Differences in Dating

Here in good old blighty (England), when you date, you date one person only. It's kind of expected. I've never multiple-dated before, if I did I'd be seen as easy. But in the US it seems quite common to date several people to see how things go with each of them.

Just wondered which way everyone prefers? I quite like the idea of dating several people at the same time, but I'm not sure I'd like them to be doing the same! 😛 And how exactly does dating multiple people work? Do you each know the other's dating other people? What happens if you want to get serious, do you just tell that person and expect that the multiple dating stops? Is it horrible knowing that they're on a date with someone else while you're pining for them at home?!

Well, I find myself being more attracted to one than several. So that would be hard. But like when I go out with friends now I may get up and dance with several different people. I have found to be attracted to many at a time but not close enough to want to be any more than friends at all. So I would agree to gradually distance myself from the others especially if you are dealing with females. As some tend to cling on. (no offense to my gender)

Copperhead .. the difference is in the mind-set, itself.

When you said ... "It's kind of expected", and "I'd be seen as easy"


In saying those things, it is understood that women suffer judgement placed on them from men. You have certain expectations within your behaviour, in which you have to adhere to, in order to feel valuable with self-respect, so you won't be viewed by males as being a slut.

Whereas in the US .. women aren't held to any kind of restrictions or any kind of conditions placed on them as it pertains to their decency or self-respect. So, there is no fear of what a man will think of us if we want to multi-date because there isn't any awareness in us that we are suppose to be discriminative based around this.

It's sort of like the racial thing, only backwards ... because Americans do have within the history of our culture that there were levels of humanity .. though, we have overcome this (thank goodness), there is still an echo, of sorts, still lingering in our society in which black people still face being discriminated against. Hopefully, one day very soon, we will have gotten past this completely. Any way, taking this as an example as it pertains to UK'ers .. you cannot grasp why on earth Americans would be so narrow-minded to think that race would play any part at putting a level on a human. In your mental processing, it isn't even noticed to even have a thought based around this sort of autrocity.

So, it's sort of like that, using race as a comparison for you to wrap around your mind to try and understand. Within our society, men don't even think of women in terms of having to live up to an expectation of whether they are deemed respectful, within the conditions of them being just a female .. so, if the thought isn't even present, then the behaviour isn't present either.

In the US .. a person promiscuity is based off of the individual, soley, and has no validation in regards to gender. In other words, a man could be considered a whore, and disrepected if he presented himself this way.

So, when it comes to dating ... there are no conditions based off of gender and whether it's permissible or not (straightly speaking).

So, to your question .... dating multiple is like a walk through the mall .. you visit all the shops, try everything on .. and the store merchants don't even ask about what other shops you've visited, they're just pleased that you are going to purchase from them.


And that is how it works .... when partners are picked based off of thier each individual qualities, they are happy with the fact that you are enamoured by them.

If you think about it .. it's really better. If you are stuck within an expectation of behaviour, then how is the man supposed to know that you want him for real, for who he is, or whether you're just staying with him because you have a fear of how you'll be viewed? Whereas, if you were with a man because you've tried all the others and picked him, then he is left with a sense of actually being wanted and adored for his own personal attributes that have endeared you into his heart.

And visa-versa ....

I've never been able to be a casual dater. I only like one man at a time. I wish I could be like that though. I get too attached too easily.

"And how exactly does dating multiple people work? Do you each know the other's dating other people?"

Absolutely .. number one rule to being respectful, is showing respect. So, if you are dating casually, then this must be the first thing you tell the other person. And there's no apprehension involved with being forthcoming with this information, for there's no fear of what the man will think of you for it. You just say, "I'm seeing somebody right now", and he'll ask, "Is it serious, are you committed", if you say, "No, we aren't in a commitment" ... then he'll ask you out, with no questioning your values or respect.

"What happens if you want to get serious, do you just tell that person and expect that the multiple dating stops?"

First, there can't be any expectations on the other person. If you are multi-dating and one particular person has got your serious interest, and he feels the same way about you .. then you discuss how you both want to move the relationship towards being exclusive with each other. If both of you agree, then you respect each other by both dismissing your other dating companions, and only see each other. It can't be one-sided, though. If one of you falls in love, and the other doesn't .. then just one of you can't hold the other to any expectation of being exclusive because this is based around a respect. So, if the other person doesn't have the same kind of loving feelings for you, then the respectful thing to do is to let him go, if you can no longer see him casually.

"Is it horrible knowing that they're on a date with someone else while you're pining for them at home?!"

I suppose it would be for a person who is keeping their feelings a secret. However, if the two of you have had a discussion about the terms of the relationship, and there are deep feelings involved from both sides ... then normally, both parties choose to be exclusive.

Certainly, men are still men .. and if they had loving feelings for thier woman, they certainly would NOT want her out dating other men, anymore than you would want him seeing another woman.

So, it's talked about ... if feelings are involved, then the multi-dating stops out of respect for each other. This is built purely around a desire to want and show respect.

Hope that answered your question how it works. 🙂

Thanks P Angel! I think multi-dating makes a lot more sense. I've read interviews with British actresses who've moved to the US and who noted the whole multi-dating thing and I really wish it was like that over here. In the UK, once you start dating, that's it, you're expected to only date that person until you decide whether he/she is compatible with you. I don't know anyone who does it. If they have done it, it's usually a physical thing only and nothing to do with getting to know the other person!!!

Need to move to UK.