What's something sweet I can do for Pisces?

As you all... well most of you all know from my previous posts what's going on. I realize now that there's really nothing more that I can do to try to get him back, but that doesn't mean that I can't love him anymore... he can't ever take the love that I have for him away. I want to do some really nice sweet things for him to show him that I still care, but I'm not trying to get back with him anymore, because I just can't. I do love him and I want to show him that, even if he hates my guts, I don't care. I always shower the people I love with sweet things and kind gestures, regardless of how they feel about me. So, what are some nice things that I can do for him? I've bought him a lot of things, but something I can actually DO for him? Anything at all—— I know it's so stupid and lame of me, and I should just move on, but I can't, and I know that he has, but I still care, and want to show him that. So suggestions please.... nice ones would be appreciated ....

Bribing him (gifts, money etc) wont help thats 100% .

I don't think anyone could tell you what to do at the moment. We do not live your life so we cannot know when to do what. All I can tell you is this, try to gain his faith in you.

I know that bribing won't help... it didn't work the first 2323 times. Well what can I actually DO to show him that I still care without seeming like I'm just trying to get back together... how can I (as you put it) restore his faith in me?? there has to be a way... and I'm open to totally illogical off the wall things.

Okay, and how can I do that?

I think the best way is to talk to him. But not like this: Pick up telephone and ask for a date etc. More like casual. Perhaps some gathering.

this is the most relative answer I could give you atm because I dont know this guy

Does he make fun of you in cruel way or disrespectful way whenver you ask a normal question?

What is it about you that he loved when everything was ok?

Whatever it was that you (had) .. he can no longer see.

Get it back .. get a job, get skinny, get a car, get self confidence .. get whatever "it" is that is gone in you that he once saw.

When you have that .. try to plan an encounter where you know he will be .. let him see "that" woman he fell in love with again .. he will fall in love with you all over again if you show him that you are still "her".

Scorpio702 -

Have you thought about maybe looking into how to deal with co-dependency issues?

You really need to learn how to "let go" - I know it is hard for you but it will not get any easier unless you yourself take the steps to improve yourself.

Where you are right now emotionally is not healthy.

I promise, with time - this will get easier.

P-Angel, that's some really good advice... you are right... he can no longer see the me tha he fell in love with, all he can see is this person that isn't me... and no he doesn't make fun of me when I ask him a normal question, but if I start telling him how sorry I am, it gets him really upset... and then I feel even more guilty for saying that I'm sorry... and want to say sorry even more..

I know.. everyone says that it will take time... everyone that knows me says that it will probably take me 6 months to a year before I get over it... and most of them suspect that he will want me back when I do get better and most of them think that by the time I do get better and if he wants me, that I won't want him... I don't think that's the case.. I know that we once shared something really special... and I believe that we can have it back... even if it takes 6 months to a year... or 10 years... I am willing to wait for forever for him... but if I did meet someone that I genuinely connected with then I would start pursuing that, but I don't see that happening...

Freebird

I don't belive emotional inhibition is a healthy thing either.

Well I tried to ignore my feelings and pretend that I just don't care but that backfired big time and blew up in my face, Freebird is right though, where I am at emotionally is not healthy... but I know it will take time... a long time..

Long time inhibition is not health either.

What he does expect from you if he does not want to talk about what is important for you?

Oh, when I met him I was a lot thinner... then I got pregnant by him... and had to lay in bed for 3 months.. because the placenta had torn and then I lost the baby... very hard on us... and that caused me to gain a lot of weight... and I used to excersize everyday... and I was told that I couldn't excersize for a while after... all I could do was go for walks... and I didn't really care for that... so yes.. I got out of shape after the whole pregnancy thing... and I used to be so independent... I still have my own car... I just won't have my license back until June 6th, I used to always have my own money, and my own things, and then I moved in with him... and that all changed... everything became ours... well until we broke up that is... and then everything became his again... which is why I think he is so bent on shutting my cell phone off (its under his name on a family plan), because he did say that he wants me to become independent again... which is attractive in a person... and I used to be so confident.. but after the pregnancy like I said... so you are right P-Angel... I need to become that same person that he fell in love with all over again... that's my only chance...

