I don't like how I worded that.. Rephrase...
Birth Control
I've been with a guy for 8 months now. At first we used condoms
And then we got careless for a while
Now he completely prefers not using condoms, and we both prefer that I don't get pregnant, so we are abstaining for the time being.
I want some action, so I am tossing around the idea of birth control.
The copper iud sounded appealing because I'm not interested in hormonal methods, but today my doctor advised against it and prescribed me the pill.
I filled it, and now it's on my counter. I'm still unsure if I'm going to take it or not.
Anyone have any advice for me? Every seems to have different experiences with each method.
And then we got careless for a while
Now he completely prefers not using condoms, and we both prefer that I don't get pregnant, so we are abstaining for the time being.
I want some action, so I am tossing around the idea of birth control.
The copper iud sounded appealing because I'm not interested in hormonal methods, but today my doctor advised against it and prescribed me the pill.
I filled it, and now it's on my counter. I'm still unsure if I'm going to take it or not.
Anyone have any advice for me? Every seems to have different experiences with each method.
Are you afraid?
Nothing is 100% certain except for complete abstinence. Your doctor provided you with what pill he/she felt was most effective for you. Bear in mind that the woman speaking to you now got pregnant twice on the pill. Granted said woman could borrow a mans toothbrush or hear a zipper drop in the forest and be gestating, however. It is possible. Nor does the pill protect you from STDs ( I'm sure you know the list and so on ). If you are on antibiotic it will lessen the pills effect. Something to keep in mind if you get an illness or other and are required to take cillin, mycin, etc.
You should also avoid grapefruit juice while on the pill, it lowers your ability to process the med and increases estrogen production putting you at greater risk for breast cancer at a later point.
If you smoke, STOP. This is more strident when in your 30s but it's not a good idea, at all.
Because the pill essentially *tricks* your body into believing it's already carrying ( i.e. why you don't get pregnant in theory ) you may get nauseous, have breast tenderness and pack on a bit of extra weight.
Like any other pill regimen you must take it every day without fail. Even if you do there might be breakthrough bleeding or spotting in between times. Your cycle should occur on your 'off' week of pills, not always completely the case.
Nothing is ever completely fail-safe and always should be used in tandem with other forms of birth control for optimum protection against pregnancy.
You should also avoid grapefruit juice while on the pill, it lowers your ability to process the med and increases estrogen production putting you at greater risk for breast cancer at a later point.
If you smoke, STOP. This is more strident when in your 30s but it's not a good idea, at all.
Because the pill essentially *tricks* your body into believing it's already carrying ( i.e. why you don't get pregnant in theory ) you may get nauseous, have breast tenderness and pack on a bit of extra weight.
Like any other pill regimen you must take it every day without fail. Even if you do there might be breakthrough bleeding or spotting in between times. Your cycle should occur on your 'off' week of pills, not always completely the case.
Nothing is ever completely fail-safe and always should be used in tandem with other forms of birth control for optimum protection against pregnancy.
My girls were not to be denied. Even as pre-zygotes they were giving the bird to things.
Make him wear the condom. If it's not on, it's not on.
You can use other stuff too. Is the male pill on the market yet? Everyone is responsible.
You can use other stuff too. Is the male pill on the market yet? Everyone is responsible.
Lol I don't understand the not on/not on.. Does that mean I say woo let's go! And if it's not on, it's not my fault :p??
VB, I appreciate your response! I'm willing to comply with all of the, take your pill on time, don't smoke, there may be spotting, etc. I do expect to not get pregnant on the pill...
My concerns lie with the fact that I think the reproductive system is awesome.. And the way a woman's body changes throughout the month, and when ovulating and stuff is super neat. Haha! So what freaks me out, is that it will change my body chemistry. Is that unreasonable? I think I have hypocondriatic tendencies lol, so I'm probably taking this much to seriously.
VB, I appreciate your response! I'm willing to comply with all of the, take your pill on time, don't smoke, there may be spotting, etc. I do expect to not get pregnant on the pill...
My concerns lie with the fact that I think the reproductive system is awesome.. And the way a woman's body changes throughout the month, and when ovulating and stuff is super neat. Haha! So what freaks me out, is that it will change my body chemistry. Is that unreasonable? I think I have hypocondriatic tendencies lol, so I'm probably taking this much to seriously.
Vb, I do already have a son.
And there's an aspect of my chart that says I'm very fertile.
And there's an aspect of my chart that says I'm very fertile.
You don't have that aspect too, do you? :p
Posted by LouLore
... so we are abstaining for the time being.
