how to make her want me again. please help

I've been dating this girl on and off for over a year now.

I have to mention that in the past i was very needy and clingy, and that's why i changed the way i am, and i'm trying to improve myself and have some self-respect. But still, i don't want to lose this girl.

Last month she said she dosen't have the motivation to be with me anymore. I said ok, but she knows we can't be friends cause that's what i said to her over and over. I walked away. After a few days we hanged out in a group of common friends, and she started being flirty and tried to get my attention. I invited her over to watch a movie, and she ended up kissing me and sleeping with me.

After that, until last week she was just awesome. All over me, and i can see that she tried to keep the relatonship going on (like she never did before). I simply kept myself a bit distant, i din't contact her as much as before, but if she contacted me, i was always nice and propose to meet up with her.

The thing is, that when we hanged out we always joked about everything, and without being so aware of it i said a few times that if we're gonna brake up someday, or i am gonna date another girl, i'm not gonna be friends with her.

And she told me a few days ago, after she didn't reach out to me for 2 days (i called her to meet up with her and i asked her what's wrong) that she feels trapped when i bring up the can't be friends thing, that she wanted to distance herself. I asked her if she wanted to brake up, she said no. She said she liked me. I succeded to bring the conversation in a fun place, making jokes with her and talking about us on a fun note. She seemed to brighten up.

Now, i just think that if i called it a night and go home things would be ok right now. Cause i was planning to give her space and don't contact her for 2-3 days after that. BUT she kept the conversation going and somehow, after an hour since i succeded to make her feel more confortable, we managed to bring up the can't be friends thing AGAIN. She flipped out, became angrier and said again that she's confused about me. We called it a night at that point cause i started to lose my patience (and i didn;t want to flip of).

Now, we didn't talk for a day, the next one we met in class. We started joking, then we went out with our group of friends. When we went home i huged my friends, but i didn't huged her when we arrived (we live in the same building).

The next day she came where me and our friends were haning out and imediately we started joking and talking about what not. Again, we remained just the 2 of us and i went by her place to chat. She proposed we should watch a movie (in her bed), and i was ok with that. i was a bit drunk and i fell asleep. She said i can stay there for a while and sleep while she's working ar some college project. That's what i did. Meanwhile she started carresing my hand, my face, my hair, and laughing and talking with me. I noticed that when we talked she kept switching gaze from my eyes to my lips and so on (that's a sign that she wanted to kiss me or something like that, right?). I went to sleep after a while, and she woke me up cause she wanted to go to sleep. I went to my place. She huged me.

The day after that we didn;t talk at all, and today i came across her and her friends in the campus. i said hi, and stayed to chat for a bit, as long as i didn't want to be an asshole and ignore them. her friends dissapeared after 5 mins and it was just the 2 of us. While we talk i noticed her being touchy, so i invited her to come with me over a friends house, cause i had to be there in 2 hours. she went with me there, where again, she was being playfull and touchy with me. On the road back i joked about me wanting to hold her hand and she grabed me by the hand.

We arrived in campus and she told me that maybe we'll see eachother later, on a study break. I studied for a little bit and went out to see some friends. After that i contacted her telling that if she wants she can come and meet with me, as far as i was already out. She did imediatelly but she was a bit off. I asked her what's wron and she told me she dosen't have energy for nothing. i asked what she's thinking about and she said 'everything'. I haven't insisted on that. We sayied there for an hour and all we did was listening to music. She went to the dorms to continue study, and i stayed for for a little bit longer. She huged me and said that maybe we'll see eahother later if she decided to take a break again. I said i'm gonna be sleeping by then. Then she said 'we'll see eahother tommorow, maybe' and i said 'ok'.

I don't want to insist, i know it has to be her idea on getting back with me. I don't want to seem needy and unsure about me. I'm working on myself, but it's hard. I'm thinking that i should not contact her first, right? It has to be her decision and it has to be her who misses being with me, as long as i don't have to be always available to her.

Thank you so much

You are the man. You should be the initiator. It seems ok to me. Students' life was the best for me. She is interested in seeing more of you. Be a good classmate to her and you will definitely get more. She could not forget you. Are you from RO?

Posted by compy
You are the man. You should be the initiator. It seems ok to me. Students' life was the best for me. She is interested in seeing more of you. Be a good classmate to her and you will definitely get more. She could not forget you. Are you from RO?

yeah

I think you should try and focus on yourself like you have been.

It sounds like you have some insecurity issues.

If you work on those good things will come with this girl as well as any other future girl you might pursue.

Why in hell are you telling her you wont be freinds if you break up?..

You should be doing the exact oposite!

You are basicly placing your own feelings ahead of her...and Women they generaly dont think...they overthink !! Specialy if she loves/likes you!

You are placing 2 much pressure on her...

You are clearly exausting her..."i feel like i have no energy" ?!

She is trying 2 show you that she likes you..but you just dont *bite* it ?

Wtf !! She is touching you and holding your hands ! Lool !!!

