Divorce, Dating and Teenagers

This is for those of you whose parents divorced and then dated again while you were teenagers.

I'm curious to how you felt, as a teenager, about your mom and dad when they started dating again after divorce.

Did it make a difference if they were just dating than we they got into a relationship?
Did you feel jealous?
Where you happy for them - to see them happy?
Did you worry the significant other was going to hurt/take advantage of them?
Did the whole divorce/redating thing affect how you positively or negatively?
And any answers to questions I might have not added.

Basically, obviously, you can't give 100% to both. My teen realizes he won't be at home forever and he likes the bf. He knows I've found a good guy and men of this caliber are rare, so he says I should hang onto the relationship. But I suspect, he's got mixed feelings on it. He knows I respect his feelings and by actions, he has seen that I do. I just don't want to screw him up any more than the divorce already did.

Thanks to your thoughts, opinions and advice.

I was 16 when my parents split. My dad dated but my mum didn't.

As someone has already said, it depends a lot on the situation. My dad expected everyone to accept each girlfriend as if she was his wife. He couldn't grasp that we just didn't care. He has now been married for 30 years to the same women. She is very nice, and had been friendly towards me, but he doesn't grasp that, if he died tomorrow I wouldn't bother to see her. I don't have any feelings for her, good or bad. She is part of his family, but not part of mine. My brother feels the same.

One thing really irritated me when he was playing the field. When he was on his own and got lonely I got attention. When he had a woman in his life he went quiet. I felt that his girlfriends were more important to him than I was. Years later I do recognise that he is very selfish, and so not typical of all parents.

From my experience working with teens, I noticed that when parents are divorcing they take their eye off the ball when it comes to the kids. They are so wrapped up in their own emotions they stop engaging with them. The kids sense this and push the boundaries even harder. If the parent is distracted this can end up in disaster. Keep the channels of communication open and talk about their issues, not yours.

Thanks yall. I'm really trying to stay in tune with my teens. Their dad had an affair and is still with the girl. They never, ever will accept her - and resented that he said they didn't have a choice. They have a lot of issues with their dad. I'm taking an active interest in them, putting them first, but they also realize I have a right to be happy too - or so they say. They are supportive of my having a boyfriend and neither one of us is shoving the relationship down their throat. We include them, along with his son, and we go out alone when my son is with his father. (My daughter is grown and already moved out). My bf and I had a talk last night and we aknowledged how difficult it is to want the relationship, but be totally involved parents as well.

Maybe I am or am not doing the right thing. We are playing this by ear. I think as long as my kids don't feel abandoned, or feeling 2nd place, I am hoping things will be fine. It's good for them to see a healthy relationship where their mom is respected and treated well.

I'd like to hear more experiences....good, bad and ugly! So please bring them on!

They already know what their dad put you through and they will automatically be wanting you to be happy. And yes they would want you to have someone else in your life, if this new man is no good your kids will know and they will show you that they don't like him one way or another however if he is a good man you can rest assure that the kids will show their approval. Just because they are your children doesn't mean they need protecting forever especially since they are teenagers. Cut them some slack, you've bought them up and they are adults that can make adult decisions.

And yes I speak from experience apart from the cheating I was where you are last year and we are all one big happy family. His children being younger than my own.

Posted by xygeneration
May I ask how old your children are?

My daughter is 19 (almost 20)- she's already moved out. My son is 15.

When my husband and I split they were 13 and 18.

I appreciate the feedback. Makes me feel like I'm doing the right thing.

YOU CAN'T HELP OTHER'S IF YOU DON'T TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST.

Thanks again for everyone's input!

Your son is very lucky! What if either of you decide you want to get married? How will you fit your son in then? Or will you not even entertain the idea for another five or so years?

My parents divorced when I was 1 year old..due to my mother cheating. Obviously, I didn't know what having a family was like..until I turned 7 and my father decided to give my mother a second chance.

For the next 7 years they argued each day..until she found another man and left us. This guy abused me physically while she stood idly by..which is why I will never forgive her or be close to her in this lifetime.

My dad spent a few years by himself - He really loved her and it was hard for him to cope with the separation - used to cry when he thought no one could hear him. I kept pushing him to find someone because he deserves another shot at love and happiness and after 5 years he settled down with a nice lady, and they've been dating for 5 years already. I don't think he'll ever remarry but he finally found someone who truly cares for him and this makes me really happy 🙂

I never felt jealous, I only wished the best for my dad because he deserved it. I worried he would get hurt again so I wanted to meet any potential dates right away - I stepped into the protective role because I saw him heartbroken from the divorce. He didn't indulge me though 🙂)..I only met his girlfriend a couple of years into his relationship (He confessed he was afraid I might judge as there is quite a bit of an age difference between them).