Could you really handle it?

For those who say, "Why weren't they just honest with me?" I wonder if the 100% raw truth would've been something you'd be able to stomach anyways.

A girl finds out she's been cheated on. She gets mad b/c he didn't tell her.
*So if your man told you that he was having thoughts of cheating, wanted to cheat & wasn't as attracted to you anymore, would you REALLY be able to handle that conversation?!

---If this was the cold-hearted truth, would you want him to flat out tell you this?

A girl notices that a man is starting to become distant and/or pulls the disappearing act.
*So if he FLAT OUT told you, "I'm really just not that into you. You're too big, not as cute as I'd like & plus, there are 3 girls that have something better to off me than you do," would you REALLY be able to handle that truth?!

---If this was the cold-hearted truth (the truth some people swear they want/can handle), are you sure you'd want him to flat out tell you this?

A man takes forever to call/text you back.
*So if he FLAT OUT told you, "Well the reason I didn't call/text you back is b/c I didn't want to talk to you. Nothing is wrong. It's just that I was texting other girls too & felt that I'd just get back to you when I felt like it," would you REALLY be able to handle that truth?!

Get my point?! Truth & sugar-coating are 2 different things. I'm sure some of you will disagree. But in my opinion, the truth IS the truth & sometimes a difference in tone doesn't tone down the harshness of that truth! A soothing lie is not better than a hurtful truth BUT it damn sure feels better!

I'm not defending the people who lie with the intent on not hurting your feelings. Lying is lying & lying is wrong! However, I think there's something very true about the phrase, "Be careful for what you ask for b/c you just might get it," OR "The truth? You can't handle the truth?!"

If half of these guys REALLY told you the truth, some of you would be in tears all the time lol

We all say we want the truth, but the reality is though that only half of us can actually handle it!

It's even hurtful sometimes to hear our friends/family giving us the cold-hearted truth about a specific person or situation. It's def. hard to handle when the actual person is not sugar-coating a damn thing! Then you'll be wishing you never asked for the truth lol

Some people can't handle someone who sugar-coats things or won't give it to them straight. Ironically, sometimes those very same people will look at you like a deer in headlights & wonder where you got your nerve if they are told the cold-harsh 100% truth lol

I have a friend like this.

When she feels that people are lying or sugar-coating something, she gets frustrated & loses respect for them b/c of their inability to "give it to her straight."

However, on occasion, she meets people that DO give it to her 100% straight, & afterwards, she's somewhere secretly wishing they had sugar-coated things lol

I think a lot (not all) of people are this way!

I think that's why some people have a hard time listening to their intuition/instinct. It's b/c intuition/instinct don't sugar-coat a damn thing! Your inner voice tells it straight like it is! And that's perhaps 1 of the reasons people would rather tune it out. If it's damn near impossible for you to handle the truth that's coming from your OWN mind/inner voice, how can you walk around claiming that you want others to give it to you straight?!

I like the truth... and besides a guy that has 3 other girls on line... most likely had to much time on his hands...

So if you look at it like this what does he really have to offer... who is to say that these men are smart...

Often like guy act nice to any pretty face... girls do the same they just like to think they are not.

If a girl is told I am sorry but I am not that into you because of blank... some times they try to change... it is not always the healthiest thing depending on the issue...

I think one issue that both sexes avoid or want to talk about is weight... yes people are born with how they look... but it is really not that hard to be healthy and diet... So personally weight will become like smoking... no one wanted to say something at first but then everyone realized how bad it was for you...

Their are other issues like self improvement as no one wants to watch their partner waste away all though time doing nothing productive...

PM

Would I want the raw truth? Maybe not the raw truth but the jist would be nice. Don't let me believe a lie bc its easier than being honest. In some ways, I'd prefer the raw truth bc I can deal with that and move on.. initial pain? Yes. . It would hurt like a freshly ripped bandaid, but at least I can move on and recover than learn the raw truth, know how long I've been lied to then recover. A lot more pain that way and then all trust is gone and usually that relationship is ruined.

While I'm not as outwardly sensitive as others. . It still hurts. .as you said. There are lots who would be crying every day. You do havve a point there.

Posted by tiziani
If I had to choose between a relationship and the truth, I would (and have) chosen the truth every single time. The ones firmly relegated to my past are the ones that brought about that choice in the first place. It doesn't need to be that way.

