SweetPiscesGrl
@SweetPiscesGrl
11 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 10 · Topics: 1
Is it doomed!?
He's been gone for 6 months? It's over
I don't push anything. I tell him that I understand 100% and do not hold it against him.
We cannot stay away from each other- between texting, talking, emailing, having sex and hanging out.
We have both tried dating others and just can't.
So is it really 'over'?
We cannot stay away from each other- between texting, talking, emailing, having sex and hanging out.
We have both tried dating others and just can't.
So is it really 'over'?
He is terrified of my ex finding out. Since we all work together- no one else we work with can know either.
I am at the point where I want to cut off sex bc I think it's disrespectful that he wants me to be sexually available but we can't officially be a couple.
And he leaves his phone around, no password, tells me to go on there and look stuff up or text people for him- so I do not think he is seeing someone else (not that it would matter since we aren't 'seeing' each other...) I genuinely think he is terrified for his livelihood (which he loves and works 80+ hrs a week at)
I am at the point where I want to cut off sex bc I think it's disrespectful that he wants me to be sexually available but we can't officially be a couple.
And he leaves his phone around, no password, tells me to go on there and look stuff up or text people for him- so I do not think he is seeing someone else (not that it would matter since we aren't 'seeing' each other...) I genuinely think he is terrified for his livelihood (which he loves and works 80+ hrs a week at)
Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
you have to know that this is just a bad idea all the way around.
if you truly had any respect for this man, you would not put him in this position.
It takes two to tango...even horizontally. It's not just her putting him in this position. I'm sure he's got a say in the positions too.
Yes it is doomed.
He doesn't want it to go farther than it is. Whether his reason is fear of the boss or just commitment phobia...is really just semantics. Take away the "bosses ex" part of this (which I'm guessing he knew upfront) and this would be a normal asshole guy trying to have his cake and eat it too. This asshole just happens to have a reason that is stumping some people.
Either you're cool being his fuck buddy, or you aren't. The ex thing is an excuse. If my bosses ex was that awesome a woman I'd go forward and deal with the boss later.
So...is it:
A. His job is in danger and I'm selfish for putting him in this position?
Or
B. The job issue is an excuse for his commitment phobia.
He changed his mind when I had to get a restraining order on my ex for stalking and threatening to kill me/anyone he found out I was dating. Leading Cap to believe ex wouldn't just shake his hand and wish us the best.
I'm torn, I think If I meant that much, Cap would stand his ground.
Then I also think if I wasn't that special he'd have moved on by now.
A. His job is in danger and I'm selfish for putting him in this position?
Or
B. The job issue is an excuse for his commitment phobia.
He changed his mind when I had to get a restraining order on my ex for stalking and threatening to kill me/anyone he found out I was dating. Leading Cap to believe ex wouldn't just shake his hand and wish us the best.
I'm torn, I think If I meant that much, Cap would stand his ground.
Then I also think if I wasn't that special he'd have moved on by now.
Aaaaah,
They're single. Let her be a woman and he needs to be the man.
Like LibraSid said, "...and deal with the boss later."
They're single. Let her be a woman and he needs to be the man.
Like LibraSid said, "...and deal with the boss later."
Personally, though it's messy... to messy for my career.
So, a guy would have to convince me with seriousness of intention, desire, etc. I imagine he would have to manage the whole thing - like a boss. And then, I might still say, naaaaawh.
So, a guy would have to convince me with seriousness of intention, desire, etc. I imagine he would have to manage the whole thing - like a boss. And then, I might still say, naaaaawh.
Posted by SweetPiscesGrl
He changed his mind when I had to get a restraining order on my ex for stalking and threatening to kill me/anyone he found out I was dating. Leading Cap to believe ex wouldn't just shake his hand and wish us the best.
Gee, you think—??
Omg!!!! NOW we are getting to the real story lol
😄
Posted by SweetPiscesGrl
So...is it:
A. His job is in danger and I'm selfish for putting him in this position?
Or
B. The job issue is an excuse for his commitment phobia.
He changed his mind when I had to get a restraining order on my ex for stalking and threatening to kill me/anyone he found out I was dating. Leading Cap to believe ex wouldn't just shake his hand and wish us the best.
I'm torn, I think If I meant that much, Cap would stand his ground.
Then I also think if I wasn't that special he'd have moved on by now.
Now, this is serious. You can't blame him for this. However, it still says something about him that he would rather hide and play than walk away from the situation.
It appears that he chose to walk away but, changes his mind. Or, like LibraSid said, he's using the situation as an opportunity to have his cake and eat it too.
