Relationship Advice 101

Yep, I'm backkkkkkk =)

These are lessons/things I've learned in my life that I wanted to share that hopefully sheds light to or relates to your situations. I think these kinds of post are important b/c others don't realize how relatable or common their problems really are until they see that others have been there, and done that too!

Any that you wanna add, feel free

1. Being loyal & a ride or die is VERY DIFFERENT from being a doormat or refusing to leave a toxic situation. Know the difference

2. People do what they do b/c they want to. The same rings true on the flip side. If a person does not do something, it's b/c they didn't want to. No ands ifs or buts. WHY they did or didn't want to is only something they know, but that doesn't change the big picture that they either did or didn't.

3. If you pay attention and actually LISTEN sometimes, you'll be surprised to know that people actually tell you who they are. If you'd get your heads out of the clouds for 3 seconds, you wouldn't always be having those "I told you so" convos with your friends/family 6 months+ later...ya know the convos where everyone else saw it coming BUT you b/c YOU chose to wear the rose-colored glasses

4. Ladies, men make time for what they wanna make time for. No, his grandma didn't fall in the toilet. No his dog didn't eat his phone. He didn't call you b/c he didn't want to.

5. How will you know when a man is ready to commit? Simple: HE'LL COMMIT!

6. So he hurt you and/or left you & now you're at home thinking & probably even telling him that it's his loss & that he's gonna wish he could find another woman like you when he finally realizes his mistakes. Sounds good but no. He wouldn't have left the relationship or you if he didn't truly believe he'd find better. The reason some guys move on & end up in relationships a short time after you is b/c finding someone like you was exactly what they don't want again. Sucks but it's true

7. If you have to give all of yourself just to have half of somebody, it's not worth it

8. You'll know you're in the right situation when your logic AND emotion tells you that it's right. If the only time you see happiness is when you're being emotional or in denial, but yet when you're being logical you come to a completely different conclusion, you're in the wrong relationship

9. People don't change. Well, I take that back, they do. BUT not for you or even 'during' you. The next one probably gets the results of those

10. There is no such thing as 'it just happened' or 'one thing led to the next.' Cheating is no accident. It actually takes body movement, conversation, and clean up/hiding...all of which takes conscious thought

11. Most men are only dealing with all of your crap b/c they've got other distraction..opposite sex distractions...It's alot easier to stay with someone whose not making you happy when you've got 1-5 mini short romances on the side, fulfilling all the needs your partner isn't. That answers your question on why they cheat and stay instead of leaving.

12. If a man/woman tells you they are not ready for or don't and committment and there is no 'lol' at the end of the sentence, they're dead serious. They're not joking

13. If when confronting a man about his inappropriate conversations or relations with the opposite sex & the 1st thing he says/does is gets defensive & says, "Oh so you're saying I can't have female friends?" leave the relationship. Trust me, he knows he's crossing the line, he just doesn't want to stop & losing you is a risk he's willing to take every time. Or maybe it's not even a risk at all if you're always there to take him back. No wonder he keeps doing it

14. Keep others out of your business, yes, but don't ever let someone isolate you from your family/friends during a relationship. You should be able to have normal platonic friendships that don't offend or compromise your relationship. And if you can't, then either you have the wrong friends OR the wrong partner

15. Be aware of the kind of person you are & the kind of person your type is likely to attract. Be real. If you're extremely boring, have no sense of humor & don't have a high sex drive, don't expect to attract someone whose an outgoing adventure freak b/c even if you can attract them in the beginning, you won't be able to keep them

16. Opposites do initially attract. Opposites actually lasting is a different story. What makes a relationship work is ultimately about what you 2 have in COMMON as opposed to what you don't

17. So he/she hurt you. Yall broke up. They said a few sweet words & made a few empty promises & that's all it took to get you back. Then a few weeks/months later the same problem arises & you break up all over again. The cycle continues & continues & before you know it, you've spent more time breaking up than you have actually having the relationship & being together. Rule of thumb: If you're gonna push someone towards the exit, don't allow them back in unless whatever caused you to push them out in the 1st place is gone or changed

18. If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you. You shouldn't be flattered that a person is willing to betray another person just to spend time with you or be with you

19. Stop believing that you shouldn't take what people say online seriously. People extend parts of themselves (their real selves) online just like they do in person or through text message. So if you see something inappropriate online, how is that any different than seeing the exact same thing in person or in another form? Disrespect is disrespect regardless of where it takes place & the fact that it takes place online for not only you BUT ALSO the whole world to see oughta be all the more reason you're upset

20. She's wrong if she's gotta stoop to the level of going through your phone/things. However, you're also just as wrong if your actions (or lack thereof) lead her to believe that the only way to get the trut out of you is to stoop so low. You also have no arguement if she actually finds something after going through your things. The pot can't call the kettle black

Just because an Ex comes back doesn't mean that they are still in love with you, looking for anything permanent, or worth your time.

