I never expected ex Lib to turn so cold.

Hello. I'd like some neutral and fresh perspectives on my situation with a libra I used to date.

This is of what I got from his natal chart:

Sun Libra -- he was born on 23 october though, so I'd say he's a libra/scorp cusper
Moon Aries
Venus Libra
Mars Cap
Jupiter Libra
Saturn Libra
Neptune Scorpio
Mercury Libra

I'm a capricorn.


I will try to keep it brief. We'd been dating for 5 months. I'd call it a fwb situation actually, as neither of us wanted anything serious. However he demanded exclusivity. We'd hang out at each other's places, go out to gigs, go for dinner, have sex. We did like each other very much at first, an amazing connection, we laughed, had stimulating conversations, spontaneous wild sex life. He's a joker, fun to be around with, a social, likeable, charming guy. We'd usually see twice a week, mostly three times in the month as we're both busy. He's an artist, travels quite a lot, so do I as I have a few businesses in Europe and in the States.

Here where things fell apart. I missed my period. I use a coil as a contraceptive. Pregnancy tests showed negative results. I seriously began to panic. I'm 39, you see, (he's 46 by the way), so I thought, maybe I may be going through premature menopause, especially since the pregnancy tests were all coming out negative. When I told him I was late, he began to distance himself from me. We got planned gigs to go to, and he would hardly touch me on our way there, while there, and thereafter, was eager to say goodbye and leave, and not talk. I could feel his detachment. No hugs, no strokes, no kisses. After that, he told me it was not wise for us to meet. He has a 21 years old son from a brief relationship. He used to tell me, his son's mother trapped him. He didn't love and didn't want a kid with her. He distanced himself from that woman, didn't care for her during her pregnancy, and refused to believe that was his child until the day he was born. He'd tell me, this is ''deja vu'' for him. My reply was, ''I didn't plan to have a kid with you, if there is a kid. I didn't plan to trap you. I didn't plan any of this. But if there is a child, if I want to keep it, he or she will be well looked after. I won't require anything financially from you.' Back then, when I said that, it was just to affirm him I was not his son's mother, that he should not compare me with her, it was a deja vu situation to him perhaps but unlike her, I didn't plan to fall pregnant.

Following blood te

Following blood tests came back negative for pregnancy, and negative for premature menopause. My nurse told me I may be pregnant but pregnancy hormones may have not risen enough to show on tests. She scheduled me for an ultrasound. She also told me there's always a chance the coil might have failed. In the meantime, my emotions began to be all over the place, I could feel changes going through my body and I got quite hormonal. I then told him, if I happen to be actually pregnant, I may consider keeping the child, as this might be a sign for me to start having kids. You see, I didn't want kids for another couple of years but in the situation I was, I was having a change of heart. I think, in retrospect, that made him mostly flip, even though he had already distanced himself from me.

So, every time I tried to bring the ''maybe pregancy'' subject on the table, what is the next step, if I happen to be pregnant, my ex lover would deflect by then starting dishing out all things he disliked about me, things I wasn't even aware that bugged him. 'So you waited five months and us being in this crisis to tell me what you dislike about me?'' I asked him. He began to say he never thought he'd have a child with me, that I was a walking contradiction, throwing all the flaws he saw in me at my face. I couldn't believe he turned so cold.

All our conversations were then via texts or phone calls, as he didn't want to meet face to face any more. He was determined not to spend time with me. Our conversations on the phone got stormy, we were shouting over each other, as me being emotional due to not knowing exaclty what was going with my body and trying to get him to understand that whatever he had against me and my flaws, the main thing was I may be pregnant and we need to discuss about it. I did't need him to stress me. I didn't need his negativity but he insisted he wasn't being negative, instead, that he was stating the facts that I was confusing him, contradicting myself by saying one thing and doing the other. He was right perhaps, as I was extremely emotional, but I didn't need him to hear about my flaws every single time I wanted to talk about the main matter at hand.

In brief, I miscarried some time later and only then my obgyn confirmed I was indeed pregnant. I was gutted. Heartbroken mostly because the child died even before I was given the chance to truly acknowledge him or her and, make a decision about his or her future. I told my lover about the

I told my lover about the miscarriage and he said nothing. I then wrote to him telling him how cold, less supportive, hurtful, stressful he'd been during my ordeal. His reply was that I was just looking for drama, calling me crazy and paranoid, that I'm always twisting his words, and that he has nothing to offer me emotionally. That I was not his girlfriend, in case I forgot. I said, ''No problem. You are right. You definitely had nothing to offer emotionally. You proved it. Thank you. I guess it is time for me to move on.'' A few months back, he'd lost his mother to whom he was extremely close, and I was there for him, supporting in his pain. I hardly knew him then but I was there for him. I couldn't believe he had detached from me and couldn't even give me the same amount of support, not as boyfriend, which is not I was asking, but as a friend. Because we were friends even before the mess.


