New Rules...

Or a new set of circumstances.

Hey all. I want to ask the females advice on this particular situation. Granted, in the past Ive used this forum as a place to vent. Basically to be Debbie Downer or Darth Vader without my flesh and blood friends seeing it. In person I tend to be fun-loving and happy go lucky. Like anyone, I have a dark frustrated side that my friends and family dont see. I can post on here and be anonymous without having to worry about fallout from ventings.

Given that, Im pretty much a changed person from months ago when I regularly posted. Getting to the point, a month and a half ago I was walking across the street trying to get to the bus stop. The bus due to come in just one minute. I was at an intersection where one light was red, the other was green. The street was very well-lit and traffic dead at this time of night.

Anyhow, as I was walking across the street, these group of teenage kids came out of nowhere running. It startled me for a moment as I usually run across the street. Well, that moment of startledness cost me as I got hit from behind by a car. I end up flying, landing on the ground sideways but still conscious.

I got taken to the hospital. The er techs said I broke one arm, two of my legs. I had surgery with rods being put in both arms and leges. I stayed in the hospital two weeks. The doctors said I will be able to walk again but it wont be for almost a year.

So Im in a wheelchair right now. Currently in physical therapy exercising my armns and legs. A couple of weeks I will be learning how to use a walker.

Gals, heres where you come in. I noticed being out and about sometimes women are interested in me. But when i approach, they're nice but cut the conversation short. Do women automatically assume someone in a wheelchair is paralyzed? If a guy in a wheelchair you were attracted to approached, would you give him the benefit of the doubt? Or do you immediately assume he's paralyzed and write him off?

Do I basically need to announce somehow within the first 3 sentences Im not paralyzed? And make some type of subtle reference that my "equipment" so to speak, still works? Would love to hear your feedback. As I fear being in a wheelchair has pretty much screwed me for getting potential dates.

Good to hear from you. Glad you're alright.

I know this is easy for someone who's not disabled to say but don't let the chair change you for the worse

A wheelchair only limits a person's variety of movement but not the person inside the body.

On the plus side this helps weed out the fickle women and opens the door for women who can see beyond limitations and abnormalities given that you don't let the chair bring you down.

On the negative side this also attracts women who find safety having more control over you. Or the devotees who only want to nurtue you to health.


People can sense and feel whether something like a wheelchair truly is disabling someone. And its not attractive at all.

Hmm.. yes, I probably WOULD assume that you are paralyzed.. unless you have some sort of obvious casts on your appendages that paint a different story.. BUT...

Your wheelchair wouldn't faze me a bit - I'm confident, secure, and curious. I'd walk up and introduce myself, and sit and have a conversation with you, and would ask bluntly, "How'd it happen?" while glancing at your current mode of transport. Which would be your opening to tell me about the accident and your physical therapy, and that you hope to be upright and perambulating in the next year.

The thing is, I'm often told I'm not "normal" or "like most women".. I'm upfront, direct without being TOO rude, and am totally not squeamish about things like wheelchairs and such. How do I know that for sure? Personal experience, because I DO seek out the "underdog"... and have had fun, engaging conversations with several people in wheelchairs, on crutches, in casts, in leg braces, obvious cerebral palsy or another affliction.

Incidentally, one guy in a wheelchair was enjoying our open and witty banter so much, he confided in me me that he spent big bucks having some sort of implant put in.. and that he has a hand pump to do what his body can't anymore, get an erection - which incidentally lasts as long as he wants it to... his (rather cute) girlfriend was nodding enthusiastically and winking.

I attract teh crazies 😉

Now...would I date a woman in a wheelchair who isn't paralyzed?

Yes!

I would imagine making love with my mouth would be awesome.

*sigh* Now I'm high on romance.




Would I date a paralyzed woman? Honestly, right now, no. Because I don't know if I'd be with her because I felt sorry or I genuinely felt love.

Mmm.. thought of something.. how about you work on a line.. an answer to the classic, "How are you?".. where you say, "I'm great, but I'll be better in a year (8 months, 6 months, etc) when I'm finally walking upright again. Physical therapy is a bitch, but I'm determined to finish it!" perfect opening.. the curious (and unsqueamish) will continue the conversation.. the boring and vapid will make her hasty excuses and bail.