And yet what you are saying to her is "hey, if you fuck up i am gone.." even more pressure on her...by now she prob doesnt know what else to do...

Just...man the fuck up !! xD

Go easy and smooth..have fun ! Women above all love to have a good laugh and a good time ! Not god damn pressure !

The diference between being clingy and allways being there is realising this...

Clingy = my feelings are so much very super dupper important so i need you and i cant be without you.. (just dont...thats sad..)

Allways there = Sup! Wana talk ? If not thats fine, go do your own stuff, have fun and hit me when you feel like it !

Tell her that you have a secret to share with her when she is available...hehe remember...overthinking !? She wont forget that hehe They do Adore (!!) to think !! You just have to make her think... in a Good Way ! xD

So yea, go for it!

And dont think about the future or make her think about that crap...just have fun for now mate !

Posted by Dreamyboy
She's either in love with you or likes you very very much, no doubt. The fear of losing you as a friend is bugging her. Don't talk about the negatives with her and live in the now with her. No one wants to think about what will happen during a break up, especially with someone you are very fond of. I'm sure she's just upset that you mentioned a break up and she's playing it over and over in her head. Also, you mentioning if you were to date someone else. In her mind, your hers and the thought of giving you up is bothering her. What's your sign and her sign? Live in the moment, let the future happen.

I'm a cancer and she is a taurus. The thing is she broke up with me a few times before (i always begged and was clingy/needy, didn't see that i messed things up with my behaviour). This time she told me she was feeling trapped inside (cause i kept mentioning what i told you) and is feeling confused. Now, i don't know where we stand. It's been a week or so since we haven't contacted eachother, just when we met by chance, and things have been going on just like i told you. So i don't think we're toghether anymore, or she just can't make up her mind and decide. I'm keeping it fun with her when we see eachother, but i know it should be her ideea of her being with me, missing me, and leads to her contacting me, right?

Posted by Adreamuponwaking
I think you should try and focus on yourself like you have been.

It sounds like you have some insecurity issues.

If you work on those good things will come with this girl as well as any other future girl you might pursue.

Thank you!

Yeah, i have insecurity issues and i am trying harder to solve them and to focus on myself, as i am working on different personal projects and being a freelancer and so on.

So what do you think? I should let her come to me? Keeping it up and fun everytime, and when i see her giving more and more signals i should make a move?

Posted by tiziani
Well you take it to a jokey and light hearted place, and it goes better. So keep doing more of that.

You can be more inventive at times too. If she says she has no energy for anything, that is a cue to alleviate her problema, giveher a massage, male a latte, bring a bottle of Water.

Dont worry about how she sees you with the whole didnt call for 3 days etc.

In the time you do spend together just be the kind of man who makes the most of it, be useful. And dont bring up the question of a relationship. Just be willing to confront the originale problema that led you both to taking time apart in the First place, and show you are listening.

Have tiz account been hijacked? ?

Posted by Dreamyboy

Posted by ioana

Posted by Dreamyboy
She's either in love with you or likes you very very much, no doubt. The fear of losing you as a friend is bugging her. Don't talk about the negatives with her and live in the now with her. No one wants to think about what will happen during a break up, especially with someone you are very fond of. I'm sure she's just upset that you mentioned a break up and she's playing it over and over in her head. Also, you mentioning if you were to date someone else. In her mind, your hers and the thought of giving you up is bothering her. What's your sign and her sign? Live in the moment, let the future happen.

I'm a cancer and she is a taurus. The thing is she broke up with me a few times before (i always begged and was clingy/needy, didn't see that i messed things up with my behaviour). This time she told me she was feeling trapped inside (cause i kept mentioning what i told you) and is feeling confused. Now, i don't know where we stand. It's been a week or so since we haven't contacted eachother, just when we met by chance, and things have been going on just like i told you. So i don't think we're toghether anymore, or she just can't make up her mind and decide. I'm keeping it fun with her when we see eachother, but i know it should be her ideea of her being with me, missing me, and leads to her contacting me, right?

Was she the one who normally reached out to you before? It sounds like she is worried about the security of the relationship now and later in the future. Either that or there is someone else in the picture...

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I always was the one who reached out, and convinced her every time. In december i started backing up when she had these cold and distant moments. Since then she became more and more closer. She became showing her jealousy and contacting me twice as much as before, even showing her affection like never before (just at the start of the relationship).

Since then she had one more time when she said she was confused, last month, but i mentioned that already.

There is an ex boyfriend that still wants to be with her, and they remained friends. The thing is we talked about this before and she told me to not worry about him. When they were togheter he treated her like hell and didn't appreciate her. Since december she kept appologizing at times because he insists sometimes on her and so on. She knows i can't trust this every time, and the things are complicated.

Anyway, she became very close to me and very affectionate as i became more focused on myself and i started to distance myself and let her contact me and take her time when it comes to it. We've seen eachother everyday and talked everyday since this time.