To be loved more, or to love equally?

I've heard alot of conflicting opinions on this one...what's your thoughts dxpers?

I know some people will say-theres always one person who loves more-forget about this, would you consciously knowingly RATHER be in a relationship that you know he/she loves you more? Or where you genuinely know/feel in your heart the love is equal and abundant from both ends.

While I'd prefer the love to be equal, it isn't really a natural occurence. I think there's a threshold though where if both parties love each other enough, it's impossible to distinguish who loves the other more. I'm fine with another person loving me more as long as we are both past that threshold. So basically if I love my partner 85% and she loves me 95% , as long as we are both past the 80% mark, I don't see the problem.

It would be great if it could be equal love but as much as u don't want to hear it- someone always loves the other person more, even if it's a little more .. I can handle a little more but not a lot more .. I was with ppl that loved me way more than I loved them & in the end I had to leave cuz I felt guilty for not loving them enough ??‍♀️

At the beginning the guy should be more into you than vice versa. Or at the very least you should down play your interest to match his. Being over eager often translates to overbearing and clingy which isn't sexy.

Also, after that initial dating period you'll start to learn about who he really is and you want to be able to walk away with your heart intact if he's not the one for you.

Posted by tiziani
The tables turn often imo. Some days you love them more, other days they love you more. That's natural.

Those discrepancies are what makes it all the more exhilarating.

And I agree with Chuckcem, that after a certain point, love is love and it becomes unnecessary to determine who loves whom more, so long as there is mutual respect and commitment.

Love is where it begins, after love, so much needs to be work on to keep the relationship alive! 6 core needs need to be met. Love is part of the process( it's only the beginning) and one may love the other more in the beginning and can gradually fade, and the other person step in the shine and play a bigger role etc. 70% vs 30 % then .... 50 % ..

Vs 50 ., then it can be 90 percent vs 10 % I don't think we love our partners the same amount of love everyday it changes and fluctuate depending on whether they r full filling our love tank too....🙂 and that keeps the excitement growing and flowing.....

Posted by Impulsv
Equally because anything you do will not be good enough as they think they are giving you more

They end up resentful

omg yes.

equally!!

if a man loved you more, you would feel resentful of him because he will annoy you. You don't love him enough because he is overly fawning over you and you can feel that he loves you too much and you don't .....

it's gross.

the projection is...

if you feel disgusted...it's your own disgustingness that you allowed yourself to be with someone who loves you more and that your own character is gross for not loving him that he DESERVES.

that is the disgustingness. the mirror of yourself.

and weirdly over the years...

I've read many people say that "you should find someone that loves you more"

really? really??!!!

how can you live with yourself??

eta: --- actually I read that MANY MANY times over the years, then I thought is that someone who wrote that as a quote and people went around making sure they find some poor sucker who will love them and they don't love the guy or girl back?

your own soul will feel disgusted, seriously. If you have a conscience....and we all do, and you listen to it...

you will feel gross.

edit --

I got super passionate about this...because think about it...

would you want to be with someone who doesn't love you the way you don't want??

how gross is that too?

why short change yourself?

I would want it close to equal, but honestly for me, I'd need someone to love me more in order for the relationship to last. I'm too much of a busy body and not concerned with romantic ideals.... I'm perfectly fine being alone the rest of my life! However, in a relationship with someone who loves me more, they refuse to give up, and it balances me out and equals longevity❤️.

What are we using as a measurement here?

And yes I think I love him more but he loves me longer so it's hard to tell.

And no I don't care more or less as long as he is here.

Posted by lisabethur8
and weirdly over the years...

I've read many people say that "you should find someone that loves you more"

really? really??!!!

how can you live with yourself??

eta: --- actually I read that MANY MANY times over the years, then I thought is that someone who wrote that as a quote and people went around making sure they find some poor sucker who will love them and they don't love the guy or girl back?

your own soul will feel disgusted, seriously. If you have a conscience....and we all do, and you listen to it...

you will feel gross.

edit --

I got super passionate about this...because think about it...

would you want to be with someone who doesn't love you the way you don't want??

how gross is that too?

why short change yourself?

