BF/GF with friends of the opposite sex

ScorpSage had started a topic on the possibility of friendship between opposite sex. I want to include a Significant Other in the equation. What is your take on a SO having a friend or friends of the opposite sex?

well my BFF's BF got F'd in the B!.....by me!

jokes~

My Libra has TWO male friends... and a gabillion female ones! (And as a Libra, of course "knows" and socializes with everyone wherever we go.. esp women.) Yes, I have friends of both genders, about equal. Like TOC said... I wouldn't want my man telling me I can't have friends whose parts dangle... so I wouldn't tell him he can't be friends with people who sit to pee LOL

Does it bother me? Not in the slightest, truly. I'd have to work really hard to muster up enough insecurity for it to affect me. Plus, I'm not the jealous type (I've had exes TRY to make me jealous.. it fails hardcore.) Do I trust strange women around him? Nope - bitches be crazy, and drunk bitches be crazier. *shrug* But I trust my man enough to know that no matter how many stars are in her eyes, he's coming home to/with ME... and NOT getting her number on the sly!

Posted by amethyst2002
It's fine as long as there aren't any obvious issues. I'd have a problem if our relationship started to suffer due to a friend, whether they were trying to strong arm their way into the relationship to get the SO to themselves, or the SO started neglecting the relationship due to friend.

I totally agree with you on this one. It's fine to have friends with the opposite sex, but in doing that you should put some limits to your friendship if you are in a relationship. To give an example, a person might find it normal to be with a friend or help them when they are in need, but when you are in a committed relationship what you used to do before with your friends when you were single should have some limits. If helping a friend would cause your relationship to suffer then you should try to limit it or not do it at all. And true enough if you spend more time with your friends than your significant other then having friends and a SO at the same time forfeit their respective roles, either you maintain the same closeness with your friends and forget having a SO or limit the time you spend with your friends and devote your time with your SO.

Posted by TasteOfChaos
He can be friends with whoever he wants!

Just like I can be friends with whoever I want!

Personally, I wouldnt be with someone who dictated who I could and couldnt be friends with... eff that!

If anything, that would make me go out and be-friend every single male in town 😄

I totally agree, and I wouldn't give up ANY of my (male) friends for a man. Period. But, I wouldn't ask him to give up his (female) friends either. I've dated people and wasn't all over their friends (male and female), but the operative word is "their" friends. I don't have to like all of my SO's friends, nor does he have to like all of mine. I respect my (male) friends and their relationships, and they do the same in kind, so it's not been an issue.

Posted by Inertia1128

Posted by amethyst2002
It's fine as long as there aren't any obvious issues. I'd have a problem if our relationship started to suffer due to a friend, whether they were trying to strong arm their way into the relationship to get the SO to themselves, or the SO started neglecting the relationship due to friend.

I totally agree with you on this one. It's fine to have friends with the opposite sex, but in doing that you should put some limits to your friendship if you are in a relationship. To give an example, a person might find it normal to be with a friend or help them when they are in need, but when you are in a committed relationship what you used to do before with your friends when you were single should have some limits. If helping a friend would cause your relationship to suffer then you should try to limit it or not do it at all. And true enough if you spend more time with your friends than your significant other then having friends and a SO at the same time forfeit their respective roles, either you maintain the same closeness with your friends and forget having a SO or limit the time you spend with your friends and devote your time with your SO.

click to expand

My friends ALWAYS come first. If the guy has a problem with that then he knows what he can do F*** OFF!

To answer the original question, most of my friends are male, love male company, i flirt with them all have slept with a few and if the guy im with can handle that its his problem. My ex fiance is my best friend, any new guy who cant handle that im not interested in. I explain theis to any guy i meet at the start, and i explain that im not gonna change. He can have as many female friends as he likes, can go for tea with his ex doesnt bother me. Im not the jealous types and i would be a complete hypocrite if i felt otherwise.

Posted by Nefer
My Libra has TWO male friends... and a gabillion female ones! (And as a Libra, of course "knows" and socializes with everyone wherever we go.. esp women.) Yes, I have friends of both genders, about equal. Like TOC said... I wouldn't want my man telling me I can't have friends whose parts dangle... so I wouldn't tell him he can't be friends with people who sit to pee LOL

Does it bother me? Not in the slightest, truly. I'd have to work really hard to muster up enough insecurity for it to affect me. Plus, I'm not the jealous type (I've had exes TRY to make me jealous.. it fails hardcore.) Do I trust strange women around him? Nope - bitches be crazy, and drunk bitches be crazier. *shrug* But I trust my man enough to know that no matter how many stars are in her eyes, he's coming home to/with ME... and NOT getting her number on the sly!

