Virgo Male is messing with my head

This virgo man is turning me upside down. We started off as casual acquaintances, even though I was attracted to him. One day out of the blue he makes his move n tries to kiss me. I wasn't comfortable with it and said no. He then asks me out on a date and that went better... Nice conversation and we ended up kissing. Still there was no talk of feelings... Except for him telling me that he doesn't love easily.

Then for about 2 weeks we spoke every single day about everything under the sun (I really enjoy this kind of thing and started liking him). He said he'd like to know me as a person too because he knows he's attracted to me. I said I don't wanna get attached to someone that's emotionally unavailable even though I like him(he never admitted to liking me though). He only asked what I want from him. Our meeting after that was different. He was cold and told me he only feels physical attraction for me and doesn't know whether or not he wants it to be more. Obviously this was a sting to my ego since I've started liking him and I told him I've thought about it and I'm not opposed to a relationship if we were to decide on it. Also I didn't know why the sudden change of mood when things were fine. Anyway nothing was decided that day and he doesn't contact me every day anymore. Only occasional messages that lack substance. I asked about it, but I get no answer. He would change the subject or tell me I'm over sensitive. When I mention that I have a friend over, he'd assume it's male company and say "don't keep him waiting while talking to me". Isn't that childish for a grown man in his 30's? We still meet for coffee and I can see the attraction is there from his side, but why meet me if we're not getting physical and he doesn't want me as his girlfriend?


For some reason I can't shake him out of my mind... And I don't know why I still like him, but I do. Any opinions?

Bail out@He was cold and told me he only feels physical attraction for me and doesn't know whether or not he wants it to be more.

Least he was honest and he keeps hanging around casually because he figure you're fun and he's available for fun and just maybe you'll change your mind if the attraction is strong enough, he figure you'll inevitably yield to his terms if you hand around him long enough. There isn't anything wrong with having a sexual relationship as long as you know how that will effect you emotionally and mentally, you just have to decide if you can have sex without all the attachments, if not then you probably need to consider moving on.

When a man goes cold it means he's just not that into you least not long term, once you made it clear you weren't looking for something casual/short term he went cold. Oh well other men out there that want what you want. Keep your chin up.

ooops hang

Posted by librasun0virgorising

.... and he doesn't contact me every day anymore. Only occasional messages that lack substance. I asked about it, but I get no answer. He would change the subject or tell me I'm over sensitive. When I mention that I have a friend over, he'd assume it's male company and say "don't keep him waiting while talking to me". Isn't that childish for a grown man in his 30's? We still meet for coffee and I can see the attraction is there from his side, but why meet me if we're not getting physical and he doesn't want me as his girlfriend?

People like you bother me really bad.


He's told you he's not interested ..... so you then tell him about a friend coming over, and you know goddam well that you tell him that for a reaction. Then when you get a reaction .. you call him childish.

Leave him the fuck alone if he's not into you ... don't put yourself at a coffee table with him and then make the accusation that it's his responsibility to determine whether you should be there.


Own the fuck up ... why meet you? Because you are stupid enough to go and say it's his fault you're there with a man who has no interest in you.


Seriously .... fuck people like.

He told you straight up that he doesn't want you the way you want him to .... go grow some fucking dignity, stfu about your desperation ... and walk away like adults do

Thanks for taking time to comment, Tiki33 and P-Angel.

Tiki33, I appreciate your tact :-)

P-Angel, I told him a friend came over because I had to cut the conversation. He responded before I could say it's a female friend - it wasn't to get a reaction from him. Anyway you've interpreted it out of context, but I'm glad you commented... Suppose you felt like blowing off some steam at a stranger too :-)

Seasons greetings

Librasun.

1 Virgos are great and kind of latch onto you from the inside. It's not their intention half the time. They just have that natural ability. This is one thing that makes it hard to wipe them from your life after you spend some time with them.

Virgos are very cautious, and I would believe what he said about love. Many Virgo men are physical and need physical relationships. Friends with Benefits work quite well for some. For others well that just won't do. Based on what you have written I would guess that he just wants and needs that roll in the sheets. He found you attractive and wanted to go at it. Emotionally he is just not ready to go into a "relationship".