+1000

Posted by piscesmoon2

So if you look at it like this what does he really have to offer... who is to say that these men are smart...
PM

Well these are thoughts/revelations that a woman might have AFTER she's told the cold hurtful truth, not before!

And hey, sometimes you don't realize someone is an AHole until AFTER they'd told you the cold-hearted truth. But that still doesn't change the fact that many women clearly asked for that "truth" long before he decided to give it to her.

I think so many people are used to not getting the truth at all, being left to guess or hearing things that are sugar-coated that it NEVER dawns on them whether or not they would've been able to even handle the cold 100% truth had the person actually decided to do so!

Girl: "If you weren't interested, why couldn't you just tell me."
Guy: "Ok, fine I am NOT interested, just wanted to bone you & now that I've got the goodies, I no longer see the need for you in my life."
Girl: "Oh....."
*Girl calls her girlfriends & claims to hate him for being so "mean," to her.
Me: Wtf! He wasn't being mean, he was being truthful! Don't conveniently call it truth when it feels good but "mean" when it doesn't feel good.

I will take the ugly truth for 2000, krysrenee7. No point of not being honest, saves a lot of time and wondering. "I am not interested" or "I am talking to other people" give them an expectation of what is the deal. At least give them an option, since you are exploring your. Everyone don't want to play the waiting game.

^^^^^^ very true. I often wonder if those who are withholding the cold hard truth delay or refrain from telling it bc they are more afraid of what that party would do or say. In other words, is fear the reason why they aren't honest from the door m

Posted by shortii
^^^^^^ very true. I often wonder if those who are withholding the cold hard truth delay or refrain from telling it bc they are more afraid of what that party would do or say. In other words, is fear the reason why they aren't honest from the door m

Oh absolutely. Fear & the possibility of being judged is the reason people lie. Ironically, fear & the hurtful feeling of rejection is the reason people sub-consciously prefer to be lied to.

I've noticed that the people who are usually 100% blunt & truthful with others aren't always the most popular! They easily get misjudged as "mean" or an "Ahole" b/c of how honest they are. And the very people who dislike them for being so brutally honest are usually somewhere complaining about how they wish some OTHER guy/girl would "just be honest with me." lol

Posted by krysrenee7
I think so many people are used to not getting the truth at all, being left to guess or hearing things that are sugar-coated that it NEVER dawns on them whether or not they would've been able to even handle the cold 100% truth had the person actually decided to do so!

Girl: "If you weren't interested, why couldn't you just tell me."
Guy: "Ok, fine I am NOT interested, just wanted to bone you & now that I've got the goodies, I no longer see the need for you in my life."
Girl: "Oh....."
*Girl calls her girlfriends & claims to hate him for being so "mean," to her.
Me: Wtf! He wasn't being mean, he was being truthful! Don't conveniently call it truth when it feels good but "mean" when it doesn't feel good.

This where if a girl really gets to know a guy... she will not have the problem... I would say if he really cares he will date you 3 to 6 months... if you can't control yourself and jump on a guy... he will be like ok...

Girls and Guys allow themselves to be hurt... by not being honest with themselves... we are not animals.... people that choose to hum many trees it is their choice but if you want to have a meaning full relationship the emotion needs to be on the same level as the physical...

I man not saying you can't be play full... guys normally like a chase 😉

PM

Posted by piscesmoon2

Posted by krysrenee7
I think so many people are used to not getting the truth at all, being left to guess or hearing things that are sugar-coated that it NEVER dawns on them whether or not they would've been able to even handle the cold 100% truth had the person actually decided to do so!

Girl: "If you weren't interested, why couldn't you just tell me."
Guy: "Ok, fine I am NOT interested, just wanted to bone you & now that I've got the goodies, I no longer see the need for you in my life."
Girl: "Oh....."
*Girl calls her girlfriends & claims to hate him for being so "mean," to her.
Me: Wtf! He wasn't being mean, he was being truthful! Don't conveniently call it truth when it feels good but "mean" when it doesn't feel good.

This where if a girl really gets to know a guy... she will not have the problem... I would say if he really cares he will date you 3 to 6 months... if you can't control yourself and jump on a guy... he will be like ok...

