Keep it real!

It's NO secret that men AND women LIE about their number of sexual partners (current AND past). So I'm curious:

Do you exaggerate, minimize or tell the EXACT truth about your number of past sexual partners?

If you're NOT honest up front, why not?
-I know some people aren't honest in the beginning b/c they may not be very serious with that person OR they may feel embarrassed/ashamed of the truth.
-Some people aren't honest UNTIL they get serious with someone (E.I. they feel it's none of YOUR business to know who they've been with)

If you ARE honest up front, what is your mindset behind this?
-Some people figure that there's no use in being ashamed about who you REALLY are OR really WERE! After all; what you see is what you get! A person will either accept you for who you WERE/ARE or they won't.
-Some women are only honest about this "number" with other women/friends but yet are NOT 100% honest about this with males, particularly the ones they're dating
-Hell, some men aren't even honest about this "number" with their own male friends. They often EXAGGERATE their number of sexual partners

I am honest, people lie too damn much. Or if it really isn't someones business I'd say that.

This isnt the sort of information I freely offer up to a guy. I dont really feel ashamed of my number, but i do feel its my business and its up to me who I share it with.

If this was just some guy I was casual with I would tell him its none of his business, unless I wanted to trade for his number lol. If I was in a proper relationship then I would tell him if he asked, but I wold not be impressed if he was going to get all judgemental about it.


I did hear somewhere that guys times the number they have slept with by 3 and women tend to divide by three, that cant possibly be right though?! lol

@LibraSun: I agree. I mean if someone is just asking just to be nosy or if they're looking for something to judge you for, that's 1 thing.

Problem is, even if you haven't yet had sex with someone, I think it actually makes more sense to know someone's sexual history BEFORE you sleep with them. So even if I haven't yet slept with a man OR if things haven't gotten serious yet, I wouldn't mind answering such a question with 100% honesty.

And hey, it's not necessarily a BAD thing to use someoen's "number" as a means of making a decision about them. After all, I'd probably want to stay away from the guy whose slept with 100 girls! He may be a great person BUT it's no secret that the # of sexual partners each person has DOES say alot about them & other things.

And he may not like it, but um YES I'd want to know 1. If he can keep it real about the real # & 2. That I'm not about to get serious with someone who has a reputation for being the town slXt, no different than I wouldn't necessarily want to push myself towards the guy whose been known to be a serial cheater. It sucks b/c in a way it IS kind of "judging" the other person, BUT at the same time, it IS true that someone's past is a good indicator of their present & future.

I hate rejection and/or being "judged" just like everybody else BUT here's the thing...I don't go around being promiscious, just to feel ashamed about it when I'm put on the spot. If someone "gets around" that's fine, BUT they need to own it! It's not fair for men/women to say, "5" when their # is REALLY 50!

Some people lie/under exaggerate the "number" when they 1st start dating someone only to keep it real later on persay things actually begin to get serious. Although I can understand the mindset behind that, I don't agree with it.

Lying to someone in the beginning only to reveal the truth later is the same as telling them that they weren't worthy of the truth in the beginning. So if a person has to lie about their "numbeR" they are better off just NOT answering the question at all, vs. lying about it only to face the same kind of rejection/embarrassemtn when their partners finally do find out the truth.

If a person is hell bent on judging someone based on their # of sexual partners, I'm sure they'll STILL judge you even MORE once they finally know the truth, & especially since 1. They not only have to deal with the fact that they don't like how HIGH your # is, BUT 2. They now have to deal with the fact that they can officially accuse you of lying about something. So in an essence, if a person's purpose for lying is to avoid judgement/rejection, they are better off just not answering the question altogether OR lying about it & taking that lie to the grave.

i've always been honest about my number of partners.
my reasoning is that if the person i'm dealing with can't accept me for who i am (the good, bad & ugly) then they're not worth my time.

Posted by CappyLuv30
Why is the number so important? I wouldn't give up the information nor would I ask. And if I get asked which is never....I'd say "why is that so important?" lol

It's not that my number is in triple digits or anything....I just don't see how that "number" is relevant to you now. That was the past, keep it there.
.

I can understand where you're coming from. I don't personally think asking for or being asked for that number is a bad thing. After all, someone could've JUST slept with 5 people in the last month. Every time someone gives me that "number" that does NOT mean that those people were all from the past. That number says alot about promiscuity & although the past is the past, I'd STILL want to know about their past, even if hearing that "number" helps me to understand what kind of person they are OR were. It's not about judging someone for their past, BUT we all are entitled to know what kind of person/situation we're getting ourselves into & sometimes the only way to know is to take a look at past patterns.

It's the people who ask for names & dates that drive me crazy! It's 1 thing to ask for my # of sexual partners, BUT I think it's none of anyone's business to know the names of those people or details. Some people aren't just content with knowing the #. No they want names, dates & details & THOSE are things that I can say shouldn't really matter/make a difference. The # says more about me than it would persay I told someone I slept with Pablo & enjoyed the missionary position! LOL

I'm a straight shooter with everything. So it's no different in this case... I'm completely honest.