I agree Nefer dahling! I used to be very insecure and jealous and it made me uncomfortable for my SO to hang around their female friends but that was MY issue which I made theirs...lol. Thank goodness I have now come into myself and gained confidence in who I am and don't feel like that at all anymore. I never forbade any man to have their female friends although I did make it a problem with my stupid insecurities.

Now I feel that if they love me then I don't have to worry about other women and if they crossed any lines then I would just move on anyways. I have no desire for a man that doesn't care for me enough to have boundaries with their female friends and that is exactly how I reciprocate with my male friends (who I would NOT give up for a man either).

If you do have a problem with this in a relationship then I would suggest doing some soul searching and learning to love who you are in your own uniqueness so that you won't let those insecurities ruin your relationship. Realize that person chose you for a reason and if they already had those female friends and they aren't with them romantically that there is a reason for that. Trust is what relationships are built upon and it is so important to foster it by "trusting" that is your SO says it's a friend that you believe them! Just my two cents....
😄

I think some people force themselves to say, "He/she can be friends with whoever he/she wants" b/c it's their way of avoiding to sound jealous or possessive.

The truth is, we have to get down to the nitty gritty of what each individual person defines "FRIENDSHIP" as. If my man's definition of "friend" includes women he only used for sex, then who cares that I might sound insecure or jealous all b/c I'd PREFER for him not to continue communication with such people. I say that b/c people play with the word friendship like they do the word love.

I wouldn't mind if my man had all the female friends in the world IF:
1. They are women he can honestly say/feel are his true friends...not F buddies or ex girlfriends that he's REALLY only holding onto b/c he can't let them go emotionally/physically.

Some people will call any AND everyone their "friends." And I think it IS important (regardless of your views) to be aware of what your partner considers a "friend." If his version of "friends" consists of women he's only sexually interested in and/or has sneaky motives with, then NO they aren't real friends, thus there's no reason for him to hold on to him period & there's ESPECIALLY NO reason for him to hold onto them once he's entered into a relationship with me.

If my man has female friends that he's never been sexual with and/or can generally get all of the same things from them that he wants from his other REAL friends (getting advice, for example) then it won't bother me that he's friends with her even if she technically IS a woman.

Hell 2 people can be madly in love with other but b/c they're TECHNICALLY NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP, they'll disguise it as a "friendship." Well that's bull. So in this case, NO I wouldn't my man continuing to hold onto someone whom he knows good & well he can't be platonic with both in front OR behind my back.

If things are PLATONIC, it won't bother me. BUT if the only women who he calls his "friends" JUST SO HAPPEN to all be his ex girlfriends or past F buddies, I'd have a serious problem with his def. of what a "friend" is.

I wouldn't mind my man having friends of the opposite sex if his definition for which he considers women "REAL FRIENDS" is realistic. I wouldn't mind him having female friends as long as he's honest with himself AND me about things.

There's nothing more WORSE than finding out that your man's best friend was really just his ex who he couldn't let go of emotionally; I can't be with someone who doesn't know how to finish 1 thing before he starts another. And I can't be with someone whose afraid to let go of people he knows deep down aren't enhancing his life platonically in any way, shape or form.

I have plenty of REAL male friends. My male friends consist of men I've known for LONG periods of time, men who might think I'm attractive BUT haven't & wouldn't ever consider hitting on me or taking things past a platonic level. They are men that I can introduce to my man w/o feeling nervous or feeling guilty. They are men that I generally trust & that wouldn't give my man ANY reason to believe he wouldn't be able to trust them either.

If you're "friends" with someone whom you constantly have to REMIND that you are taken, they're NOT your friends. If they're only your "friend" b/c it's your way of holding onto an ex or someone you're not ready to let go of yet, then they are NOT your friends. If it's someone you've been screwing up until the day we started dating, then NO they are not your friends. If it's someone you just met & barely know anything about, then NO don't come home with their phone numbers in your pockets, pretending like they are your "friends."

