Facebook and so-called relationships

Facebook and so-called relationships

Lets try again. I have seen a lot of threads that mention Facebook. What's the big deal about facebook?

"he liked my Facebook status"
"oh, no he liked some other girl's Facebook picture"
"he was talking to his friends on Facebook, what does it mean?"
"he sent me a friend request"
"should I send him a friend request?"

It's like someone gets upset because he liked someone's status or picture? It means nothing to me. I have hundreds of friends and if I like someone's picture, by golly, I'll click like. Does it mean I'm interested in that person romantically? NO.
If my boyfriend responded to someone's status. Does that mean he's cheating with her? No.

We all have friends and family who are on facebook. Some are people we haven't seen since we were kids, or high school, or college or they are family that you haven't met.

I just don't understand why I read on here that people get upset over their crushes/boyfriend's Facebook activity. Now, I would understand if it were your spouse and he was in contact with his first love or something. That's different. But the minor stuff? I don't get what the big deal is.

Please enlighten me. Maybe there's an angle I'm not seeing.

Or I forgot to mention, people get excited because he liked their facebook status. What's the big deal? I like a lot of status's.

It gets annoying liking everyone of your friends pictures or posts, theres literally hundreds of posts, pictures and statuses to like.... so the logic is, if he took the time to respond, instead if just ignoring it like the other 99% of junk that got posted, it means something. I have to admit... I get jelouse or hurt when my friends dont like my posts 😢

You're right, it's not Facebook itself that's the actual problem. Facebook is just the scapegoat for bigger issues

The issue isn't really that her man is liking other women's statuses or photos. The REAL issue is that he probably compliments & shows more interest in OTHER woman more than he does his own

Facebook is actually being listed as a factor in divorce cases.

Why? B/c although Facebook doesn't make you disrespect your partner, it def. exposes the people who were ALREADY doing that, but just used Facebook as another platform to do stuff like that

If you realize that there are deeper issues going on beneath the "Facebook" stuff, you won't be so quick to look down on OR misunderstand those who are having relationship problems as a result of activity on Facebook.

What may seem like innocence to you, as an outsider looking in, may actually be a true problem to the person in the relationship. So let's not be insensitive to that.

Someone disrespecting their partner online is no less disrespectful or offense to their partner just b/c it was done online!

Yes, I get that some women are just flat out insecure & think even the smallest gestures mean more than they do. I get that

But let's look at the flip side to that. If her man knows it bothers her, he should stop. And if he won't stop, he shouldn't continually put up with a partner that bullies him about how he socially interacts.

Okay. I get that. I suppose it does make me feel good when my aqua likes my status, but I don't put a lot of weight on it. And when we first got together there was one girl that liked EVERY status he had and I wondered about her, but she doesn't do it anymore.

I just never thought about it as an indication that someone thought of you romantically, though.

Krys, I'm not really talking about the relationshp issues. I get what you're saying.

I just meant the crush stages that they say all that stuff. Like it meant something.

There's this 1 guy on my friend's list who is married but yet every time I look around he's liking & commenting on the pictures of women in sexually provocative poses. Not only that, but he's constantly asking other women to rate him.

It's like this guy is just starved for attention & it's pathetic b/c he's unnecessarily reaching out to women for validation or ego-boosts when he should be allowing his OWN woman to give that attention/validation to him

A man whose too big of a flirt in real life/in person is probably just as much of a flirt online. So him doing it online is no less offensive to his woman just b/c he's doing it behind a computer screen

It's no different than a woman getting offended that her man has too much of a wandering eye in person. It symbolizes a much bigger problem Or a potential future problem (him straying) & I think that if women started paying more attention to the "signs" a lot of them wouldn't be looking/feeling stupid 2 years later when the truth comes out that he was probably screwing or being inappropriate with 10 of the girls he met offline.

Another example. This guy whose in a known relationship ALWAYS has women writing on his wall, saying inappropriate things. At the very LEAST, he should be putting those women in their place & acknowledging that their comments are disrespectful to his girlfriend & his relationship as a whole. But he doesn't. He smiles, laughs it off & engages in it.

It's sad to see stuff like that b/c I'm sure he's going home & unfairly calling his woman insecure when she confronts him about it. No that's not insecurity. That's called having some respect for your woman in person AND on line.

Posted by truecap
Okay. I get that. I suppose it does make me feel good when my aqua likes my status, but I don't put a lot of weight on it. And when we first got together there was one girl that liked EVERY status he had and I wondered about her, but she doesn't do it anymore.

I just never thought about it as an indication that someone thought of you romantically, though.

I get what you're saying

It all depends on your man. You know your man & you know his habits ways, & the kinds of things he says/does when he's flirting. If a woman truly knows her man, she'll be able to see through passive-aggressive flirting online. But b/c other people don't know him like she does, they'll automatically assume that she's just "trippin" when really she actually WAS on to something.

Posted by truecap
Krys, I'm not really talking about the relationshp issues. I get what you're saying.

I just meant the crush stages that they say all that stuff. Like it meant something.

I see what you're saying

I'm kind of torn on this issue b/c on 1 hand, it's not necessary to facebook stalk someone lol BUT then again, Facebook activity DOES say a lot about someone. That's why employers look to a job applicant's page. LOL

Posted by krysrenee7
There's this 1 guy on my friend's list who is married but yet every time I look around he's liking & commenting on the pictures of women in sexually provocative poses. Not only that, but he's constantly asking other women to rate him.