Well... I don't know... he basically wants me to move on with my life and start seeing other people... he wants me to grow up and become independent again... but he doesn't want to talk about it... he just wants to talk about the bills so... he said that he cares about what happens to me... but that was pretty much it... oh and that our paths might cross again in the future... which of course I took that as someday we will be together again... which will probably not be the case... he probably just meant that we would run into eachother someday and randomly see eachother..

Lady Scorp....

Release your unwanted weight, bet back in shape as P suggested but....do it for YOU, not for him.

You most definately have been through quite a lot Missy - losing a baby, your things, him....you are dealing with "loss" in your life at the moment. Take some time for yourself to reconnect with you - give yourself a gift that can never be lost and that is learning to love yourself.

Hugs to you,

Well I'm not trying to force him against his will... I mean I want him to wake up because I know that he still cares... everyone knows that he still cares... even though he denies it. I'm not trying to control him by any means... I mean I see nothing wrong in trying to do everything you can to get back your loved one, because it shows that you would do anything for them and that you really do care for them... I'm not manipulating... at least I don't see it that way... the one time I broke up with him he did everything that I'm doing now to get me back, he cried and begged and wrote me love letters... and I just couldn't say no to that... I never thought he manipulated me... he just went above and beyond to show me how much he truly cares and has seen the error of his ways.

Thank you Freebird... and I know I need to do it for me... and I am.. but it would be a major plus if I could get him back in the process....

And now I'm trying to get him to see the same thing.... however it's not really working... nothing is really working...

Okay...let's try this -

let's say Scorpio, that you were dating a guy for a while and for some reason or another had asked him to move out. (the reasons right now are not important - the fact is you asked him to move out.) He does. You begin to move on with your life, dating other men, getting in shape, having fun and then......he calls, he begins to send gifts, he calls, he writes....how are you now feeling about this guy?

I am also assuming here that when and if you were to ask a man to move out that you had a very, very good reason - you would not just do it for the heck of it and let him back in....right?

No, I didn't ask him to leave, I left, we were living at his mom's house and I was working two jobs and I had just lost the baby and he wasn't working any and every paycheck went to paying his bills entirely while he sat around and did nothing, and it's not that he wasn't working. I would come home and still have to cook and clean, the only thing that he did was the laundry. I moved back into my parents house and told him that I would not be living with him at his mother's house again, so a month later he got his act together and got an apartment and I moved back in with him. And, I still saw him, even when I moved out... we weren't really broken up I guess... because I still saw him eveyday becaus I just loved him so much... but we weren't living together... and I thought that since he kicked me out.. that he wanted time... but that's not the case... he just wants it to be done..

thts my personal opinion,, we dont chase shadows from past.. just walk on in life,,, if he would like to, he will walk beside you, taking your hand.
...that makes me sad... because he doesnt want to walk beside me and take my hand... 😢

But it's not like he's really moving on with his life, I mean the first two weeks he seemed happy, but from what his family has told me that he has become a total recluse, and he's a total party pooper and shutting everyone out....

The thing is, if you work on whatever it is that was in you, that he fell in love with .. in reality .. you're working on yourself.

This isn't something he lost, S702, and by not having him, you've not lost him .. what is lost is something in yourself. Yes, a person SHOULD work on things for themselves, to improve themselves .. but, sometimes, we can't find the motivation, the will.

If you have to tell yourself that you're doing it for him, to pick yourself back up, then that's what you have to do .. so long as the end result is that you're fixing yourself to be a better person.

I said this yesterday and still believe it to be true .. once you've risen above this, have mended inside, found your condifence again .. you won't even want him anylonger because you will have grown .. while he stayed in the same place. He won't even look like the same person to you .. you will be strong and looking at him as the man who didn't stand at your side when times were bad.

