Define disappearing act

After reading thread after thread of people complaining of the famous disappearing act, I came to the realization that a disappearing act may mean something different for each one of us.

I DON'T want to discuss why people do it, I want to know if you are the one being disappeared on, what grounds are you basing the definition on?

One day? Two weeks? One month?

And what context is the disappearance? No see, some contact? No see, no contact? If you initiate contact and they ignore? Slow responses?

What is it you mean when you say someone disappeared on you?

Never had anyone disappear; the Virgo was very distant (or probably just very busy). I disappear; all my friends complain about it. It's not really disappearing; I just have things to do or just want to be alone. And I've done it for a few weeks and once for a few months--no contact.

Every new relationship/friendship has it's own PACE

If when you 1st meet someone & you guys talk every single day, it's fair to say they disappeared on you when they no longer call you at all or when they only call you once every other week/month. It's about the fact that the pattern/pace in the communication department has drastically changed & if there was no pre-warning or explanation for it, then yes they "Disappeared" on you

However, if from the beginning, we only communicated once a week or a month, I wouldn't consider them disappearing on me if they call me today, but then don't call me for until next week/month.

The same works for friendships with your girls. We all have that 1 girlfriend that we talk to every single day, so when we don't hear from her in 2 days, we panic b/c that is not the usual pace of communication.

BUT everybody also has that 1 friend that you only talk to once every blue moon, so if you don't hear from them for a week or a month, there's no cause for concern or worry about where you stand b/c not communicating daily is just not "your thing" with that particular friend. Doesn't mean the friendship isn't real or that there's a bad reason for why you don't talk as much. It's just that that's the tone of communication that you set very early on, so it shouldn't be surprising that that exact pace continues in the future

Someone "Disappears" on you when the pace of things dramatically slows, fades out & becomes extinct altogether.

Have I disappeared on someone? Well I'm an Aquarian lol so of course I have. But I usually tell/show people very early on that I'm not the type that needs to communicate or hang out with them every single day.

The people who don't really know me or flat out didn't listen when I told them this, usually get upset, freak out or assume something is wrong when I don't call them or "disappear" as you say

But the people who truly know me know that me not calling them doesn't mean anything bad. Now when you leave me 5 emergency voicemails & I don't respond, THEN that's cause for concern. BIG DIFFERENCE

To me it means, no contact, no see, ignore for two or three days or more. After two weeks, its 100% over and I'd be on to the next.

I don't think you should be concerned or panic when someone you barely know OR are newly dating disappears. You can just chalk that up to "He/she's just not that into you," & even though that hurts, you gotta accept that & move on

I think it only matters when someone you know very well (best friend, parent, close family member) or someone whom you talk to on a daily/weekly basis starts changing the flow for which you communication WITHOUT an explanation.

The keywords though are "WITHOUT AN EXPLANATION."

Sometimes they will give you an explanation but that's when you use your own sense of intuition/judgment to determine whether or not their explanation is justifiable or true.

But if they give you a reasonable explanation, I wouldn't any longer classify it as them "disappearing," but instead, something coming up, which is something we've all experienced in life

Posted by truecap
To me it means, no contact, no see, ignore for two or three days or more. After two weeks, its 100% over and I'd be on to the next.

If it was someone I'm newly dating AND we had established a pace of communication every single day, then I'd give it a week. If I got no explanation at all, I'd give it a week tops. If I got an explanation after the fact, I wouldn't necessarily 100% walk away, but my guard would be sky high & I'd vow to cut them off the next time they disappear

But again, I can't stress this enough that it all depends on each individual couple & the pace they set for communication. If I'm newly dating a guy & we only talked once a week from the beginning, the more I like him the more I'm gonna want to communicate more, BUT if things still stay at "once a week" then I'm not gonna be unfair & accuse him of disappearing all b/c I'm in my feelings. If his "consistency" from the beginning means once a week then it's unfair for me to accuse him of disappearing if he, well calls me once a week lol

All I wanted to know was what your definition of it was, lol!!!

Thought it would be good to perhaps come to a census so we know how to help someone.

Disappearing act is when a relationship is going strong for a few weeks to a few months and the guy or girl drops out of sight.

Disappearing can trickle down as well. It can go from full on contact almost every day, no delayed responses from the droppee, replying back quickly and suddenly she or he is dropped down to getting half ass responses, long wait times in between each form of communication.

Some people will not drop out of sight. They'll just delay and delay to force the other person to move on.

Some women are dropped daily in their relationships. Dropping her hand. Dropping her out of his inner circle on occasions. Dropping out of dates. Dropping off the phone line, just hang up and not answer when she calls him back.