Girls and Guys allow themselves to be hurt... by not being honest with themselves... we are not animals.... people that choose to hum many trees it is their choice but if you want to have a meaning full relationship the emotion needs to be on the same level as the physical...

I man not saying you can't be play full... guys normally like a chase 😉
PM

click to expand

I agree that women need to rely more on their intuitions/inner instincts more for "the truth" simply b/c the harsh reality is that some people won't ever tell you the truth no matter how much you beg them too

BUT that doesn't mean that women don't have the right to brutal honesty. Not only do I expect myself to be honest with myself lol but I expect for others to be honest with me too. I expect honesty from the beginning, AS I'm getting to know you & ONCE I've gotten to know you.

It's unfair to say that you only deserve the truth after 3-6 months lol

krysrenee7 you are super direct... and that is fine if things are all cold hard can calculated like in books but there is not... not really anyways... everyone is different... the 3 to 6 month rule is more like before you get to heavy physically or even should really take a turn to that... Lets face it we all go though puppy love... so to speak when we first start seeing someone we like... If you expect the truth in everything in life up front to anyone then you will be disappointed a lot in your life... If they go head and earn your trust over 3 to 6 months... then you can open yourself up to be emotionally attached... or to the possibilities of broken heart crap... that we all look back on and ask our selves how could be be so stupid...

Everything happens for a reason and is just what we need... it is our path... all we can control is our actions which effect others paths around us... positive or negatively... We can make choices for relationships that obviously bad shit happen from... that added stress to all the people around you that your share it with... and then if you had kids... dog... or alot of mutual friends you are fuck...

PM

I just prefer the truth, nothing more or less. Can't see why either your interested or not. Not keep me on stand by or the proverbial bench. Communication is the key here

You're going off into another subject when you mention the 3-6 months thing. I understand what you are saying, but this topic is about honesty & whether or not you can handle it.

I agree that expecting others to be honest with you 24-7 is unrealistic. We agree on that.

My point though was that on the occasion that someone DOES come a long & WILL tell you that cold truth like you ask for, CAN YOU HANDLE IT?! This conversation isn't about whether or not people deserve honesty. It's about whether or not the people who believe they deserve it can actually handle it once it's given to them. Completely different than what you're talking about.

When someone disappears on you (regardless of whether or not this happens during month 3 or month 8), would you really be able to handle the cold truth IF the truth was something that would hurt your feelings and IF that person was willing to give it to you straight?!

When someone is considering to cheat on you (regardless of whether or not this idea pops up in their minds 1 month into it 3 years into it), would you really be able to handle the cold truth/conversation IF the truth was something that would hurt your feelings & IF that person was willing to give it to you straight?!

These are just a few examples b/c these are common scenarios. Hell, I think I've seen 10 threads today on DXP of people asking for the cold hard truth b/c they are dealing with someone who won't give it to them! And sometimes I wonder if they'd even feel better or even wished they'd asked for it IF the person they're really referring to woould've told them the cold truth.

No, can't handle it. Situation arose recently and I was glad/relieved that I didn't get the exact truth, right then. In fact I found it all out myself but had had time to process lots before and so therefore it was easier to except it and move on as I was already 50% there. I remember thinking exactly what you said...be careful what you wish for...Regardless of whether you get the full truth or not, you will continue to got through the motions of "what ifs" until things sink in that you just weren't meant to be together. This was with someone whom I was in a relationship with.

Now if it was at the beginning of a relationship, then I would be more open to knowing before I headed in so that i had the choice to not go there at all. But then I have been blind to listening to my gut instinct previously and always the optimist!

It really is a rock and a hard place!

I'm not honest all the time, and that's probably the most honest thing I will ever say to people I don't trust. I think it's just fair of me to expect the same or even lower treatment than that.

There are truths and then there are TRUTHS. I think it all comes down to how much you trust that person, or I dunno maybe it's just me.

Also I'm sure I wouldn't take well being told some things, but time heals everything they say. I think it's mainly ego issues I'd have had to face sooner than later.

However, what I wouldn't never ever tolerate from anyone is betrayal. In most cases, I would consider lying and deceiving a betrayal to my trust.

