Friends who...

Flake.

Lie.

String you along.

Etc.


I've seen this a lot living in SoCal. It's something that I still have a hard time remotely accepting as part of the culture here because it's so self absorbed and ridiculous to treat others this way.

You have that friend who claims that they want to hang out or do something soon. But they never try. Or they say this and then claim that they've just been oh so busy, yet social media says otherwise. They went to a game with another friend, they're at parties, they're going to theme parks.

But they're just "too busy" but oh man, they sure do want to hang out soon!


Or they make plans, only to flake on them because something/someone "better" came up, leaving you hanging. This usually happens within hours of the scheduled time. Hell, I even have seen that asshole meme on Facebook that's something along the lines of some guy jumping for joy or whatever form of happiness with the quote of "when your friend cancels the plans that you ended up not wanting to do." I even know of someone who admitted that they line up several plans for the night, and then last minute cancels on all of the ones but the one she felt was the "best" out of the bunch.

I have another friend who uses the "busy" excuse. But then when she says she has a certain day off, finally, I bring up that we should try to do something then. "Oh, well I actually already have plans lined up that day..." ....WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING YOU WANT TO HANG OUT THEN? Not expecting a priority, but don't tell someone that you want to hang out, are always "too busy" and then when you say you have a day off/free time, say you decided to make plans with someone else. It can be rather insulting because you clearly do not want to hang out or you would have contacted me for plans, no?


That said, what is your initial reaction to individuals like this? Do you think this is rude behavior? Should you be offended/insulted? Do you write these people off or just consider them acquaintances?

Personally, when this pattern presents itself, I sometimes will write the person off if we weren't super close. Others, I just drop any expectations and don't care. If I hear from them, I hear from them. Oh well. But the initial impression that I get from individuals like this is selfish and rude. Who raises these people? Is it cultural or something mom didn't slap enough sense into them?

What's your initial impression?

It's also human nature to have remorse for being an asshole toward others.

You're clueless if you think this revolves about being "funner."

If someone in general has a personality that can be demanding and negative, hanging out with such a person can feel like a chore. Chances are you're going to have people bail because they'd rather be doing something on their down time that's uplifting and a good time. People avoid or are drawn to dramatic people for the same reasons. It might just depend on their mood or what spending time with you entails.

Are you fun to be around or do you end up talking about cynical life issues more often than not? What do you bring to your social environment?

We'll do something soon = I like you but the idea of hanging out is much more attractive than the reality. *Safe distance, self interest etc.*

Once again, DXP turns this into a personal post.

This isn't a personal post. I merely gave wtfery examples to back up what I was discussing.

This wasn't a "help me figure out these assholes" thread. Gotta love how people here always jump at the chance to answer questions that weren't asked.

Posted by size zero superhero

Posted by rockyroadicecream
It's also human nature to have remorse for being an asshole toward others.

I've always doubted that one, TBH. Not everyone has a conscience or they only pick up on injustice when they're the ones coming up short, yet at the same time dish it out without hesitation.

I suppose it's a matter of picking up on dead-giveaways as they appear and basing your expectations of an individual on what they've suggested or revealed about their character.

(For instance, if you're dealing with some major-league $ #1Ttalker who'll drag others through the mud for the slightest of mistakes, don't think they won't do the same to you & all of their other friends. Granted that example is a pretty obvious one & many unreliable people acquire subtlety to keep others from hating them right off the bat.)

click to expand

Agreed. I wasn't entirely serious when I wrote that, either. I just get tired of hearing people making excuses for selfish, shitty behavior. DXP loves to use the "it's human nature" view a little too much. And it is about picking up dead give aways, honestly. It's just disappointing it happens in such frequency.

People also have free will. ...nobody is forcing them to make a fake statement of "let's hang out/do something!" If you don't want to, or won't even intend to follow through, then don't even utter the phrase. It's that simple. I don't go around telling people that I want to hang out with them when I wouldn't want to to begin with.

Socializing seems to be becoming far too exhausting, tbh. You have to weed through a shit ton of fake to find people who aren't users and abusers because they fixate on "self" a little too much. This is what happens when the "me" generations reproduce. I really don't see individuals like this as friend worthy, trustworthy, or reliable.

Seriously. I know I've come across those types myself. They seemed okay at first, and then holy jebus, that crazy came out and it's like omg what did I get myself into??

I've kinda taken the same approach you have in regard to attempting plans, except I'm the one who may reach out first if I actually have some free time. Depending on the situation, if they can't or continually come up with reasons why they can't without much "hey but on x day we'll do it!" or whatever, I just stop bothering and leave it up to them. I'm not about to waste time on someone who's all talk no action.

Posted by Sugarfoot
There's no real explanation for people like this. I just don't ever expect anything from a flake.

I used to "date" this guy who would always just lie for no reason. It was dumb. We'd be hanging out and he'd see someone he knew, talk to them for a while and then we'd get ready to go somewhere else. He'd ALWAYS say to them, "Ok, I'm gonna come back and see you guys before I go home." We'd go wherever we were going and on the way back I'd be ask if we were gonna go back so he could see his friends. He'd look at me like of "course not, why are you asking me that." I asked him, "Well why did you tell them you were gonna come back by there if you really weren't going to? What was the point in saying that? Why didn't you just say bye?" His response, "I don't know. It's just something to say." What do you do with a reply like that? It's impossible to understand. There's no point in even trying. I've certainly given up.

People are just disrespectful. Common courtesy isn't common. People don't care about keeping their word. Yea. I think they just weren't raised right.

Maybe I just have a hard time wrapping my head around it because my parents had me much later in life than most in their age range, so I was raised like a responsible human being.

But you're right, people really are disrespectful anymore. Hard to give it when they just demand it without understanding what earns it to begin with. How would they even know how to give it??

I think people are more concerned about their image if anything. "I don't want to look like a jerk, so I'll just say a lot of shit like I'm really nice, when I'm not."