JingleBells
@JingleBells
16 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 5 · Topics: 1
My Ex....
Posted by JingleBells
I got a brilliant job and friends and i'm with my family, but i always knew that i didnt want to be here really. Anyway, he was in a terrible way when i left and he struggled. He even started doing drugs again which he hadnt done for years...
It was a beautiful weekend...we didnt have sex or anything but hugged all night and stuff. He seemed weird though. Sometimes taking my hand and putting his arm around me and cuddling me and then he would be distant again...
He sent me a text after that saying that he felt like crying. I told him then that i still loved him and he said that he loved me too but that things werent quite like before and that it felt more like we were best friends then boyfriend and girlfriend but that he is lost and confused.
I feel like i want to go back and see if we can sort things out again...
Sounds to me as though he wants to be with you because he loves you .... but, you have a brilliant job now and friends = you're happy.
Seems very odd that two people who love each other, and who pine away for each other ... don't make love during a weekend that they finally get to see each other.
Very sad, indeed, that talking to you makes him cry.
He is lost without you ... and the fact that you aren't lost without him is making him confused because he likely cannot figure out how/why you are so happy now without him .. because before, for those 5 years together, he thought you two belonged together.
I'm thinking that's how he is feeling .... why don't you take a couple weeks off of work and plan an extended amount of time with him, make love to him .. and see if you two can find your ways back to each other?
^ good advice.
P-Angel is funny 🙂
Anyway, you were in a long distance relationship when you 1st met right? for a year? until you moved to be with him, My question is, when you moved back to Switzerland, did you completely break it off? agree to see other people? What were the terms & conditions of that situation? Seems to me that you completely broke it off, in which case it would make sense that he feel that he needs to move on with his life & certainly he seeing you happy would only reiterate the fact that you've moved on. He probably thinks you have a new life, one that doesn't include him. That would make sense why he is so distant.....doesn't want to hang on to someone whose already moved on.( P would probably refer to it as groveling LOL)
Why don't you tell him that you want to be with him but for the time being it's going to have to be long distance again until you can find your way back to eachother, rather he moves to be with you or you move back to him, instead of making "friendly" small talk. Again, like I said it would help to know how things ended when you moved away because i could very well be wrong, I only have the info that you've provided but it would hurt me deeply if I "thought" my relationship was good & all was happy & my S.O. broke it completely off with me & then moved away.
Anyway, you were in a long distance relationship when you 1st met right? for a year? until you moved to be with him, My question is, when you moved back to Switzerland, did you completely break it off? agree to see other people? What were the terms & conditions of that situation? Seems to me that you completely broke it off, in which case it would make sense that he feel that he needs to move on with his life & certainly he seeing you happy would only reiterate the fact that you've moved on. He probably thinks you have a new life, one that doesn't include him. That would make sense why he is so distant.....doesn't want to hang on to someone whose already moved on.( P would probably refer to it as groveling LOL)
Why don't you tell him that you want to be with him but for the time being it's going to have to be long distance again until you can find your way back to eachother, rather he moves to be with you or you move back to him, instead of making "friendly" small talk. Again, like I said it would help to know how things ended when you moved away because i could very well be wrong, I only have the info that you've provided but it would hurt me deeply if I "thought" my relationship was good & all was happy & my S.O. broke it completely off with me & then moved away.
Hey thanks to all for your advice.
Well when i decided to move back i talked to him about my reasons (which were my ill father and moving forward with my career) and he stood behind me completly, never once asked me to stay. He said that he would do the same for his mum who lives in france but we never really had that breaking off conversation...it was to hard for both of us. We never had this conversation to this day. When the day came and i had to leave i guess we both pretended it wasnt for good to make things easier...
After that we spoke about twice a month..he let me know that he was not fine at all but not once did he put pressure on me. I would then encourage him to go out and do things because i hated the idea of him being alone in our old flat feeling terrible....i was always left sad but didnt want to make things any harder by holding on to it. I wanted to give things a go here and they have worked out fine...its just that i still wanna return.
10 days before he came to switzerland he sent me a text saying that he misses me and that he would kill for a hug.