Posted by sweethearts
No, can't handle it. Situation arose recently and I was glad/relieved that I didn't get the exact truth, right then. In fact I found it all out myself but had had time to process lots before and so therefore it was easier to except it and move on as I was already 50% there. I remember thinking exactly what you said...be careful what you wish for...Regardless of whether you get the full truth or not, you will continue to got through the motions of "what ifs" until things sink in that you just weren't meant to be together. This was with someone whom I was in a relationship with.

Now if it was at the beginning of a relationship, then I would be more open to knowing before I headed in so that i had the choice to not go there at all. But then I have been blind to listening to my gut instinct previously and always the optimist!

It really is a rock and a hard place!

Thank you for being honest!!!

I mean it's true, the truth is necessary, yes, but it also sucks to hear sometimes b/c once someone gives it to you 100% straight, there is no coming back from that!

The reason the people who prefer a sugar-coated truth like that "method" of truth is b/c any other way of being told the truth is too hurtful. And it makes sense!

I think it's human nature to fear the truth if the cold truth is something that could ruin your relationship, your opinion of that person or the dreams you had with someone.

It's like the girls who say, "Well he told me that he wasn't that into me. What does this mean? Did he really mean it?" And I'm like YES YES YES he meant it! lol But the mind sometimes can't handle something so blunt when it's used to getting bullsh***ted all the time lol Sad but true

Posted by sweethearts
No, can't handle it. Situation arose recently and I was glad/relieved that I didn't get the exact truth, right then. In fact I found it all out myself but had had time to process lots before and so therefore it was easier to except it and move on as I was already 50% there. I remember thinking exactly what you said...be careful what you wish for...Regardless of whether you get the full truth or not, you will continue to got through the motions of "what ifs" until things sink in that you just weren't meant to be together. This was with someone whom I was in a relationship with.

Now if it was at the beginning of a relationship, then I would be more open to knowing before I headed in so that i had the choice to not go there at all. But then I have been blind to listening to my gut instinct previously and always the optimist!

It really is a rock and a hard place!

I had something similar happen to me recently. I should have listened to my instinct /gut.. but I didn't. I trusted. While the truth hurt, I would have much rather been told by the source then believe false pretenses.

krysrenee7

I am making a point that people often don't allow enough time to pass... these days 80 to 90 of problems are about people that have not knowing each other realistically 3 months... even...

There are ways of making the odds better and better choices... in these areas that help...

PM

Posted by piscesmoon2

krysrenee7

I am making a point that people often don't allow enough time to pass... these days 80 to 90 of problems are about people that have not knowing each other realistically 3 months... even...

There are ways of making the odds better and better choices... in these areas that help...

PM

I get what you're saying. I get it. Moral of the story is that the truth usually reveals itself & speaks for itself after you've allowed enough time to pass in order to get to know that person.

But you're making it sound as if dishonesty is only limited to the people who don't know each other well. That's not true. Dishonesty & wanting to know the truth is something that couples of ALL stages go through. Deal breakers, distance, suspicious behavior, etc. happen in many relationships over different stages of time. It's not like everybody is dishonest in the beginning, but then somehow perfectly honest once a certain amount of time has passed.

The fact that people deal with infidelity during marriage can attest to that. Clearly, there are plenty of people who have allowed enough time to go by & yet they still deal with issues involving a truth that may be hurtful. Some women have trouble getting a man to be honest 5 years into the relationship just like some women have this issue 2 months into it.

The need for the cold hard truth is not just something that beginners deal with.

As far as people not being honest... If you can't trust your man to be honest after a certan amount of time you should kick him to the curb...

A woman between the ages of 25 and 35 have no time to waste as 6 months is 5% of your time... Are you willing to waste that amount of time... Mostly speaking it had to do with having kids... I hate when girls treat dating like interviews with pre set qualities... Because they never hold themselves to them in daily life... Standards or rules should always apply... Bottomed line is people know... What is good for then... I don't believe in cheating at all... And if you truly question someone's honesty then maybe they are picking the right guys...

It should not feel forced and always difficult... I believe people and girls often have high standard but are scared to go after or talk to the men they like or they know they have the right qualities... Looks are not the only thing and people normally settle less trust for better men which equal more temptation to them... As a guy becomes less attractive they expect more to be perfect...