Dropping her by giving another woman attention and the attention does not have to be obvious disrespect. Dropping off in communication during text messaging, just stop communicating.

Some women get dropped daily in little ways but because the boyfriend has never dropped out of the relationship completely she stays and she then proceeds to work on fixing it or fixing him instead of dropping his ass. He's still there but he's not there.

So many ways a person disappears. It's not always no contact. Sometimes a woman can be in a relationship with a man and get dropped daily and not know she's being dropped because the man remains in her life but he's not always there mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically.

The issue is that people want everything right now !!!!


Two people get off the phone, one saying something like, "I'll call you later".

Later isn't defined. So, eons could go by and it still qualifies as later. Considering that this concept is relative, with every person having their own perception .... this probably cannot be determined.


To me, being a Pisces, I'm prone to extremely long periods inbetween contact with another .... I can (and have) gone years without talking to people that I consider close. So, disappearing could only be defined as: they've changed their number/email and didn't tell me, since (time) isn't a factor in this equation.

Wow, we all have different viewpoints on what it is and length of contact.

Soooooo, I suppose if her idea is say, 7 hours. And his idea is two days. There's going to be a problem.

Say, for example, in one partner's point of view, they're busy, got a lot going on and two days without contact means nothing to them and they're thinking everything's hunky dory and they're still in love, oh, finally got a chance to sit down and have a real conversation. Calls the other partner. WHAM!!! They're pissed off, cold acting and upset. The first partner is like "WTF! I finally get a break and choose to spend it with you and this is how you act?"

I think this happens a lot. And it goes both ways. Just two people with two different opinions.

length of no contact

Posted by tiki33
Disappearing act is when a relationship is going strong for a few weeks to a few months and the guy or girl drops out of sight.

Disappearing can trickle down as well. It can go from full on contact almost every day, no delayed responses from the droppee, replying back quickly and suddenly she or he is dropped down to getting half ass responses, long wait times in between each form of communication.

Some people will not drop out of sight. They'll just delay and delay to force the other person to move on.

Some women are dropped daily in their relationships. Dropping her hand. Dropping her out of his inner circle on occasions. Dropping out of dates. Dropping off the phone line, just hang up and not answer when she calls him back.

Dropping her by giving another woman attention and the attention does not have to be obvious disrespect. Dropping off in communication during text messaging, just stop communicating.

Some women get dropped daily in little ways but because the boyfriend has never dropped out of the relationship completely she stays and she then proceeds to work on fixing it or fixing him instead of dropping his ass. He's still there but he's not there.

So many ways a person disappears. It's not always no contact. Sometimes a woman can be in a relationship with a man and get dropped daily and not know she's being dropped because the man remains in her life but he's not always there mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically.

Wow, that's deep.

Posted by truecap

... if her idea is say, 7 hours. And his idea is two days. There's going to be a problem.

I think this happens a lot. And it goes both ways. Just two people with two different opinions.

Lack of communication is the usually the demise of every relationship.

Most people aren't intolerant to their partner and/or friends being different, having different views, having different cultures ... in fact, most people actually like diversity. So, the variance of different opinions isn't really the issue .. not even when it comes to your topic - length of contact/disappearing.

lack of communication is the issue ... looking at EVERY thread in dxp where the person (usually female) is boo-hooing about something, the culprit was always a communication error ...

Even with cheating ..... everybody's viewpoint is different, so one person cannot state that the other was cheating, if this has never been defined between the two people.

Makes for interesting discussion.

I read some threads and the girl is whining because he "disappeared" and it'd only been 12 hours. To me that's nothing - like a nap, or a shift at work. But to her it is a big deal.

My Cancer and Leo friends expect contact at least every two hours, my Sag friend never notices they haven't contacted each other.

I created this thread so perhaps I might can understand other's definition, thus being able to be more sympathetic to their problems.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by truecap

... if her idea is say, 7 hours. And his idea is two days. There's going to be a problem.

I think this happens a lot. And it goes both ways. Just two people with two different opinions.

Lack of communication is the usually the demise of every relationship.

Most people aren't intolerant to their partner and/or friends being different, having different views, having different cultures ... in fact, most people actually like diversity. So, the variance of different opinions isn't really the issue .. not even when it comes to your topic - length of contact/disappearing.

lack of communication is the issue ... looking at EVERY thread in dxp where the person (usually female) is boo-hooing about something, the culprit was always a communication error ...

Even with cheating ..... everybody's viewpoint is different, so one person cannot state that the other was cheating, if this has never been defined between the two people.

click to expand

I suppose a couple should discuss how often they expect contact.