He is a player dear. Stop thinking about him. Think of how he acted and how it made you feel. This way you will start to step back from your emotions and your reasoning will take over.

When a man goes cold it means he's just not that into you least not long term, once you made it clear you weren't looking for something casual/short term he went cold.

Very well put.


What I am bothered by and it seems from some posts here are people who come in, judge based on their close mindedness, lack of the whole story, and humanity. Stop attack people for posting ^^^. This is so immature and sad. Is it necessary P-Angel? Can't you just read what she wrote, offer advise, or just not post that shit? It's really distasteful and just bloody rude for a mature woman to behave in such a way!

Hi and thanks, Emeralddream

What you're saying makes perfect sense. I suppose the confusion comes in when I think of OTHER things he's said. For example that he doesn't just want a physical relationship even though he's not sure about a romantic one...he needs to know me better first. I feel the same, but he changed at a certain point. Not sure if he lied about not wanting a physical relationship or if he's thinking everything through. I'm not in a rush, but I hate when men persue you full force and then just stop/slow down as it suits them as if the decision doesn't affect you in any way. He even asked hypothetical questions about marriage earlier on and I told him that is just way too fast. Seems I was the one hitting the brakes at the right time, yet now it's his turn but I see no valid reason. Unless of course... He lied about wanting to get physical.

Thanks again for the insight!

" For example that he doesn't just want a physical relationship even though he's not sure about a romantic one"

LOL He's "double talking" and that can lead to massive confusion, them panties are bound to hit the floor at some point if you keep listening to this kind of crap talk but seriously if he isn't sure well it's okay that he's not sure but why would you want a man that isn't sure about you or sure about his own needs and wants, being unsure can lead you into sheer confusion being around him.

If he isn't sure about a physical or romantic relationship then he isn't READY for anything serious and if you stick around him KNOWING this then you are agreeing to his terms, you are agreeing to go into a massively confusing situation were he doesn't quite know anything but he's getting the benefits that come with being around you including sex because inevitably if you stick around him sex will come into the equation, I wouldn't be surprised if you find yourself not only confused after so many weeks or months of his nonsense but hurt and disappointed as well if you stick it out with him. He's told you the truth and he's added in a lie to confuse you. Do you really want a man that behaves this way? How can you trust anything he says?

He's asking about marriage, he's using his charm to render you vulnerable which he has, you're vulnerable and ripe for the picking so he's just holding out until the tension builds up so massively inside of you well inevitably you just give in and hope his terms change, but the reality is, it won't change he'll most likely disappear on you only to resurface for sex/fun.

And look at it from another angle, you are already feeling negative about his behavior and you haven't did anything sexual yet so just imagine how negative and hurt you'll feel if you gave into your sexual desire for him, you'll be beyond disappointed, hurt and angry. Get out now before it's too late.

Use your common sense. If you feel you can have a purely physical relationship with him w/o feeling attached give it some consideration but if you can't do that then move on, stop accepting his calls and dates.

Lol @ burned Virgo. Yep, I think that's the case.

I am out of it, I only wanted external opinions...
And as far as sex goes, I made it clear that I won't give in to those terms.

Lol @ burned Virgo. Yep, I think that's the case.

I am out of it, I only wanted external opinions...
And as far as sex goes, I made it clear that I won't give in to those terms.

You've got to be kidding.


This guy doesn't give a fuck about how you feel .. not only do you make this thread to hold onto feelings you have for him .. but, 20 hours later and you're still in here talking about how you made it clear to him that you won't be having sex .. as if your stupid fucking terms matter?


He doesn't fucking care about your terms.


wtf?


Nobody cares about a man who doesn't care about the woman ... seriously, you obviously do .. here you are still putting energy into clearly stating that you will NOT have sex.


fuck ..... you're fucked up, obviously

Posted by librasun0virgorising

This virgo man is turning me upside down.

btw, this man isn't turning you upside down ... YOU are turning YOURSELF upside down, and this thread is evidence of such.


He doesn't want you, nor cares about how you feel .. and stated it.