PM

I would want people to be honest with me. It may shock me a bit but I would always be better off knowing then not. Despite what people say about my sign or gender, I can take a hell of a lot. And if this dishonesty leads to me wasting my time then I hate it even more. I'm a blunt person and it takes a lot to verbally shake me up. Probably because I expect people to be bordering insensitive with what they say too. Anything anyone says to me I can handle.

Posted by krysrenee7
For those who say, "Why weren't they just honest with me?" I wonder if the 100% raw truth would've been something you'd be able to stomach anyways.

A girl finds out she's been cheated on. She gets mad b/c he didn't tell her.
*So if your man told you that he was having thoughts of cheating, wanted to cheat & wasn't as attracted to you anymore, would you REALLY be able to handle that conversation?!

---If this was the cold-hearted truth, would you want him to flat out tell you this?
...
Get my point?! Truth & sugar-coating are 2 different things. I'm sure some of you will disagree. But in my opinion, the truth IS the truth & sometimes a difference in tone doesn't tone down the harshness of that truth! A soothing lie is not better than a hurtful truth BUT it damn sure feels better!

I'm not defending the people who lie with the intent on not hurting your feelings. Lying is lying & lying is wrong! However, I think there's something very true about the phrase, "Be careful for what you ask for b/c you just might get it," OR "The truth? You can't handle the truth?!"

If half of these guys REALLY told you the truth, some of you would be in tears all the time lol

We all say we want the truth, but the reality is though that only half of us can actually handle it!

This

Posted by notyourtypeYou can be honest without being a douchebag; the two are not mutually exclusive.

click to expand

Took the words-- couldn't have said it better.

@Krysrenee

This is kind of a false choice-- sugar-coated lies v. the unvarnished truth.

You said: "... the truth IS the truth & sometimes a difference in tone doesn't tone down the harshness of that truth!"

But I think tact and diplomacy do.


"A girl finds out she's been cheated on. She gets mad b/c he didn't tell her. "

She gets mad because of the betrayal and the public humiliation.

The 'cheater' could have ended it with her, like an adult-- "This isn't working for me anymore... I'm sorry."

The problem was cowardice on HIS part; not her inability to "handle the truth."

Posted by notyourtype
You can be honest without being a douchebag; the two are not mutually exclusive. I can't speak for others, but when I say I want honesty, I don't mean I want the blunt, cold-hearted truth, but rather, the GENERAL truth. That is, the truth without all the nitty gritty details that encompass it. The truth with some tact, if you will.

So for instance, in this case:

Posted by krysrenee7
A girl notices that a man is starting to become distant and/or pulls the disappearing act.
*So if he FLAT OUT told you, "I'm really just not that into you. You're too big, not as cute as I'd like & plus, there are 3 girls that have something better to off me than you do," would you REALLY be able to handle that truth?!

He could simply say, "You're a nice girl, but I'm looking for something a little different." So while it's not the cold hard truth, it's still the truth because it essentially conveys the same message: you're not my type; there's no future for us. Unless the girl specifically demands for a blunt detailed explanation as to WHY (in which case, she can't fault him) it's unnecessary to follow up with a list of all those insensitive things.

click to expand

Understandable. There are many different methods of how you choose to hear the truth. This post was about whether or not you could handle the COLD-hearted truth. I know, I know, some of you can handle the "general truth," the "sugar-coated truth" or not the truth at all!!!

But in some cases, the cold hard truth is needed AND is how the OTHER person prefers to give truth. So if you're in THIS specific situation, could you handle it?

Posted by IrresistableScorp
Sometimes the truth is about a good thing. Sometimes the truth brings people closer after the initial shock. Why are we assuming all cold hard truth is negative?

I don't think the cold-hearted truth is always negative. However, I used "negative" examples b/c it's a lot harder for this topic to hit close to home if the examples are all good. 1 of the reasons people lie is b/c they are trying not to hurt your feelings or they feel that lying some how guards you from a hurtful or "negative" truth. Someone telling you the cold-hearted truth when it's positive brings out a completely DIFFERENT set of emotions when someone is giving you a cold-hearted truth when it's negative. So I chose to primarily focus on the negative.

If half of these guys REALLY told you the truth, some of you would be in tears all the time lol

We all say we want the truth, but the reality is though that only half of us can actually handle it!


Goes for females too, if females were actually honest with how they truely are then males just wouldnt bother. No wonder guys are going gay.

