Independent.Dame.V
@Independent.Dame.V
15 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 4 · Topics: 1
Ladies....
Because we've talked and everything seemed so real that he was telling me, but I know their only words and that's why I'm willing to give him a chance to see if what he said is really what his actions will reflect. I'm just kind of stuck right now, that's why I need help or rather suggestions of some sort and my gut is telling me everything will be okay and work out fine
Well thank you Uni.... I think I just may. And if he has changed that's a great thing and if he hasn't, then well atleast I tried..!. Thanx Doll 😉
Yeah that's definately what will happen(being friends) first. Because I need time to feel out the guy. Thanx ladies!
Well as someone said earlier..the question is, are you willing to take the risk in finding out if he's REALLy changed or not? We can all guess all day long & like you said yourself, words are just words. I don't think I've ever met someone who tried to come back & actually admitted that they'd still be just as much a problem/burden now as they were back then. When an ex tries to come back, even though they already know you well, they might still try to "game" you & tell you all the good things about themselves just like they did when they 1st approached you, when you knew nothing about them. Whether or not you're willing to take that risk to find out is up to you. It differs from person to person. If you want to give it a try, then don't go into the situation expecting to go from hurt ex girlfriend to happy girlfriend overnight. That's not going to happen. Sometimes it's more comforting to go back to an ex b/c at one point in time they were our "comfort zone" & what we THOUGHT we wanted. BUT, when you think about most of the time we desire the ex or person: 1. We wish they were 2. The person we tried to mold them into 3. The person they USED to be. When it comes to an ex, it's extremely RARE to actually see 2 people who are in love with & have a high level of admiration for the actual person that their ex IS in the moment. Sometimes you just have to let go & accept the fate/death of the relationship. You don't have to walk away bitter & make your ex an enemy, no different than just just b/c you love someone, doesn't mean you have to be with them. Ask yourself: do the advantages OUTWEIGH the disadvantages with him? If they do, then maybe give it a try. But if you have wayyy more to lose than you have to possibly gain from going back to him, then you need to take a step back & keep making strives to move on. There is nothing worse than getting hurt all over again & having no one else to blaim but ourselves. The 1st time, shame on them. 2nd time, shame on you
When i'm done i'm done. I don't go back. I have seen it over and over. I don't know why, but ALL of my ex's try and come back. I even warned new guys i would date that look here 'dude' i don't go back. You fuck up, it's done. I fuck up - yes i understand it's done.
They all come back. They all say the same things. They all prove to not have changed. There might be some minor tweaking they have done, but still the same person. That's because the core of a person is what it is. If you didn't fair well with it before, chances are you won't again. Hence, there is a reason they are your ex.
To me, a man that loves me, won't hurt me. I'm not talking about every day stuff, we are human and we make mistakes. But something like cheating.... oh hell no. That person made a conscious decision to do whatever it was they did. That is unacceptable to me.
You have to figure out what you want out of life and if your ex fits that mold, then try it. But becareful not to fall in to what caused you to break up in the first place.
They all come back. They all say the same things. They all prove to not have changed. There might be some minor tweaking they have done, but still the same person. That's because the core of a person is what it is. If you didn't fair well with it before, chances are you won't again. Hence, there is a reason they are your ex.
To me, a man that loves me, won't hurt me. I'm not talking about every day stuff, we are human and we make mistakes. But something like cheating.... oh hell no. That person made a conscious decision to do whatever it was they did. That is unacceptable to me.
You have to figure out what you want out of life and if your ex fits that mold, then try it. But becareful not to fall in to what caused you to break up in the first place.
If He hurt you once most likely he will hurt you again...
A few ways to determine if he's changed, make him mad, be late for a date, make him wait, that's one of the quickest way to see if he's changed, don't give into him right away, sort of drag your feet and stall about giving him a second chance and see how he handles that, usually his impatience and anger will surface, disagree with him about something that too will quickly show you if he's changed. Ask him if it's okay to speak with his ex-girlfriend, his family members and friends, that will set him off especially if he has something to hide.
IMO I wouldn't take his word for it, a lot of men come back around a few years later and say I changed because it's easy to do it especially if the woman he runs back to has deep affection and love still there for him and men like him know there is no way to prove if he's actually changed and inevitably they resort right back into there old bad toxic habits and abusive ways once your hooked back in.
Ask him how he's changed, has he got help via a counselor or therapist, is in some kind of anger management program and seeking help through therapy. 2 years is not enough time for me to believe he's changed but hey that's the risk you will take if you take him on and take his word that he's changed.
A few ways to determine if he's changed, make him mad, be late for a date, make him wait, that's one of the quickest way to see if he's changed, don't give into him right away, sort of drag your feet and stall about giving him a second chance and see how he handles that, usually his impatience and anger will surface, disagree with him about something that too will quickly show you if he's changed. Ask him if it's okay to speak with his ex-girlfriend, his family members and friends, that will set him off especially if he has something to hide.
IMO I wouldn't take his word for it, a lot of men come back around a few years later and say I changed because it's easy to do it especially if the woman he runs back to has deep affection and love still there for him and men like him know there is no way to prove if he's actually changed and inevitably they resort right back into there old bad toxic habits and abusive ways once your hooked back in.
Ask him how he's changed, has he got help via a counselor or therapist, is in some kind of anger management program and seeking help through therapy. 2 years is not enough time for me to believe he's changed but hey that's the risk you will take if you take him on and take his word that he's changed.
I went back to my sons father after a 6 year breakup...Ileft for good 6 months after we got back together...he did not change.
it sounds like you have your mind made up already. what are his reasons for coming back all of a sudden? obviously everybody is going to say to "just be friends with him at first" but you REALLY need to be ONLY friends with him for a LONG time...and i don't mean FWB either. i'd be really really sceptical if he came back around with the intention of reuniting and having a romantic relationship. if you do take the friendship route, have him hanging out with your other friends too, see if your other friends see what you see and see if he's really going to act like a friend in a "friend" setting as opposed to acting like a boyfriend. if it were me i wouldn't hang out alone with him because i'd want to see if it bothered him or not and see if he were trying to get me alone
Posted by tiki33
If He hurt you once most likely he will hurt you again...
A few ways to determine if he's changed, make him mad, be late for a date, make him wait, that's one of the quickest way to see if he's changed, don't give into him right away, sort of drag your feet and stall about giving him a second chance and see how he handles that, usually his impatience and anger will surface, disagree with him about something that too will quickly show you if he's changed. Ask him if it's okay to speak with his ex-girlfriend, his family members and friends, that will set him off especially if he has something to hide.
IMO I wouldn't take his word for it, a lot of men come back around a few years later and say I changed because it's easy to do it especially if the woman he runs back to has deep affection and love still there for him and men like him know there is no way to prove if he's actually changed and inevitably they resort right back into there old bad toxic habits and abusive ways once your hooked back in.
Ask him how he's changed, has he got help via a counselor or therapist, is in some kind of anger management program and seeking help through therapy. 2 years is not enough time for me to believe he's changed but hey that's the risk you will take if you take him on and take his word that he's changed.
I agree with this. I have taken back my children's father and it was the same old thing after a few months and there I was hurt all over again. Not only that but then you have to start the healing process and getting over him all over again! I wouldn't trust it IMO. 😢
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