roamingfree
@roamingfree
14 Years1,000+ PostsGemini
Comments: 0 · Posts: 1394 · Topics: 61
Aye or Nay...I think Aye...2nd opinions please?
How do you stop yourself from smothering another person? Easy. Simple. Just DON'T
-Respect his need for space/freedom & his own independence.
-Have a life outside of him & your relationship for YOU, & not just for him. Trust me, he's got a life & plenty of hobbies outside of you so make sure you never put him in a situation where he has to choose all b/c you allowed (keyword) your universe to be centered around him
-Set some boundaries. Tell him your expectations, that way when he doesn't do something that you've verbally told him you needed him to do/say, he won't be justified in having that "deer in headlights" look when/if you get upset with him.
-Be very open about what you want from him. Ask him AND yourself these questions: How often do I expect us to communicate on a daily/weekly basis? In what ways do I expect us to communicate with eachother (text, in person, phone call, email, etc.)? How do you know when someone is smothering YOU? (Whatever answers you come up with should be things you're NOT doing/saying to him--b/c hey you oughta know that if you considered it smothering, so would he)
-Respect his need for space/freedom & his own independence.
-Have a life outside of him & your relationship for YOU, & not just for him. Trust me, he's got a life & plenty of hobbies outside of you so make sure you never put him in a situation where he has to choose all b/c you allowed (keyword) your universe to be centered around him
-Set some boundaries. Tell him your expectations, that way when he doesn't do something that you've verbally told him you needed him to do/say, he won't be justified in having that "deer in headlights" look when/if you get upset with him.
-Be very open about what you want from him. Ask him AND yourself these questions: How often do I expect us to communicate on a daily/weekly basis? In what ways do I expect us to communicate with eachother (text, in person, phone call, email, etc.)? How do you know when someone is smothering YOU? (Whatever answers you come up with should be things you're NOT doing/saying to him--b/c hey you oughta know that if you considered it smothering, so would he)
If things are going great b/w you 2, just sit back & enjoy the moment. No, things aren't too good to be true. If he makes you happy, accept that. Don't try to find problems or try to fear something that doesn't exist. Enjoy the relationship
Insecure Venus in Cancer. Clingy much—
I got that bass ackwards. I meant Venus in insecure Cancer. My bad. 🙂
Posted by GeminiMind
Insecure Venus in Cancer. Clingy much—
not, not so much. I need my space and breather too, my smothering limits to about a day maybe two and than I NEED a break and do other things and go about my own things, friends, interests, all that.
I think the Cancer plays more of a dedication and no sidekicks for me role, that if I am with someone I really don't see or even notice anyone else. It's easy to commit, even if I am keeping this one at full arms reach and not closer...but it would be oh, soo easy to plunge.
I like the guy, so I don't go after him actually, I let him do his thing and respond...but not really go out of my way in initiating anything, but more on a basis that if he gives me 5 minutes I will give him 10 but not 15 kind. KWIM?
I think his Scorpio is quite fine with that, we manipulate each other in a quite the loving way, there is no competition.
And yes...I am enjoying the ride...after 4 months as much as I don't want to scare him off I seem to want to have my space still and continue to keep it at a steady momentum.
I just don't want to mess this up. And women are so prone to overdo dating and relationships.
Posted by GeminiMind
I got that bass ackwards. I meant Venus in insecure Cancer. My bad. 🙂
I'm trying to think about that one...the insecurity part and can't see it in me. I used to be long time ago. Now, at my age and with my experiences, as well as full understanding that if a man wants a woman he will make it happen and if he does not, than there is not much she can do, since his attention is turned elsewhere - gives me freedom to not dwell on things, assume things, expect things, and neurotically care for things I have no effect upon.
I think that Cancer really does apply to my dedication to relationships not necessarily clinging out of fears real or imagined as often happens in insecurity.
I think it gives me possessiveness, but not jealousy. Different states of mind.
Posted by krysrenee7
How do you stop yourself from smothering another person? Easy. Simple. Just DON'T
-Respect.........Whatever answers you come up with should be things you're NOT doing/saying to him--b/c hey you oughta know that if you considered it smothering, so would he)
really all that, but the last statement is something to remember closely as a good point. There are things that irk me the most, and that is if someone wants me to be their "be all, end all". Scares me and I run. lol.
so, thank you for that reminder.