I want some action
Reading that makes me think that if you two can't have intercourse .. then it's nothing at all.
Oral sex is quite pleasurable, as well as hands-on during ....
if you don't want to use the pill or any other chemical form of birth control then don't. If he doesn't want sexual intercourse with you because he has to put a little bit of laytex over his little boy then he doesn't have intercourse with you. My current doesn't like to use them so much but boy does he want to have sex with me even more, so on it goes and on it goes.
We do other things with each other sexually. We have really great chemistry, and an extremely fulfilling sexual relationship, besides the fact that he's not interested in condoms so we are at a bit of a stand still concerning penile penetration, lmao. I don't blame him.. I've just never been with someone that couldn't keep up their desire with a condom on, so I'm not sure what to do. He is a Scorpio, and seems to have a pretty strong will concerning the abstaining... I do too, but obviously we'd both rather be able .. Do it.
I'm sure he's waiting for me to figure it out, to choose a method and get on with it..
My other option is to start SERIOUSLY tracking my cycle... Using body cues, etc to figure out exactly when I ovulate, and then perhaps use a diaphragm.. Pulling out.. On top of fertility awareness. Blah I don't know!
This is quite a pain in the ass :p
My doc said he doesn't recommend the iud because there is a small chance of infection that can lead to sterility...
I'm sure he's waiting for me to figure it out, to choose a method and get on with it..
My other option is to start SERIOUSLY tracking my cycle... Using body cues, etc to figure out exactly when I ovulate, and then perhaps use a diaphragm.. Pulling out.. On top of fertility awareness. Blah I don't know!
This is quite a pain in the ass :p
My doc said he doesn't recommend the iud because there is a small chance of infection that can lead to sterility...
Posted by celticlioness
if you don't want to use the pill or any other chemical form of birth control then don't. If he doesn't want sexual intercourse with you because he has to put a little bit of laytex over his little boy then he doesn't have intercourse with you. My current doesn't like to use them so much but boy does he want to have sex with me even more, so on it goes and on it goes.
I know that you're right...
LouLore, it's because he looses all skin-pumping movement with a condom on. Women really don't get that because are lousy lovers for the most part and really don't understand the male anatomy.
When a guy beats off, it's his skin that is being griped and pumping up and down on his shaft, right? It's that friction that he needs. When this is being bound by a condom, it's no longer moving, and its not enjoyable for the guy.
So, position yourself in such a way that you can use your hands on the lower part of his shaft and cup his nuts, and pump him while he's fucking you with a condom on and then he will find it enjoyable.
Women don't get that ... I pity men, actually
When a guy beats off, it's his skin that is being griped and pumping up and down on his shaft, right? It's that friction that he needs. When this is being bound by a condom, it's no longer moving, and its not enjoyable for the guy.
So, position yourself in such a way that you can use your hands on the lower part of his shaft and cup his nuts, and pump him while he's fucking you with a condom on and then he will find it enjoyable.
Women don't get that ... I pity men, actually
Haha p, that is great advice! Truly. And I will use it.. And like I said I understand where he is coming from... He was drunk once and I asked what the difference is, what it felt like with a condom on and he said "nothing" .. I have had partners since i was 17, and I had no idea until then.
Posted by LouLore
.. what it felt like with a condom on and he said "nothing" ..
I'm glad for you (him) that you acknowledge that. Most women really don't care about that, and only think of themselves. I'm truly delighted that you are aware of the fact that condoms do nothing for men, sexually.
Posted by LouLore
Haha p, that is great advice! Truly. And I will use it.. And like I said I understand where he is coming from... He was drunk once and I asked what the difference is, what it felt like with a condom on and he said "nothing" .. I have had partners since i was 17, and I had no idea until then.
Seriously? You belive this. What did he do every time you used a condom then, FAKE IT. Will himself to orgasm? He feels alright, just a bit less than without a condom. Actually now that you say it I think I'll check my mans condom afterwards tonight, just to make sure there is something in it, have to be sure - can't trust all those grunts and groans of ecstasy to mean he is actually feeling "something".
Posted by LouLore
I'm sure he's waiting for me to figure it out, to choose a method and get on with it..
You did choose a method, you chose condoms, he is refusing - he is trying to control you - and when you give in he will move on to the next thing he can control in your relationship. See that you comply or you will lose him.
Posted by celticlionessPosted by LouLore
I'm sure he's waiting for me to figure it out, to choose a method and get on with it..