I think that's what 'I am settling' means.

I've heard a lot in past that some love and some let love themselves.

Selfish SOBs. Meaning they have no feelings. Except 'me dear'...well...

Posted by Wineaux15
I would want it close to equal, but honestly for me, I'd need someone to love me more in order for the relationship to last. I'm too much of a busy body and not concerned with romantic ideals.... I'm perfectly fine being alone the rest of my life! However, in a relationship with someone who loves me more, they refuse to give up, and it balances me out and equals longevity❤️.

then why don't you get someone who is equally like you??

both busybodies and not care?

you'd be too busy not caring and giving a shit but stay together.

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by lisabethur8
and weirdly over the years...

I've read many people say that "you should find someone that loves you more"

really? really??!!!

how can you live with yourself??

eta: --- actually I read that MANY MANY times over the years, then I thought is that someone who wrote that as a quote and people went around making sure they find some poor sucker who will love them and they don't love the guy or girl back?

your own soul will feel disgusted, seriously. If you have a conscience....and we all do, and you listen to it...

you will feel gross.

edit --

I got super passionate about this...because think about it...

would you want to be with someone who doesn't love you the way you don't want??

how gross is that too?

why short change yourself?

I think that's what 'I am settling' means.

I've heard a lot in past that some love and some let love themselves.

Selfish SOBs. Meaning they have no feelings. Except 'me dear'...well...

click to expand

are you talking about yourself??

cause from what I read on this forum before...you keep cheating on your invalid Capricorn man with a scorpio man.

that scorpio man is not any better either since he knows you're married with a poor schumuck who had a terrible choice in you.

unless he is OK with it. some men are I guess.

edit

also that scorpio man sounds rather gross and pathetic because no man who has integrity would do that to another man, and he will look down on you secretly...thinking you are worthless since you don't care about the man who is disabled and not able to be with you.

and that Capricorn man is one sad guy!!!

he sounded like my Poor, sad Capricorn uncle who died and his ex wife cheated on him a lot and spent all his money and was crazy like that. he died poor!!!

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by Wineaux15
I would want it close to equal, but honestly for me, I'd need someone to love me more in order for the relationship to last. I'm too much of a busy body and not concerned with romantic ideals.... I'm perfectly fine being alone the rest of my life! However, in a relationship with someone who loves me more, they refuse to give up, and it balances me out and equals longevity❤️.

then why don't you get someone who is equally like you??

both busybodies and not care?

you'd be too busy not caring and giving a shit but stay together.

click to expand

Actually my husband is a busybody like myself and we have tons of fun together. However, he's more affectionate, he shows more love. I reciprocate, but it's hard for me to initiate. It's not because I'm selfish, it's just my way. I need his super affectionate love showy ways to balance me out. If I had someone like me it'd be boring and we'd both think that neither partner loved them enough. He just gets me...a lot of people don't.

Posted by Wineaux15

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by Wineaux15
I would want it close to equal, but honestly for me, I'd need someone to love me more in order for the relationship to last. I'm too much of a busy body and not concerned with romantic ideals.... I'm perfectly fine being alone the rest of my life! However, in a relationship with someone who loves me more, they refuse to give up, and it balances me out and equals longevity❤️.

then why don't you get someone who is equally like you??

both busybodies and not care?

you'd be too busy not caring and giving a shit but stay together.

Actually my husband is a busybody like myself and we have tons of fun together. However, he's more affectionate, he shows more love. I reciprocate, but it's hard for me to initiate. It's not because I'm selfish, it's just my way. I need his super affectionate love showy ways to balance me out. If I had someone like me it'd be boring and we'd both think that neither partner loved them enough. He just gets me...a lot of people don't.

click to expand

well i'm opposite...I initiate!!! and he does too (my man) so we're similar.