As i said, after that weekend, when he left i did try and talk, but he just said that he still loved me but that things werent quite like before and that it felt more like we were best friends then boyfriend and girlfriend but that he is lost and confused. This in return left me thinking that maybe he has moved on?
I think he knows that i want to come back, i did mention that sometime on the weekend when we had dinner with his partners but not sure how seriously he took it.
I also wrote to him saying that i wasnt sure if i made the right decision and his response was that i did the right thing for my dad and my career. When i said that it wasnt about that now, that its about me he didnt say anything further...he just said that life sucks and that he's confused. Ever since then he completly blocks when i try to talk to him.
I also have to mention that i will be spending the coming weekend in london and he agreed to come for dinner with me and some friends...I will try and talk to him when i am there..
I remember when he was here the first thing he said to me when we were alone was that he was sad when i left and he lay down with me and just held me...
I just dont know what to say to him...is it fair of me to leave him and then come back 6 months after telling him that i want to be with him? I dont want to overwhelm him...
Well when i decided to move back i talked to him about my reasons (which were my ill father and moving forward with my career) and he stood behind me completly, never once asked me to stay. He said that he would do the same for his mum who lives in france but we never really had that breaking off conversation...it was to hard for both of us. We never had this conversation to this day. When the day came and i had to leave i guess we both pretended it wasnt for good to make things easier...
After that we spoke about twice a month..he let me know that he was not fine at all but not once did he put pressure on me. I would then encourage him to go out and do things because i hated the idea of him being alone in our old flat feeling terrible....i was always left sad but didnt want to make things any harder by holding on to it. I wanted to give things a go here and they have worked out fine...its just that i still wanna return.
10 days before he came to switzerland he sent me a text saying that he misses me and that he would kill for a hug.
As i said, after that weekend, when he left i did try and talk, but he just said that he still loved me but that things werent quite like before and that it felt more like we were best friends then boyfriend and girlfriend but that he is lost and confused. This in return left me thinking that maybe he has moved on?
I think he knows that i want to come back, i did mention that sometime on the weekend when we had dinner with his partners but not sure how seriously he took it.
I also wrote to him saying that i wasnt sure if i made the right decision and his response was that i did the right thing for my dad and my career. When i said that it wasnt about that now, that its about me he didnt say anything further...he just said that life sucks and that he's confused. Ever since then he completly blocks when i try to talk to him.
I also have to mention that i will be spending the coming weekend in london and he agreed to come for dinner with me and some friends...I will try and talk to him when i am there..
I remember when he was here the first thing he said to me when we were alone was that he was sad when i left and he lay down with me and just held me...
I just dont know what to say to him...is it fair of me to leave him and then come back 6 months after telling him that i want to be with him? I dont want to overwhelm him...
"I just dont know what to say to him...is it fair of me to leave him and then come back 6 months after telling him that i want to be with him? I dont want to overwhelm him..."
Right .... so, that's why an extended amount of time is probably necessary, not just a night or weekend.
You are going to have to just hold him for several days first, and him holding you ... until you both can find out how, through the physical love for each other that yearns to have the other clutch your hearts .... to be able to speak what the heart is saying.
The problem here is that you are trying to use your logic, reason ... and you know he is hurting and you don't want to hurt him further. So, you have to use the physical love, until he feels ok enough to want to talk about the relationship.
Time ... a weekend isn't long enough.
Right .... so, that's why an extended amount of time is probably necessary, not just a night or weekend.
You are going to have to just hold him for several days first, and him holding you ... until you both can find out how, through the physical love for each other that yearns to have the other clutch your hearts .... to be able to speak what the heart is saying.
The problem here is that you are trying to use your logic, reason ... and you know he is hurting and you don't want to hurt him further. So, you have to use the physical love, until he feels ok enough to want to talk about the relationship.
Time ... a weekend isn't long enough.
You're right!
The thing is, i know that should he still want to be with me we could make it! We were very young when we met and went through a lot together...we always triumphed. We've done it so many times and we could do it again...I guess his behaviour just makes me insecure as he is pushing me away like this. Sometimes i think he's moved on and just wants to be friends which is why he is doing this then on other days i think he's avoiding me as it hurts him too much to have me in his life now that we're not together... Just not sure which one is more likely and those thoughts are driving me insane.
