How to cure or stop obsession and neediness in relationships?

I have severe issues regarding to obsession and I want to make it less severe or strong :/

Posted by Arielle83
Like what's going on?

I said a very Aries/Taurus thing to a Scorp sun/Leeb moon about how I wouldn't go further into the relationship if I lost a little duel with someone else. I don't deserve her and her heart if I lost. And I did. Now I told her the truth about it after I lost and she gave me the silent treatment.

Her Cancer friend is being very defensive about this situation and gave me the blame, and frankly the Scorp wasn't the first one to deploy such tactics. I sulked and stopped talking to her for days personally because of petty things before but each time I talked to her and we're back to normal in 15 mins. It's been days since this happened and she has not talked to me at all and has even avoided me.

Cancer told me to stop being obsessive. I'm struggling because I miss her so much after the first two days of not talking. I told her I wouldn't talk to her for a week until she reaches out to me as I don't want to harass her and give her space, yet I'm hurt from all this.

Bump

Posted by Admiral_2
Go find a goddamn therapist.

self help books and self exploration are much cheaper

Posted by EtherealTraveler
I have severe issues regarding to obsession and I want to make it less severe or strong :/

you're 18.



makes sense .

it's a combination of your hormones and being at that stage of life where you arfe starting to make primary bonds/ attachments to people outside your family.

your obsession is a reflection of attachment issues you developed as a child.

sounds like you are an anxious preoccupied type -

"Anxious Preoccupied Attachment – Unlike securely attached couples, people with an anxious attachment tend to be desperate to form a fantasy bond. Instead of feeling real love or trust toward their partner, they often feel emotional hunger. They’re frequently looking to their partner to rescue or complete them. Although they’re seeking a sense of safety and security by clinging to their partner, they take actions that push their partner away.

Even though anxiously attached individuals act desperate or insecure, more often than not, their behavior exacerbates their own fears. When they feel unsure of their partner’s feelings and unsafe in their relationship, they often become clingy, demanding or possessive toward their partner. They may also interpret independent actions by their partner as affirmation of their fears. For example, if their partner starts socializing more with friends, they may think, “See? He doesn’t really love me. This means he is going to leave me. I was right not to trust him.”

Posted by Admiral_2

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Admiral_2
Go find a goddamn therapist.

self help books and self exploration are much cheaper

Nah man. Shit like this runs deep. While you can do CBT on yourself having a person to help guide you and keep you accountable is necessary. People aren't the paragons self-control. Asking for help is not a sign that you are weak. It takes a certain amount of strength to admit you may have a problem instead of thinking you're fine and blaming people for your own problems.

click to expand

#1.not everyone can afford therapy

#2. all therapists aren't good(i'd argue most are actually quite bad)

#3. the point of therapy is really to guide you to solve your own problems...

you are still doing the work...you're just paying someone to monitor and give you tips.

Posted by Effervescent
Get your own identity. And love yourself so you wouldn't have to have someone else love you to validate you.

But what am I? Who am I? I literally have no self worth for myself.

by not in a relationship.

you are 18, don't take relationship so serious, just aim for the fun and experience.

Posted by Effervescent

Posted by EtherealTraveler

Posted by Effervescent
Get your own identity. And love yourself so you wouldn't have to have someone else love you to validate you.

But what am I? Who am I? I literally have no self worth for myself.

Yep. This is the problem. You have to find out who you are and gain self worth. Then you won't have to rely on others to validate you.

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How? I don't know how.

Posted by Admiral_2

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Admiral_2

Posted by Adreamuponwaking

Posted by Admiral_2
Go find a goddamn therapist.

self help books and self exploration are much cheaper

Nah man. Shit like this runs deep. While you can do CBT on yourself having a person to help guide you and keep you accountable is necessary. People aren't the paragons self-control. Asking for help is not a sign that you are weak. It takes a certain amount of strength to admit you may have a problem instead of thinking you're fine and blaming people for your own problems.

#1.not everyone can afford therapy

#2. all therapists aren't good(i'd argue most are actually quite bad)

#3. the point of therapy is really to guide you to solve your own problems...

you are still doing the work...you're just paying someone to monitor and give you tips.

1. Fair enough. Not everyone can cough up the cash needed. Good point but you still have options though. Ask around for sliding scale fees.

2. Valid point. Still, would you want to live with the quality of your life decreased because the prospect of finding a good therapist demotivates you?

3. I feel like understanding something and implementing it are two very different things. Even more the therapist can see details about your psyche that you may not be able to because of clouded thinking. We're not exactly the paragons of logical thinking us humans.



I think a therapist is someone who catches us lying to ourselves, which we do a lot.

I may read a book about productivity but doesn't mean I'm more productive. Again while self help books are great they won't do anything if you can't implement them.

If issues could be solved that simply would the world be as dysfunctional as it is? Still I agree self help is better than nothing. Do whatever suits your needs but I'd rather have a professional handling my psychological issues instead of a noob like me.

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Homosexuality used to be in the DSM

I bring that up because I want to highlight we as a culture tend to medicalize a lot of things which should not actually be medicalized...

We all exhibit variations of human behavior ...none of us are normal ..but we are told there is such a thing

therapist profit from this phenomenon .

I'm not saying the answer is exclusively self help books .

I just think that a lot of stuff you can learn from reading and self exploration rather than spending thousands of dollars on therapy .

If I had met more people that had been in therapy for brief amounts of time ...and could testify about how helpful it was for them ..I'd believe that it was as great / effective as you are making it out to be .

The majority of people I've met have been in therapy for years , some close to a decade .....and they don't seem to be really benefiting from it .

Posted by exo
you don't need nooobody except God.

And god is self.