Are you ...?

teachable?

Is this important in a relationship

I think it's very important in not only dating but in all areas of our lives. I am very teachable and I actually love learning new things. What exact context are you referring to?
🙂

Posted by Stpatrickspisces
I think it's very important in not only dating but in all areas of our lives. I am very teachable and I actually love learning new things. What exact context are you referring to?
🙂

In a romantic relationship...

In a marriage...

I ask bc in some situations one person thinks they have "it all together" and it's the other person who needs to come up to their level, so to speak. How teachable could that person (the former) be, really?

Agreed. Now I guess the problem does lie with the person who does think they have it all together in specific areas b/c if they think they don't have anything to learn and just expect you to come to their "level" they can be very inflexible and you may not agree with whatever it is at their "level". Hope that wasn't too confusing b/c I think I just confused myself...lol. I so agree with the two posts above as well b/c we should all be willing to learn in all areas of our lives b/c everything around us is always changing and evolving which means we should be too!

to be taught something you have to want to learn, nothing wrong with upping your skills in life, however if the other person on their high horse is forcing you to better yourself for their image, that seems rather controlling and will it stop there— What else about you dont they like and want to change? *Red Flag*

I heart learning!

I was just saying to someone recently that I prefer to take responsibility/blame in arguments with those I love because it means its an opportunity for me to learn something and grow as a person which then enables me to help prevent the conflict from happening again.

We can all learn something from everyone if we're open to it.

Posted by pathfinder
teachable?

Is this important in a relationship

I will be a student for the rest of my life, symbolically ^_^.

It's important in may areas of life and it will reflect on all relationships too.

lol

Posted by sweethearts
to be taught something you have to want to learn, nothing wrong with upping your skills in life, however if the other person on their high horse is forcing you to better yourself for their image, that seems rather controlling and will it stop there— What else about you dont they like and want to change? *Red Flag*

Good point. that was my thinking. It's almost like one person is always giving and the other always taking, so to speak...

Posted by Stpatrickspisces
Agreed. Now I guess the problem does lie with the person who does think they have it all together in specific areas b/c if they think they don't have anything to learn and just expect you to come to their "level" they can be very inflexible and you may not agree with whatever it is at their "level". Hope that wasn't too confusing b/c I think I just confused myself...lol. I so agree with the two posts above as well b/c we should all be willing to learn in all areas of our lives b/c everything around us is always changing and evolving which means we should be too!

Nope, not confusing at all. Makes sense because there are people like that in the world. I believe it's called "set in yur ways". But say you meet someone and you both have your own place, make your own decisions, pay your own bills, clean your homes a certain way, etc. The relationship progresses and you move in together to take the relationship to another level of committment. How would you handle the merger? I know after I got married, it was (and at times, still IS) a serioius power struggle going on to see who's "way" of doing things will prevail ... LOL

Posted by QuietSt0rm
I am.. I'm supposed to be a 'fixed' sign, stubborn in my ways but I am constantly changing & trying to better myself. I can especially accept guidance from someone I love.

I like how you said "guidance", QS. That's a very nice word. One that wouldn't bring conflict....

Does teachable always mean learning something you don't know, something new? Or can it also mean willing to do something you have done quite satisfactory a different way? Like reorganizing your kitchen or closet space? Spending "household" money, managing your personal time, whose "job" it is to do a certain thing, etc.

If you have examples, please post

🙂

Posted by Shadows
I heart learning!

I was just saying to someone recently that I prefer to take responsibility/blame in arguments with those I love because it means its an opportunity for me to learn something and grow as a person which then enables me to help prevent the conflict from happening again.

We can all learn something from everyone if we're open to it.

True.

Now, it would be hard for to automatically take blame for an argument...

Posted by DapperDon
Cappy you've been in college since 1984.

lol


Why do I find that not surprising?

I disagree with everybody here ..... surprise !!!

People aren't teachable.


If you notice, every person has answered according to what they WANT to do, and how they would WANT to learn something new ... whereas the question makes the implication of being told something that hasn't been their desire to do.


there's a big difference


There's a big fucking difference between being in high school because you have to and hating every minute of it ... and electing to go to college

People aren't flexible and so rigid that you'd have to take a sledge hammer out and whack them to pieces to get them to change if they don't want to.


When I read this, and how I internalize the question .... I feel like you are asking ... if a person wanted you to do something a different way, if the person wanted to change you, to teach you something new ..... would you do it?


Let's be real here ... 99% of the threads in here that are referencing relationships, are asking how to change the other person to 'get' them to be satisfactory/acceptable so the relationship can grow ...... so, this means that the woman presenting this situation is NOT willing to bend herself to him because if she was willing to be taught, then her thread in here wouldn't exist.


Personally .. I will only learn another way if I see a benefit in it. I'm not open to change without analyzing the motivation.

"When I read this, and how I internalize the question .... I feel like you are asking ... if a person wanted you to do something a different way, if the person wanted to change you, to teach you something new ..... would you do it?"



So, I guess you'd have to clarify that before I could be honest.

Is this teaching the other persons wish, or mine?

I'm absolutely teachable! Of course the approach someone takes means everything.

For instance:

"Sweetheart, can we talk about something? When you say things such as ..........(insert whatever here)......... It doesn't make me feel good. It makes me feel like ........ (insert whatever here)."

I am going to be very receptive to that. I am going to understand exactly why and how this thing needs to change, why I need to adapt to my mate and how it makes them feel if/when I don't. This to me is a very mature conversation that has been thought through and is not approached in the heat of anger or an arguement.

However, a nasty attack, raised voices, slanderous speech. Nope, I'll just turn my back and tell you to figure out what's bugging you and come back when you can have a civil conversation.

So in sum, yes I'm absolutely teachable, mutable, but you have to build a case based in sincerity.

Posted by P-Angel
When I read this, and how I internalize the question .... I feel like you are asking ... if a person wanted you to do something a different way, if the person wanted to change you, to teach you something new ..... would you do it?

Yes, to all three of your questions rolled into one. The first and last one, one could handle diplomatically as GemRa said. The second one, hmmmm, that's where friction can occur...

Being teachable is a good thing, BUT people often confuse "teachable" as the same as being "naive/gullable" OR TOO self-taught. And there is a HUGE difference.

Some people are too trusting, too quick to let/allow others to think for them, too quick to trust someone else's judgment w/o giving their own common sense a chance. But then there are some who are too self-taught, they are know-it-alls & whom close their ears off to wisdom from outsiders.

And then there are the people who are right in the middle. They understand/accept AND enforce their deal breakers, BUT they recognize that being so stubborn and/or stuck in their ways might be their biggest weakness (even though they think this is their biggest strength). These people have confidence in their own intellect but then again they're not arrogant enough to turn away the wisdom/advice from others. These are the people who recognize that sometimes it's ok for things to change, thus they "tweak" certain things about themselves in order for their ideal atmosphere to be/remain peaceful.

As long as the person trying to "teach you" isn't someone whose intent is to "mold you" into someone THEY want you to be, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being teachable.

Sometimes how we see ourselves is NOT how others see us. When we're single/only have to think about ourselves, being so stubborn/self-taught may not hinder us. BUT when we're in a relationship and/or in a situation when someone else's feelings are just as important, we have to sometimes trade the "I" for the "WE" & learn how to "tweak" certain things...i.e compromise