When i stayed over at his hotel room and went to bed with him he looked at me in my undies but looked away straight away...he then held me all night but seemed to wanna go to sleep as soon as possible...I could tell he was enjoying it and hating it at the same time.
So, i will see if i can talk to him this weekend about maybe spending some time together and if he agrees i could go with him to tenerif or take some time off work and go see him in london... I like that idea.
I mean i never expected to go there this weekend and we're back on....all i want is to know if there is another chance for us...
I'm just so insucure about how he is with me at the moment....Makes me feel like he doesnt want me in his life anymore.
The thing is, i know that should he still want to be with me we could make it! We were very young when we met and went through a lot together...we always triumphed. We've done it so many times and we could do it again...I guess his behaviour just makes me insecure as he is pushing me away like this. Sometimes i think he's moved on and just wants to be friends which is why he is doing this then on other days i think he's avoiding me as it hurts him too much to have me in his life now that we're not together... Just not sure which one is more likely and those thoughts are driving me insane.
When i stayed over at his hotel room and went to bed with him he looked at me in my undies but looked away straight away...he then held me all night but seemed to wanna go to sleep as soon as possible...I could tell he was enjoying it and hating it at the same time.
So, i will see if i can talk to him this weekend about maybe spending some time together and if he agrees i could go with him to tenerif or take some time off work and go see him in london... I like that idea.
I mean i never expected to go there this weekend and we're back on....all i want is to know if there is another chance for us...
I'm just so insucure about how he is with me at the moment....Makes me feel like he doesnt want me in his life anymore.
It doesn't sound to me like he doesnt' want you in his life, JingleBells .. it sounds to me like he realizes that you are happy, and if he really loves you, then it means he wants you to be happy ... and happy he sees you being without him in your life.
"to move back i talked to him about my reasons (which were my ill father and moving forward with my career) and he stood behind me completly, never once asked me to stay."
To say you moved back home because of your ill father isn't entirely the truth .. you also moved away to further your life, via your career path, and left him behind. This is something you have to make sure you remember in all of this, JingleBells.
You are processing this as him not wanting you ... when I believe it is quite the opposite .. however, to love a woman HAS to include her being emotionally happy, and this is what he sees. You made this move for yourself, to make your life better ... and he is comprehending that your life is better, JingleBells. He's not going to interfere with ruining your life.
This is what I see of you and I don't even know you .... for in the OP when you mentioned being home with family, friends, job ..... your expression was brilliant.
JingleBells .... you are giving him the impression that you are happy, just the way your life is currently ...... and because he loves you and wants for your happiness .. he will digress, even if it involves his own sadness.
Is he a Virgo?
"to move back i talked to him about my reasons (which were my ill father and moving forward with my career) and he stood behind me completly, never once asked me to stay."
To say you moved back home because of your ill father isn't entirely the truth .. you also moved away to further your life, via your career path, and left him behind. This is something you have to make sure you remember in all of this, JingleBells.
You are processing this as him not wanting you ... when I believe it is quite the opposite .. however, to love a woman HAS to include her being emotionally happy, and this is what he sees. You made this move for yourself, to make your life better ... and he is comprehending that your life is better, JingleBells. He's not going to interfere with ruining your life.
This is what I see of you and I don't even know you .... for in the OP when you mentioned being home with family, friends, job ..... your expression was brilliant.
JingleBells .... you are giving him the impression that you are happy, just the way your life is currently ...... and because he loves you and wants for your happiness .. he will digress, even if it involves his own sadness.
Is he a Virgo?
Thanks P-Angel, all you say makes sense!
No, he's a Taurus....I'm a Sagittarian.
So what you are saying is that i need to make him realize that i am not happy without him?
I mean, i should be happy really...i've got everything i always wanted but nothing really means anything and hasnt done since i'm here. I dont belong here... I used to feel free and independed in london, even though i was in a relationship and didnt particularly like my job. Here, i'm single and have a great job but i feel stuck and somewhat depressed.
I never forgot that i left to make my life better, be it not to feel guilty for not being around or getting further with my life. I left him behind and it was horrible for him...just as it was for me.
Which is why i feel like i cant just invade his life now and claim him back....I realize i need patience. The only thing is i am not the most patient of people....