Consider your wheelchair separating the wheat from the chaff... express style 😉

You end the discussion first. Tell them you hate to cut the conversation short but you are on your way to rehab since you are so anxious to start walking again. Then tell them to give you their number so you can continue the conversation later. Hope you get better soon 🙂 - Work it Burrito!

I'm too much of a softy for this question. I wouldn't focus on your chair, nor your pins/surgeries, I'd focus on YOU.

Since I'm waiting for an episode of old-school Knight Rider with David Hasselhoff to load on Hulu, figured this would be the best time to respond.

Yeah, yeah feel free to give me crap for liking Knight Rider. But its a part of my 80's youth. And there was a time when David Hasselhoff was a bad-a-- , not the singing, walking, burger eating on the floor, America's Got Talent embarrassment he is now. BTW I would kill to have the old school model of KITT as a car. Still looks pimp to me.

Anyhow. I thought about if eye contact was made with a woman and she smiled back, go a few feet past her. And then go back up to her and go. "I dont mean to scare you, but I noticed you but at first figured you would assume Im paralzyed. But that maybe poor judgement on my part, so its better to give someone the benefit of the doubt. My name is..."

A little long but the best I could come up with. Thing is I dont use leg rests on my wheelchair. I use my legs to help me move around and a lot on hilly surfaces. So I figured women would notice that.

There's one thing which hasnt changed, and this is no way being conceited as I dont think Im anything special to look at. Im getting more attention from women with boyfriends than single ones.

I want to preface the fact I know when a gals being friendly-social vs straight up flirting. Ive had girls at grocery stores, book stores and bars come up to me very direct. Getting real touchy-feely. And then the conversation inevitably breaks up when her bf comes in. Says they have to go and gives a pissed, want to kick my ass look.

Its super sad to me how pathetically jealous men can get when Im in a freaking wheelchair. Thanks for the suggestions so far BTW.

Nefer, do you have a lot of fire or air in your chart? Maybe Im a rare species, but I love women who are direct and dont play hard to get games. I've always gotten on well with fire signs, as I tend to be direct and honest. But if the fire signs have a Cap or Virgo moon I usually end up clashing with them. I get along better with Fire signs who have Taurus moons for some reason. Im very easygoing, and fire suns with earth sign moons just from my experience tend to be very uptight and wound up.
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Thanks Virgo, Asleep and Venusian.

Ironically enough today, Ive got a rehab appointment. Real excited to get sore and tire myself out. Then have another appoint at 830 in the freaking morning at a clinic to check coumadin levels in my blood. Coumandin is medication to prevent any clotting in blood when when wheelchair bound.

Im not sure I want a relationship right now. I just dont want to drag a girl into my current problems. Plus Im in a wheelchair and cant protect her. And I know women highly value feeling protected. And due to my medical care, money is super duper tight. So I cant really take a girl out to shows, dinner, bars whatever.

The other thing I have to decide is if I want to go back to doing great paying freelance assignments once better recovery is made. Or go back to a regular permanent job.


I dont think its fair to get into a relationship and then go back working either an unpredictable schedule or normal work hours which may clash with hers. I truly believe if you only see someone once a week and arent living together, that's friends with benefits not a real relationship.

So relationships are kind of dont know anymore for me.

And I think if you found the correct girl she'd see past that superficial nonsense and get to know you as a man. Pfffffft, movies, dinner. Bah! No imagination. An outdoor music show, a picnic, coffee and conversation. Sunset at the lake. There are many truly nice things to be done that involve little to no money. For myself I am far more interested in the man than the razzle dazzle. Like fireworks the 'ohhhhh ahhhhh oooooo' is fleeting in that instance.

Posted by FlyingBurritos80

Nefer, do you have a lot of fire or air in your chart? Maybe Im a rare species, but I love women who are direct and dont play hard to get games. I've always gotten on well with fire signs, as I tend to be direct and honest. But if the fire signs have a Cap or Virgo moon I usually end up clashing with them. I get along better with Fire signs who have Taurus moons for some reason. Im very easygoing, and fire suns with earth sign moons just from my experience tend to be very uptight and wound up.
Finished next post...