I don't believe you are putting him in any situation that is not of his choosing.
You have to ask yourself is this a situation okay with you.... just like it is. Cause right now, you have two men in your life that are, at the least trying to be, in control of you.
Once we split, he has been the one to bring up sex, I just "break" and accept.
I did tell him a few weeks ago the FWB thing is not ok with me. I know I can follow through bc it just hurts too much to continue like that.
We still chat, text and hang out...but its not been sexual.
He actually applied to two new places so that we can see each other if he gets hired elsewhere. So, I do think he's somewhat serious about his reasoning. He loves his job and I told him I'd feel guilty if he left bc of me...but he said just to wait and see what happens.
He's also been taking me out of town for dinners, trips, etc.so we can go places together and not worry about anyone we know seeing us. I've been to his house too, so, no...he's not married.
I did tell him a few weeks ago the FWB thing is not ok with me. I know I can follow through bc it just hurts too much to continue like that.
We still chat, text and hang out...but its not been sexual.
He actually applied to two new places so that we can see each other if he gets hired elsewhere. So, I do think he's somewhat serious about his reasoning. He loves his job and I told him I'd feel guilty if he left bc of me...but he said just to wait and see what happens.
He's also been taking me out of town for dinners, trips, etc.so we can go places together and not worry about anyone we know seeing us. I've been to his house too, so, no...he's not married.
Well...I abandoned hope. Found an Aries to date :-) he also works with us.
He snorted and pawed the earth...charged up to my.ex and told him if he so much as looks my direction...there.will be.hell to pay.
:-) this is so much better.than mr. Cautious worry wort...
He snorted and pawed the earth...charged up to my.ex and told him if he so much as looks my direction...there.will be.hell to pay.
:-) this is so much better.than mr. Cautious worry wort...
Posted by SweetPiscesGrl
He is terrified of my ex finding out. Since we all work together- no one else we work with can know either.
Why are you still working where your ex-husband works? How long have you been divorced?
I still work there bc I love my job, it pays wonderfully and my retirement/pension which I have 12 out of 25 yrs invested doesn't transfer. Or divorce was final in February :-)
Posted by SweetPiscesGrl
I still work there bc I love my job, it pays wonderfully and my retirement/pension which I have 12 out of 25 yrs invested doesn't transfer. Or divorce was final in February :-)
Well that's why they have "Rollover Plans" for people who leave one job and get another without tax penalties. Regarding only being divorced for two months from the boss at work...it's a known fact that women should keep the pussy out of the payroll & men should keep their pricks out of the payroll. Why not find someone outside of work? That would be the intelligent move. Unless of course you enjoy flaunting new men in your life to your ex-husband. If that's the case...your not ready for a relationship with anyone.
Regarding this guy who knows better, he chose the intelligent route. Good for him.
Posted by SweetPiscesGrl
Once we split, he has been the one to bring up sex, I just "break" and accept.
I did tell him a few weeks ago the FWB thing is not ok with me. I know I can follow through bc it just hurts too much to continue like that.
.
Telling this guy a few weeks ago FWB is not for you is redundant at this point. Since you are newly single, you might want to review the RULES for FWB. You don't get the option to have one and complain about it since you made the choice to have one to begin with. No questions or demands are allowed with FWB. Taking the responsibility for your choices is all on you, not the other person.
Posted by SweetPiscesGrl
Well...I abandoned hope. Found an Aries to date :-) he also works with us.
He snorted and pawed the earth...charged up to my.ex and told him if he so much as looks my direction...there.will be.hell to pay.
:-) this is so much better.than mr. Cautious worry wort...
smh.. My first instinct reading this thread was correct..intelligence fails you miserably.
Posted by SweetPiscesGrl
Well...I abandoned hope. Found an Aries to date :-) he also works with us.
He snorted and pawed the earth...charged up to my.ex and told him if he so much as looks my direction...there.will be.hell to pay.
:-) this is so much better.than mr. Cautious worry wort...
I am curious as to how long the Aries will have his job. That is, if the scorpio ex is like you say he is.
But already found another man? Sounds pretty fickle and fast to me.
I don't blame the cap for not wanting to continue this relationship. Appears to be a lot of drama, and caps don't care for drama.
Yep, 5 days after he admits to all he's doing to try to make it work, you give up and find another man.
Sorry to say this and I apologize for my bluntness, but the cap lucked out.
Sorry to say this and I apologize for my bluntness, but the cap lucked out.