"But it's not like he's really moving on with his life, I mean the first two weeks he seemed happy, but from what his family has told me that he has become a total recluse, and he's a total party pooper and shutting everyone out...."


He's Pisces, he's not standing still anywhere just because he's becoming a recluse and shutting out people .. he's a fish, S702 .. he HAS to dive deep into this emotional waters, so he can heal .. that is our way.

Without this, we will drown in our own sorrows.

Don't worry .. this is normal.

*the horse died -

Well, this thursday I will be going up to stay at his mom's house with his mom and his sister for the weekend, they want to kidnap me and take me away from my parents house for a few days. It does make me feel good knowing that his family cares so much, and they know just how much I love him, and they know that he still loves me too, they say he's just being a big jerk about it right now. His sister said that we would all sit down and figure out what to do about him, because it's not just me that's being affected, it's his family too. Like, when we were together we used to take his sister's nieces all the time for the weekend, and just take them to the park and stuff, and I always thought that John loved it too, and I figured that he would want to spend more time with them because he had broken up with me... but since we have been broken up.. he has not once offereed to take the girls and watch them.. I mean they are his nieces and it seems like he only had them over because I wanted them over... well no wonder they always favored me over him... but still.. I need to work on me... and I can only hope that when I become the old me again that he can see her and love her the way he used to... I can only hope..

"I mean I want him to wake up because I know that he still cares... everyone knows that he still cares... even though he denies it."

S702 .. we don't deny our feelings, rather, they are million-layered from every angle our hearts can recognize .. we can love and loathe simultaneously the exact same thing, for the exact same reasons, and every emotion inbetween .. all at the same time.

We aren't asleep, rather .. swimming in our realities to find peace from all the chaos within the altered realms.

When we are trying to relate to another person, they have a certain preconceived idea in their heads as to the meaning of something, such as, "I know that he still cares". There is a certain meaning you have attached to that .. he does not have a single meaning attached to that, rather, numerous.

However, we have to relate to other people in this world, so when someone asks us how we care about them .. we will seem vague, maybe even sound like a denial .. when in fact, we know that you are looking for a specific answer when our hearts love and care without any clear definition to the meaning .. so it leaves us to seem as though we are floundering and we are, because it is expected of us to be forthright with a specific answer to define our love and .. there isn't one.

No other person can possibly know if he still cares about you, because everybody else can only process care from their own perception .. our care has no such boundaries.

I thought you said you two were together for 2 years .. you don't know this?
You don't understand about how his world is different when it comes to his awareness?

To say that he needs to wake up because he doesn't comprehend his feelings within his own existence would suggest that you don't. That is unfortunate and it may also mean that he is gone forever .. he is a fully conscious being living within two planes of reality .. he knows more than you do about consciousness and if after two years, you don't know this by now, then it's possible that he's not coming back.

Why don't you know this? He is not asleep and unaware of how he feels about ANYTHING. You don't know that?

If going to his mom's to hang with her and the sister is for the intentions of discussing how much you all believe he cares about you .. this is a mistake.

And the more he pushed, the further away down stream he will swim ..

"His sister said that we would all sit down and figure out what to do about him, because it's not just me that's being affected, it's his family too."

Already, he is finding other waters in which to heal his sorrow that's leading him away from his neices .. I'm telling you S702 .. I know Pisces WELL .. if you all sit down and try to figure out what you're going to do with him, as in, you all are going to make a game plan of some kind .. you've not only lost him for good, but, he might also take off from his family for awhile to get his head straight.

You're gonna fuck up if you attempt to make him "feel" outside of his own comfort zone.

Seriously .. you need to take a giant step backwards.

He might take this as a betrayal by his family, if they plot against him with you to find a way to make him care within the terms of someone other than himself ..