I'm feeling really smiley right now... I'm a Pisces Sun/Mercury... but don't let that fool ya into thinking I'm a "typical" anything... that's my Aries Venus, baby. AND a Taurus Moon/Mars. AND 6 Air planets scattered around in the minor placements (4 of them Libra). No, FB.. you may not fall in love with me now.. no, it's not your (temporary) wheelchair - I feel bad to have to tell you that I'm already taken *wink*

Incidentally, I was a teen in the 80's and LOVED the old Knight Rider -- but I actually ENCOUNTERED Mr. Hasselhoff in person once. This was the summer of 1997, and I was living in Burbank, CA... took my kids to a "petting zoo" thing in LA. My (young) children were enjoying the antics of a rather well-trained Amazon Parrot... when suddenly, a man *literally* SHOVED me aside (nearly knocking me down) and grabbed the bird OFF my 8 year old's arm (scratching her rather badly)... and plopped said bird on his TERRIFIED chubby little around 5/6 year old blond daughter's arm. Said scared little girl FLIPPED THE FUCK OUT, screaming and flailing her arms, THROWING the bird to the cement floor (breaking its wing!)... his wife was looking at me apologetically, and truly seemed dismayed at her husband's rudeness.. but she didn't say a word. I gathered up my puzzled children and herded them back to where the rest of our party was waiting. When I got there, Margie (still a dear friend even now!) said, "OMG! Do you know who that IS?!?!".. I looked at the man, telling his kid to stop crying, trying to put the parrot back on her, bullying the parrot guy to back off and let him handle it... and said, "Don't really CARE what his name is.. he's an ASSHOLE!" She goggled at me and said, "That's David Hasselhoff! You know, Knight Rider?!" I look again, realizing she's right.. but man, he doesn't look so awesome in person. Guess lights and makeup people are very important. And I shrugged, "Still an asshole."... So I wasn't surprised to see him start publicly coming undone. If someone had been there to film the parrot incident, more people would have known he's an asshole a lot sooner LOL

Whoops.. typo that's driving me nuts. My daughter was 7, not 8 🙂

Do women automatically assume someone in a wheelchair is paralyzed? Yes

If a guy in a wheelchair you were attracted to approached, would you give him the benefit of the doubt? Probably not.

Or do you immediately assume he's paralyzed and write him off? I would probably write him off. I had a really bad neurological scare years ago. I wouldn't want to get involved with someone in a wheelchair. If someone I loved had something happen, that would be very, very different.

Just wait till you are on your feet again.

* "I dont mean to scare you, but I noticed you but at first figured you would assume Im paralzyed. But that maybe poor judgement on my part, so its better to give someone the benefit of the doubt. My name is..."

Honestly, it comes off insecure.

I think the girls with bfs feel more free to express compassion/kindness towards you. My assumption is that the single girls don't want you to take their niceness the wrong way. Sorry FB, but that is the truth. I don't think lying to you would make it better. It sucks. I've been there. Feel better. Just wait it out. Use this time for yourself. hugs.

I must be the oddest woman on the entire planet. Truly.

* ^Its his legs that are paralyzed, not his dick^

I know. But there are a lot of complications that come with someone who is paralyzed. Of all people, I know that best. I don't know any women who would go for a guy they didn't know if he was in a wheelchair. That is a very simple truth. It would have to be an extraordinary circumstance. Could it happen? Sure. Will it happen? Doubtful. If it does happen, chances are it will happen with someone who gets to know him over time.

Ohhh so this is about dating strangers on wheelchairs?

I wouldn't date strangers period.

Wow, just got back from physical therapy. Very tired, but thought I'd address a couple of things.

Nefer, I know you're being tongue in cheek, but it was only just a compliment.

That sucks about David. In spite of his substance abuse problems he always struck me as a nice guy. Before hearing this story, I had heard he was really kind to fans. And impressed me in doing that roast his ability to make fun of himself. When saying the following, I'm not defending what he did to you at all.