You weren't that special to him. If you were, nothing would stop him from pursuing things with you. When a man really wants a woman, he'll jump through hoops just to get her AND keep her.
He told you he was looking for someone new. Red flag. That's the last thing a man would tell a woman if he was truly into her. Him claiming that he pushes them all away is bullsh***t & is game. He said that b/c he knew you'd melt at those words, thus giving him an open slot in the event that he ever wants to come back & use you as the last resort or plan B
A man simply liking you is great & all, but he's gotta like you ENOUGH before it counts.
No man should be discussing his motivation to find new women or his escapades with new women to the woman he supposedly cares about. And this is true whether he's telling good stories or bad ones. It's tacky & it speaks volumes about how he truly feels about you.
Stop listening to what he's saying. Pay more attention to his actions. He doesn't want to be with you. And if you are special to him, you're not special enough for him to want to take the risk of relocating or changing jobs (something some men will absolutely do if they want something bad enough).
It's been 6 months & he hasn't changed his mind. He won't. Stop waiting on him. You're just an option to him, but yet he's a priority to you. Given that, do you see now why people are warning you that this situation is most likely NOT going to turn out the way you wanted it to?!
He is not the last man on earth. If a guy doesn't feel you're worthy enough, then he shouldn't be worth the wait either. Stop acting like he's the best that it gets. Sparks flying in the beginning don't matter anymore when you consider that things have changed. Don't base your emotional decisions on how things WERE. Make emotional decisions based on what IS now. And what IS now is that he's not willing to take the risk. If you want to take a risk with a person who's not willing to take that risk with you, then that's an irrational decision that will most likely backfire. It's already backfiring, which explains why we're even having this convo to begin with
Move on.
He told you he was looking for someone new. Red flag. That's the last thing a man would tell a woman if he was truly into her. Him claiming that he pushes them all away is bullsh***t & is game. He said that b/c he knew you'd melt at those words, thus giving him an open slot in the event that he ever wants to come back & use you as the last resort or plan B
A man simply liking you is great & all, but he's gotta like you ENOUGH before it counts.
No man should be discussing his motivation to find new women or his escapades with new women to the woman he supposedly cares about. And this is true whether he's telling good stories or bad ones. It's tacky & it speaks volumes about how he truly feels about you.
Stop listening to what he's saying. Pay more attention to his actions. He doesn't want to be with you. And if you are special to him, you're not special enough for him to want to take the risk of relocating or changing jobs (something some men will absolutely do if they want something bad enough).
It's been 6 months & he hasn't changed his mind. He won't. Stop waiting on him. You're just an option to him, but yet he's a priority to you. Given that, do you see now why people are warning you that this situation is most likely NOT going to turn out the way you wanted it to?!
He is not the last man on earth. If a guy doesn't feel you're worthy enough, then he shouldn't be worth the wait either. Stop acting like he's the best that it gets. Sparks flying in the beginning don't matter anymore when you consider that things have changed. Don't base your emotional decisions on how things WERE. Make emotional decisions based on what IS now. And what IS now is that he's not willing to take the risk. If you want to take a risk with a person who's not willing to take that risk with you, then that's an irrational decision that will most likely backfire. It's already backfiring, which explains why we're even having this convo to begin with
Move on.
Posted by SweetPiscesGrl
So...is it:
A. His job is in danger and I'm selfish for putting him in this position?
Or
B. The job issue is an excuse for his commitment phobia.
He changed his mind when I had to get a restraining order on my ex for stalking and threatening to kill me/anyone he found out I was dating. Leading Cap to believe ex wouldn't just shake his hand and wish us the best.
I'm torn, I think If I meant that much, Cap would stand his ground.
Then I also think if I wasn't that special he'd have moved on by now.
*stop sipping tea*😕......😆....*continue to sip tea*
Posted by truecapPosted by SweetPiscesGrl
Well...I abandoned hope. Found an Aries to date :-) he also works with us.
He snorted and pawed the earth...charged up to my.ex and told him if he so much as looks my direction...there.will be.hell to pay.
:-) this is so much better.than mr. Cautious worry wort...
I am curious as to how long the Aries will have his job. That is, if the scorpio ex is like you say he is.
But already found another man? Sounds pretty fickle and fast to me.
I don't blame the cap for not wanting to continue this relationship. Appears to be a lot of drama, and caps don't care for drama.click to expand
lol it's the way she described the pawing of the earth and snorting. as if she's making fun of the whole thing.
Lmao. Is this real? Shall I say TROLL.
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