Anyway, we haven't spoken since then. It's been 4 weeks. I went on holiday to destress and came back refreshed. I don't miss him as much I used to, which is a good sign. He still follows me on my FB and instagram, likes some of my posts and pictures, but no contact from neither the two of us. I'm trying exponentially to move on with my life. However, I wish I could have closure, understand why he treated me that way. He always came across as a good person. Still does. We have common friends and none of them know what happened. They all see him as a good , kind hearted person, a total charmer. I even considered telling our friends, especially the ones who introduced him to me, but I am not a vindictive person. I feel angry at time for the way he treated me but I don't let it take over me. I consider myself a strong woman, in control of her emotions, However, this episode turned me into an emotional wreck. I hit rock bottom. I laid myself bare for him. Why wait five months to tell me what was wrong with our relationship whereas the week before I told him I was late, we had such an amazing time, stress and negativity free? And he wasn't complaining about me then. I guess the thought of having a child or being ''trapped by me'', scared the shit out of him.

Or am I wrong? I ask to librans, why did he react that way? Do you think he even has got an ounce of remorse for what he's done? Did he really care and him attacking me at every single occasion was just a coping/defence mechanism? I am truly baffled. I wish to understand. Will he ever reach out to explain hi

Will he ever reach out to explain his side of the story now that we have both have cleared the air? I'd like to call him to ask all this, but in my last text to him I made him clear I will never ever bug him, I'm moving on, and that I mean what I said.


Thank you for reading this and thank you for those who will answer.

WOW! I am sorry about the novel.

TLDR: IN a fantastic fwb situation, gets pregnant but not even sure I am, lover detaches himself from me and turns into an asshole. I miscarry and ex doesn't give a shit. What reasons push him to act that way?

Thank you LLLapulus. I appreciate your input.


You are right about guys not wanting to be tied down with a girl he's been with for 5 months. However it wasn't definitely not the case with me. I made him clear to him, if there was a baby and if I decided to keep him, I will financially look after the child, and his father would still be in his child's life, if he chooses to be.

I'm financially independent, he knew it, and, I'm fiercely anti marriage. I didn't want him to marry him, didn't want him to become my boyfriend, trust me. I was ready and happy to be a single mother if the case had presented. I told him that. But I guess he didn't believe me.

1. you enter into a fwb relation, and inform the guy that you have taken care of pregnancy prevention. He accepts that you are taking care of this aspect, so any pregnancy that might happen is your responsibility.

2. you get pregnant, and then expect him to nurture your emotional stance on the pregnancy.

3. he tells you that he's been trapped before by another woman who got pregnant, and then backs away from you because he is recognizing a repeat performance.

4. you assure him that you aren't holding him accountable, and then constantly bombard him with forced conversations about how/what he is going to do about the pregnancy.

5. upon him realizing that your actions don't match your words, he is confident in his decision to back away from you, and so then pulls away further. When you refuse to honor your own words, and let him be ... he begins to use the offend/insult card to get you to leave him alone.

6. after many attempts you send to him, trying to get him to be emotionally responsible for how you feel, that he doesn't acknowledge ..... you finally leave him be.

But, you come here (and probably to all your people) to say you never got closure ... when in reality, he's been telling you for a while now that it's finished, and has given you so many clues that he's done with you, that you'd have to have a brick for a brain to not get it.



In summation ...... you got pregnant while in a fwb relation, and as a typical insecure and emotionally immature female, you decided to try and trap him by attempting to make him responsible for your feelings.

He was absolutely correct when he suspected that you were trying to trap him. Eventhough your tongue (says) you weren't ... your actions prove that you were.

Hi Tiziani,

Thank you for your output. Will you be kind enough to let me know where in my posts and how do I come off as contradictory in my views? I have actually admitted that I agreed with him when he called me a walking contradiction, especially after I hinted I may keep the child if I'm actually pregnant. He knew I didn't want children just yet, so for me to change my mind all of sudden may have pushed him to flip.

I admit my wrong for that. At no point, did we get the chance to sit and talk about my potential pregnancy and decide what to do next. I would have wanted him to tell me, everything would be ok, not to worry, that it was too soon, and, in the case he did not want the child, tell me he wasn't ready, that we weren't ready, especially with our life style s, and take the time to know each other a little bit more. Ain't that the way two adults are supposed to speak? But instead, the only things brought to the table were his dislike for my behaviours, the way I was, which he never mentioned beforehand! So understand my shock and frustration, especially since weeks prior everything was all good between us.

I'm not sure what you mean by what is it I am driving to. All I want to know is what may have gone through his mind as a libra, whether he now feels bad for being a jackass, for stressing me out during my ordeal, and if he even has an ounce of remorse for not supporting me morally. As a libra, and based on his placements which I don't understand, is there anything else you can add to what you stated? I'm asking this because though I'm dying to know what went through his mind during that difficult period and what is going through his mind now, I can't ask since I said to him I will never bug him again and I mean it. I'm just trying to get some output from other libras on this. My apologies if I come off as confusing in the way I express myself.