Instead of actually listening to him, and deciding for yourself that he isn't the right man for you ... instead, you come in here to harp on how you stated your terms and he isn't owning up to them and coming for you.


Fuck ..... you being deluded like that ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is you having yourself turned upside down.


women like you really bother me, bad .... because you're desperation to be loved is stomach turning

'Except for him telling me that he doesn't love easily...He only asked what I want from him...I said I don't wanna get attached to someone that's emotionally unavailable even though I like him..and doesn't know whether or not he wants it to be more..I'm over sensitive..When I mention that I have a friend over, he'd assume it's male company and say "don't keep him waiting while talking to me".

-they don't. and that is why he also asked what you want from him. Virgo's 'serve'. and they get taken advantage of easily. I guarantee he'd want to hear.."I want nothing from you, but you." I said those very words to my virgo and the tears in his eyes said it all. and i have never asked one thing(material) from him. I also said to him once when we hit a very rough patch.."I doubt there is ever anything you could ever do that would make me stop loving you or being my friend." He looked at me with such love and admiration. and its true..our connection goes beyond anything i have ever had in my life with someone.(we've been friends for 12 years before we became lovers/partners)

-a friend over and his comment..means he cares. if he didn't, he wouldn't have said that. He's having mixed feelings based on your own behavior. He wants to get to know you and he opened himself up to you whether u realize it or not. they won't just jump into bed with one they feel more for.

-over sensitive..you can not be with a virgo unless you are a strong independent person. and u will to some extent have to lead the relationship whether it be friends or more. they do give mixed signals..all the time! And when mine does, i call him out on it! and you know what..he loves it. Stand up for yourself because if you don't, he will walk all over you. Virgos with broken hearts from past have tougher shells but you can break thru it.

Thanks, capbaby. A different perspective...

Also, to add to your comment about expressing what I want from him.. It seems he expects me to put myself out there and express everything that I feel/think, but he's such a closed book. I find that extremely difficult to do since it's so unfair. It has to be give & take. I know once they're hooked they start giving unconditionally, but I can't take that risk to bare everything and place the ball entirely in his court.

Posted by librasun0virgorising
Also, to add to your comment about expressing what I want from him.. It seems he expects me to put myself out there and express everything that I feel/think, but he's such a closed book. I find that extremely difficult to do since it's so unfair. It has to be give & take. I know once they're hooked they start giving unconditionally, but I can't take that risk to bare everything and place the ball entirely in his court.

Yes u can. if u want to. do it in baby steps. And he will too. U summed it up..'he's a closed book but will do it.." It's called trust and if u can trust him, he will trust you. Like i said, U have to lead because they only will to an extent. Patience is also key. Having an Aries rising, patience is difficult for me and he knows this about me so he does bend to a point. We're both stubborn too. But somehow we make it work even if it might look to others like we hate each other,hahaha. There is a deep love and respect there that we both understand reagrdless of what it looks like to outside world.

Remember one thing about virgo's...if they aren't picking you apart, then they don't care enough about you. It's a sick way of showing love, but its what they do.

Picks me apart... Definitelty! So many questions, etc. However it's nowhere close to love. Seems more like tests just for sake of his own enjoyment. He'll stop once he gets tired and then I won't hear from him at all... That's what my instinct says. Hope you keep your love as strong as it is :-)

'Picks me apart... Definitelty! So many questions, etc. However it's nowhere close to love. '

THAT is how they show love. weird and sick way but its their way. And trust me, I sometimes get tired of it too and he knows when i do. And then he backs off. He even admitted to me that his nitpicking and put-downs is how he shows he loves me..its HIS way. While i might not 'get it' as I prefer to build someone up vs. tear them down, to be with him I have to accept it as HIS way. If you can't accept that, then you can't move forward and your better off finding someone else who shows love in a different way.. that U need.

many signs..people..cant handle virgo's way of love. It isnt for the faint of heart. Only strong, independent, self assured people can. You can't be a doormat or they walk all over you! and u will feel like the biggest looser. their treatment of a partner often borders on emotional and/or mental abuse. Don't take it and fight back.

