How to know when it's not meant to be

1. They cheat on you more than once. 1 time? ok. More than twice? It's time to leave b/c it's clear that the other person is ok with engaging in a way that devestates you.

2. The problems in the relationship aren't fixable. You WANT them to be but neither of you have (or are show-casing) the tools in which to fix them.

3. You find it more uneasy than comforting to trust them or be honest/vulnerable with them

4. If there's ANY verbal, sexual, physical, emotional abuse on either end

5. You notice that you don't feel guilty or that you're doing anything wrong when you cheat or engage in inappropriate behavior with the opposite sex

6. You often catch yourself saying, "I wish we were like that." I.E. Everybody else seems to have a better relationship than you & you notice this b/c it's easier to recognize what you're missing/deserve when others in front of you clearly have it

7. You're with them for all the WRONG reasons. And you know good & damn well what the "wrong" reasons are

8. You can honestly admit that if something better were to come along, you'd leave your partner high & dry

9. You can't trust at all. You find yourself questioning even the things they do right in front of your face, let alone behind your back. Your insecurity & skeptical imagination OUTWEIGHS any trust you oughta have for the other person.

10. You're only in the relationship b/c you felt pressured, burdened or guilted into it

11. Everyone is against the relationship. Sure, some family/friends will "hate" BUT if 100 people are convinced that your relationship is toxic, NO they're not imagining things. Outsiders can usually spot red flags quicker than the 2 people in the relationship can

12. You admit that you can't see yourself with that person much longer/long-term

13. You're constantly giving more than you're receiving. And when you actually do ask for more, the other person makes you feel as if you're asking for a million bucks

14. You find it easier & easier to throw low blows, start fights or will do anything to hurt the other person (verbally or physically) just for the sake of getting a temporary ego boost or feeling of relief. If you feel like a champ/winner after seeing your partner defeated, the relationship has now become toxic. Thrill/ego boost should be the LAST emotion you feel after hurting another person

15. You have no outside life outside of your relationship. Either b/c your partner is too controlling & won't let you OR b/c you've lost your identity & have fallen for the trick (driven by insecurity) that you're nothing w/o your partner.

16. No matter how hard you try to make things work, things just never work out.

17. When things don't work out b/c of "bad timing" all the time. That's a signal that someone may be right for you overall, BUT just NOT right for you right NOW.

18. You never feel like a priority in their life. Their needs are always 10xs more important & tended to than yours

19. You find yourself crying more than laughing

20. When you write out a list of all the goods & bads about your partner & notice that the bads outweigh the goods, even if just by a little bit

21. You notice that the little things they say/do bother you...things that never bothered you before.

22. You catch yourself wanting/wishing you could change that person. You've never fully accepted who that person really is.

23. You find yourself chasing them more than they chase you. While you're always running in their direction, they're always focused on someone/something else, barely paying you any attention & running the other way.

24. You have nothing in common. No similarities in goals, morals, hobbies, personality, etc.

25. You catch yourself FORCING yourself to find good things to like/say about the other person vs. it coming natural to you

26. You're constantly teaching someone how to respect/love you & be in a relationship with you INSTEAD of actually just being in a loving & respectful relationship.

27. You catch yourself still drooling/harping over an ex. Your relationship can't possibly last if your new partner doesn't have a fair shot at having your undivided attention

28. The topic of "committment" scares the hell out of the other person to the point where they either avoid the topic altogether or refuse to communicate about it. If someone cringes at the thought of being in a relationship with you, it's obviously not meant to be

29. When you honestly ask yourself why you're even in a relationship with that person, you can't even answer OR you notice that after being honest with yourself that your reasons are all shallow/wrong reasons

30. You realize that your love for that person is 1-sided & selfish. You won't want happiness for them unless that happiness involves YOU. You don't have their best interest at heart when you're not in the picture but yet only support them when you're in the picture