As I mentioned, he constantly likes my posts on FB but has yet to reach out even to say sorry for being horrid, despite the fact I clearly told him he was. That confuses me too. I'm believing I may never get closure on this.

Hahaha! P angel, well thank you for your reply!

Gives me a different perspective on the situation.

However, when I meant, ''trapping'', I meant financially. His son's mother made his life a hell when it came to child support. And to me this is how I understood when he told me the story.

But I guess he thought I was trying to trap him emotionally, that makes sense. However, you are wrong when you said I assured I ain't holding him accountable. Where did I say that? I said, I will support my child financially and will not need his help. But he will be welcomed into his child's life. I didn't create that child on my own. Right? I told him that. Nowhere did I say, I will not need him as being there to support me morally. Financial and moral support are two different things. Moral support is what I needed. Even if we were no longer together as couple, I would have appreciated it.

We were friends. Friends are there to support each other in moment of distress. Is that wrong? That's all I asked from him. SImples. And as for the bullshit you added regarding me being immature, hahaha, I won't bother even bother with, 'cos you have no idea what was going on with me, emotionally.

But thank you for the input.

Thank you Konuchia!

Accidents happen!

Posted by Zeehara

...... you are wrong when you said I assured I ain't holding him accountable. Where did I say that?

Nowhere did I say, I will not need him as being there to support me morally.

Posted by Zeehara

I'd call it a fwb situation actually

click to expand

On a thread in the Libra forum, you identify this as fwb



stupid much?

uote>Posted by P-Angel

.... trap him by attempting to make him responsible for your feelings.

Posted by Koniucha

If two people are having sex with each other (FWB or otherwise) and a baby comes out of it, the baby is the responsibility of both people.

click to expand

Perhaps, you are talking to her ... if you're responding to me, than the only thing I have to say is ...


stupid much?

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by Zeehara

...... you are wrong when you said I assured I ain't holding him accountable. Where did I say that?

Nowhere did I say, I will not need him as being there to support me morally.

Posted by Zeehara

I'd call it a fwb situation actually

On a thread in the Libra forum, you identify this as fwb



stupid much?

click to expand

And your point is?

I did identify this relationship as fwb in this forum too. So again what's your point?

Do you actually know the difference between fwb (FRIEND with BENEFITS)and fuck buddy?

Stupid much?

Posted by tiziani
Well it's very subjective for me to give my interpretation as I am obviously not him. Plus I don't know how much of what you posted here is what you actually told him or not.

But in brief just the letting him know he's the father and he can be fully involved, then mentioning that you're someone who is anti-marriage, that you didn't want him to be your boyfriend, your partner or your husband.

It's enough to think "I don't get what she's getting at - does she need me or not need me? and if she does, then for what?"


That's totally separate from making sure you carry out your duties as a father though, which he should have without question as someone else said, he had ze sex, he should want to face up his responsibility.

I'm just pointing out there's enough ambiguity in what you've shared for me (in his position) to not trust where you're actually coming from and distance myself from you (while taking care of the child's arrival).

Also, no offence but being honest, someone being there for me when I've lost someone means just that - they were there for me in that moment. It's not something I'm going to think "oh they were there for me when my mother died so I better make sure I am there for them. That's so sweet, I love them." Doesn't work like that for me.

I don't think low-points in life are things to keep score on and I don't feel any sense of obligation in those moments. It's fortunate for him that you were there to comfort him when he was down. Nothing more or less.

I've been through a miscarriage in my relationship so I hope you take the time you need to process.

Thank you Tiziani,

The way you actually explain makes sense. I did confuse him. But all I needed was just some moral support, and perhaps, I didn't make it clear back then. He used to hug me, when I used to have bad day with my business, or with family and would tell me things will be cool etc... He used to that. The fact that he just detached himself and became distant, wouldn't even want to touch me nor see me, that baffled me.

And I am not offended by anything you've said. Thank you again for clarifying things.

He is genuinely caring person so to see him change really took me aback.

Posted by Twodrinkminimum
I have friends who don't want children...they use condoms every single time and have never had a pregnancy scare.

This guy has an unwanted child already and still chose to rely on the other party to be solely responsible for preventing the pregnancy.

Stupid much?

OP, I'm sorry about your situation. Pregnancy is a scary thing and I can see how you would have wanted some type of support while your mind was reeling with the possibilities and options you were being faced with. Especially from the person who helped contribute to he situation.

I don't have an answer or explanation for you but I don't think this is exclusively libra behavior.

Thank you for your post, Twodrink. I really appreciate it.



And I'd also like to thank all who gave their point of view on this.


I think the different perspectives have helped me understand. I can move on.