Fling into a train wreck

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downtownblues
@downtownblues
14 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 15 · Topics: 6
I dated his girl in the summer. We hit it off really well and loved the same stuff. We was falling really fast and I wanted to take things slow since we just met. When summer ended, it was back to work for me and college and work for her, so we wasn't around each other that much. I love her so much but I need to take care of my priorities.. She was overly-possessive, when I miss a phone call she'll be mad. I had alot on my plate and I just needed a little space or break. ?? Overtime, the relationship became a co-dependent one, we became obsessive over each other and it was becoming very unhealthy. My friends were concern and every time I talk to her about this, she'll get very upset and think I'm playing games with her heart. I wasn't even trying to and I didn't wanna lose her so I gave in.. Things only got worst and I was slacking off big time! It was hard because she just wouldn't understand and get angry easily. She got mad and told me to get lost which I did. I got my life back in order and balanced everything. She came back apologizing and saying she wants to try again. So we start off and things were going great until she wanted to see this girl and dumped me unexpectedly. Just acted like I didn't exist or wouldn't talk to me. Why would she do this just to hurt me? Anyways, I began to accept this and move on until she came back saying she miss talking to me and let's be friends. Trying to act like she did nothing wrong and waited to damn long to talk about this. I was about to give in to her but I was just too hurt so I ignored her. So now she's acting like I never existed, talking behind my back, sometimes i feel like she stalk my profile and might be dating this new girl. I'm started to see someone to, but I'm kinda angry that she's acting this way and won't tell me why she did it. I just want closure but I can't..
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deezie
@deezie
19 Years1,000+ PostsPisces

Comments: 73 · Posts: 3385 · Topics: 36
Forget closure. For the most part when someone "NEEDS" closure, it's almost guaranteed you're never going to get it. If the other person were better at communicating this need for closure never would have come in to play in the first place.

You are better off moving on from this girl. Based on your side of the story, it's not worth it. I would put this one up to her liking games/drama. She seems very unstable. And if you find a co-dependent relationship, run away from it!! It should speak loads that whenever she isn't around your life is normal, and when she comes back you are stressed out over something.

Isn't it easier when everything is normal??
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krysrenee7
@krysrenee7
17 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 8735 · Topics: 522
1. You may not ever get the closure that you deserved, so don't spend the rest of your life chasing after a truth that will never fall on your ears

2. She's insecure, so it's no wonder you were damned if you did & damned if you didn't the whole time. She didn't love herself, nor did she really know what she wanted. B/c she didn't clear up her insecurities before getting with you, it's no wonder you suffered & had to pay for all the baggage that SHE didn't have the courage to handle & put away.

3. It wouldn't have mattered how much you did for her or didn't do for her. It wouldn't have mattered whether you always gave in to her or never gave in to her. Insecure people make it so that the people they're dating never win regardless.

4. You weren't the only person who needed a break & time apart. She needed that time too. But instead of getting her life together & fixing whatever problems SHE brought to the relationship, she spent all her time chasing/nagging you. Now that you're slowly but surely getting your ish together, she's the 1 who looks like the jealous, possessive, unappreciative & insecure fool

5. She keeps coming back b/c you've given her the impression that she can enter/exit into & out of your life whenever she pleases, even IF she doesn't have her ish together when it's time for her to try again with you.

6. Take some of the control back. You allowed the least logical 1 in the relationship to control things & make all the major make/break decisions. It's no wonder the ship crashed...look who was steering it!

7. Move on. You may never know the "WHYs" & you've gotta get to a point where you're finally ok with that. Walk away knowing that you did your part & gave it your all. And if that's still not good enough, oh well it's HER loss, not yours.

8. Stop allowing her to hold you prisoner. You're talking to someone new now...and that new person deserves your undivided attention. You're being unfair to the new girl if you're emotions/time/energy is STILL being directed towards someone else who already showed you the 1st 1,000 times that she didn't deserve it.
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krysrenee7
@krysrenee7
17 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 8735 · Topics: 522
9. She may have started dating another person all just to hurt you, but her true reasonsings for doing so really don't matter b/c the outcome still remains the same: She's not right for you, you deserve better & she shouldn't be allowed the privelege of being in your life unless she's handled her OWN baggage & insecurities.

Even if she came straight out & told you the truth about why she did what she did, are you sure her excuses would even matter, make you feel better OR change things? NO

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downtownblues
@downtownblues
14 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 15 · Topics: 6
Thanks for the feedback,

I'm just kinda confused, shock and angry.. She made vow to never cheat and I took that to the heart. It just hurt alot... I just wanted to know why cause it made me feel like I did something wrong when I tried my best ad my hardest. She goes around acting all modest and innocent, but most people don't see that side that I saw. I know she wasn't pedrscr and I accepted her despite her problems and I got burned. Why can't se just admit what she did? She goes around claiming she's honest but she's a liar. Turning tables on me and making me look bad. I just don't think it's fair.. It's like she hurt me and got away with it and it's just sucks
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deezie
@deezie
19 Years1,000+ PostsPisces

Comments: 73 · Posts: 3385 · Topics: 36
It does suck. Some people are better at being people than other people. If that makes any sense. They're everywhere though. Part of growing and learning is coming across these types of people. You have to let go of the 'why' and just figure out what you can learn from it. Even if it's just so simple as to have learned what to stay away from, or be on the lookout for to avoid.

Why would she admit what she did, and admit to herself that she's a bad person. Some people don't have that capacity... plain and simple. They have it worked around in their minds that they aren't doing anything wrong.

These types of people prey on the people that will let them get away with it. So you have to make sure you keep yourself in check that you are always living your life in a way that you can deal with in the end. That way it doesn't matter that she got away with it, because you walk away knowing you gave your 100% . Sounds like you did that. Count yourself lucky not to be involved with her, I say 🙂

I'm sure krys had some good things to say (and despite my own long windedness, I didn't have it in me right now to read her long windedness)!

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downtownblues
@downtownblues
14 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 15 · Topics: 6
It actually hit me last night, that I have been bitter all this time and mad at her for what she did. I was angry to the point where I wanted revenge. Honestly, i'm mad that she lied, I'm mad that she cheated and left me, I'm mad that she's all happy and smiles like nothing happen after I was the supposed "love of her life". I'm mad that she's throwinge under the bus. I'm mad that I'm not happy, I'm mad that I feel empty, I'm mad that I have to forget this but struggling to. The answer hit me but I just don't wanna digest it and it's killing me, I feel crazy. It's just not fair.
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krysrenee7
@krysrenee7
17 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 8735 · Topics: 522
You have to get to a point where you can finally accept AND acknowledge that you may never get the truth. And if getting an honest answer out of her is how you define your "closure" then you're setting yourself up for further disappointment b/c you may never get it

What she did is a classic example of alot of cases. People are 1 way when things are good, but behind closed doors OR when it's over, you realize that you may have been in love with the person they were PRETENDING to be vs. who they really were.

The key though is that when you finally see her true colors, don't question your own intelligence/intuition or expect for dishonest people to all of the sudden become honest just b/c you beg them to.

When a person lies continually it's b/c they've made the decision to & that decision is usually final. You can't control or change what she may have done. The only thing you can control is how you react to it.

And if I were you, I'd be putting more energy into moving on & getting yourself together instead of over-analyzing something you may never fully figure out. And I say that especially since you're dating someone else. Be fair. Leave the new girl alone until she actually has a real chance at having your undivided attention