Is there a difference?!?

We've all heard how "taboo" it can be for a woman to have sex with a man BEFORE the commitment/relationship is official, BUT what are the "rules" for the women who finally do get that commitment?

-Does she continue to make the man wait even though he already made it official with her?
-It is just as "taboo" for her to give it up quickly even after the commitment has been made official?

They say men often feel a woman is easy or isn't much of a challenge if he's able to have sex with her BEFORE the commitment, BUT what about the girls who finally got the title? Would a man still think his own girlfriend (new) is easy or isn't worth it any more persay she gives it up to him early on in the relationship vs. making him wait?

What are your thoughts on this? Of course there's always the people who encourage each person to do what feels "right" BUT there is NO secret that sex CAN change things, even when it comes to 2 people who are technically "together." And then there are the people who believe that a woman should make a man wait for a few weeks/months especially if the relationship just started simply b/c it's still possible for a man to pre-judge his woman.

Men, do your standards for which you consider a woman "easy" only apply BEFORE the relationship? I ask this question considering that I'd HOPE a man wouldn't commit to a woman he felt was "Easy" in the 1st place.

For some people, all bets/rules are off once they are officially in a relationship. For some men, they no longer see their women as easy even if they give it up the 2nd day of the relationship since after all, they're in a relationship. After all, is it REALLY fair for him to say that since he got sex from her so early on that she's "easy" or likely to give it up quickly to someone else even though they are technically together?

I ask this question b/c so many women know not to give it up BEFORE the commitment & alot of women are successful at controlling their urges. BUT what about the women who just got in a relationship 2 days, 2 weeks or 2 months ago? Should they be "making him wait" too even though the relationship has already been made official?

I think for me, I kind of go through stages of intimacy. For instance, while you're casually dating the intimacy level can only go so far. Once you become exclusive you can go deeper. I need to get comfortable and feel emotionally connected to someone to have sex with them and that can't even enter the picture before the commitment is made. So I still need some time.

Titles are just made of words which are easily spoken, ask any 'playa'. If you are halfway rational with a decent emotional IQ, you can figure out if the person is crazy about you regardless of words. The only real commitment is marriage if you're obsessed with making things official.

Marriage is no guarantee that someone will leave the relationship either. It MAY guarantee that someone may stick around longer even if they're miserable.

*someone will NOT leave the relationship

You are really misusing the word taboo.

Time is rarely associated with how easy a woman is in a mans mind. Its based on behavior.

Posted by little_sparrow
You are really misusing the word taboo.

My thoughts exactly. Besides, how is pre-marital sex taboo these days? I don't get it.

Posted by aPiscesPrincess
She should tell him she won't have sex until marriage. If he doesn't want to wait, his loss, she can find a better guy lol.
I just tell guys I'm almost impossible to get so he knows up front how hard he will have to work for me 😉

Heh. Yuck.

If you are so concerned about how easy he will think you are, then just don't have sex at all.

Like someone said, how long you have been in the relationship won't really matter, you will be always wondering what he thinks about you and how things would have been different if you didn't do it, unless you are genuinely ok and comfortable with your decision. It is what you think about yourself what really matters, how mature you are to deal with it. Not what a guy thinks about you.

I used the word "taboo" b/c it is absolutely NO secret that alot of people get penalized for having sex too early on. Sure, the people who penalize us OR who aren't willing to wait probably aren't worth a damn anyways BUT all that matters is that things DO change. Sex CAN change things.

I agree that a "title" doesn't necessarily mean that having sex with them will erase any chances of turning the other person off or making them think you're easy. BUT I do think that carrying certain titles does carry a little weight & can change things too. After all, a woman who sleeps with her actual boyfriend 2 months later may not be seen as "fast" the same way that SAME woman would've been considered fast had she slept with him 2 months later & yet BEFORE the commitment.

I agree that every person should test to make sure the other person is patient & willing to wait, BUT I DON'T agree that a woman should totally put on a front & lie to the other person. For instance, telling a man you'll make him wait until marriage is bullshxt if you know good & well that's NOT how you go about things. Why isn't telling him that you'd prefer to have sex only when you're in love, good enough? Most women/men don't wait until marriage so it's kind of pointless to flat out LIE all just to see if that person will be patient. There's OTHER ways to test someone's patience other than flat out lying.

Posted by MsPisces.
Time is rarely associated with how easy a woman is in a mans mind. Its based on behavior.

BULL. There's a reason people are strongly encouraged NOT to have sex too early on. There absolutely ARE men/women who use time as their basis for how they judge someone in the sex department. The same goes for other things like being too clingy too early on or rushing to meet the other person's family/friends, etc; there are MANY things that can be taken the WRONG way if given/taken TOO early. Problem is, each person's definition of "too early" is different.

