shouldn't have agreed to meet up to talk. He's a coward, and thought he could just sweep it all under the rug with "But stop being the misinformed detective....gorgeous." When he saw that wasn't going to work with me, he started swimming away again.

"He's a coward, and thought he could just sweep it all under the rug"


It probably does appear this way to non-Pisceans, and the thing is, we really don't care if something thinks we are a coward.

Once we disconnect our feelings ... we simply don't care. That's cold hearted, I know .. and I know because I live it everyday of my life.

Once you accused him of lying, even if he was ...... he dis-associated that you had any importance to him in his life, so no remorse or guilt could be attached.


This is a normal Piscean trait ... it's not fun, and it certainly cannot be easy for people trying to relate to us .. it's also the truth.

I really did think it was a "defense mechanism", protecting oneself, to say "however I don't care anymore". I've done the same by prefacing to him "Not that it matters anymore, but...".

Blah! Men suck! Thanks for giving me your time on this today, both of you. 😉

Yes, it is an individual thing .. that is to say, what we each will hold ourselves accountible for, or not, is on an individual basis. Such as with you, a lie, you will hold yourself accountible ... with him, he won't. Whatever the specifics are ... if a Piscean feels that they aren't responsible, they dis-associate relevance.



From everything said above ... I wouldn't say he was a loser, for we only know one-side, and this side comes from a jaded perspective because the heart has been injured. We really don't know why he lied, or if he even did in his mind. We know he did in her mind.


I know for myself ... if I were seperated from my spouse, I would consider myself single, and I would tell people I was single because in my mind, I would be.

If only what was said in here was taken as gospel .. he only did one thing wrong from her perspective .. everything after that was two people playing for attention because of injured feelings.

That wouldn't really be grounds to consider a man a loser to me. But, we're all different.

Yea, he's a total dramatic Pisces (no offense Pisceans!), and everything bad/awful that affected him was so intense for him. Tended to exaggerate quite a bit too- it was entertaining when it was a funny story or tale but not so charming when it was a serious matter being discussed.

"said something like "everything is about HIS feelings. it always goes back to that" even if the fact was he did something to hurt you but if he himself FEELS hurt he can only concentrate on that"



I actually agree with that assessment, SG .. only, I believe this to be so with every person who has fractured feelings, regardless of sign or gender.

For example:

"scathing email (bc. we had run into each other but completely did not speak and ignored one another), saying that I'd misjudged his character and chatised him"

.... this comes from her own feelings, focusing on herself. They saw each other in public and ignored .. at this point, she had already approached him about his lie, which is WHY they broke up. When she was ignored in public, which she said a couple weeks had passed, and certainly, a couple weeks is enough time to settle down from an emotional spike ... her feelings were again injured, which caused her to send a scathing email to him. So, in reality, this email was really about her feelings.



So, from where I observe people, I see that every person who is hurt, they focus on their own pain.

"She was willing to deal with him after she found out he was not really divorced I am sure she was willing to deal with him while he was going through the process if that was what he was going to do"


I'm sure also. The thing is though, if she was willing to overlook this deception, and attempt to continue the relationship .. then how can his lie be considered grounds for considering this characteristic a loser one?

If my man beat me up, daily .. and I stayed with him .. then this means I have forgiven him for what he did, and cannot "use" his violent nature against his character.

We're all different, what we will tolerate, what we will accept, deny, or forgive. But, from where I view this .. if it was his "lie" in which started this whole chain of events, and she has forgiven him by wanting to be his partner anyway ... then I can't make the assessment that he is a loser for it.

"acutally i think it's reasonable to focus on healing one's own pain coz otherwise one cannot respond constructively to another"


Absolutely .... otherwise, how can a person grow past it so they won't carry dirty emotional baggage forward onto the next?

When I said that, SG ... I was expressing that this is in the nature of all of us, as people who feel, and not exclusively sign or gender specific.

"Yes, but stop acting like a misinformed detective. I've had alot of pain. I don't want anymore. It's that simple, gorgeous."

His lying. His just stupid enough to escape and hide away from you because his ashamed. He knows that he really cares and loves you, but in his mind he might have had a thought "I got caught lying, I'm failed, there's no second chance" and put the say "It's that simple, gorgeous." - No way he would say that if his rude attitude at "but stop acting like a misinformed detective" was true.

"Yes, but stop acting like a misinformed detective. I've had alot of pain. I don't want anymore. It's that simple, gorgeous." - His lying. He knows he really cares for you.

OMG I am so loving that yummy guinea pig! I use to have 4 guinea pigs when I was younger.

It's really quite simple ...


Boy and girl break up .... girl tries to get boy back, boy sniffs around a little and decides not interested .. girl flips out because she is rejected and screams "liar", eventhough she was willing, herself to overlook this.