Scorpio702 .. I swam away from my own brother .. my own flesh and blood, for similiar reasons .. similiar in the aspect that I viewed his pushing me emotionally as a betrayal against me .. if I were you, I would cancel that trip to his mothers, the one where you women are gonna sit down and makes plans for his feelings.

You'd wise to heed those words .. you don't want responsibility in participating in the estranging of family members.

Take care of yourself first, be independant, do things for you, stay proud...'and who knows, the rest may follow. He knows you're around, the fish can sense and feel things that arn't so obvious. If not, then maybe it wasn't meant to be..

good luck, Scorpio702

And might I just add a sentence from one of your previous postings Scorpio702
"I know that he is seeing someone else, and has been since the day we broke up" - well if that doesn't say anything about him being a smooth and Quick-Draw-McGraw! operator, then I don't know what will my lovely.........you just don't meet up with somone the day you break up......he's had this lady a while....whether you knew it or not.....and has probably been whispering sweet-nothings in her ear and then returning to your pad........again why be with his family this weekend—??.....it just makes you appear a lonesome figure-ine and I don't intend to punch your heart or make you feel worse than you already are....no problem with the nieces, you arrange for them to come out with you and perhaps a good male friend!!! (he doesn't have to be romanticalaly involved - just MALE!) - you've got to get yourself a "file" as everyone else is advising you...back in shape Missy, perhaps new hairdo, makeover, out with the girly pals even though you may not be in the mood - force yourself!!!!No more contact with Mr. Aqua....you become "unaavailable" - even for the bills and stuff!!!!He'll manage...men always do:-) - let other Missy worry about bills and head stuff like that....right now, it's all about you and getting your confidence and X factor back.......we've all been "that soldier" and felt what you are going through - remember no-one likes a cling-on or to be the only availalbe source:-) - so Scorpio lady, you dig deep now and emerge in the not too distant future as the reborn Scorpio Queen that we all know you will and can become - :-)

Alana x

You are all very right... and P-Angel, going to see his family would not be a good idea... the last thing I want to do is alienate him from his family as well. I do care about them and want to still have contact with them, but right now me going and visiting and plotting on what to do about John would just be a very bad thing... it would only push him further away and he would push his family away too.. and I don't want to do that. It's hard for me to move on... I am a very determined person... and I just feel so compelled to get my love back... but I have to face the sad truth that that won't happen unless I leave him and his family 😢 alone for a long time. My Aunt Kathy said that the only way that I can win him back is by leaving him and his whole family alone for at least a month, no contact at all. Because he is expecting me to call his mom and sister... and of course they probably tell him when I call... so even though I'm not bugging him.. he now feels like I am bugging his family... which is probably why he is avoiding them too... which is what I don't want. So, my Aunt Kathy is always right.. if only I could just listen a bit more to her. So, I will tell his sister today that I cannot make it this weekend, and won't be able to for a while.. and let John start to heal without everyone harrassing him... and if in a month when I call him he's still with this other girl... then I must wait 3 more months... and if he's still with her in 3 more months.. then I must wait.. but in all of this time I will have been working on me and making me happy again and getting back to the old me, and I can only hope that he sees it. That is my best shot at getting him back isn't it? Just staying away from him and his family for a while... giving him time to heal and room to breath.. do you think that is my best bet?

"and if in a month when I call him he's still with this other girl... then I must wait 3 more months... and if he's still with her in 3 more months.. then I must wait.. but in all of this time I will have been working on me and making me happy again and getting back to the old me, and I can only hope that he sees it. That is my best shot at getting him back isn't it? Just staying away from him and his family for a while... giving him time to heal and room to breath.. do you think that is my best bet?"

Honestly, and I have said this before is....do what you need to do for YOURSELF, learn to LOVE YOURSELF first and foremost. By you doing all of this for him and WAITING, you are setting your self up for a big disapointment. You are creating an expectation that may never happen and will then find yourself back right where you are today...upset because you did all of this (growing, releasing weight etc.) for him and what if he has moved on permanantly?

