Estranged from their family

Anyone deliberately excluded their family from their lives? How do you handle it with your children? How do to deal with special events? How do you handle 2nd and 3rd generation family members who weren't the main offenders?

Do you feel guilt when you prevent your children from interacting with them?

My daughters are 10&14. They are friends with their cousins on fb and have each other's cell phones. My neice is turning 16 next week and my younger sister is asking to take my daughters to NYC. I would have gone with my daughters but I can't schedule it. My daughters don't want to travel with her alone and I know not allowing them to go will not be received well. I don't have a problem telling my sister no. I'm worried they won't punish my children for my decision.

They haven't had a relationship with her in years. She doesn't raise her children and isn't really child friendly. Think of the fun crazy aunt who doesn't keep her promises and comes around when convenient. Plus it's just the 3 of us. I don't bring men home and even female friends, I've sheltered my children from. I'm trying to let them grow out and away. My oldest wants to go to collegen in Michigan so I want them to be independent but I also wan them to trust their instincts about people

Posted by cheekyfaerie
That's tough. On the one hand, it could be a really great experience for them. A chance to get out of their shells. Not sure how long of a flight we're talkin, but they'd only be alone with her for the traveling portion, correct? Or would they be with her in a hotel?

On the other hand, I think it's good you want them to trust their gut. The thing is tho, is anxiety over flying or anything else external the cause of their apprehension? Hmm. And if they're nervous about flying, do you trust her to console them as needed?

Yeah... I don't envy you a bit. Just the idea of Shorty on a flight without me makes me kinda crazy.

She wants to drive with them from the Carolinas to New York which is too much. She may also me staying with my mother who is not only mental but practices voodoo. I don't even accept gifts from her. If my younger sister and I were on speaking terms, I'd feel a little more comfortable. But my oldest is 5'9, innocent and doesn't look like a child. A peanut butter sandwich could kill her. I fear her being in NYC because my sister will want to party and leave them somewhere. I also fear my oldest will have a sense of obligation to care for her younger sister in my absence. I wanted perspective instead of just my feelings. Thank you all for contributing

I completely cut out my mother, grandmother, sister and father. Lived with my mother and gram my whole life, but that reached a breaking point, so now I am with my fathers side of the family(father excluded). They are the most amazing and loving people!

All the family I cut off of me though? I won't let anyone I find special anywhere near them. I could never taint them with that poison.

Posted by livictori

I'm worried they won't punish my children for my decision.

The cousins or your sister?



So, send another family member to go with, so your feelings can be the center.

Obviously, it must be important if you wanted to take them there, and now they've found someone else to take them there ... so whatever is there, must be important.

But, you have feelings .. so, you should think about that being priority.

To address estrangement - you are in contact with your sister enough in that you would go to NYC also if scheduling allowed.



This all seems to dramatic. Like why would your daughters be about their cousins, but, not want to be around their mother? You probably don't filter yourself around the kids, so their perception of your sister is probably slanted out of context.

Posted by livictori

How do you handle it with your children? How do to deal with special events? How do you handle 2nd and 3rd generation family members who weren't the main offenders?

I would think that most people don't inflict their personal prejudices onto their children, such as you describe above.

If your sibling pissed you off .. that has nothing to do with your children and to attempt to influence their perception of your sibling to be against her because of your prejudices seems way out of bounds.

My sister and I are corresponding by text which further reinforces how awkward our relationship is to each other.

I do want my children and her children (cousins) to be close. They grew up together up until my sister gave up custody of her children. She and I have never actually been close or friends but we never prevented the kids from being around each other. Now the cousins range from 20-10 and mine are the youngest. My sister has chosen to not bond or communicate with my children as I have hers so they don't really know her. They've seen her once in 3 years and other than birthdays; don't speak to her on the phone. She has their number and they're friends on Facebook no don't interfere there but to hand them over to her to drive for a total of 24 hours and to be around people I don't know makes me uncomfortable.