But there are absolutely people who'd PREFER NOT to see/experience/hear certain things until enough time has passed. Yes, actions/behavior play a big part too, BUT it's no secret that 1 of the main reasons a woman would be considered "easy" stems from how quick or not she "gives it up." Same goes vice versa. Hell even if some men even THINK about bringing up sex too early on (depending on a woman's definition of too early), she can easily be turned off. For all she knows he may just be bringing it up just to test to see her views on sex (innocent) BUT her strictly hearing the word "sex" too early on can change her perspective of him temporarily.

This thread kind of makes me feel like a whore.

Lol.

I think its more about the person intentions. If someone is only after sex then as the woman you have to decide if that all you want as well. It doesn't make you a whore to decide that all I want is a purely sexual relationship. This is what has been offered to me and that is what I plan to have.

However if the person is offering more then I honestly believe that sex will come naturally for both parties. Again its all about intentions. I think that sometimes woman believe they can use sex to change a man's intentions towards them. That by having sex with them the guy will change his mind and want more. But I think guys our very direct with us and we miss the message. Then we start to feel bad because we feel as if we have been used, but we haven't been used (sometimes).

So no I don't think its taboo to make someone wait or not to wait its all about choices and intentions. If these two are not aligned then nothing will work out.

many people justify having SEX too soon because SEX as we all know feels good and as we also all know
that we live in a world that only cares about the pleasures in life instead of dealing with the pain.
I don't know about all guys but I know as a woman that if a man is too easy to get in bed,I lose respect
for him and refuse to be with him that way because he doesn't respect his body,but each to their own.
No one wants to help out when someone gets hurt and when hearts are breaking! Wow!
Everybody wants the fun & pleasures but none of the work or none of the pain! Sad huh?

Sex should wait,and self control is a great thing,it also spares alot of regrets if things don't go well.
Wait for the sex.less pain you will suffer when it's time to move on.

Posted by Geminithefox
many people justify having SEX too soon because SEX as we all know feels good and as we also all know
that we live in a world that only cares about the pleasures in life instead of dealing with the pain.
I don't know about all guys but I know as a woman that if a man is too easy to get in bed,I lose respect
for him and refuse to be with him that way because he doesn't respect his body,but each to their own.
No one wants to help out when someone gets hurt and when hearts are breaking! Wow!
Everybody wants the fun & pleasures but none of the work or none of the pain! Sad huh?

Many women have heard this before yet every guy knows that if she can do it with you she is more likely
to do it with other guys too and perhaps even some of your own relatives. Is there such a thing as being
selectively easy or just being easy with just the people you choose? Easy is easy to every man and women
today also know that men can be whores too and we no longer make excuses for it.Men won't die if they don't
have sex,prison proves that and before women joined the military the males didn't have sex except the gay
ones! SEX is wrong when it happens too soon unless it's understood by both people that respect goes out the
window regardless if either person accepts it or not!!!

Posted by Geminithefox
I don't know about all guys but I know as a woman that if a man is too easy to get in bed,I lose respect
for him and refuse to be with him that way because he doesn't respect his body

Great point! People don't realize that women also can learn alot about a man based on how quickly he either chases her sexually and/or by how easy it is to have sex with him. It's not just the men doing the "tests" on women. It's just as important for women to end up with a guy who respects his body; yes, we're fully aware that men have dicks & like to use them, but simply being a man is NOT a good enough excuse to be a whore and/or walking std

*but simply being a man is NOT a good enough excuse to be a *whxre and/or walking std lol

Posted by krysrenee7
*but simply being a man is NOT a good enough excuse to be a *whxre and/or walking std lol

YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!!!

We as women are told to be selective & to be careful and men should do the
same,there cannot be a double standard in todays times when women have rights
and where sexual diseases are everywhere,and if a man really respects himself
it will show.SEX is fun & it feels great,we all know it dah! that's why it's
called self control and why we can't always have what we want when we want it
like a spoiled child.Adults should know better and especially men who should
be an example because they know it's wrong to pressurize females for sex and
then discard them because she had sex with them!
Men cannot have it both ways anymore and they never would have if women would
have had rights & were free to choose without being held back for so long.
Women barely got the right to vote in the 1900's! To me,That's abuse that women
went through back then & I know women were forced into roles many didn't want
to be in,but I am so glad that women can choose now and holding men accountable
is the right thing to do.If a man is loose with his body when you met him,he will
be loose with his body afterwards too!

A MAN SIMPLY CANNOT DIE IF HE DOESN'T HAVE SEX!!! HE CAN WAIT!

Posted by Geminithefox
A MAN SIMPLY CANNOT DIE IF HE DOESN'T HAVE SEX!!! HE CAN WAIT!