I can understand why others would be a little private about it - no one likes the possibility of having negative judgment cast on them. Whatever a person views to be their ideal sexual image... They often lie accordingly to support it.

Most of my guy friends shamelessly lie about it, haha.

Posted by krysrenee7
It's NO secret that men AND women LIE about their number of sexual partners (current AND past). So I'm curious:

Do you exaggerate, minimize or tell the EXACT truth about your number of past sexual partners?

If you're NOT honest up front, why not?
-I know some people aren't honest in the beginning b/c they may not be very serious with that person OR they may feel embarrassed/ashamed of the truth.
-Some people aren't honest UNTIL they get serious with someone (E.I. they feel it's none of YOUR business to know who they've been with)

If you ARE honest up front, what is your mindset behind this?
-Some people figure that there's no use in being ashamed about who you REALLY are OR really WERE! After all; what you see is what you get! A person will either accept you for who you WERE/ARE or they won't.
-Some women are only honest about this "number" with other women/friends but yet are NOT 100% honest about this with males, particularly the ones they're dating
-Hell, some men aren't even honest about this "number" with their own male friends. They often EXAGGERATE their number of sexual partners

I haven't been with a ton of guys so I guess I don't care. If he wants to know however ... I have to wonder why :/

@Cappy: Well hell just simply asking this question after knowing that most people lie about it anyways is enough to let us know about someone. I think the way someone answers this questions says more about them than their actual number! I love seeing the tiny hesistation or stuttering! It lets me know that they are not all the way content with their sexual past. And that's 1 thing I don't understand. While people are racking up their "list" I don't understand why people keep on doing the things they do if when asked about it, have to deny it.

I'd rather a person just straight up tell me they're not gonna answer the questions vs. lie to me about it. If they feel that it's none of my business, sure I'd be a little hesistant, BUT I'd respect the person who explained WHY they didn't want to answer the question vs. the person who lied. Choosing not to tell something that is asked is completely DIFFERENT than being asked & choosing to lie when it's time to answer. If a person lies to me, at that point I could care less WHY they did. Lying is lying & it's NEVER ok, especially in the very beginning when 1st dating someone.

And you're right. We all "judge." When you think of "judging" someone, it sounds shallow or harsh; like a person has no right to knock another person for something. BUT in reality, every person has a right NOT to get involved with someone they feel isn't living a certain kind of life style . The only people who say, "Why does it matter? The past is the past!" are usually the ones who are ONLY hiding their "number" b/c they are ashamed of it. Let's be real, had that very same person only had 2 sexual partners (vs. 50!) & been asked that same question, they probably wouldn't have hesistated to answer the question!

Posted by EmotionalMoon
stopped counting years ago LOL!

Ha! Whoa! I'm just curious...if someone asked you for your # would you tell them that you stopped counting a long time ago OR would you give them a round about estimate? I mean come on, some people may not know the exact number BUT that's kind of a BAD thing if someone can't even estimate! Sheesh!

Posted by CappyLuv30

Posted by cappysweetie

Posted by krysrenee7
It's NO secret that men AND women LIE about their number of sexual partners (current AND past). So I'm curious:

Do you exaggerate, minimize or tell the EXACT truth about your number of past sexual partners?

If you're NOT honest up front, why not?
-I know some people aren't honest in the beginning b/c they may not be very serious with that person OR they may feel embarrassed/ashamed of the truth.
-Some people aren't honest UNTIL they get serious with someone (E.I. they feel it's none of YOUR business to know who they've been with)

If you ARE honest up front, what is your mindset behind this?
-Some people figure that there's no use in being ashamed about who you REALLY are OR really WERE! After all; what you see is what you get! A person will either accept you for who you WERE/ARE or they won't.
-Some women are only honest about this "number" with other women/friends but yet are NOT 100% honest about this with males, particularly the ones they're dating
-Hell, some men aren't even honest about this "number" with their own male friends. They often EXAGGERATE their number of sexual partners

I haven't been with a ton of guys so I guess I don't care. If he wants to know however ... I have to wonder why :/

Must be a Cap thing 😉

click to expand

bingo. 🙂 xoj

I don't even remember the last time I was even asked this. :/

Posted by ellessque
I would be offended if someone even asked me. I certainly wouldn't ask. that is so inappropriate and high schoolish. what difference does it make, really? the past is the past and is the past for a reason.

exactly.I think that is something very young people do.
at my age,no one gives a crap...unless you are handing it out like halloween candy.then it might come up 🙂

Posted by ellessque
I would be offended if someone even asked me. I certainly wouldn't ask. that is so inappropriate and high schoolish. what difference does it make, really? the past is the past and is the past for a reason.

EXACTLY how I feel. Who really cares. I was with my husband for 16 years and for all of those years I never asked nor wanted to even know. Never really crossed my mind. Seems very inconsequential to me.

If you ARE honest up front, what is your mindset behind this?