FORGET about HIM and move on.....if it is meant to be, you two will connect - you must have faith and trust that all will work out for the best for both of you.

LET GO! .....and, that is what I think your "best bet" is.

All Freebird says is true and wise......all these mights and maybes and if he's still with other girl etc.......not your problem, not for your agenda - and if other girl was gone....can you imagine in your mind all the times you'd be thinking of him and her together and what they did etc. etc. and you might start comparing yourself etc. etc. and then you'd be on a "downer" again.....you've been rejected and there's no way to sugar-coat it.....you gave the man all a woman could give and it wasn't good enough in his eyes.....so as you now start to "improve" on your own self confidence etc., you've got to go out and start dating and meeting all the other wonderful men out there.....John isn't a demi-god, bet if you made a list of his good and bad points, there'd be quite a few little nasties as there is with everyone:-)...you say John needs to heal....from what exactly? John seems "very healed" and very together at the moment, new girl in tow, family and friends around him - don't put him on a pedestal.....turn the tables and put yourself on the pedestal for now and just see how many new men friends will worship you Missy when you adapt a "fine if you want to be with me and fine if you don't want to be" air:-) - having said all this, I know you can't put an old head on young shoulders.......

Good luck with your journey minus John...........

A x

I know I know... it's got to be about me... and I do need to love me again... and you're right... he allready has a new girl... he's not even thinking about me anymore.. and when he does think of me... all he can see is the negative to everything... so I really do need to just let go and move on... but it's so hard... because he's the one thing I want most in the world... if I had that compass of Captain Jack Sparrow's you'd better believe that it would be pointing towards John. I have never felt so helpless to a situation before, I always found a way to make things right, I always found a way.. and I'm trying to hard to find that way... but I'm starting to realize that the way I need to go isn't the way I really want to go.. and it's hard.. I've never loved anyone so much in my life, well... I've never really loved anyone besides my family and friends before him so... I can only hope that he will someday swim back to me, but if he doesn't... then I hope he's happy in life... as much as it hurts.. if he's really happy with her.. then I hope he's happy with her forever..

"because he's the one (thing) I want most in the world"

This has begun to take on a shadow ..

Scoropio702 .. someone had mentioned in one of these posts about him having another girlfriend immediately, since the day you broke up, and I don't remember your answer to that.

How soon afterwards was he with this other lady?

Well, I know that he met her at the post office, and he had only been working there for 2 weeks when he broke up with me. But I looked on the phone bill and saw the he did not call her until the day he kicked me out... he said that she's mature and independent and everything that I'm not... but how can you realy know that about a person when you only know them for 2 weeks... she also has two kids.. a 4 year old and a 10 year old... my ex has a 4 year old that he hasn't seen in over 2 years... and never talks about.. and never goes and visits.. btu he pays an arm and a leg for child support... so I don't understand how he can just love these two kids when he doesn't even try to contact his own... but maybe that's what he needs... to see her kids to realize how much he loves his own.. and apparently he's still with this girl.. but his mom and his sister said that she seemed nice enough and she would make a good girlfriend, but they both said that it just didn't feel right with her.. and it felt right with me from the start.. even his mom was saying when I first got with John how she thinks I'm the one for him.. everyone thouught that about us.. but times change obvioulsy... his mom also said that it's not really serious, and since she allready has two kids, probably won't want a third, and he's allready gotten fired from the post office.. he can't keep a job at all, so if this girl is looking for someone to settle down with, I don't think he's the right choice for that at this point in time, simply because he doesn't have his act together yet, he doesn't know what he wants to do, he can't keep a job for more then a few months, he always has to borrow money from his mom, and he can't make his own decisions... except when it comes to dumping me... so I really don't know. I'm just confused and depressed... but if he is truly happy with this new girl... then I want him to be happy with her... even though it hurts me.. because I want to be the one to make him happy.. but I can't.. so it's in God's hands now.. and I have to have faith that he did this for a big reason, I can't see why he did it yet, but I know in time I will come to understand it... and maybe in time John will want to be with me again... I just have to have faith...