I 100% agree with you. Even though everything you said was morally correct, the sad thing though is that realistically, this does not always happen.

The same thing goes for condoms. If a woman is about to get her groove on with a man & yet he doesn't pull out a condom beforehand, that says ALOT about him. It means he probably doesn't use protection with other women either. And what's the general title for guys who sleep with strangers (or girls they barely know) raw? Hmm, they're probably "whxres!"
Men don't like slxts so idk WHO started the rumor that good women do!

In a NAIVE society where men are supposedly known for physically cheating more than women do, it's almost twice as important for a man to show he's got self-control & won't succumb to lust moreso than a woman. It's absolutely just as important for me to know up front that a man can say no to temptation 1. B/c he doesn't want any diseases 2. Doesn't want any kids with someone he's not committed to 3. B/c he values his health & self-esteem.

Simply having a dick isn't code for stick it in everything that walks and/or that is willing! Guys who think like that generally do turn out to be the cheaters, commitment-phobes and/or the ones who have problems truly commiting to someone.

It's just as important AND sexy to me to see that a guy can keep his wocket in his pocket the same way it's important to a man that a woman isn't too easy. Men say, they can't turn a ho(e) into a housewife. Well, we can't turn a dog into a man either!

Plus, there are SOOOOO many things you should be spending time trying to get to know about a person other than how good might be or not in bed. In the beginning stages of dating and/or a relationship, there is so much to get to know about the other person. Sex should be the icing on the cake, not the cake itself.

I'm all for 2 people having sex when they BOTH feel ready & that it's right, butttt to me, a man who prioritizes sleeping with me after only 2 weeks (example) is a man that either 1. Isn't that into me & his only intention was sex anyways 2. I've bored him so much so that he feels there is nothing else he can learn about me other than how I perform sexually (sigh) or 3. BOTH!

I'm not 1 of these people who believes sex should necessarily occur a whole year later, butttt I wish people would stop making it seem like they'd die without sex. I'm sure the people with HIV, kids out of wedlock & child support for the next 18 years are finally realizing that hey, sex wasn't that serious/important!

Posted by Geminithefox
A MAN SIMPLY CANNOT DIE IF HE DOESN'T HAVE SEX!!! HE CAN WAIT!

This is actually untrue...

Once I find some quack researchers who agree I'll support this claim.

Men could actually live forever. We don't die from old age, we die when we can't have sex anymore. Viagra is the fountain of youth! Haha.

Posted by krysrenee7

Posted by Geminithefox
I don't know about all guys but I know as a woman that if a man is too easy to get in bed,I lose respect
for him and refuse to be with him that way because he doesn't respect his body

Great point! People don't realize that women also can learn alot about a man based on how quickly he either chases her sexually and/or by how easy it is to have sex with him. It's not just the men doing the "tests" on women. It's just as important for women to end up with a guy who respects his body; yes, we're fully aware that men have dicks & like to use them, but simply being a man is NOT a good enough excuse to be a whore and/or walking std

click to expand

In all fairness though...

Just because I go after one person aggressively doesn't mean I am a man whore either. Maybe I just liked you, it doesn't mean I try to sleep with everyone I go on a date with.

Point is, if 2 people who both have good intentions want to have sex b/c they intend on actually calling 1 another the next day (vs. hit it & quit it), them having sex is just a risk they'll have to take. Whether or not it's a risk worth taking is up to that couple. Truth is though that sex DOES/CAN change things. It may not change things for the worst necessarily but it DOES change things.

I agree that all of a woman's worth is not determined/measured by how quickly or not she gives it up BUT some of it def. is. It's no secret that 2 people having sex too early has def. ruined things. Sure, the guy might've been an A hole from the start, but then again not necessarily. When your opinion about someone changes, your actions towards them change. A man who might've gotten some in the 1st week might not be so interested after he has sex with a woman, but yet that very same man might've been down for a relationship with that same chick had they both waited to have sex a little later on.

Someone "hitting it & quitting it" is NOT the only risk a person takes when they give it up. Hell, there's stds, diseases, pregnancy & alot of other things to worry about. And hey, those are some pretty valid concerns & good enough reasons to atleast consider waiting...atleast until you trust the other person enough to feel comfortable.

Whether or not you have sex with someone shouldn't depend entirely on how you feel about them, alone. There are other factors involved too. Simply liking someone may not even be a good enough reason to give up your entire body/risk your health.

If 2 people aren't looking for anything serious, fine, go screw everybody! In that case, both people probably wouldn't care what pre-judgements the other could make of them.

BUT, for people who are looking for something more long term, it's absolutely necessary for both people to understand how the other person views sex. Pre-judging may not be fair BUT it is common & DOES happen. We can have that "I'll do whatever I wanna do" attitude all we want; our aszes will be 60 with no ring on our fingers!