livictori
@livictori
11 Years500+ Posts
Comments: 2 · Posts: 761 · Topics: 90
In defense of ghosting while dating (NOT RELATIONSHIPS)
Posted by tizianiBut if you've only known the person a week or two; is it necessary and could the "rejection" do more harm than good?
Just say no.
Anyone can simply say they don't want to meet up again, without making it about the other person.
You not wanting to do something is a good enough reason in itself.
What are you going to do when it comes to saying "no" in the middle of a long-term committed relationship to someone you do like if you can't even say it to strangers you don't?
What you're talking about is conflict avoidance.
Posted by Koniuchaanot to tell them you are not interested in a 2nd or 3rd date. I think that is malicious. Come meet me for coffee, I'm not that into you?Posted by livictoriHow would it do more harm if you saw the person once? It should be easierPosted by tizianiBut if you've only known the person a week or two; is it necessary and could the "rejection" do more harm than good?
Just say no.
Anyone can simply say they don't want to meet up again, without making it about the other person.
You not wanting to do something is a good enough reason in itself.
What are you going to do when it comes to saying "no" in the middle of a long-term committed relationship to someone you do like if you can't even say it to strangers you don't?
What you're talking about is conflict avoidance.
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So I'm against ghosting but only after say 3 dates. If a guy ghosts me after one date thats fair enough the thing is the other person is wondering if the person is going to come back or will they hear from them again and it just causes more stress on that person not knowing where they stand. I think if you've been out with someone a few times you should just say to be honest I don't feel a strong enough connection with you so don't see it going anywhere... thats not offensive. If someone said that to me I would be like yeah fair enough there is nothing I could do to change that. I mean how many ppl do you meet you actually have a connection with.
That is it but I'm also saying it's unfair to EXPECT an explanation. It's courteous but look how many posts on this site is about seeking closure. We hand over too much responsibilities to others when it comes to things we want and they may not.
I find ghosting extremely rude depending on the situation. The only time I will ghost someone is if I only went on a date or two with them and there was absolutely no chemistry. Like if I was in your situation I wouldn’t have even tried to see where I stood with that guy and it would be a mutual ghosting lol. But once I hit the third date mark, I am obviously somewhat interested in the person because I am willing to go out a third time. Once I am interested and I make it apparent I am interested, I think I owe them an explanation if they do something after that third date that turns me off to the point I want to cut them off or if I am just not feeling it anymore because sometimes I will just randomly get bored with the person idk. But still, they are owed an explanation. It’s just common curtesy to me, because what is so hard about telling someone that you aren’t interested as long as you aren’t rude about it? It’s not like you are leading them on into thinking they have a chance still, you’re helping them to see that you two probably wouldn’t work out because maybe they don’t see it yet. And if they try to argue about it, then ghost them because that person doesn’t know how to let go of a situation. But most people will respect you a lot more if you give them closure rather than just cut them off with no word as to why. But that is only after you two have seen each other at least four or five times, in my opinion.
Posted by AriesLoveIt's not about needing an explanation, more about being a decent human being all in all.Posted by livictoriI agree with you. People (especially here) are so emotional and caught up in feelings it's ridiculous. They need an explanation for everything just to move on with their lives.
That is it but I'm also saying it's unfair to EXPECT an explanation. It's courteous but look how many posts on this site is about seeking closure. We hand over too much responsibilities to others when it comes to things we want and they may not.
If somebody is ignoring your ass move on. Why sit, contemplate, think, stress, wait and analyze why they don't want you anymore. Are you that desperate, needy and insecure that you have to wait for a formal answer?
This isn't a damn astrology site it's a psychologist office. Lol
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Why do you need to break up with somone you've only known for 2-4 weeks??
The issue is people don't just want to know they are not chosen but they also want to know why? That's not fair. People take these reasons as personal indictments of value. Ghosting can relieve that.
I've been on dates where the guy fully expected sex. I've heard some of my girlfriends describe the men they've just met as it is pre-marriage.
Are we supposed to get unengaged for only dating someone for 6 months? The expectations from others are to high. Dating is not relationships. Enjoy the experiences but we've got to stop stressing ourselves and people out
The issue is people don't just want to know they are not chosen but they also want to know why? That's not fair. People take these reasons as personal indictments of value. Ghosting can relieve that.