Posted by roamingfreePosted by GeminiMind
Insecure Venus in Cancer. Clingy much—
I just don't want to mess this up. And women are so prone to overdo dating and relationships.click to expand
Very true, smothering, insecurity, etc. can def. ruin a relationship and/or mess things up.
BUT there's also a few other things that can easily mess up a relationship too?
-Over-analyzing everything can mess things up too
-Trying to fix what's not broken can mess up things too
-Fearing something that doesn't exist can mess things up too
-Not enjoying the actual relationship can mess things up too
-Looking for flaws or for reasons to have doubts can mess up things too
-Trying too hard to NOT be something (clingy, jealous, emotional) VS. just being yourself & hoping your partner understands & appreciates you, can mess things up too
-Constantly being afraid to be who you are AND show the other person who you are b/c of your fear of rejection defeats the purpose of the relationship & mess things up too (since the goal is to find someone who is OK with YOU--not the person you used to be, want to be or pretend to be--but who you are NOW!)
Relax hun =) I think things will work out just fine. Just be yourself. If you feel yourself getting too smothering (you'll know b/c whatever you'd hate for someone to do to you is probably the same thing they'd hate for you to do to them), recognize/acknowledge it & immediately go into "solution mode" so that you can fix the problem before it becomes "the problem" if you know what I mean. Just enjoy the romance. Don't ever hide who you are all b/c you fear someone won't accept it, b/c if you hide it, you're sub-consciously admitting that you're with the WRONG person and/or in the WRONG relationship. People naturally feel alot better when they start being who they are & have the "what you see is what you get!" attitude vs. trying to supress all the very traits within them that make them who they are.
Yo krysrenee!! What's up with you and that obsessive hypno-crite— 😛
Posted by krysrenee7Posted by roamingfreePosted by GeminiMind
Insecure Venus in Cancer. Clingy much—
I just don't want to mess this up. And women are so prone to overdo dating and relationships.
Very true, smothering, insecurity, etc. can def. ruin a relationship and/or mess things up.
BUT there's also a few other things that can easily mess up a relationship too?
-Over-analyzing everything can mess things up too
-Trying to fix what's not broken can mess up things too
-Fearing something that doesn't exist can mess things up too
-Not enjoying the actual relationship can mess things up too
-Looking for flaws or for reasons to have doubts can mess up things too
-Trying too hard to NOT be something (clingy, jealous, emotional) VS. just being yourself & hoping your partner understands & appreciates you, can mess things up too
-Constantly being afraid to be who you are AND show the other person who you are b/c of your fear of rejection defeats the purpose of the relationship & mess things up too (since the goal is to find someone who is OK with YOU--not the person you used to be, want to be or pretend to be--but who you are NOW!)
Relax hun =) I think things will work out just fine. Just be yourself. If you feel yourself getting too smothering (you'll know b/c whatever you'd hate for someone to do to you is probably the same thing they'd hate for you to do to them), recognize/acknowledge it & immediately go into "solution mode" so that you can fix the problem before it becomes "the problem" if you know what I mean. Just enjoy the romance. Don't ever hide who you are all b/c you fear someone won't accept it, b/c if you hide it, you're sub-consciously admitting that you're with the WRONG person and/or in the WRONG relationship. People naturally feel alot better when they start being who they are & have the "what you see is what you get!" attitude vs. trying to supress all the very traits within them that make them who they are.click to expand
ok, well, than I'm good...I'm not doing any of those things 🙂
Things are nice. Everyday. Relaxed, no trouble, easy flow, easy blend even with differences, we actually dig that about ourselves and we both realize that our differences are our strengths. That includes th
That includes the pitfalls of things people often find attractive as a novelty and than those same things turn into things we cannot stand.
meh, maybe I'm just over-analyzing and blowing on cold here...but it's better I do it here, than to him lol 😄
Thank you. 🙂
meh, maybe I'm just over-analyzing and blowing on cold here...but it's better I do it here, than to him lol 😄
Thank you. 🙂
Posted by roamingfree
meh, maybe I'm just over-analyzing and blowing on cold here...but it's better I do it here, than to him lol 😄
Thank you. 🙂
Very true! Better us than him! But the goal is NOT to conceal your insecurities but instead to acknowledge them so that you can heal/fix them. Trust me, the worst thing you want to do is start turning away from your partner/relationship (cough: dxp) to get solutions to/solve problems that are going on within your relationship.
I assumed that you were over-analyzing things b/c the 1st sentence of your post was: "Ok, so I think things are ok between us.I was wondering if anyone has any pointers to watch out for."