My husband and I talk to each other all day long .... we talk on the phone every several hours when away from home. But, it has never been talked about. If he has an expectation of how often I should call him, he has not voiced that.

We just do .. we've always been that way. So, if he went more than 4 hours and didn't call me, I would take notice. But, I wouldn't think that he disappeared .. I would think something happened, and he cannot make a phone call.

Posted by truecap

After reading thread after thread of people complaining of the famous disappearing act ...

What is it you mean when you say someone disappeared on you?

It's hard for me to get to this level of thinking, because it's so low, so insignificant to what should actually be considered. So, to think about a question like this is a hardship for my mind.

My level of reasoning this is more along the lines of .... why the fuck would a person be exerting their energy on trying to place endearment on a person you don't trust?

The character's to be present in such a scenario, would be so suspicious and mistrusting that a length of time is to be considered - disappeared, to mean you've been abandoned.

So this means, that the two people think along those lines, they think from a victim mentality ... and I don't think from those lines. Simply, I would NOT BE WITH

... would NOT BE WITH a person to whom if I haven't heard from him that my mind would think abandonment.


I don't process on that level.

Posted by truecap
All I wanted to know was what your definition of it was, lol!!!

Thought it would be good to perhaps come to a census so we know how to help someone.

I get it

But how can everybody's definition be the same? That's impossible b/c every circumstance is different b/c it depends on the specific pace of the 2 people. For some people, the "disappearing act" means when the person they normally talk to every day goes missing for 2 days. For that very same person with a completely new crush/partner, the "disappearing act" means disappearing after 7 days.

For 1 woman, a man "disappears" when he doesn't text back the same day. Why? B/c he's doing something different than he's ever done before.

For another woman, a man "disappears" when he takes 6 hours to text back? Why? B/c he's not texting back within 3 or less hours like he always has the whole time

For 1 woman, a man "disappears" when he refuses to call her anymore or reach out to her 1st? Why b/c he changed his pattern.

But yet for another woman, a man "disappears" or disconnects when he DOES call, but yet isn't as engaged in the conversation. Ya know, the kind of guys who are "there," but not really "THERE" if you know what I mean

A man can disappear even if he's in your presence. He may be physically present but not emotionally present.

Posted by P-Angel

lack of communication is the issue ... looking at EVERY thread in dxp where the person (usually female) is boo-hooing about something, the culprit was always a communication error ...

Yea, no kidding. #2 issue is ASSSUMPTIONS. #3 EXPECTATIONS. If there was communication neither of these two would exist. The biggest no brainer....if there's absolutely no communication, there's no relationship. Yet, some just do not get that or don't want to.

Posted by truecap

I suppose a couple should discuss how often they expect contact.

^^There's that word "expect". When a relationship thrives (communication and understanding of the relationship), it flows. When a foot is stomped down and demands are thrown in that flow goes down the shitter. Even if it's a new relationship and just getting to know someone, if both are secure with or without someone, they will have the ease within themselves to flow and see where it goes which entails patience. No one has the right when getting to know someone to place demands on the other or at anytime even when things are going well. If things don't feel right or go the way you perceived it to be initially, move on. At the very least get to know the person freely..no chains..ever. The key ingredient to get to a thriving relationship IS communication. If you don't have it, you don't have a relationship.

Posted by krysrenee7
Every new relationship/friendship has it's own PACE

^^^^This.
Any unexplained disruption to the status-quo might be felt by the recipient of said disruption as a backing off.

If this modification of behavior goes on for an extended time compared to the usual number of times that the two people are used to speaking then one person might view it as a "disappearing act".

IM THINKING NEVER COME BACK GONE FOREVER.

Posted by james tate
IM THINKING NEVER COME BACK GONE FOREVER.

How can you know a priori if the person in question is gone from your life for a month or a year or forever?

Disappearing act

They dont name that way for nothing

You dis the appear and act

Hence you appear to have disappeared but really you act to only disappear and appear same time like gems are dualality...

How can you know a priori if the person in question is gone from your life for a month or a year or forever?
YOU CAN MAKE A HYPOTHETICO-DEDUCTIVE AS TO WHAT THE PERSON WILL DO AFTER A GIVEN PERIOD OF TIME

Posted by james tate
How can you know a priori if the person in question is gone from your life for a month or a year or forever?
YOU CAN MAKE A HYPOTHETICO-DEDUCTIVE AS TO WHAT THE PERSON WILL DO AFTER A GIVEN PERIOD OF TIME

hypothetics and deductions shouldn't have a place in "affairs of the heart" IMO