I guess you both are just different.

I would be upset if I only got to be the ONLY person initating..I would feel like you don't give a shit.

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by Wineaux15

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by Wineaux15
I would want it close to equal, but honestly for me, I'd need someone to love me more in order for the relationship to last. I'm too much of a busy body and not concerned with romantic ideals.... I'm perfectly fine being alone the rest of my life! However, in a relationship with someone who loves me more, they refuse to give up, and it balances me out and equals longevity❤️.

then why don't you get someone who is equally like you??

both busybodies and not care?

you'd be too busy not caring and giving a shit but stay together.

Actually my husband is a busybody like myself and we have tons of fun together. However, he's more affectionate, he shows more love. I reciprocate, but it's hard for me to initiate. It's not because I'm selfish, it's just my way. I need his super affectionate love showy ways to balance me out. If I had someone like me it'd be boring and we'd both think that neither partner loved them enough. He just gets me...a lot of people don't.

well i'm opposite...I initiate!!! and he does too (my man) so we're similar.

I guess you both are just different.

I would be upset if I only got to be the ONLY person initating..I would feel like you don't give a shit.

click to expand

Actually we are not that different... only in how we show love and affection. I'm glad you and your husband have the love that you guys have.... that's what works for you guys.

What's going on for my husband and I is what works for us. The good thing about him and I is that we communicate very well and if he ever felt I wasn't meeting his needs, he would tell me and I'd oblige.

If everyone had the same views in relationships; they'd be much more simpler. However, life experiences, love languages, and many more things factor in how you love and like to be loved. For example, growing up my parents were never affectionate with me. I think I've heard my mom say "I love you" maybe once or twice growing up. Because of this it's extremely hard for me to be affectionate. My husband has to teach me how to do that. He grew up in a very affectionate family, so for him it's not as foreign as it is to me. I'm glad I found him to be patient enough with me.

Posted by Wineaux15

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by Wineaux15

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by Wineaux15
I would want it close to equal, but honestly for me, I'd need someone to love me more in order for the relationship to last. I'm too much of a busy body and not concerned with romantic ideals.... I'm perfectly fine being alone the rest of my life! However, in a relationship with someone who loves me more, they refuse to give up, and it balances me out and equals longevity❤️.

then why don't you get someone who is equally like you??

both busybodies and not care?

you'd be too busy not caring and giving a shit but stay together.

Actually my husband is a busybody like myself and we have tons of fun together. However, he's more affectionate, he shows more love. I reciprocate, but it's hard for me to initiate. It's not because I'm selfish, it's just my way. I need his super affectionate love showy ways to balance me out. If I had someone like me it'd be boring and we'd both think that neither partner loved them enough. He just gets me...a lot of people don't.

well i'm opposite...I initiate!!! and he does too (my man) so we're similar.

I guess you both are just different.

I would be upset if I only got to be the ONLY person initating..I would feel like you don't give a shit.

Actually we are not that different... only in how we show love and affection. I'm glad you and your husband have the love that you guys have.... that's what works for you guys.

What's going on for my husband and I is what works for us. The good thing about him and I is that we communicate very well and if he ever felt I wasn't meeting his needs, he would tell me and I'd oblige.

If everyone had the same views in relationships; they'd be much more simpler. However, life experiences, love languages, and many more things factor in how you love and like to be loved. For example, growing up my parents were never affectionate with me. I think I've heard my mom say "I love you" maybe once or twice growing up. Because of this it's extremely hard for me to be affectionate. My husband has to teach me how to do that. He grew up in a very affectionate family, so for him it's not as foreign as it is to me. I'm glad I found him to be patient enough with me.

click to expand

aw really? how sad that your parents never showed love or said I love yous often. Our family always said love you and hugs and even when we write letters emails and visit we hug and bring gifts and say love you! it's genuine too.

