How to cope with a situation like this

Years ago one of my best friends told me out of the blue that he was moving out of state (basically he was moving in 2 weeks). It was a shock to me, felt like I was dreaming because I knew that once he moved he'd become acclimated to his new life and he wasn't the type to come back and visit so I knew once he moved I'd slowly not hear from him ever again. I guess that was the biggest shock to my system. Took me 6 months of nearly crying every day to eventually move on in a life without him.

Due to stupid but circumstances I've discovered today I may be having to go through this again and I don't think I can handle another traumatic experience so I'm kinda saddened right now but there's this quote I found:

"Theres only so many times you can allow someone to let you down before you cant handle the disappointment anymore. When things change people change, and it doeant mean you forget the past, it simply means you try to move on and treasure the memories. Letting go doesnt mean giving up, it means accepting the things that werent meant to be. Theres a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone,trying to fix everything, but its not giving up. Youve got to do whats right for you even if it hurts. Ive come to realize that in the end, Everyones turned out to be the person theyd swore theyd never be."

Has any of this happened to you? If so, how did you cope?

But I don't have anyone 😢

But I do like your answer!

ha! i went through this with a guy. first he moved houses, then teams then jobs getting farther and farther away from me. fuck em really people with serve themselves first just remember that.

it hurts like fuck tho, i know trust me

A friend moving away is traumatic? SIX months of daily crying?

Gawd, I wish I had your problems.

Cope with booze and be done with it.

Keep in touch through FB or other means with the "departed". They are not dead, they can read and reply. You might be holidaying for free in their new town and place next year! Travel, wonderful travel...going places...taking advantage of the local knowledge...anyone?

Accept and embrace changes. Go find new friends, people in a similar situation to yours, looking to fill in some freshly made holes in their life. Nobody is irreplaceable, and human emotions are not meant to exhaust ourselves. There is a good reason why they fade away quickly.

Sag Venus and Mercury, ha? What's wrong with you? Go pack your bags and pay them a first two week visit. Six months was plenty for them to settle down.

Posted by Undine
Sag Venus and Mercury, ha? What's wrong with you? Go pack your bags and pay them a first two week visit. Six months was plenty for them to settle down.

I did ask and LEO man didn't respond. Once he left...he left. He hasn't visited anyone he knew since he left years ago. I'm definitely over it by now but that first year was tough.

I was used to seeing him with our friends or when we hang out alone week nights or weekend mornings/afternoon. It was like an unspoken long standing thing and when he left out of necessity (stuff got bad) it was horrible and surreal to have my life change. That entire routine no longer existed. I became depressed and withdrawn.

In the present circumstance Aqua dude and I are going through a rough patch but he's in the middle of making big yet positive changes in his life. I'm super glad for him. But depending on how it turns out, I may not see him around anymore. Even though he'll still be local. I guess it'll be when I actually find out if I've made an impact that he breaks his comfort zone and reaches out to me.

Posted by PVandJellay
If this friend doesn't make an effort to stay in contact, then he doesn't value your friendship that much. So then let him go.

I have lost, gained, and regained friends over and over. I'm always sad about the lost, because I form strong attachments to the people I care about. But what I have learned is that if people want to leave out of your life, you have to let them go. The only thing in my world that held constant in my life thus far is me and my family. Everyone else floats in and out my life. Some stay a while and leave. Others stay permanently. But I don't try to hold on, or keep people who don't want to be kept.

I know I know...I just don't like going through the loss. My sister says I've developed abandonment issues which is probably why I hold on to the people that matter.

I hate feeling like I'm getting left behind.

Posted by PVandJellay
If this friend doesn't make an effort to stay in contact, then he doesn't value your friendship that much. So then let him go.

I have lost, gained, and regained friends over and over. I'm always sad about the lost, because I form strong attachments to the people I care about. But what I have learned is that if people want to leave out of your life, you have to let them go. The only thing in my world that held constant in my life thus far is me and my family. Everyone else floats in and out my life. Some stay a while and leave. Others stay permanently. But I don't try to hold on, or keep people who don't want to be kept.

+1

Posted by thisiscrap2



I know I know...I just don't like going through the loss. My sister says I've developed abandonment issues which is probably why I hold on to the people that matter.

I hate feeling like I'm getting left behind.

click to expand

I'd believe it. Your reaction to the situation is insanely unhealthy. It's okay to feel loss and sad for leaving a friend. I've moved several times while growing up and was always leaving friends behind. It sucked, but you make new friends. You sound way too clingy with yours and based on what the first one did when he moved, it sounds as if they may not value the friendship as much as you do.

Is it always male friends you latch on to like this?

@Rocky

Its just been two friends. The only two people I truly had a vulnerable friendship with if that makes sense. All my other friends growing up to now are mostly female but they are just too dramatic/catty. I tend to get along better with men because they are more easygoing.

But these two dudes are really the only ones I've known in life that I felt myself around. It was natural/easy..they didn't judge. Etc.

@ram

I meet new people all the time. Via work I meet 100 new people a day, I have a wide group of freinds from different sources: work, college, child hood, hobbies, other groups, gym etc.

I meet people every day being in public too and joining clubs and other recreational things and I meet great people all the time but nothing really stems from that.

Try working on your abandonment issues vs. succumbing to them.