You did choose a method, you chose condoms, he is refusing - he is trying to control you - and when you give in he will move on to the next thing he can control in your relationship. See that you comply or you will lose him.click to expand
I see both sides of the situation. I really, really do, and always do in any situation. Might as well be a libra. Which is why I said in one of my posts that you're right in the sense that if he wants to bang, and doesn't want a baby, we need some form of protection, but I am trying to see it from his point of view as well, and there has to be a way for both of us to be comfortable. Many times we used condoms, it failed, he went soft. Some of the times were a success, though.
I want to be happy with our sex life, and feel good about the decisions I'm making about my body. I also want to have sex with hum, and i want him to be satisfied as well.. I care a lot about this guy..
I'm highly considering figuring out my cycle to a T, to figure out exactly when I ovulate. I am pretty tuned into my body so I think the potential is there to do this naturally. It takes many months to be sure though.. To make sure each month is regular. Hrnm.
I'm not sure I would lose him if I didn't comply. We have a really good connection. If I did lose him, I would be better off anyways.
Well, and he would be better off too.
I appreciate you all talking with me about this, it is helping me to figure out what I want, and what I don't want, sorting through the varied opinions. Thanks you guys =)
You're welcome.
Posted by seraphPosted by LouLore
Haha p, that is great advice! Truly. And I will use it.. And like I said I understand where he is coming from... He was drunk once and I asked what the difference is, what it felt like with a condom on and he said "nothing" .. I have had partners since i was 17, and I had no idea until then.
It's like swimming in snow pants.click to expand
Hahahah sounds horrendous
get an IUD - anything else is hormones. IUD at least the Mirena has the least of them and is more save than any other method. If you are so worried about hormones - why did you accept the pill—
Chances are you WILL getr pregnant without anything. Mark my words. So don't fool around and protect yourself. Any pill you take you have to take it for 3 months until it is actually effective. Same goes for shots and patches.
Why take the risk and have a possible heartbreak. These things never end well...
Chances are you WILL getr pregnant without anything. Mark my words. So don't fool around and protect yourself. Any pill you take you have to take it for 3 months until it is actually effective. Same goes for shots and patches.
Why take the risk and have a possible heartbreak. These things never end well...
I accepted the pill because it was free, and I was on the fence about taking it.
I filled it because in case I decide I'd like to go with that option, it is there for me to take. Sitting in my counter, ready to begin. They may end up in the garbage though.
I don't think he is trying to control me, I just think that he wants to have sex with me. Like I said, we have some really lovely times together, and at the point of penetration, we both behave as teases and would just like to get on with the action someday. I am trying to figure out how to go about this, so we both enjoy it. If he can't keep it up with a condom on, what's a girl to do? :p
I filled it because in case I decide I'd like to go with that option, it is there for me to take. Sitting in my counter, ready to begin. They may end up in the garbage though.
I don't think he is trying to control me, I just think that he wants to have sex with me. Like I said, we have some really lovely times together, and at the point of penetration, we both behave as teases and would just like to get on with the action someday. I am trying to figure out how to go about this, so we both enjoy it. If he can't keep it up with a condom on, what's a girl to do? :p
Posted by roamingfree
Why take the risk and have a possible heartbreak. These things never end well...
This is an interesting line to give thought to.
have you tried the skinless skin condoms. they are super super super thin but are durable. i love them. i cant take the pills. so me and my fiance researched for a month. we discovered them online. they are made in Japan. you can get them online at condomdepot.com they are called Crown Skinless Skin Condoms a 12 pk is 8 bucks. they dont have a lot of lub on them so your bf may need to put some on before he puts it on.
they dont have that latex odor either.
my fiance loves these and he usually hates wearing condoms.
they dont have that latex odor either.
my fiance loves these and he usually hates wearing condoms.
Posted by LouLorePosted by celticlionessPosted by LouLore
I'm sure he's waiting for me to figure it out, to choose a method and get on with it..
I'm highly considering figuring out my cycle to a T, to figure out exactly when I ovulate. I am pretty tuned into my body so I think the potential is there to do this naturally. It takes many months to be sure though.. To make sure each month is regular. Hrnm.click to expand
This method was widely encouraged in Ireland during the 70's and early 80's when the church controlled the state and birth control in all forms was banned - The Rhythm Method it was then called - the results were hundreds of thousands of unplanned pregnancies and almost the same amount of young women left bringing up the children on their own, mostly via Social Welfare. For your situation I don't believe it is a good method to use purely because you have already admitted that you both lost control once or twice and had unprotected sex, you will do so again without a seconds thought on where you currently are in your cycle. Womens hormones can change on the spin of a dime also - so while you may track your cycle sucessfully for a long time it could very suddenly change due to lots of factors and while you think you are having risk-free sex it may not be so - without your awareness.