To me, what stuck out was that you said things were ok. So it didn't really make sense that you'd be looking for red flags or pointers if by your own admission, there aren't any, hence that's why I mentioned that fearing something that isn't even there or that doesn't exist can mess up things too. You can't make something out of nothing
I get where you're coming from though. Don't go looking for trouble. If there's any red flags or anything that he's hiding, it will all come to the surface. And when it does, you'll just have to trust your instincts/intuition & deal with it accordingly when the time arises. But looking for something before it even exists will ruin your relationship b/c despite your efforts to hide your insecurities, he'll end up picking up on the fact that your insecurities are there. And the last thing you want him thinking is that he's damned if he does & damned if he doesn't.
oh, I agree with all that.
It's the same advice I would give to someone else.
I was just wondering if someone can point out some obvious things in our charts that may make getting along tricky at times.
See, we are great together, even when we do have differences, we naturaly just work through the different views and arrive at one that we are both happy with and neither one of us is holding grudges by nature so it's easy to let go of things and move on.
It's the same advice I would give to someone else.
I was just wondering if someone can point out some obvious things in our charts that may make getting along tricky at times.
See, we are great together, even when we do have differences, we naturaly just work through the different views and arrive at one that we are both happy with and neither one of us is holding grudges by nature so it's easy to let go of things and move on.
Posted by GeminiMind
I got that bass ackwards. I meant Venus in insecure Cancer. My bad. 🙂
hmmm....no, I used to be, up until a few years ago, but not so much to dwell on it. I had a Cancer friend and it drove my up the wall how she would dwell on things that were not even there, I guess it helped to see that behavior from the side. Sometimes it still would like to rear it's ugly head, but it gets put down just as fast.
So, no, I don't thing Cancer has that effect on me, more of dedication and being stuck on someone and making it work no matter what.
Posted by roamingfree
........ if a man wants a woman he will make it happen and if he does not, than there is not much she can do...
Just thinking how true this is and how unfair!
If a chick wants a guy and tries to make it happen she is branded a psycho
eek....for all my gung ho about this, it suits me more to just sit back and watch...but honestly...I think I'm moving on from this combo.
so really, who cares.
so really, who cares.
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Ok, so I think things are ok between us.I was wondering if anyone has any pointers to watch out for.
The basic background is that, it's anew reltionship, only about 4 months, things are pretty good. Feel good. I'm still looking for some red flags, but don't really see any. There was a couple of minor issues that I had a neurotic reaction to, like him cooling off a tad. But I really have not much to complain about. I'm happy and willing to give this a go.
Does anyone have any pointers for me how basically not to smother this guy, because I really want to, lol. And things seem nice beetween us in daily interactions.
thank you in advance.
Him (42 years old)
Zodiac in degrees 0.00 Placidus Orb:0
Sun Libra 6.21 Ascendant Virgo 22.42
Moon Capricorn 9.19 II Libra 17.48
Mercury Scorpio 0.22 III Scorpio 17.44
Venus Scorpio 3.22 IV Sagittarius 21.26
Mars Virgo 4.49 V Capricorn 25.30
Jupiter Virgo 20.48 VI Aquarius 26.19
Saturn Aries 23.19 R VII Pisces 22.42
Uranus Libra 0.03 VIII Aries 17.48
Neptune Scorpio 24.34 IX Taurus 17.44
Pluto Virgo 23.12 Midheaven Gemini 21.26
Lilith Gemini 11.34 XI Cancer 25.30
Asc node Aries 9.30 XII Leo 26.19
Me (37 years old)
Zodiac in degrees 0.00 Placidus Orb:0
Sun Gemini 16.46 Ascendant Scorpio 18.00
Moon Virgo 14.14 II Sagittarius 18.15
Mercury Cancer 6.09 III Capricorn 27.34
Venus Cancer 2.18 IV Pisces 7.42
Mars Pisces 21.11 V Aries 8.36
Jupiter Aquarius12.02 R VI Taurus 1.01
Saturn Gemini 23.07 VII Taurus 18.00
Uranus Libra 19.05 R VIII Gemini 18.15
Neptune Sagittarius5.46 R IX Cancer 27.34
Pluto Libra 1.42 R Midheaven Virgo 7.42
Lilith Sagittarius22.19 XI Libra 8.36
Asc nod Capricorn7.49 XII Scorpio 1.01