To Truly Forgive and Forget. . .

Hey Ya'll,
You know what? I don't know if I'm just over-reacting, but my abusive Aquarius/Capricorn cusp Uncle has been pretty much lingering around in my life. I was at the mall and he waved at me from the court yard, but I only nodded and went my way. Then he made a visit to my mother's house and told her that I gave him the cold shoulder. When I was in Iraq in 2003, he left his phone number and wanted me to call him and my mother even relayed his message to me. (Is she on crack?) This man abused me physically and verbally like a dog when I was 7 years old. It took a long time to build up my confidence after all the things he said to me. On top of that, he tried it again 10 years later but that time I was old enough to defend myself. He chased after me with a piece of lumber, but I countered by throwing a seashell at him and popped him in the eye. All the anger that I had in me from what he did to me at 7 years old helped me propelled that seashell to pop him in the eye. After that day, I wanted vowed to have nothing to do with that man, because if he tried it twice, I will be damned if I give him a third chance. This past Sunday, he came by my mother's house to visit. He asked about me and my mother told him that I was asleep. When I woke up, she told me that he was here and that he asked about me. (What the f*ck?!) My mother is acting so retarded in not understanding why I want nothing to do with this man. She thinks that I have anger in my heart, but I don't. I just think that after trying to do me physical harm twice, it was best that I stay away from him. Is that so wrong?

i dont think so. i would go downstairs with him sitting there and my mother sitting there and tell him my reasons and leave it at that. no more contact after that. no more anything.

Is the Uncle, your mother's brother?

"This man abused me physically and verbally like a dog when I was 7 years old."

Does your mother have awareness of this? If not, then it would appear to her as though you have unwarranted anger in your heart.

"My mother is acting so retarded in not understanding why I want nothing to do with this man."

Are you sure she realizes what hell this man put you through? Perhaps, what Lil said, is your best option .. if you approach both of them together and made your claim as to exactly WHY you have no interest in relating .. she'll fully understand the kind of torment you feel inside about his abuse. Hopefully, if your mother becomes more aware of how this is effecting you .. she'll make a stand.

Unfortunately for us Fish .. we will just ignore whatever it is that we deem unworthy of further effort, concern or responsibility .. which, is a good thing, for we are protecting ourselves from what we know is wrong for us .. however, with this ignorance, we also face being at the mercy of others who aren't as secure with themselves and who will turn it against us and attempt to walk all over us.

Such as the Uncle, in this case .. he has your mother believing that you are being cold for no apparant reason ..

You should definately have a talk with your mother, or a really good re-talk if she already knows all or most of the details of what you have been through...Do this alone, just the two of you. i truly think since it was your mother's brother, it should be 'her' to talk with him, and tell him of your feelings in NO uncertain terms...*You don't deserve to go through one more minute of pain, wash yourself of it for good.. Your a grown man, and it's your decision in life who you want to relate to and who you don't, for whatever reason...'your mother should definately be there to help you now, if not before; her love for you should outweigh anything..

Hey Ya'll,
You want to know something? My mother is aware of this. As a matter of fact, she was aware of it the first time it happened and the second time it happened. She's preaching to me to let "by-gones be bygones", but the second time I thought by-gones were by-gones with my uncle the man got violent with me again, but he was the one who got hurt as a result. Apparently, he's gotten on her good side. I guess she just want peace with her older brother, but I want that man to stay the hell away from me because I don't trust him. After he made an attempt to abuse me the 2nd time around, I knew it wasn't me. He's the one with the problem and I'm giving him alot of distance because he only brings me conflict. My family is so "looney". Not all of us are like that, but it has a fair mix of relatives with "looney" ways. That's why the family functions are so scarce now. There would be scuffles and issues going on, and the ones who caused it would try to sweep it under the rug then play "the by-gones be by-gones" card, without ever talking it out and not giving a proper apology. (I just don't get it.)Sometimes, they just go back to doing the same thing all over again to where it drives you away. It really sucks.