I guess i just assumed that he would realize how much this means to me as i am trying to speak more with him than we did before that weekend....
Starting with physical love sounds good...just not sure if he'll let that happen...his kinda stubborn...always has been 😄 I always used to love it!
No, he's a Taurus....I'm a Sagittarian.
So what you are saying is that i need to make him realize that i am not happy without him?
I mean, i should be happy really...i've got everything i always wanted but nothing really means anything and hasnt done since i'm here. I dont belong here... I used to feel free and independed in london, even though i was in a relationship and didnt particularly like my job. Here, i'm single and have a great job but i feel stuck and somewhat depressed.
I never forgot that i left to make my life better, be it not to feel guilty for not being around or getting further with my life. I left him behind and it was horrible for him...just as it was for me.
Which is why i feel like i cant just invade his life now and claim him back....I realize i need patience. The only thing is i am not the most patient of people....
I guess i just assumed that he would realize how much this means to me as i am trying to speak more with him than we did before that weekend....
Starting with physical love sounds good...just not sure if he'll let that happen...his kinda stubborn...always has been 😄 I always used to love it!
"I mean, i should be happy really...i've got everything i always wanted but nothing really means anything and hasnt done since i'm here. I dont belong here"
Tell him that ^^^^^^ after a long session of making love to him. Pull his head down deep into your breasts, wrap your legs around him and then add ....
.... "this is where I belong, where I have always belonged" ..... and then stroke him into anticipation of your heated passion again .........
Tell him that ^^^^^^ after a long session of making love to him. Pull his head down deep into your breasts, wrap your legs around him and then add ....
.... "this is where I belong, where I have always belonged" ..... and then stroke him into anticipation of your heated passion again .........
Well, lets hope he'll let me do all this lovely stuff to him! We spoke last night and everytime i said something a bit intimate or not small talk he just ignored it and spoke about something else...even i had to laugh about his effort to avoid a somewhat deeper conversation with me.
Am seriously getting nervous now that i know i'll see him tomorrow!
And about that erotic section....i'm all against it! I'm like the white crayon...never get any action! It would just tease me into insanity! 😄
Am seriously getting nervous now that i know i'll see him tomorrow!
And about that erotic section....i'm all against it! I'm like the white crayon...never get any action! It would just tease me into insanity! 😄
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I was in a relationship with my ex for 6 years...and it was a wonderfull relationship. Of course, now that we are not together anymore there are things i would do differently but anyway, we met in london, i was living in switzerland at the time but we decided to give it a go and after a year i moved over and we lived there together for 5 years. Then my dad got ill and i was kinda stuck there career wise aswell so i had to make the decision to move back to switzerland. This was 6 months ago but even though i missed him terribly, i needed to do this. I got a brilliant job and friends and i'm with my family, but i always knew that i didnt want to be here really. Anyway, he was in a terrible way when i left and he struggled. He even started doing drugs again which he hadnt done for years...
2 weeks ago he was in switzerland on business and we met for the first time since i left and all my feelings came rushing back. It was a beautiful weekend...we didnt have sex or anything but hugged all night and stuff. He seemed weird though. Sometimes taking my hand and putting his arm around me and cuddling me and then he would be distant again...
When he left, on the airport we hugged and he suddenly kissed me...more like a peck on the mouth but it just felt right for me. He sent me a text after that saying that he felt like crying. I told him then that i still loved him and he said that he loved me too but that things werent quite like before and that it felt more like we were best friends then boyfriend and girlfriend but that he is lost and confused.
I feel like i want to go back and see if we can sort things out again...but ever since he left he's been avoiding me a bit. He does respond to texts or msn (its not like i am stalking him or trying to hard...just ask him how he is every now and then and try to make some kind of conversation )and sometimes he even contacts me but the conversations are pretty basic...I'm not sure what thats supposed to mean as he never ever behaved like that since i know him.
He travels a lot for work and on that weekend he told me he'd be in tenerif for 5 days on business and that i could come if i wanted.
Like i said, we were together for 6 years and loved each other a lot...now he is distant towards me. I'm not sure why that is...
I cant just let this go but i dont really know what i should do now...
Can anyone help me understand whats going on and what i should do??