Also for my guy friends they know I like the truth and no sugarcoating. Hard, cold truth is the best for the long run. How is it do you think? that it got like this?

I have found majority of females, girls and 'womans' are lying deceitful manipulative cunts who ought have what they have done to them coz they are just this way, dont come crying to me when it happens again bitches, dont blame the guys for it when you made it that way, yeh heard it all before.

Usually the females fault for being born the way they are and blamed for everything thats happened to them and funnily enough everyone believes this except for the ones that arent stupid and can see how things really are and not how they want them to be.

If any male or female were to be a friend they would be honest to me no matter what and I to them. If I feel they lie, manipulative cunts then they better have good reason for this usually they do and they are ok with that. Its the ones that dont have good reason for anything are the ones that I dont like at all.

I prefer truth and if anyone to be a friend cant give truth than they can get fucked really. No sugarcoating either. I have found its usually the other people who cant like giving truth and have to sugarcoat to give truth.

No I could not.

The truth that is.

I could not handle the truth.

I prefer to be told the truth by people and if those people say they are my friend and tell me nontruth then depending upon the reason as to why they nontruth me I be pissed/non pissed and no friend of mine at all.

I like to go with the flow it is how I handle the truth and because I do not handle the truth at all.

Allows me the leeway which I need to function 'normally'.

Anger also allows me freedom to function 'normally'.

Usually being away in my own head allows me what I need to function 'normally'. I can do this whereever I roam, underneath the starry sky at night the morning has just begun and times twist tell of oceans so frikking BLUE.

See I am a nutter! and I enjoy myself being this way but I am telling you all stories so you see is the way of perception as to how it all is. VIVID COLOURINGS!!

Fuck I miis the good times.

Bye to all.

Ah yes and thankyou to you for telling me the truth to me so that you could move on. Now that I realise this is what it is about for you to tell me the truth perception you must say to me to move on for yourself than it is done and I thankyou for devulging this information as I have now my job done.

Cheers for you!!

Girl: "If you weren't interested, why couldn't you just tell me."
Guy: "Ok, fine I am NOT interested, just wanted to bone you & now that I've got the goodies, I no longer see the need for you in my life."
Girl: "Oh....."
*Girl calls her girlfriends & claims to hate him for being so "mean," to her.
Me: Wtf! He wasn't being mean, he was being truthful! Don't conveniently call it truth when it feels good but "mean" when it doesn't feel good.

He still is incapable of explaining to said girl why he couldnt tell her. I realise this a guy thing and all guys are like this exception of a few still doesnt tell the girl why he couldnt tell her he wasnt interested.

Like ok so you want to bone this sheila so say to her oh I want to bone you and I am not interested in you except for a bone.You dog you HAHAHA!! Also why do you think that the girl is hurt by this when it is obvious she be angry at you for not telling her you not interested in her except for a bone it you who not being truthful that is what is mean not the fact you only a guy and want to bone her and that it.

And stop thinking you so much better than you are coz your not she wanted to bone you and not interested in anything except a bone. Oh ok its a guy thing yeh understood. Guys are incapable of telling it like it is. Especially for you.

I know anyone who lies to someone they just bone and tells them lies is a lowlife scumbag to begin with.

Now if the guy speaking said to the girl hey I want to bone you straightup and be truthful in how he is then the girl wouldnt be at all confused by the guys behaviour at all or angry at him for being the using lying scumbag he is.

Yeh also why if he was at all being truth, would he still be like talking about it decades later on a site such as dxpnet trying to prove that he is a nontruth. When its been over and done with for a very long time what is the reason for such hypocrisy?

So he boned a girl and hasnt gotten over this girl? and lied to her about not being interested in her so if he not interested in her then why bring this up here?

Does this mean he is not interested in her or is interested in her? If so, how so? Just for a bone and nothing else? Thats it?

I am tired of all this nonsense and nontruth and indirectness there is no need for suxh behaviour especially when you want to bone the girl, I mean if you want to bone the girl bone the girl. Its that simple but make sure you are direct in telling her 'oh, you just interested for a bone not anything else, oh and you hoping she turn around and say oh why yes sir that is a wonderful idea, mmm, why didnt I think of that?, oops I must be pretty silly not to think of that. Well then if thats so how you like to be, please sir bone me.