I've been on dates where the guy fully expected sex. I've heard some of my girlfriends describe the men they've just met as it is pre-marriage.
Are we supposed to get unengaged for only dating someone for 6 months? The expectations from others are to high. Dating is not relationships. Enjoy the experiences but we've got to stop stressing ourselves and people out
You totally made the right choice... it is Mercury retro... it is not the time to get into serious relationships and them to work out.
He sounds like most men just want to sleep with you. Not really into you but just wants to hit it.
You have to find a man that will honor and respect your emotions that you have a connection with... Honestly people can have attractive energies even like we could be good with... however if they don't put the time into themselves then they will not grow to the level needed for them to have a higher level of awareness not just to be primal.
PM
He sounds like most men just want to sleep with you. Not really into you but just wants to hit it.
You have to find a man that will honor and respect your emotions that you have a connection with... Honestly people can have attractive energies even like we could be good with... however if they don't put the time into themselves then they will not grow to the level needed for them to have a higher level of awareness not just to be primal.
PM
Posted by livictoriStill only takes 3 seconds of your time to text "I'm not interested".
Why do you need to break up with somone you've only known for 2-4 weeks??
The issue is people don't just want to know they are not chosen but they also want to know why? That's not fair. People take these reasons as personal indictments of value. Ghosting can relieve that.
I've been on dates where the guy fully expected sex. I've heard some of my girlfriends describe the men they've just met as it is pre-marriage.
Are we supposed to get unengaged for only dating someone for 6 months? The expectations from others are to high. Dating is not relationships. Enjoy the experiences but we've got to stop stressing ourselves and people out
Posted by DeadpoopGuys are out here killing women over rejection. You may very well die.
Everyone woman I've told straight up that I don't want to move forward with whatever we have for whatever reason(I gave legit reasons not some half ass cop outs) has appreciated that immensely over ghosting. I can under the propensity to ghost but it makes you look like a turd if you just dip with no reason. However on that note I personally say whether to ghost depending on how well you know someone is purely up to you. If I know you for a day and I'm not feeling it and we had a great convo tho even if it's a day I'll give you the courtesy of knowing what's going on in my head why I don't wanna move forward. If we've talked for a week and you barely say anything or reply with vague answers don't really make conversation I feel that I'm obligated to not give you a reason (I still do however). Just be up front you won't die. I promise. Neither will the other person.
Posted by AriesLoveGhosting is a nonaction.Posted by PalerioActions speak louder than wordsPosted by AriesLoveIt's not about needing an explanation, more about being a decent human being all in all.Posted by livictoriI agree with you. People (especially here) are so emotional and caught up in feelings it's ridiculous. They need an explanation for everything just to move on with their lives.
That is it but I'm also saying it's unfair to EXPECT an explanation. It's courteous but look how many posts on this site is about seeking closure. We hand over too much responsibilities to others when it comes to things we want and they may not.
If somebody is ignoring your ass move on. Why sit, contemplate, think, stress, wait and analyze why they don't want you anymore. Are you that desperate, needy and insecure that you have to wait for a formal answer?
This isn't a damn astrology site it's a psychologist office. Lol
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Posted by Nemilicious
whats the difference between making out and a quickie anyways? on a level of bodily intimacy both actions have the same rank.
i cant quite understand the holding back part; you are basically fucking through your clothes ....so where is the determining link ready/not ready.
Wait a minute, making out can't equal sex. We didn't even touch genitals. We were in public.
Posted by ShadowcatThis is not a relationship. It's dating. Should you announce during dinner, "you know I'm not going to sleep with you". It's unnecessary and excessivePosted by tiziani
Just say no.
Anyone can simply say they don't want to meet up again, without making it about the other person.
You not wanting to do something is a good enough reason in itself.
What are you going to do when it comes to saying "no" in the middle of a long-term committed relationship to someone you do like if you can't even say it to strangers you don't?
What you're talking about is conflict avoidance.
This. If you don't want to be a fucking adult, then for god's sake stay single.
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Posted by AriesLoveCutting the person off is not an action per se but the result of your inaction; you're basically being passive-aggressive.Posted by PalerioAn action is "something done". I cut you off. Just because you can't hear it or see it doesn't mean it didn't happen. It's my action not yours.Posted by AriesLoveGhosting is a nonaction.Posted by PalerioActions speak louder than wordsPosted by AriesLoveIt's not about needing an explanation, more about being a decent human being all in all.Posted by livictoriI agree with you. People (especially here) are so emotional and caught up in feelings it's ridiculous. They need an explanation for everything just to move on with their lives.