I'm pretty secure in my emotions.. and completely unafraid to express them. If I feel jealous, I say so. Hmmm... maybe he doesn't trigger any jealousy in me because he doesn't do anything shady with any of them. And I guess he's not FRIENDS with exes.. more like FRIENDLY if they call or need a favor - the Sag is the only one I haven't met, though I've talked to her before. He doesn't have any "friends" he's got any apparent sexual "vibes" with. That I'm aware of, he has NO female friends that don't know about me or haven't made themselves open to being MY friend as well. He doesn't hang out with female friends without me (except in a group situation, and if I happen to not be there), no "friends" he goes to lunch/dinner/movies with, and I'm not welcome to join. Mostly, if they're HIS (longtime) friends, he usually texts or talks to them on the phone or online. But I at least know and/or occasionally talk to them too (like Joy in Oregon and Danielle who moved to TN). Since being with me, he has not made even ONE new female friend that's HIS friend only. And they all treat us like a set of salt and pepper shakers anyway. It's not, "Hey, Libra - let's hang out Friday night, but don't bring Nefer.".. it's more like, "Hey, Libra.. my birthday is the 16th... are you and Nefer coming to my party that night?" He presents himself as part of a couple never a single guy, and I've been told he mentions me a lot if I'm not there, my gf this.. and my gf that.

There was one girl who gave me a creepy vibe.. we had met them last year, and occasionally got together to play cards or go out... but eventually it felt like she was trying to push her hubby off on me, a distraction so she could get flirty with my Libra. So I talked to my Libra about it, told him her behavior and her vibe were making me feel weird and uncomfortable. He said he didn't really see any of that, but understood and respected my feelings... and we stopped hanging out with them. I doubt they've exchanged even 10 words through text or FB in 2010, though she and I still run into each other occasionally and have remained friendly and say hi. We later found out that she's been known to cheat on her hubby and carry on torrid affairs behind his back. I didn't tell my Libra "I told you so" but I could have LOL

I think it's more important to observe the TYPES of "friends" your partner has. If your partner's version of "friends" consists of:
1. His ex girlfriends (OR any women that have in the past had control/affect over his emotions)
2. Women he's sexually attracted to and/OR been sexually active with
3. Women who aren't likely to respect the fact that he's in a relationship with you
4. Women he barely knows and/or hasn't had any real "Friendship" experiences with (Ya know, when a guy gets 5 girl's numbers after meeting them at a bar only to call them "friends" when questioned)
5. Women that only call him OR that he only calls when I'm not around OR at INAPPROPRIATE times (Example: The kinds of "friends" he only calls/that call him after midnight!)
Then NO I don't think my partner having THOSE types of friends are ok.

Some people use the term "friend" so loosely & when they do this, they take advantage of what it means to have REAL friends, thus they ruin it for the people who actually DO have PLATONIC friendships with the opposite sex.

I'm typically very suspicious of the men who tend to have women around them at ALL times. My ex didn't really have any male friends; all his friends were women. And all of those women just so happened to be "his type" E.I. OR women he'd probably hook up (or HAS hooked up with) persay me & him weren't together. In other words, I'm not too fond of "Ladies men."

But if my man's best friend just so happens to be a woman whom he's known for 14 years, who am I to question that friendship and/or expect for him to drop the friendship? The only way I'd expect him to drop ANYBODY (male OR female) is if I suspected that the friendship was coming between our relationship OR if the friendship with that person was negatively influencing him in some way. And even then, I'd question whether or not I wanted to continue being with HIM moreso than I would question his friendships.

Plus, it all depends on where he's MET his so-called "Friends." If all of my man's female friends are women he met at the bar OR just so happen to be his ex girlfriends, then they can ALL kick rocks!

BUT, some men actually DO know how to keep things platonic so I don't beleive in knocking every man just b/c some Ahole in MY past ruined it and/or took advantage of this whole "friend" thing.

Also, when 2 people started out as "F buddies" only to move onto entering into a relationship, it's alot harder for those kinds of couples to really TRUST what their partner considers someone "just a friend." After all, if me & my boyfriend started off calling eachother "just friends" but yet the whole time were doing everything BUT what real friends do (NON-platonic) then I'd def. keep that in mind when my man starts talking about his so-called female friends. I'd remember that we, at some point were posing as "just friends" even though we were CLEARLY acting as more than friends.