Help....why do men say yes & then bail?

I've been talking to this guy I met online for 3-4 weeks now from the town where I grew up. We've chatted on the phone a few times as well, for an hour or two each time. I was flying home this weekend to see family for two days so asked him if he was interested in grabbing drinks while I was there. He said of course, so we met Friday and had a blast chatting all night like we were old friends. The next day, told him I had a great time and asked if he was interested in grabbing a drink that night after he got off work and before I left town. He replied, said he had a great time, he was working until 11pm or so that night but would love to hang out and that he'd be in touch to make plans. Nothing! I finally text at 11:30pm to see if we were still on or if he got caught up at work, and never heard from him since. Men, why even say yes in the first place if you're just going to blow a girl off?

He tried to let you off easy when he told you he was working late and would contact you - I know it sucks when they aren't really crystal clear and up front, because sometimes when a guy says I'm busy I'll contact you later he actually means he is busy and will contact you later.
Most of the time though, a guy who's into you is gonna go out of his way to make SURE he sees you.

General rule of thumb, if he isn't going out of his way, forget about it.
It's not easy to reject someone no matter what gender or sign you are.

Posted by chick4chap
I've been talking to this guy I met online for 3-4 weeks now from the town where I grew up. We've chatted on the phone a few times as well, for an hour or two each time. I was flying home this weekend to see family for two days so asked him if he was interested in grabbing drinks while I was there. He said of course, so we met Friday and had a blast chatting all night like we were old friends. The next day, told him I had a great time and asked if he was interested in grabbing a drink that night after he got off work and before I left town. He replied, said he had a great time, he was working until 11pm or so that night but would love to hang out and that he'd be in touch to make plans. Nothing! I finally text at 11:30pm to see if we were still on or if he got caught up at work, and never heard from him since. Men, why even say yes in the first place if you're just going to blow a girl off?

This went well until you called him right after that first date TO SET UP another date. You might not be desperate but you come across that way.

You already made the first move to try and meet up. You should have left the next meeting up to him.

Posted by CancerLeoDynamite
He tried to let you off easy when he told you he was working late and would contact you - I know it sucks when they aren't really crystal clear and up front...

I must admit I do it to my friends all the time.
Firs I say I cannot join them. Then I see they don't seem to listen. Then I do my thing and they suffer.
And I tell to myself: I'm actually a nice person but this was my Lilith in Scorpio who did evil for a revenge. They should have listened to me.

Posted by chick4chap

.... we met Friday and had a blast chatting all night like we were old friends. The next day, I told him ....

So, you called him the next day to ask if he wanted to get drunk again?

Or, do you mean you spent the night with him and you were still will him until the next day?

Seems odd that you'd have a hard time hearing from him, yet, "The next day" you two were exchanging your murmurs of fun.

Posted by chick4chap

.... he was working until 11pm or so that night ....

"or so" could mean two in the morning. Most likely he meant = when he gets done.

But, let me guess .. you were sitting by phone with baited breath, ready to pounce one the idea that he might pay attention to you, so you couldn't fucking wait for him to get finished work and smothered the fuck out of idea of a person showering you with affection and attention, in this case, this poor, unsuspecting dude.

Posted by chick4chap

Nothing! I finally text at 11:30pm to see if we

click to expand

.... and there it is!!


You say "finally" to represent how long you've been agonizing over him calling you. What other reason is there for you to say, "finally"?

30 minutes ... seriously wtf.


So, after wrapping all the together, the logical assumption becomes ... you drunk fucked him, and because he said he had a great time, you've deluded yourself into thinking you've sex trapped him and you're pissed that he isn't jumping for the bait you offered.

Maybe he didn't feel the chemistry with you when he met you in person. — *shrug*

Actually, I agree with aquapisces. You should have told him you had a good time, let him know you're interested, but let him set up the next date. Eh, well, what's done is done. Chalk it up for a lesson learned.

It kind of seems like instead of visiting with family, you used that for an excuse to come to that town and meet up with him. Nothing wrong with fitting in both, but you did kind of seem more interested in meeting up with him than spending time with your family.

Posted by truecap
...you did kind of seem more interested in meeting up with him than spending time with your family.

my thought too.... not a good image.

Actually it isn't him it's you...I have to agree with most here... He said he would get in touch with you and plan it..you assumed that meant GAME ON. It meant he wasn't really feeling it at that moment but would see sometime tomorrow if he felt like it. You then made yourself seem desperate by contacting him at 11:30. He saw you were a bit clingy and kept it pushing. Just leave him alone and keep him as a I'll see you if and when in town friend.