Posted by LouLore
I am trying to figure out how to go about this, so we both enjoy it. If he can't keep it up with a condom on, what's a girl to do? :p
If you are in a committed long term relationship with this man then it is not up to you to figure this out. If you are both unhappy with the current method of contraception then you both need to sit down and disucss the alternatives and what will be right for BOTH of you - it is not an equal partnership when he has simply gone soft (controlling you) and refused to have sex with you unless YOU find an alternative.
Now unless he is using a condom made out of silicone, wrapped his penis in cling film and few times and topped it all off with bubble wrap there is no way he is not feeling anything. Condoms reduce sensation - for both men and women - so no need to feel sorry for the poor men (lol what a load of rubbish). Womens sensation is reduced too, shouldn't we feel sorry for ourselves also here in that case - there is a bonus for women in this however in that the weakening of sensation for a man means that he can go longer, therefore giving his woman more time to get there with him. Any of the men I have been in relationships with are happy with this because at the end of the day their pleasure is heightened by the fact that they are pleasing their woman as well as themselves - and any real man will testify to this, they get off on their womans pleasure.
Your guy going soft - control control control. One thing you should be aware of is if he cheats on you while you are in this relationship then you will have opened yourself to STD as he refuses to wear condoms.
Posted by aquaj
The Rhythm Method does not equal withdrawal. With withdrawal there is no semen in the vagina.
I wasn't talking about withdrawal - OP is talking about using Rhythm as her method by tracking her cycle.
BTW OP, if you are going down the road of tracking your cycle to try to prevent pregnancy, you might want to look into using the herb Wild Yam Root as a natural form of contraception - google it and see what you think, it might be an extra barrier if you do use this method.
Posted by aquaj
My two friends who got pregnant on the pill were both long-term pill users. Maybe it gets less effective after 3 or 4 years?
Most women I know using the pill have not got pregnant on it - and they are long term users i.e. 10/15 years, like I myself was. Depending on the pill it is important how you take it though. Also other medications can effect the usefulness of it and if a woman hasn't clued herself up on these it could also pose a risk. However it, like all other contractptive measures, do have a margin for error and some people get caught out no matter that they use it perfectly.
Posted by aquajPosted by celticlionessPosted by aquaj
My two friends who got pregnant on the pill were both long-term pill users. Maybe it gets less effective after 3 or 4 years?
Most women I know using the pill have not got pregnant on it - and they are long term users i.e. 10/15 years, like I myself was. Depending on the pill it is important how you take it though. Also other medications can effect the usefulness of it and if a woman hasn't clued herself up on these it could also pose a risk. However it, like all other contractptive measures, do have a margin for error and some people get caught out no matter that they use it perfectly.
One of the two women got pregnant after changing pill brands, so that may have had something to do with it in her case. But both women have gigantic boobs so I'm thinking they're hyper-fertile. Like the one with the pill-brand accident, the women in her family are notoriously fertile.click to expand
Lol, i've small boobs so maybe that's why I was safely tucked away on the pill for years🙂
Posted by celticlionessPosted by aquaj
The Rhythm Method does not equal withdrawal. With withdrawal there is no semen in the vagina.
I wasn't talking about withdrawal - OP is talking about using Rhythm as her method by tracking her cycle.
BTW OP, if you are going down the road of tracking your cycle to try to prevent pregnancy, you might want to look into using the herb Wild Yam Root as a natural form of contraception - google it and see what you think, it might be an extra barrier if you do use this method.click to expand
I have a really good friend that is in herb school, she wanted to consult with me about using herbs as contraception, il ask her about this specific one, too. Thanks for the suggestion.
Rhythm + withdrawal + possibly using herbs sounds like it could be quite safe when done correctly, and yes would take discussion and complete trust in each other. I like the idea of doing this without any manufactured substances.
I think I'm gonna do a little research on the history of birth control IE ancient times, to see how women used the fertility awareness methods before the creation of hormonal birth control or implants. Maybe that'll yield some interesting results to boost my confidence in figuring my body out.
I have some input, while we're talking about herbs. If you decide to use the pill, be aware that certain herbs will lessen the pill's effectiveness. Saint John's Wort, for one, has the reputation for doing this.
Yes. Herbs ARE medicine. I'm glad you pointed that out Whimsy.
Posted by aquaj
My two friends who got pregnant on the pill were both long-term pill users. Maybe it gets less effective after 3 or 4 years?
it does aquaj your suppose to go every 2 years to make sure they are still effective. dont ask me how they can tell, but i just took one of my friends to the Dr. thats what I heard him say.