Ok I am sorry but why cant guys be so forthright? and say what they want straightup? It doesnt make sense and you wasted alot of time, your and hers on such trival shit that its like so what? Rolls eyes...

and before you get your knickers in a knot, remember you broke her heart by your nontruth not the fact that you wanted to bone her. You lost out, you broke the deal when you crossed that line, you knew what you were doing, you screwed up bigtime and it will come back to haunt you all of your daze. I can go on and on but I think, I repeat I think you get the picture.

Yeh, you are mean for lying to her and not only that to yourself but you know what its over and done with now and I am sure that the girl dont want nothing to do with you.

Oh, Sorry I happen to mention that. I hope that didnt hurt your 'feelings'

Yeh next time stop being a player and if you want to go bone someone just be truthful about it and get on with it, it'll save you alot of headstress in the years to come. Too bad you didnt make it with the girl though it couldve been

Yeh next time stop being a player and if you want to go bone someone just be truthful about it and get on with it, it'll save you alot of headstress in the years to come. Too bad you didnt make it with the girl though it couldve been real good. Better luck next time heh?

Men who admit they're married get more play than the guys who lie about it. that should tell you something! Brutal honesty is cringe worthy to 1 person but irresistibly sexy to another

Posted by krysrenee7

We all say we want the truth, but the reality is though that only half of us can actually handle it!

The reality is only the deceptive would say something like this^^^😢

Posted by krysrenee7
Understandable. There are many different methods of how you choose to hear the truth. This post was about whether or not you could handle the COLD-hearted truth. I know, I know, some of you can handle the "general truth," the "sugar-coated truth" or not the truth at all!!!

But in some cases, the cold hard truth is needed AND is how the OTHER person prefers to give truth. So if you're in THIS specific situation, could you handle it?

I still disagree-- the truth is simply the truth.

Posted by LetltB

Posted by krysrenee7

We all say we want the truth, but the reality is though that only half of us can actually handle it!

The reality is only the deceptive would say something like this^^^😢

click to expand

I agree, it does sound deceptive.

Because adding insult to injury is optional.

I like being told the cold-hearted, non-filtered truth from my family/friends. Everybody isn't the same.

I've been lied to a few times in my relationships, probably because I am a hot head and tend to burn bridges. The thing is, when I'm really mad, I don't throw a tantrum and burn it all to the ground. I destroy what I built passive aggressively, disappear from the situation, and rebuild on my own terms. I give chances, I forgive. I never forget but I attempt to give someone the benefit of the doubt more often than I should. That being said, I have always preferred someone tell me the truth than have me find out. At least if they told me the truth I'd know there was some semblance of honesty still left in them, and we'll figure out what to do from there.

However if I find out for myself, that leads me to believe they either thought I was gullible or aren't strong enough to provide me with the decency of enlightenment. The problem is my intuition. If I have a feeling that something is wrong, and I ask, my feelings are denied - and then I find out down the road that I was right? Then I'm pissed.

There has to be honesty on both sides though. If you aren't willing to tell the truth, you shouldn't expect your lover/partner/interest to do the same. That's hypocritical and extremely unfair.

Posted by deivaleonne
I've been lied to a few times in my relationships, probably because I am a hot head and tend to burn bridges. The thing is, when I'm really mad, I don't throw a tantrum and burn it all to the ground. I destroy what I built passive aggressively, disappear from the situation, and rebuild on my own terms. I give chances, I forgive. I never forget but I attempt to give someone the benefit of the doubt more often than I should. That being said, I have always preferred someone tell me the truth than have me find out. At least if they told me the truth I'd know there was some semblance of honesty still left in them, and we'll figure out what to do from there.

However if I find out for myself, that leads me to believe they either thought I was gullible or aren't strong enough to provide me with the decency of enlightenment. The problem is my intuition. If I have a feeling that something is wrong, and I ask, my feelings are denied - and then I find out down the road that I was right? Then I'm pissed.

There has to be honesty on both sides though. If you aren't willing to tell the truth, you shouldn't expect your lover/partner/interest to do the same. That's hypocritical and extremely unfair.

Wow. Great points!!! I'm even more upset when I find out later that I only believed something b/c I had to lie to myself 1st!!!