One thing you can do is turn the tables. call him out when he says..'u shouldn't do this or that" but yet does it himself. Nit-picks the way you look..same thing. He picks out what HE sees as a flaw in you, pick out one u see in him BUT ADD that it doesn't matter cause u love him all the same. To some extent, you will see a different person emerge if you can do these things. I'm a cap/aqua cusp with Aries rising..cap/virgo are earth and the mesh. And my fire sign Aries can rise up and fight back 🙂

Also..I don't know about other virgos here and maybe they can chime in but as "hard' as he appears on the outside, on the inside he is a marshmellow. He only shows that side when we're alone, usually when we're intimate and alone in bed does he let his guard down. he can tell me his deepest fears, his desires, his dreams, etc. THAT is the person I feel in love with...his TRUE self. (he's scorpio rising)

Oh and I'll add..dont chase him. Make him miss you. make him work for you. have a life outside of him.

I rarely call/text my virgo ever during the day. he initiates contact.
He 'comes home' when hes ready.
He has all the freedom he wants/needs with my blessing.

Even when i tell him.."go out by yourself and have fun.." he used to but rarely does any more. His nights are spent with me at home or he invites me to go.

He didnt use to tell me what he was doing/going for work. Now he gives me play by play. If he isn't going to come to my house at a usual time, he now tells me.

I once told him after he made a comment about having to adjust to a permanent partner.."i don't want to control your life. I want to SHARE your life." And there is a difference. and there is a difference HOW u go about doing that. We're both earth people and can bend to please another.

Capbaby, you sound like me. I also like freedom in a relationship, but in a reasonable manner. I think you've got a great relationship going. I could definitely treat this man in such a way, but the problem is he's not allowing me. He just told me he can't form an emotional attachment to me. Mind you, he's not really allowing room for it either - won't spend lots of time with me anymore (How else would he get to know me better?).

He's made it clear so I guess I should quit while I'm ahead 😢

I just had a good talk with him. I think I'm in a better space after speaking to him. He said some things that I don't agree with though, such as him trying to make a connection with me (I could've sworn he was into me because he never left me alone) But there's nothing. Said he went quiet because he was reflecting and the outcome is " I tried seeing you differently but I don't know..." Hmmm... Ouch?!

I told him I don't have an emotional attachment to him either, however I wouldn't have been against developing one. I also told him that I think hez a great person..like his honesty. He asked why I chose to tell him this now. I said because I've been thinking it all the time, but because I appear so aloof it's not obvious and I'm aware of that. I didn't know if it'd be the last time I speak to him so I wanted him to know that and also I like parting on good terms. (Didn't tell him this though)

So I feel better, like I said. I don't know if I went about it the right way though. I also think he needs to give me a chance n get to know me before deciding, but he's made his decision.

Move on before you fall into the charmers rabbit hole. I'm sure you have other men after you that actually recognize your worth and if you don't then maybe you should consider getting out there and dating more than ONE man so you'll quickly eliminate the losers from the winners, having other men around that appreciate you will make it easier for you to stay out of needy desperate mode and give you the inner strength to reject a man that isn't sure about you, having other men around you that see your worth will make it so much easier to dump dead weight. I'm not sure why you feel he needs to give you a chance, you should take a more non-needy attitude and see it as HE LOST HIS CHANCE.

Ya well we all feel needy even though we don't show it. The important part is I didn't let him know that I think I deserve a chance. I said I'm fine and therez no hard feelings.

You're right about it being easier when surrounded by worthy men.

I agree with Tiki at this point. But chances are at some point, he will come back, and then u go from there.

I am aloof by nature as well. Unless a person can draw me out, and the older i get, the more i am able to do so.

" I tried seeing you differently but I don't know..." Oh hell I got nit-picked apart when my virgo and i first went from friends to lovers. he too was 'unsure' and heck so was I. Still am in some regards because of what he has done. But I am willing to forgive and give this a chance and so is he. And if it isn't meant to be as life-long partners, I do know we would be friends regardless. There is just this connection between us that has no words, no rhyme or reason. it just is.

Thanks ladies. I'll update if he ever changes his mind, but I'm not holding my breath.