It would be pill OR a combination of more natural methods. Not pills + herbs. I understand that herbs are medicine.
Thanks tho for clarifying, too.
YOU obviously talked to a doctor/nurse who (personally) prefers the Pill to the IUD.. probably she's a Pill taker herself, and is scared of IUDs.
The risks of an IUD are minimal (they used to be a LOT more dangerous in the 70's and such, giving them a bad rap).. in fact, I consider the risks of hormonal BC to be worse. And the side effects of ANY hormonal BC are generally awful for most women.. many, many examples probably amongst your own family and friends, if you ask.
My daughter got pregnant on Depo -- and she'd put up with the horrible side effects, mood swings, and weight gain for 8 months.. for nothing. After my grandson was born, my 19 year old daughter was implanted with a copper IUD -- THAT was what her doctor considered her best option, even at her young age.. the risks of infection/perforation are really VERY slight.
I have a Pill baby.. a Diaphragm/Spermicide baby.. a Condom AND Diaphragm baby.. and a baby from 30 seconds and stopping cuz "having sex was a bad idea".. no ejaculation, must have been the precum. The only birth control method I've used that NEVER ONCE failed me.. was an IUD, which I had for almost 6 years.
I'd look into the IUD option again, truly.
The risks of an IUD are minimal (they used to be a LOT more dangerous in the 70's and such, giving them a bad rap).. in fact, I consider the risks of hormonal BC to be worse. And the side effects of ANY hormonal BC are generally awful for most women.. many, many examples probably amongst your own family and friends, if you ask.
My daughter got pregnant on Depo -- and she'd put up with the horrible side effects, mood swings, and weight gain for 8 months.. for nothing. After my grandson was born, my 19 year old daughter was implanted with a copper IUD -- THAT was what her doctor considered her best option, even at her young age.. the risks of infection/perforation are really VERY slight.
I have a Pill baby.. a Diaphragm/Spermicide baby.. a Condom AND Diaphragm baby.. and a baby from 30 seconds and stopping cuz "having sex was a bad idea".. no ejaculation, must have been the precum. The only birth control method I've used that NEVER ONCE failed me.. was an IUD, which I had for almost 6 years.
I'd look into the IUD option again, truly.
I don't know if this will help at all, but, you know, there are some pretty fun condoms out there. My husband and I use condoms exclusively (he's worried about the effects of pill hormones on my body), so we make sure to get good ones. There are style s that are made with the pleasure of both partners in mind, such as ones with stimulating lube or ribbing on both sides. There are also brands that are tight at the bottom, but looser up top, so that there's extra friction for the guy. Would he be into trying something like that?
Nef, you're an incredibly fertile woman!
Whimsy, we have used mostly those Trojans that have the tight ribbing at the bottom/extra space at the top. It's a good suggestion though, maybe there are others that would work.
Mt doctor is a male... The copper iud is what u had my eye on.. I've never had troubling periods or much cramping, and have already had a child, so I feel like I could do well with it. Truly maybe a second opinion would be beneficial. And from a female doctor.
I highly recommend a book "Taking Charge of your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. It goes into detail about the temperature method. Even if you decide not to follow it you find out all sorts of fascinating stuff about your body. I was sceptical at first but I'm sold now. I'm grateful that I have the choice of birth control, but I want to control my body myself, and this for me is the best method to do it. During fertile days you can still use a condom, or just abstain.
thanks LR! I'm checking out the website right now. Can i ask, although im not sure what your circumstances are/were, but if it applies, how long did it take you to feel comfortable that you had the method down and knew your fertile days for sure? I read that you should practice it for a year before fully relying on it as a form of preventing birth.
LouLore, you should be aware that TCOYF is aimed at women primarily trying to conceive - it carries huge risks if you are trying to prevent pregnancy. Your scorp says he doesn't want a baby, therefore he should be taking control of his own fertility (rather than you) and preventing HIMSElf from conceiving a child.
I think she recommends three cycles and so long as they are regular you can go ahead. Read the book - there are a lot of myths out there about this method. I'll be honest with you. I would probably recommend this to someone older, or someone who wouldn't mind getting pregnant (i.e. a couple who are not planning a family now but who will do in future). My main concern is that you clearly are uncomfortable with the idea of taking the pill (with good reason imo) and with this reticence you may not be so reliable taking it, putting yourself at risk of pregnancy. Also, you have a baby already so you know what a big deal that is.
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