😢 i'm glad to hear your man is showing you how to love. I hope you reciprocate and give him back love too.

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by Wineaux15

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by Wineaux15

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by Wineaux15
I would want it close to equal, but honestly for me, I'd need someone to love me more in order for the relationship to last. I'm too much of a busy body and not concerned with romantic ideals.... I'm perfectly fine being alone the rest of my life! However, in a relationship with someone who loves me more, they refuse to give up, and it balances me out and equals longevity❤️.

then why don't you get someone who is equally like you??

both busybodies and not care?

you'd be too busy not caring and giving a shit but stay together.

Actually my husband is a busybody like myself and we have tons of fun together. However, he's more affectionate, he shows more love. I reciprocate, but it's hard for me to initiate. It's not because I'm selfish, it's just my way. I need his super affectionate love showy ways to balance me out. If I had someone like me it'd be boring and we'd both think that neither partner loved them enough. He just gets me...a lot of people don't.

well i'm opposite...I initiate!!! and he does too (my man) so we're similar.

I guess you both are just different.

I would be upset if I only got to be the ONLY person initating..I would feel like you don't give a shit.

Actually we are not that different... only in how we show love and affection. I'm glad you and your husband have the love that you guys have.... that's what works for you guys.

What's going on for my husband and I is what works for us. The good thing about him and I is that we communicate very well and if he ever felt I wasn't meeting his needs, he would tell me and I'd oblige.

If everyone had the same views in relationships; they'd be much more simpler. However, life experiences, love languages, and many more things factor in how you love and like to be loved. For example, growing up my parents were never affectionate with me. I think I've heard my mom say "I love you" maybe once or twice growing up. Because of this it's extremely hard for me to be affectionate. My husband has to teach me how to do that. He grew up in a very affectionate family, so for him it's not as foreign as it is to me. I'm glad I found him to be patient enough with me.

aw really? how sad that your parents never showed love or said I love yous often. Our family always said love you and hugs and even when we write letters emails and visit we hug and bring gifts and say love you! it's genuine too.

😢 i'm glad to hear your man is showing you how to love. I hope you reciprocate and give him back love too.

click to expand

I do reciprocate... I love him with all my ❤️. I mean yes, my family wasn't affectionate, but I knew they loved me. I have to work really hard to show my kids love, so they hear AND understand it. I asked my mom why she didn't say it much, and she said she never heard it either. I want to end the cycle.

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by lisabethur8
and weirdly over the years...

I've read many people say that "you should find someone that loves you more"

really? really??!!!

how can you live with yourself??

eta: --- actually I read that MANY MANY times over the years, then I thought is that someone who wrote that as a quote and people went around making sure they find some poor sucker who will love them and they don't love the guy or girl back?

your own soul will feel disgusted, seriously. If you have a conscience....and we all do, and you listen to it...

you will feel gross.

edit --

I got super passionate about this...because think about it...

would you want to be with someone who doesn't love you the way you don't want??

how gross is that too?

why short change yourself?

I think that's what 'I am settling' means.

I've heard a lot in past that some love and some let love themselves.

Selfish SOBs. Meaning they have no feelings. Except 'me dear'...well...

are you talking about yourself??

cause from what I read on this forum before...you keep cheating on your invalid Capricorn man with a scorpio man.

that scorpio man is not any better either since he knows you're married with a poor schumuck who had a terrible choice in you.

unless he is OK with it. some men are I guess.

edit

also that scorpio man sounds rather gross and pathetic because no man who has integrity would do that to another man, and he will look down on you secretly...thinking you are worthless since you don't care about the man who is disabled and not able to be with you.

and that Capricorn man is one sad guy!!!

he sounded like my Poor, sad Capricorn uncle who died and his ex wife cheated on him a lot and spent all his money and was crazy like that. he died poor!!!

click to expand

Are you done??