That is it but I'm also saying it's unfair to EXPECT an explanation. It's courteous but look how many posts on this site is about seeking closure. We hand over too much responsibilities to others when it comes to things we want and they may not.
If somebody is ignoring your ass move on. Why sit, contemplate, think, stress, wait and analyze why they don't want you anymore. Are you that desperate, needy and insecure that you have to wait for a formal answer?
This isn't a damn astrology site it's a psychologist office. Lol
click to expand
It's a courtesy to let the other person know your not interested and cutting contact, but not necessary. Remember you don't owe anyone anything, especially not after one date. So if you can live with it...why not.
I've ghosted several dudes that I felt, for one reason or another, didn't deserve any future communication from me.
I've ghosted several dudes that I felt, for one reason or another, didn't deserve any future communication from me.
How hard is it to write "not interested"
Also the real reason you feel like that is because you werent into him.
Now. Had you been into him, youd be singing a different tune about him not responding.
Now. Had you been into him, youd be singing a different tune about him not responding.
Posted by NemiliciousYou know it
i'm sure some fixed or cardinal energy is going to complain about this being the MO of mutables lol.
Posted by DMVI liked him and wanted to go on our go kart date. The kiss was sooo amazing I was curious BUT none of this trumps he had other plans, issues, wants. It was a week and one date.
Also the real reason you feel like that is because you werent into him.
Now. Had you been into him, youd be singing a different tune about him not responding.
Posted by livictoriQuote of the century
That is it but I'm also saying it's unfair to EXPECT an explanation. It's courteous but look how many posts on this site is about seeking closure. We hand over too much responsibilities to others when it comes to things we want and they may not.
Posted by livictoriLike i said, you werent into him.Posted by DMVI liked him and wanted to go on our go kart date. The kiss was sooo amazing I was curious BUT none of this trumps he had other plans, issues, wants. It was a week and one date.
Also the real reason you feel like that is because you werent into him.
Now. Had you been into him, youd be singing a different tune about him not responding.
click to expand
Ive talked/sexed up plenty of dudes and liked them. Couldnt care what they did.
But that ONE guy, yes i care because i really liked him.
Posted by DMVI'm about to be 40, I've been dating since I was 28. Trust it's not so serious on a first date. It's part of the processPosted by livictoriLike i said, you werent into him.Posted by DMVI liked him and wanted to go on our go kart date. The kiss was sooo amazing I was curious BUT none of this trumps he had other plans, issues, wants. It was a week and one date.
Also the real reason you feel like that is because you werent into him.
Now. Had you been into him, youd be singing a different tune about him not responding.
click to expand
Posted by livictoriNo worries, no need to explain to me.Posted by DMVI'm about to be 40, I've been dating since I was 28. Trust it's not so serious on a first date. It's part of the processPosted by livictoriLike i said, you werent into him.Posted by DMVI liked him and wanted to go on our go kart date. The kiss was sooo amazing I was curious BUT none of this trumps he had other plans, issues, wants. It was a week and one date.
Also the real reason you feel like that is because you werent into him.
Now. Had you been into him, youd be singing a different tune about him not responding.
click to expand
The good people of DXP have already filed this thread away and are patiently waiting to remind you of your words.
It's unfair to treat others with no consideration because you can't deal with the fact you might have to explain yourself. A simple "not interested" or whatever your answer is is perfectly fine. If the other demands an explanation, you do not owe one. This does not mean it's okay to ghost.
People who ghost are usually pussies with no respect toward the individual and are more concerned about their personal emotional well being and nobody else's, which makes them total assholes.
I do admit I have done it once, but it was to an asshole who didn't deserve the consideration. That's the only time I see it as appropriate. But if you've been out with an individual who hasn't done anything wrong and you just realize you aren't all that interested, you should at least give them the consideration to be direct.
People who ghost are usually pussies with no respect toward the individual and are more concerned about their personal emotional well being and nobody else's, which makes them total assholes.
