No Contact Rule

The no contact rule sucks.. but has it ever worked for anyone on here? How long did it take for your ex to contact you?

Welcome to being spacezpned. It's the time and process before the energies are restored to their normal state. Usually this is caused by a disruption in emotional energy such as lashing out. For example a meteorite hitting your loves Moon.

Search Psy wisely 1 on YouTube for more star power music

The NO CONTACT rule is not used in order for your ex to contact you again. It is used when you are done with the person. When you are ready to move on and work on yourself. It is a self empowerment tool.

That means No face to face, phone calls, text or online messages, emails, internet stalking, etc...

It is used to eliminate this person from your life and to completely move on. It is a gift to yourself.

It's a great rule and works for your own personal sanity. Problem is like the op, people believe it's to bring someone back because it has been known to work that way...however, for how long?

Posted by djbuck1
Geez, I never knew it had a name.

So this is a rule you impose on yourself?

In the service, a "no contact order" is just that, and if you violate it you get to see how the military justice system works. Up close and personal.

..lol

Posted by soultalk
so sometimes i might start with no contact because i am tired of being the initiator, and keep count of the no. of days of no contact. but eventually, almost always, i do get to a point where i lose track and just don't feel like contacting naturally. that is the best because at that point i don't care if he comes back or not. like time heals all, so as no contact period becomes longer and longer i lose the urge to contact lol.

That sounds like an awful lot of energy burned on someone you no longer are with...

What happened to both agree it's over, being civil about it and moving on. If you run into each other a civil "hey how ya doin"..?
smh

Posted by geminibunny
The NO CONTACT rule is not used in order for your ex to contact you again. It is used when you are done with the person. When you are ready to move on and work on yourself. It is a self empowerment tool.

That means No face to face, phone calls, text or online messages, emails, internet stalking, etc...

It is used to eliminate this person from your life and to completely move on. It is a gift to yourself.

At first i was doing it to give us space and to reflect on everything. I had hopes maybe he would realize some shit and come back, but as days go by I'm starting to not give a crap anymore. It's never guaranteed a guy will ever realize anything.

The problem with using the No Contact Rule to try to get a man (or woman) to come back and "act right" is that even if that person does come back nothing has really changed. All you've done is activated there "want what they can't have button". Problem is once they get what they want (i.e. your attn again) they go right back to the behavior that made you cut contact to begin with. Then you're right back where you started and if you keep cutting contact everytime you don't get your way it becomes predictable and loses its effect. Eventually the person just doesn't care that you disappeared anymore and you're left confused and frustrated posting in a forum on DXP. This is why games don't really work, they just temporarily mask the problem. Why not just accept that the person isn't right for you and move on. *General ques not directed at the OP as I don't know your story*

Posted by tizianiNo one should chase rejection.

^^^putting that one in my back pocket.

Posted by tiziani
The only thing someone would realize is you're no longer talking to them. No one should chase rejection.

So true.

Tiziani, so wise. 🙂

Posted by fembot
The problem with using the No Contact Rule to try to get a man (or woman) to come back and "act right" is that even if that person does come back nothing has really changed. All you've done is activated there "want what they can't have button". Problem is once they get what they want (i.e. your attn again) they go right back to the behavior that made you cut contact to begin with. Then you're right back where you started and if you keep cutting contact everytime you don't get your way it becomes predictable and loses its effect. Eventually the person just doesn't care that you disappeared anymore and you're left confused and frustrated posting in a forum on DXP. This is why games don't really work, they just temporarily mask the problem. Why not just accept that the person isn't right for you and move on. *General ques not directed at the OP as I don't know your story*

You your completely right. I contacted him. I figured giving us space would make us both reflect on everything that happened. Yeah right he went right back to being an asshole. I'm done. I blocked his number and I want him out of my life.

Posted by CrabPrincess
The no contact rule sucks.. but has it ever worked for anyone on here? How long did it take for your ex to contact you?

Depends on the reason for the breakup

Some people won't give you the satisfaction of knowing that it's killing them to not talk to you

And others won't be honest enough to tell you that they are on cloud 9 now that they don't have to deal with your sh-t!

If the breakup just happened, give it some time & some space. It's not like the problem or cause of the breakup will be solved overnight anyways...and what's the point of "talking" if neither person knows, has or is willing to find and act on the solution? If you conversate before there's any truce on what the solution is, you're just taking the risk of saying/doing something that will just push them further away from you

My advice is to just be yourself. Meaning...if you want to speak to them, call them. BUT in doing so, the convo goes a lot more smoothly when you're ready to talk about the solution vs. just venting & bit***ching about the problem.

The only thing though is that if they aren't ready to speak with you or see you just yet, respect that. Don't shame or guilt them for it. Don't play the silly mind games that backfire 99% of the time.

And go into it keeping in mind that some people would rather get over you cold turkey. They may not wanna go back & forth (even in a good) way b/c for some people, once they're done, they're done. As much as it sucks, you have to respect someone else's wishes or you'll just push them away further by not respecting their wishes, & if that's not your goal, then damn, respect their wishes lol

My advice would be to spend the separation period SELF-reflecting. Why? B/c the only 1 you can control is you. And b/c a big part of the reason the time after the breakup can be much worse than the actual break up itself is b/c people spend this time still pointing fingers & adding more fuel to the fire instead of finally looking in the mirror. But often times people are more focused on the other person, what they did wrong, what they should've done better, etc.

Posted by CrabPrincess

Posted by fembot
*

You your completely right. I contacted him. I figured giving us space would make us both reflect on everything that happened. Yeah right he went right back to being an asshole. I'm done. I blocked his number and I want him out of my life.

click to expand

The problem could've been that YOU might've spent all that downtime reflecting, but that doesn't mean that HE did.

That's the hardest part about breakups. You might be the smart 1 to go home, look in the mirror, reflect, examine what went wrong & then come up with solutions on how to solve/fix the problem, BUT that doesn't mean that the other person is doing that....And if they're not doing that then BOOM, that is why you see so many people going back to someone who hasn't changed a lick!

That is why self-reflection & solution-oriented thinking is SO important after a breakup. And trying to "start over" again with them won't work if only 1 (or neither) of the people have done that.

Some people just want you back b/c it'll make them feel better. Not b/c they've actually figured out the problem or came up with solutions to the problem. But b/c it'll fill that temporary empty void they're feeling when being w/o that person. Understandable. But when you go back before the solution is something BOTH people are willing to acknowledge AND implement, it's a recipe and setup for disaster.

Many people don't realize this until it's too late & end up hating/resenting their ex moreso b/c of events that happened AFTER the breakup moreso than they did during the gut-wrenching time leading up to the breakup itself!

Got tired of being the initiator so I stopped. 3 months later he contacted me; however it was too late I was over it...

umm.. the X is an X for a reason.. dont contact them.. you are dumb if you do