But, I wonder if he was high or maybe inebrieted when this happened. I did see rumours about his abuse of medications and alcohol dating back to the mid-90's. Its just his behavior from the way you described it makes me think something may have been off. Its not a defense, just wondering if there was more to this incident then we know about.

LittleSparrow, I want to thank you wholeheartdly for being honest. I really appreciate it even if I disagree with some points.

One, as stated previously in a earlier post I can tell when a girl is just trying to be nice. I've had plenty of encounters in this chair where women were just being nice.

But based on my experiences with taken women before the accident that same kind of behavior towards me was the same post accident. Hate having to potentially defend myself, but it could be misconstrued based on whats written that I think Im hot stuff when that is totally not the case. I am as average as all get out. Im always floored when extremely attractive women show interest in me. To me, I'm still that skinny dorky dude from high school.

In the past taken women who were sober BTW slipped me numbers, wanted to know when we can hang out. One was direct to the point of just telling me after 20 something minutes of conversation if she could come to my place and hang out later on or next day. So that kind of behavior is what Im talking about when being approached in a wheelchair.

The women in my city have morals of Gordon Geckko. Live here for a year and you'll understand why in the past I have been extremely commitment-phobic. The dating scene here is not conventional at all. People here get into relationships by either pursuing or being pursued by the opposite sex while already in an actual relationship. People in this town have extreme issues when it comes to sexuality.

Finished next post...

Im not paralyzed in the legs. I can move them around just fine. Im just not allowed to stand on both of them till next month.

But I did do my first stand ups holding onto a bar today. But I had to apply pressure on only one foot instead of both. It didnt hurt but my hands cramped holding onto the bars for a long time.

Next week or week after next, I start practicing walking with a walker. I take painkillers but it doesnt affect my sex drive if I only take one. If I take two, then I'll be sleepy. But my sex drive stays the same (high) on one pill. I do agree most women do assume Im paralyzed.


* "I dont mean to scare you, but I noticed you but at first figured you would assume Im paralzyed. But that maybe poor judgement on my part, so its better to give someone the benefit of the doubt. My name is..."

"Honestly, it comes off insecure."

I want to say ahead of time this is not a criticism of you, because this is good feedback from a girl. But this quote exemplifies to me how women get in their own way when looking for a guy to have a relationship with or just to be FB's. Id understand screening for insecurity if a guy is healthy and can walk.

But to write someone immediately off who gives an explanation regarding physical condition and the fact they had the courage to approach is a little harsh. Again want to stress its not a criticism of you, but women can be too perfectionistic in looking for a guy. If men had more backbone to apply the same sort of standards, you can bet women would probably start reconsidering how they behave towards being approached.

I admit my opener needs some fine tuning, but what else I can do? Its either imply immediately there's no paralysis or have her cut the conversation assuming I am. I would find it attractive or cool if a girl in a wheelchair approached and was direct about the state of her condition.

Most men dont care if a attractive girl approaching them is nervous. If she seems like a nice cool girl they want to get to know better, who cares? I dont know, am just super tired from physical therapy. So Im getting some rest to think/post more clearly.

"But if you're findin a way to say your junk works.. Uh, go w/ Midgetbull's above suggestion.. And to up the ante, take a pic of your shnitzel and pass it around town or make a shirt of it.. Wear it under a button up shirt and slowly unbutton and tease while engagin a beautiful chick in convo.. If that doesn't work.. I don't know what will."

Like that *huge grin*. 'Cower in fear and BEHOLD!'

Oh Midget,

My d--- feels EVERYTHING. Tell you a story. I was out saying hello to a friend who bartends at a punk/alternative bar last thursday. Its pretty much my home away from home cause Im friends with everyone there.

It was kind of chaotic cause everyone who worked there stormed me LOL. All of em asking about a million questions at once. I guess its mice to feel appreciated LOL

Anyhow after that died down and my bartender friend had to take orders. Im just chilling by the bar resting in my chair. Within about a minute, this smoking hot hipster girl came up and opened me. She looks like this girl in the face - http://truebloodnet.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/107442-Dawn-Olivieri_large.jpg<BR>
At first, I thought she was feeling sorry for me making conversation. Because in my mind there is no way in hell this hipster girl would go for a yuppie, square looking dude like me.