I do admit I have done it once, but it was to an asshole who didn't deserve the consideration. That's the only time I see it as appropriate. But if you've been out with an individual who hasn't done anything wrong and you just realize you aren't all that interested, you should at least give them the consideration to be direct.
I would have to agree with the people on here saying it's maturity. I also believe that it says something about your personality. If you don't have the balls or ovaries to say you're not interested, how can you really stand up for yourself in a relationship? What happens the next time you do something they don't like- will they ghost again? Saying your not interested is a sign that you respect the other person and also you respect your reputation.
I guess I'm immature?
Over the last 2-3 months especially I've gone on multiple first and second dates. About one of each a week. I still don't think it required an explaination and I just block the person once I'm not interested. It's not like they're calling and texting and I'm ignoring them. Often, I'll either pay or split the bill. I don't see the emotional investment of these shallow interactions meriting a conversation. This post apparently proves me wrong. Ironically, people opposed to it also admit they've done it so I'm not a savage. I just thought I was less harmful to actually reject someone you don't really know. I've been confronted and actually asked "why didn't you want me" I don't want to hurt people's feelings. I give difficult news for a living and deal with complex situations on a regular basis. A non answer seemed better than a no
Over the last 2-3 months especially I've gone on multiple first and second dates. About one of each a week. I still don't think it required an explaination and I just block the person once I'm not interested. It's not like they're calling and texting and I'm ignoring them. Often, I'll either pay or split the bill. I don't see the emotional investment of these shallow interactions meriting a conversation. This post apparently proves me wrong. Ironically, people opposed to it also admit they've done it so I'm not a savage. I just thought I was less harmful to actually reject someone you don't really know. I've been confronted and actually asked "why didn't you want me" I don't want to hurt people's feelings. I give difficult news for a living and deal with complex situations on a regular basis. A non answer seemed better than a no
Posted by livictoriYou're selfish and immature.
I guess I'm immature?
I don't want to hurt people's feelings. I give difficult news for a living and deal with complex situations on a regular basis. A non answer seemed better than a no
When you start doing the wrong things for the sake of self preservation, it's not about them- it's all about YOU, thus it makes you a selfish ass.
"I didn't do it because..."
"I didn't want to be 'mean!'"
"I didn't want to hurt their feelings! (read: I didn't want to feel bad for making them feel bad)."
All of these are "I" statements that are all rooted in self.
You aren't doing anyone any favors but for yourself and that's what makes you a dick about this. It's not about things being deep and meaningful, it's just treating others with common decency.
Unless dude was absolutely ill mannered or treated you awfully on your first or second dates, just disappearing is a dipshit thing to do. The fact you're trying to justify it says you have a lot of growing up to do, especially since you're just dating in numbers atm. People are disposable to you and it's kinda gross.
tini glass!
Yes I am. Much more calm or at least I'd like to think 🙂
How goes your life?
Posted by tizianiPosted by Aquagirl2015Hey you're back in town 🍹
I would have to agree with the people on here saying it's maturity. I also believe that it says something about your personality. If you don't have the balls or ovaries to say you're not interested, how can you really stand up for yourself in a relationship? What happens the next time you do something they don't like- will they ghost again? Saying your not interested is a sign that you respect the other person and also you respect your reputation.click to expand
I think a simple "I'm not interested" text would suffice. I don't like being ignored. I don't care if I know the person 1 day or 20 years. It's just common courtesy
I dont think youre immature. I think youve become disillusioned by dating and now youve started to accept bad treatment and justify it.
You know that youre the bomb.com
Dont rationalize jerk behavior.
You know that youre the bomb.com
Dont rationalize jerk behavior.
"" i don't see the emotional investment of these shallow interactions meriting a conversation. ""
Wow. Say what now?? This is the issue. You are selfish. You only see youre side of it.
Thats like scary
Wow. Say what now?? This is the issue. You are selfish. You only see youre side of it.
Thats like scary
I confess I've done that once but only because the other part stopped a recurring pattern.
But I never ignore the person if they want an explanation. Even just dating I think it's polite and correct to explain the reason if the other person is interested to hear it.
I like when the ghosting is mutual, no one gets "hurt" and all parts got the message.
But I never ignore the person if they want an explanation. Even just dating I think it's polite and correct to explain the reason if the other person is interested to hear it.
I like when the ghosting is mutual, no one gets "hurt" and all parts got the message.
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