"he had only been working there for 2 weeks when he broke up with me. But I looked on the phone bill and saw the he did not call her until the day he kicked me out... he said that she's mature and independent and everything that I'm not"

Two weeks isn't a very long time to get to know someone on a deep level, but, it's long enough to know whether two people have a chance at being compatible, it's long enough to know whether you are smitten, or not, even if you haven't slept together yet.

Scorpio702, I know it's hard, but, you have to really look at what that means .. he ALREADY had this woman when he kicked you out. And think about that, too .. he KICKED you out. I know that you think that you did something wrong with him, and maybe you did, but, he left for another person .. NOT because you screwed up in any way. So, you HAVE to acknowledge that for what it means.

Additionally, you don't know that he loves her children .. you don't even know if he loves her.

The thing is .. you are looking at this from the perspective that you two are just fighting, having an issue and now you have to figure out how to make it all nice again, so you can get back to being a couple again .. and the reality is .. this isn't a fight to now kiss and make-up. His "feelings" are for someone else. This isn't a lovers quarrel you're having with him.

I know it's hard, and we all have had to face it at some point in our adult lives .. sometimes, relationships just run it's course and they end, and it isn't anybodys fault.

But how could he just start liking someone else while he's still with me? I would never do that to him or anyone... I mean we had our problems but I always stood by him.. I was always there for him.. I mean how can you tell someone that you love them and want to be with them and then just like someone else... I have no faith in anything, I have never had faith, I always had to go after everything I wanted in life... and he just gave up 2 years for some girl that he hasn't even known for a month... how could he... I did everything for him... I always stood up for him... even when no one else would.. I love him so much... how could he do this to me.... this just hurts too much...

So then there is no hope for me... there is nothing... I have been wasting all of this time trying to get him back... when he's allready moved on to someone else... there is no point in anything... he'll never take me back... he didnt even take a single day to think about what he was doing before he kicked me out.. and I asked him how he could just be over me so quickly.. and he actually said that it was because he's a pisces... I cant believe that he would do that to me after everything I have done and went through for him...

I dont understand how anyone could do that to anyone else... even if you hated them... he didnt just leave because things were bad... he left because he met someone thats better then me... he just kept me around until he found the next best thing...

and 2 years later he finally found it...

I get why he said that our paths might cross again in the futre now... my friend Jessi was right.. he was basically saying that if things don't work out with this new girl.. then he knows he can always just come running back to me.. that's so horrible...

P-Angel you are so right... why couldn't I see it before... no matter what I do it doesn't matter now.. because his feelings are with this new girl and not me anymore.. there is nothing I can do..

I know it hurts, girlfriend .. and I wish there was something I could tell you to make the pain go away, but, there just isn't .. except ..

Find something meaningful in this to help your future to be happier and brighter. Next time when you meet another to whom will capture your heart - and you will do - remember all the good times and bad from John .. not to hold against, or mold the new person, rather, so you know how it feels, what signals mean what, and most importantly, so you know what path led you to feeling this distressed.

Each experience we have is for a reason .. you needed this for your future.

I'm so sorry for your pain .. ((( hugs )))

That's okay... I just can't believe that I didn't see it sooner... I guess I just thought she was the rebound girl because he wouldnt've left me unless he had another attachment... but now I see she's a lot more then that... she's not a band aid... she's just a new love interest...

It hurts to know that there is nothing I can do... I love him sooo much... and I just can't believe that he would leave me for some girl he hasn't even known for 2 weeks... I almost had a child by him... and this is what I get... I guess I was in denial.. because I didn't want to believe that he would ever do anything like that... and now.. even if things don't work out with her... he won't remember me... he'll just remember her...