Then the conversation gets deeper. She seems to be mildly intoxicated but still halfway sober. She asks if I have a girlfriend. I said no and just told her truthfully I struggle with having girls like me cause they immediately assume paralysis.

She asked about my condition and explained it to her. She said "That really sucks having girls judge you off the bat like that" And then for a first, compliments me on my natural hair color. Then asks if its brown or red. Said it was red and she said "I love redheads"

We go on to discuss music and film. She was impressed about my knowledge of different genres of music. We tlak for another minute, then "Dirty Black Summer" by Danzig comes on the bar speakers. "I f---in love this song" she says. Then she starts dancing which is fine, Then all of a sudden she starts giving me a lapdance in my freaking wheelchair.

She was slender, but her weight on my legsd was heavy. And I felt pressure and a little bit of pain. Then she gets back up for a moment. Then proceeds to grab my head and put it between her breasts. Then turns and rubs her butt directly on my crotch. After about a minute of that, I pop a woody which startles her. I thought for sure she was going to freak out and split. Then she just smiles and gives me a kiss right on the lips. I thinking to myself "Well I guess I may get a one night stand if I play my cards right."

The song ends and she sits back down on my legs with her arms around me. Asks what my plans were tonight. I told her nothing in particular. Finished nex

Im thinking "Dude!!! This is so on!!" And of course reality crashes in rather fatally. This guy comes up and asks her where the hell she's been. He had been looking through all the bars on sixth street for the last hour and a half.

She says "Im fine, just chilling with FlyingBurritos (not using my real name on here) He grabs her and says "Come on, you gotta get home." Sh struggles for a minute saying she doesnt want to go. That she wanted to stay with me.

They proceed to argue for the next minute. And then he grabs her again and as they're walking away she says "Im sorry baby, maybe I'll see you around"

So all Im left with now is a huge boner and massive sexual frustration. I got out of the bar after I noticed my erection was extremely visual through my pants so to speak.

I was pissed. But I pretty much rationalized if she had been completely sober, there would have been no approach. But then again stranger things have happened. I wonder if she was an air sign. Air sign girls tend to have the weirdest taste in dudes. The ones I've known either had the most average or ugly looking boyfriends.

A lot of the hot girls that liked me in the past turned out to be air signs. I guess they have a fetish for unconventional looking guys.

You don't think much of yourself. 😢

I like Feisty's idea of using a sense of humour. I love when someone can make me laugh.

Do women automatically assume someone in a wheelchair is paralyzed? Not all but I'm sure many do. I definitely wouldn't if I saw signs of injury (braces, casts, cuts, scrapes, bruises, etc.)

If a guy in a wheelchair you were attracted to approached, would you give him the benefit of the doubt? I'm not one to treat anyone differently right off the bat until given a good reason.

Or do you immediately assume he's paralyzed and write him off? Pretty much same answer as above. Many people, I think, try to be sensitive about the subject and might not ask "what happened?" in fear it might evoke feelings from some possible emotionally traumatic event. They don't want to point out your disability. Some women might write him off due to primitive mind reasons. If that part of our brains still factor into the mate selection process then we are always looking for someone who fits the healthiest category. I think subconsciously we don't want to get with someone who is "sickly" because they're not the best potential mates in terms of procreation. Even if we don't plan to have kids, and take into account the changes of the times in which we live, I think that part of ourselves still plays a huge role.

Do I basically need to announce somehow within the first 3 sentences Im not paralyzed? It's probably best that you bring that up soon. Be playful about it, like,"Hey, so you wanna know how I got into this thing?" Your humor about the situation will take a load off of everyone's shoulders and make you more attractive.

And make some type of subtle reference that my "equipment" so to speak, still works? You could work that in, most definitely. It keeps things light and you probably won't turn anyone off since you're in a wheelchair. There are some minor advantages because you could get away with a little more.