31. You notice that there's been way more fighting, arguing & bad times than good.

32. You jump at any opportunity to get revenge or hurt the other person. When in you're truly in love & in the RIGHT relationship, even hurting someone whose hurt you is the LAST resort, NOT the 1st

33. You never really feel the sense that you can truly be yourself around that person. Everything is a show or an "act." You know that person is in love with the person you're pretending to be vs. all of who you really are

34. When you catch yourself only wanting/latching on to that person when it's CONVEINANT...I.E. when other women/men are around (territorial)..when the $ $ is coming in...only when you have something to gain

35. When you've heard yourself say, "I don't know why I put up with this" more times than you can count.

36. When the other person isn't/has stopped enriching your life. Instead of enhancing & complimenting you, they take away from you & bring you down.

37. When someone literally tells you that they don't believe you're right for them. Most people are NOT joking when they say that.

38. When you've broken up more times than you can count...Sometimes you've gotta suck it up, accept defeat (if it's even defeat at all), admit that maybe you choose the wrong one this time (again) & move on

39. When you know deep down you're only with them b/c you don't feel as though you could find someone else/better.

40. When you find it hard or like you've gotta force yourself just to be nice to that person or do things for them that otherwise you would've done with no hesitation or effort

41. When you can honestly admit that you're more in love with the concept of love than you are with the actual person

42. When you're more in love with the person they used to be, you wish they were or the person they are't instead of the current person they actually are

43. When they keep telling you that "friends" is the best road. Even worse, when "friends with benefits" is about the furthest you'll ever come to having that person's heart

44. When that person's family/friends don't take you seriously. It's not always b/c they don't like you. No, it's b/c they found out BEFORE you did that you weren't the 1. Most people "just know" after a certain point & the 1st people they'll tell besides you are their loved ones & the 1s closest to you

45. When you don't even have a valid/justified reason or excuse for why you're staying around even after putting up with so much crap.

46. When your self esteem is so low that you can't even guarantee that you'd still be attracted to that same person persay your self-esteem been high(er)

47. When the "rough" periods that every relationship goes through seem to last forever (or long periods of time) instead of being temporary like they oughta be.

48. When others on the outside can easily influence/persade you to do wrong by your partner. Yes, that's an indication that you don't have a mind of your own but it's also a sign that your relationship isn't worth as much as you try to make yourself believe it is

49. When the intimacy (or things that kept the relationship afloat) NATURALLY go away vs. you forcing those things to go away for a night b/c you're being stubborn. Some things are very hard to get back.

50. THE BEST OF ALL...when you "just know" that they're not right for you. No matter how hard you try to convince yourself that you could be wrong, your intuition & gut instinct STILL comes to the same conclusion...they're just NOT right for you

Nothing sadder than losing love.
Cool list.

haha, well this was a depressing read, i noticed my parents had alot of the things listed

Posted by Let*It*Be
I didn't bother to read the rest as #1. disqualified (in my mind) what message you are trying to convey to others who do not know any better.

1 thing "professionals" always say TOO is that you can't judge a book by it's cover.

And actually there are plenty of experts/counselors that aren't totally against couples working through infidelity.

I wasn't implying that cheating once was ok. But let's be honest. As people love to say, "We're all human & we make mistakes," & since cheating is a mistake, it's not too uncommon for that mistake to be forgiven, IF it's just a simple 1-time mistake vs. it bein a common cycle, occurence or problem.

Some people literally cheat once, learn their lesson & never do it again. But the chances of someone changing after they've allowed cheating to become a daily/habitual part of who they are as a person, are drastically lower. That's why I think that couples who deal with repeated infidelity aren't usually survivable. And if they are, their survival rate is so much LOWER than the survivor rate of couples who've only dealt with infidelity once

I'm glad someone posts things like this to slap some posters back into reality!

I approve this message! *two thumbs up*

S/N: MOST of this should be common sense, but sometimes you gotta lay it out for folks...