Shit like this happens all the time to men ... a friend of mine was dating a woman he worked with, in the lunch room, they would get comfy sometimes ... he broke up with her later, and now she is screaming "sexual harrassment" at the top of her lungs because he touched her in the lunch room a couple months ago.

That ^^^^ has nothing to do with sexual harrassment, it has to do with her being injured and looking for something horrible to punish him for breaking up with her.

Same with this situation .... this has nothing to do with a lie, for she had already decided to look past it, and forgive and was willing to work on the relationship ..... but, when he said .. Naw, I'll pass ... NOW she screams .... liar, liar, pants on fire.

Don't be confused in thinking this is about a lie he told because it's not .. it's about him being punished for rejecting her when she tried to get him back after breaking up with him.

This is a kind of problem that arises a lot with people who try to date Pisces people ... we just won't play.

We find in here ..

Breaks up for a lie
Ignores, then once done in public ..
Sends scathing email to reem out

** think about the above one .. certainly she already approached him when she broke up with him about his lie, for it's the reason for the break up in the first place .. then weeks later, when she has been ignored for a while (meaning, he isn't running back to her for amends), she sends a scathing email to reem him out even further .. eventhough, once she broke up with him, he swam and left her alone.

** if you break up with a person, and they leave you alone completely and don't bother you any longer .... what kind of a person does it make you if you stalk them, and target them, eventhough they left you alone as you wished of them to do because that's why the break up happened?


He responds to defend himself against an attack
She softens up, since he isn't ignoring her anylonger and noticed her
She believes this noticing of her is because he wants her
In reality, he was simply defending an attack
She asks him out for drinks, now being nice and understanding
He passes ..

She flips out and says he's done a 180
In reality, he swam away the moment she broke up with him, and everything else has been her trying to get him back.

And a Pisces just won't play this game .. and it leaves the other person very confused because it works on everybody else.

This is true, bijou .... an unstable union from the beginning really has no chance, for the tone is set.

My only point in this is that .... if this "lie" was acceptable, and was overlooked, or any other "issue" that arose within this relationship, was overlooked .... then it cannot be later used against a person to slant people's perspective of his character.

"But he does not feel anything about being the cause of her pain, because he's blind to it."


Without question .....

Once a Pisces dis-associates any relevancy .. there is no guilt attached. We are walking proof of dis-associated personality disorder, and it's present our whole lives, though, a Pisces person, themselves, likely cannot grasp it exists within us, because it's normal to us, natural.


Addressing this ... "it is being lied to so that you do something you would never, ever do otherwise" ......... we dont' know this to be the case. This woman speaks as if she is European, for one thing, and so I don't know that she would have this instilled mind-set that the Americans do. And no matter her country, or program .... we don't really know if she would still have been with him or not. But, what we do know is that once she found out about it, she was still willing to be with him ... so, it wasn't that bad of an injury.


Again .. my point is the same .. if this behaviour has been accepted by her, and forgiven to the point where she wants to be nice/understanding and go out on a date with him for drinks to discuss nicely about the development of their relationship ..... then this "issue" of deception CANNOT be used, as painted in a bad light against his character to slant a persons perception.

A new friend of mine, in which I don't know that well ... her husband came to where we were (a group of us), and made a dramatic scene because he thought she was cheating on him, and he came to spy on her. When he saw we were just doing nothing questionable, just friends hanging out .. he made his little scene.

She was upset when he left, and started crying and told me he is violent and will hurt her .... I was trying to console her. I look around and all of the other friends, who know her and her husband, turned a blind-eye to her suffering.

That ^^^^ immediately got my attention. These other people KNOW her, KNOW him .. and they ignore .. why?

She proceeds to tell me details of her abuse, and that she's been living it for upteen years.

At this point .... my compassion stops ... this is not a victim. Her words to me about how he's a monster for physically hurting her no longer holds any value, and my perception of him cannot be molded according to her jadedness .....

.. because, she has forgiven him for all of it

.. she left soon after I withdrew from her, said she has to go home to take care of him because he is upset.


Perhaps, I'm just a cold-hearted bitch, and sobeit ..

I see your point ... a programming of the psyche, of sorts, for justification to protect the self. (I think this is what you meant).

I'm not entirely sure that anybody truly loves another, for another, though .... love we express to another holds expectations for it to be reiterated. And I believe this to be true because if it isn't given back within the same terms that it is bestowed .. then this same love turns to resentment.

People are so complex ... and fractured ... we know not what we do, even when we "think" we do.

I'm baaack... haha He texted out of the blue again, after it'd been 4 days gone by, and said I was right about things and sorry, and that we met during a rough time in his life.

Aha... but this time, I took it with a grain of salt, and did not respond back! 😉 Not even tempted to.

The goat learns quick! lol