I don't feel the need to lie about it.

Posted by ellessque
I would be offended if someone even asked me. I certainly wouldn't ask. that is so inappropriate and high schoolish. what difference does it make, really? the past is the past and is the past for a reason.

I disagree to a certain extent. Yes, that may be weird/inappropriate to ask a potential bf what his # is if ya'll are in your 30's or older and he doesn't strike you as the player, immature type. However, people below the age of 30 can be so reckless (not using a condom w/multiple partners) and still be in player/immature mode, so I think it's in your best interest to ask the question. There are plenty of STDs (HPV and herpes) out there that even condoms cannot fully protect you from, so I would like to know that if (God forbid) I did get an STD from my current bf that I received a full disclosure of his sexual history beforehand and made the decision myself to still sleep with him. Please note that guys can have HPV and not even know it but still be able to pass it on to a girl who may or may never show symptoms of it. The majority of guys NEVER show symptoms of HPV. Also, unlike HIV and some other STDs, there's no test out there to diagnose someone with HPV unless they are showing symptoms. So even if your guy says I'm clean or that I just got tested, there's still a HUGE possibility that he has HPV. I guess you could say my main reason for wanting to know the number is for health reasons.

I must admit that I also like asking just to see the guy shake in his boots and to see how he handles such a question. I never ask the guy that question in a super serious 'lets talk' kind of convo...it's usually after a couple of beers and when we are joking around. Now, if we are exclusive and about to do the deed then I may ask him what his number is when we are cuddling or alone and I always explain my motives in wanting a truthful answer. I have slept w/a guy even after he told me he has probably slept with 30 girls (which is really 60) but that 95% of them were years ago back in high school when he was being super reckless and he always used a condom unless he was in an exclusive relationship. So just because a guy has a high number doesn't mean I'm going to close up shop and peace out.

@Jamieaqua: FYI, it is estimated that anywhere from 50% -75% of the adult population has contracted HPV at some point in their lifetime. The majority of the strains of HPV are harmless and, as you indicated, do not produce symptoms.

HOWEVER, for most strains, your body's own immune system will do away with the virus within 2 yrs - so, if you have HPV today, it does not mean that you will have HPV tomorrow, nor does it mean it will lead to any health problems.

As the most prolific STD out there, I don't think it is of grave concern compared to everything else floating around - might as well chalk it up to the common cold in comparison to the flu.

Although there is currently no test available for men (to my knowledge), there is one for women and can be requested when you get your annual (and has been available for years). I don't think that this test screens for all strains, but it does test for those strains that are more commonly associated with cervical cancer. It does, however, pick up other strains as well which is why it is not typically offered by physicians or recommended for women under the age of 30 as HPV infections are extremely common among this age group.

And for those who are considering/have considered/or received the HPV vaccine - it does NOT protect you from all strains. Thus, getting the vaccine does NOT mean that you will not become infected with HPV!

^^^sorry, was a little off topic, but was brought up...

^^A few years ago when I got the Gardasil vaccine my doc told me there are 4 common strains of HPV and 2 of the strains have been shown to cause cervical cancer and/or infertility. Although the 2 strains that cause cervical cancer are less common than the other 2 strains (which cause genital warts) the vaccine protects against, it's nonetheless common. I wouldn't go as far as to compare it to the common cold/flu because last I check neither of those can give you cancer or cause you to be infertile.

^^^ 4 common strains? Was that a typo? Gardasil only protects you from 4 common strains. There are OVER 40 STRAINS that can affect the genital and anal areas (some more common than others, of course).

The problem/symptomatic ones:

4 strains carry the highest risk of causing cancer (these 4 "common" strains cause 90% of cervical/vaginal cancers - 2 of which are not covered by the vaccine; but that's ok, we've got a vaccine for 2 strains which cause about 45% of cervical/vaginal cancer cases), 8 other strains are classiefied as high risk, and another 6 are suspected of causing cancer.

4 strains specifically cause genital warts (2 of which are not covered by the vaccine as they only cause about 30% of genital wart cases; ah, what the hell, 30% isn't that large, so let's not worry about it); however, those strains which cause common warts, plantar warts and flat warts can also be the culprit.

The rest of the strains that affect the genital/anal areas are benign.

My Dr. did not recommend Gardasil for my daughter as not enough research had been done to prove its effectiveness in the long run or what the implications were down the road! (although she would have given it if I wanted her to). I give my Dr. credit, pharmaceutical companies are so eager to push, push, push and they use shoddy research, with too few trials, often conducted internally in which they fail to report or minimize all potential problems (hence so many drug recalls). The social sciences use more statistically rigorous measures for drawing conclusions!

Posted by krysrenee7

-Some people figure that there's no use in being ashamed about who you REALLY are OR really WERE! After all; what you see is what you get! A person will either accept you for who you WERE/ARE or they won't.

Honest. You like me or you don't. 'nuff said.

I stopped counting after LLLTBL left its just no fun anymore.

for real who would count
who cares