Plus, it's an ego thing with me lol When people lie to me, I take it as them questioning my intelligence. I'd much rather someone be honest with me & face all the possible fallout from that vs. facing all the fallout from the hidden truth AND them being a liar. The 2nd is def worse

Posted by Sugarfoot
I can handle it and I much prefer it over a lie. Knowing I've been lied to makes me lose respect for that person. It's like they weren't strong enough to tell me the truth. You're right when you say that telling the truth doesn't make you popular. You have to be able to take whatever the person you're telling it to dishes back at you if they don't like what you said. You have to be strong.

That said, I do like the truth with a pinch of sugar if its something hurtful.

Like instead of him saying, "You're getting too fat, I'm not attracted to you anymore."

I'd rather he say, "Babe, your body is slammin' when you're working out and eating right. Why don't we get in the gym and do better with our eating."

Even though, it's kinda the same thing, it'll make me feel better that he cares about my feelings enough to say it in a nice way.

Gotcha! When you said that you'd rather hear the truth with a pinch of sugar if it's hurtful, that's what I meant when I created this topic. It's like damn, but what if the truth is something hurtful?! Do you still want the raw, blunt & unadulterated truth then?! lol The honest answer is probably no! lol

Exactly, while with my ex I gained around 5-6 kilos nobody said anything until I lost it after the split and then I was told how much weight I had gained and they knew I wasn't happy.

Now had they have told me about my weight gain before the loss, or that I was unhappy in my relationship..I would have been upset with those people for mentioning it and coming to conclusions even though it was all "TRUTH".

The truth isn't always blatantly obvious to the person themselves and that is why it can be upsetting!

in theory some people believe so,

but in practice....

hmmm. just something that's been observed in reality.

I would definitely have been able to handle the truth and in fact I asked repeatedly for it. Now I am left wondering and that's much worse. The truth I can take and move on.

Being honest hurts both the person you are being honest with and yourself too

Honesty-
I want to be single
I want to be free
I want to be with other people
I want to not be married
I want my own time

Theres so much more but that will do.

Theres nothing more to say except that I do love you I just dont want to be with you. I need to have my own time to be who I am and dont want to be with anyone.

GOODBYE

I like to be told the truth if a guy is just not into me anymore..the sting from that last a millisecond for me compared to just disappearing and left wondering what happened. It helps me move on faster..I kid you not it takes me like a day, 2 tops to get over a dude who said he just wanted to be friends or didn't think it'd work out...I am already on to someone else before they even realize that maybe they were being a bit harsh..

Posted by krysrenee7


Wow. Great points!!! I'm even more upset when I find out later that I only believed something b/c I had to lie to myself 1st!!!

Plus, it's an ego thing with me lol When people lie to me, I take it as them questioning my intelligence. I'd much rather someone be honest with me & face all the possible fallout from that vs. facing all the fallout from the hidden truth AND them being a liar. The 2nd is def worse

Eeeexactly. I've learned to stop making excuses for people. If they can't tell me how it is but I can, there's something wrong.

And YES. Too many times I've said "And you couldn't have just told me this before?" It's very disappointing. If I have to ask that question, I lose a little faith in someone. It feels like they didn't think I was worth knowing what was really going on, and thought that I was gullible enough to go along with it. Meanwhile it was anxiety central.

I want for others to trust that if they give me the cold hard truth that I can handle it. It takes 2 in order for this process to work. 1. You have to be willing to give me the truth & 2. I have to be willing to receive it. Doesn't mean I'll like it, agree with it, think it's "pretty" but since I believe in truth being 100% essential in any situation, I can't see it any other way.

If you rob me of my chance at being able to handle the truth, I'll not only lose trust for you, but I'll never trust the situation either.

We live in a world full of people who are hurting in some way related to someone not being honest/genuine with them. It's sad that so many people are used to not being told the truth, that being lied to or having something "sugar-coated" has become their "norm" & their comfort zone.

I think everyone can agree that the truth is hurtful sometimes, but I'm concerned when people use that to convince themselves that it's not necessary. Suck it up! Grow some tough skin! If you're tired of everybody lying to you, then suck it up b/c although you might know 10 people who never keep it real with you, there's always gonna be that ONE damn person who comes along & gives it to ya straight! Be careful what you ask for!