Soo.. now what?

I dated a Gemini for about 6 months.. he broke up with me ..with no real explanation except he couldnt do it anymore. I was kinda confused about it for a while.. he deleted me from all his pages etc. We went back n forth for about a week after the break up. Then on his birthday which was a couple days later he calls me out the blue and leaves a message saying he was going to come see me, but when I call back he doesnt pick up. I get upset because I find out other information, basically about him and other females. I explain to him to not be playing on my phone and unless he is serious about his what he wants to do not to call me. In this mess.. it was very melo drmatic..because when i confronted him about the phone call he got childish and pretended he wasnt himself and that he didnt know who i was over the phone, the same day! Later, that evening after I say something about another man bein present in my life..He tells me he was coming to propose to me, I almost fainted ... what the hell is his problem. So then a couple days later.. he calls and tells me that it has been eating him up inside .. because he is still in love with me, wants to b with me, but says he was just scared and felt something bad was gonna happen because things always do in perfect relationships. He said he had alot shit going on and he had/has to take care of that before hecan make a true commitment. He explained he knows it might be to late.. but that he wanted to tell me regardless...

So now after all these games and back n forth...n him fronting about his feelings..... im stuck.

I dont know what to feel or think..not that im asking u guys... but well maybe I just needs some advice on how to handle this..I dont kno wat to say to him.. I didnt tell him I loved him on the phone..i just listened..

"So now after all these games and back n forth...n him fronting about his feelings..... im stuck."

Correction .... you were already stuck, this is why you've been posting in here about this situation repeatedly over the last couple weeks.

Here's the best I can give you ......

" .. it was very melo drmatic..because when i confronted him about the phone call he got childish and pretended he wasnt himself and that he didnt know who i was over the phone, the same day! Later, that evening after I say something about another man bein present in my life..He tells me he was coming to propose to me, I almost fainted ... what the hell is his problem ..."

And of course, the drama continues after that ^^^^ to him talking about a proposal and all that crap.


deeZired, instead of the two of you actually TALKING to each other about your issues, you two are reacting off of each emotion as it rises. For example, you would know to yourself that to deal with this is crap to your feelings .. yet, you would confront him about a phone call. To confront something = having to deal with the unsavory emotions that are attached, eventhough you know that to have them present is fucking you up.

Then, you tell him about another man in your life ..... seriously, deeZired, you did this for a reaction on his part now ...... there was no other reason for you to tell him this. You are feeling so upset because of pain that you are purposely trying to fuck him up now.

And when you got him coming back talking about marriage ... you say you are stuck, as if your life choices are dependent upon him wanting you.

this is why I said you are merely reacting to the emotional stimuli, rather than actually dealing with the issues via proper communication.



So, here's the best help I can give you right now ...... you are worthy all on your own to be able to determine what you should be approved of, or not. All this you have gone through with him was for the purpose of getting him to approve of you enough to want you. And that is placing your self-worth on him to decide whether you have any value, or not ... which will be dependent on whether he takes you or rejects you.

fuck that ....... he's not worth you, he's only worth himself .... you are worth you deeZired, so back away from placing this decision on him for you to feel good about yourself.

I could explain how wrong i think you are about that second.. conclusion concerning my SElf Worth. But I dont think I gave or can give a accurate view of whats been happeneing. So im just going to not post about this anymore.

ugh gemini men. ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh. ugh.

lol.

sorry, i know that was no help at all, but that's all i can bring myself to say atm.

lol..

i agree with P-Angel. you both aren't talking, you both are reacting. i'm not understanding why you would tell him "about another man bein present in my life..", either? that's just asking for trouble. maybe not now, but down the road. i know that if you were to say that to the gem men i know, they would propose, too. now, but later, they won't EVER forget. AND they will bring it up EVERY chance they get.

right now, i'm reading the book "Emotional Freedom" by Dr. Judith Orloff. it's a really good read! it talks about how we get caught up in our own or someone else's emotions and reacting on that. then, teaches you to take back that control over your own emotions and reactions, so you can live a healthier life. just a suggestion.

Well one, I understand that some people act childish & turn cold b/c they really don't know how to deal with their emotions, thus it's easier for them to just act like they don't care when they really do. But then again, come on now it's 2009 & a REAL man knows how to detach or grow distant (out of fear of rejection or hurt) without all the childishnes attached. This man is childish & clearly is making you suffer & pay for the hurt other women have obviously caused him. And if I were you, I'd let him know now that if he's going to automatically break away from you b/c you did everything RIGHT, then he's not the one for you. Like I said, I understand that some people get very scared & suddenly detach when they feel themselves getting to close, but then again the line has to be drawn somewhere.

HE'S the one who signed up for the dating with you so it's not your fault & shouldn't take you through these emotional rollercoasters just b/c HE can't seem to get his emotions under control. He sounds like he's a man who doesn't know what he wants and/OR a man who has so much baggage that even if he met a good woman, he wouldn't know how to handle her & keep her motivated enough to stay. So either way, I see this situation as a lose-lose.

Now, if he later gets his emotions in check & decides to detach or not be good at expressing his feelings, that's fine. But all the childishness has got to GO. It's unnecessary & half of the time is an excuse b/c they are too coward to admit to their partner that they are just not ready. So what Gems will do is they'll detach & get very childish, just to come back randomly & say all the sweet things in your ear. And that's not a good sign. It shows you alot about his character & his inability to efficiently & maturely deal with his feelings & emotional baggage. All the baggage & FEARS have to go away before you & him even have a shot at something real anyways. Tell him to come back when he's ready to be an adult & until then, move on.

krys, seriously ... you are just as much of an enabler as deeZired, as it pertains giving a man all the woman's personal power of herself .. honestly, why would you feel, much less counsel to a confused young woman things like ...


"HE'S the one who .."
"it's not your fault & shouldn't take you through these emotional rollercoasters just b/c .."
"HE can't seem to get his emotions under control."
"He sounds like he's a man who doesn't know what he wants .."


"Now, if he later gets his emotions in check & decides to detach or not be good at expressing his feelings, that's fine."

^^^^^ wtf is that?


He, he, he, he, he .... this is exactly the attitude I was talking about. It's not all fucking up to HIM as to what the hell is going on in a relationship, and you would actually counsel a young, confused girl that she should await upon him to decide what he's going to do and how he's going to make an attitude adjustment?

then what?

Is she suppose to then jump through whatever hoops it takes to accommodate him? Of course that's what it means ... why else all this waiting around for him to decide how he is suppose to behave.

And yes deeZired ... you are giving him the right to decide for you whether you are worth shit or not ... because it is him you are waiting upon to make the determination whether or not he wants you.

"HE'S the one who signed up for the dating with you so it's not your fault & shouldn't take you through these emotional rollercoasters just b/c HE can't seem to get his emotions under control."



Goddam right she has fault in this emotional rollercoaster ......


"I find out other information, basically about him and other females."
"i confronted him about the phone call he got childish and pretended he wasnt himself"
"Later, that evening after I say something about another man bein present in my life"




Krys, apparantly you must be into emotional head-games to fuck with peoples heads also ... because you cannot recognize its presence.






::::::: shakes head :::::::


People are fucked up.

cheers to that, p-angel!