It's like this guy is just starved for attention & it's pathetic b/c he's unnecessarily reaching out to women for validation or ego-boosts when he should be allowing his OWN woman to give that attention/validation to him

A man whose too big of a flirt in real life/in person is probably just as much of a flirt online. So him doing it online is no less offensive to his woman just b/c he's doing it behind a computer screen

It's no different than a woman getting offended that her man has too much of a wandering eye in person. It symbolizes a much bigger problem Or a potential future problem (him straying) & I think that if women started paying more attention to the "signs" a lot of them wouldn't be looking/feeling stupid 2 years later when the truth comes out that he was probably screwing or being inappropriate with 10 of the girls he met offline.

Another example. This guy whose in a known relationship ALWAYS has women writing on his wall, saying inappropriate things. At the very LEAST, he should be putting those women in their place & acknowledging that their comments are disrespectful to his girlfriend & his relationship as a whole. But he doesn't. He smiles, laughs it off & engages in it.

It's sad to see stuff like that b/c I'm sure he's going home & unfairly calling his woman insecure when she confronts him about it. No that's not insecurity. That's called having some respect for your woman in person AND on line.

That guy starved for attention sounds like someone i know.... >.> ....

Yeah never really had a problem with FB. I suppose I don't really use it too much apart from posting random thoughts now and then. Guilty of lolcats pictures as well.

I relate it a lot to DXP, how much you want to invest into it is up to you.

I agree! Dude was acting extremely desperate! If I have a problem with this (and I'm not even his woman lol) then I COMPLETELY understand why his woman was upset.

So just b/c he's acting desperate on a website doesn't lessen the blow of disrespect. If anything it's WORSE when someone disrespects you online as opposed to doing so behind closed doors b/c EVERYONE can see your disrespect!

Well, this thread isn't really gping the direction I intended.

My point is just because someone adds a girl as a friend or likes her status doesn't mean that he's into her romantically.

The direction it went is an interesting discussion though.

I'm not knocking people flirting on line and I didn't intend to address relationship problems with facebook. I just didn't understand why so much giddiness went into "he added me" etc.

Luc gave a good example.

Posted by truecap
Well, this thread isn't really gping the direction I intended.

My point is just because someone adds a girl as a friend or likes her status doesn't mean that he's into her romantically.

The direction it went is an interesting discussion though.

I agree that some people take the "little things" to mean more than they really are

On the other hand, a lot of "red flags" start with the "little things" too but people often overlook them simply b/c they are "little things."

1 of my friend's on facebook constantly makes statuses calling guys desperate & 'thirsty' for being "all in her inbox." She even went as far 1 time to take a pic of the messages in her inbox almost like a screen shot. I'm like oh hush & shut up! If you look at the pic closely, all guys are saying is "Hi" to her & she is taking that to mean that they ALL want her. Some guy responded to her status & was like, "Whoa chill, I don't like you or think you're cute at all, I was just trying to start a conversation so I could ask you who your cute friend was in your profile picture." LMAOOOO

I see no problem with my husband adding friends or liking statuses. Just depends on the content of the pictures & statuses

If he adds a random girl or likes a random status that says something like, "Ugh I hate the government shutdown" I am not gonna bite his head off or assume anything of it lol

Now if it keeps coming up in my feed that he keeps liking a status that says something like, "I love sex! Any guys out there wanna have it with me?" that'd be different lol

TruCap:

I finally get what you are saying though

Facebook doesn't just bring out the cheating, flirting & narcissistic sides of people

It also brings out the insecurity, possessiveness & jealousy issues of some people too. And I get what you're saying in that a lot of the times people get upset, it's often over little or irrelevant things

WHATS FACEBOOK?

I don't know truecap, it's very upsetting to watch people BELIEVE that how they feel, is indicative of how the person they are crushing on feels.

People seem to not notice other people when it involves themselves ... with any/all emotions, and that's quite disturbing.

It's a no wonder why the world is so fucked up

Can a person use Facebook as an innocent tool to network & socialize with peers (liking statuses, commenting on things, liking pictures, etc.) w/o there being some hidden motive or intention? YES!

An insecure person however would probably say yes outwardly, but inwardly still find reasons to complain when they see their partner doing this very thing online

Can a person use Facebook as a way to passive-aggressively or flat out aggressively hit on or show interest in the opposite sex (liking pictures, making sly remarks, constantly commenting on posts)? YES!

An insecure person would def. have a problem with this outwardly & inwardly, BUT even a secure person would have a problem with this

Some men are def. showing interest when they constantly like a woman's picture or comment on a lot of the things she post. And some men are def. NOT showing interest when they do the same. Just depends on the man.

Which is why there's no right/wrong answer here. A woman knows (or at least OUGHT TO) know her man. If you learn a man's flirting style or know him enough to be able to gage what he says/does when it's his way of showing interest, then Facebook can either be a friendly networking tool OR your relationship's worst nightmare.

I pick up the phone, write letters and cards or go physically see those I'd like to see.

The problem with people today is they forget what's real and what's not real.

I DON.T THINK ITS POSSIBLE TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP ON LINE NO MATTER WHAT THE VENUE IS.

Do you think facebook will ever get dropped for a different site?? Many of us have memories, likes, pictures and too much nostalgia invested into it... I'm looking forward to thie day it's forgotten..

Social networking can be great but there is a disgustingly ammount of fakeness that comes along with it.

Do you think facebook will ever get dropped

MODERN TECH SEEMS TO COME AND GO LOOK AT IT WHERE IT IS NOW IT AS IN THE PAST WILL GO AND SOMETHING
BIGGER AND BETTER WILL COME ALONG WE CAN'T EVEN IMAGEAN WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS MIND BLOWING

I went to a seminar yesterday on unlearning today's ideas and opening your mind for futuristic thinking and long range planning. It was fascinating!

Blackberry used to the BOSS, they didn't watch future trends and look where they are now. Same with MySpace, Blockbuster, etc.