Love isn't a competition. Holding onto a relationship/marriage with a loser because he/she has other interested candidates doesn't put you in a superior position. Except that perhaps you are financially joined with a loser.

Stop using your kids/pets/real estate as a hold over your partner. If they don't want to be with you...let them go and make it a matter for the courts.

Don't sabotage your Ex's new relationship. It will not make them rekindle their feelings for you. It will only create resentment towards you in the long run.

21. What does 'love' have to do with it? Relationships take way more than technically 'loving' someone in order to last. You can have all the love in the world for somebody, but if there's no effective communication, trust, honesty & sacrifice, all the 'love' the world won't keep the relationship afloat

22. Stop with the 'I still talk to my ex b/c we're still friends' crap. If yall broke up 10 yrs ago, fine. But if you just got out of a relationship less than a year ago & you're already in a new one & still trying to be 'friends' with your ex, you might as well quit fooling yourself and be single. OR do everybody a favor and go back to your ex, the person you're the most concerned with keeping around/happy

23. Some rebound relationships are actually the best. Why? B/c we are the most in tune with exactly what we want when we just left a sitation that involved all of what we didn't want. Some people's judgement is too cloudy to make those kinds of decisions after a breakup, BUT everybody's isn't. In fact, if the relationship was over a long time ago, but the title just recently left, chances are that person is gonna have a more clear head about things when things are 100% over

24. Guys sleep with or talk to women very soon after he's done dealing with you b/c they understood a long time ago that whether they love you too death or not, the world doesn't revolve around you. Life moves on and so does their penis. They're not gonna sit around the house crying over spoiled milk. Sure, they shouldn't necessarily go bang the next chick, but in their minds, it's alot better than doing what YOU'RE doing & throwing yourself a pity party

25. For most guys, cheating is a defense mechanism. Cheating is a way to not fully submit or commit yourself to the relationship. Stop buying that the only reason men cheat is b/c YOU are the problem. No their lack in understanding MATH is the problem. A real relationship is 1+1, not 1+ 3 others & 2 more on the side

26. You WANNA believe that having a man's child will magically inspire him to grow up, change his bad habits, realize he needs to love and be with only you. Sounds good, but nope. Look around. There's alot of single parent homes. There's damn sure alot of fatherless/motherless children. Children actually add more financial, physical and emotional stress to a relationship b/c of all they bring. If you guys could barely survive the small struggles you were going through before the child, how on EARTH did you think adding 10xs more stress would..help?! Ha! Good one. It's hard enough as it is for people in good relationships with the RIGHT partner to survive all the added stress that comes with having a child. Relationships that were already toxic or not meant to be before the child even came about most likely won't be able to survive it

27. Stop tweet watching him. Stop facebook stalking him. If you don't trust him or his judgement, just say that. But in the meantime, quit torturing yourself by looking when you already knew before you looked that trouble is what you'd find. How many more confirmations do you need? Sheeeesh

28. Flirting is not a matter of who someone is. Flirting is not who you are, it's what you DO. And there's a difference. If a person only tends to flirt with people that just so happen to be their 'type' then it's not them doing it b/c it's who they are. It's them doing it b/c it's what they do AND like doing b/c of whatever satisfaction they get out of it. Beware of people who act powerless to certain behaviors...the kinds of people who act like they have no way of stopping themselves from doing/saying something inappropriate. Oh they can, they jus don't want to

29. You teach people how to treat you. Instead of asking THEM why they keep treating you like crap, why don't you ask yourself that same question

30. Who/what you attract has more to do with you than them. If you can't seem to stop attracting the same kinds of people, it's b/c you can't seem to stop submitting the same conscious and unconscious signals to them, that make them think you're prey in the 1st place. Own that who you attract (especially if it becomes a repeated pattern) is on YOU

31. Your ex wants you back & now you feel flattered. That's not good. They either want you back b/c who they REALLY wanted (after you) didn't work out and now they need a plan b or c OR b/c some people get a kick out of knowing they still have emotional power over you.

32. You should be ashamed of yourself & are in great denial if when asked how you know your partner is being faithful, you say, "B/c we're around eachother 24-7" or b/c 'he/she wouldn't have the time to cheat." Wake up. People will find a way when they really want something. Alot of politicians, celebrities & people in general were 100% willing to lose their careers and even families over cheating. Why? B/c when they really wanted something, they went out of their way to get it. They let nothing stop them. Remember that the next time you think someone isn't chasing you b/c they're 'afraid' 'intimidated' or all that other denial crap you use. If they realy want to, they'll make a way

33. She's not a sl*t just b/c she gives it up early nor is he a bad guy just b/c he got horny on the 1st+ date

34. How you come in the relationship is how you gotta stay. Don't false advertise. If you came in extremely fun, outgoing, adventurous, funny & freaky, don't think your partner isn't gonna notice that a year into it or a marriage later that you all of the sudden went psycho and fliped. They fell in love with the person you were in the beginning. Yes people change, BUT you can't necessarily expect for someone to be ok with or fall in love with the person you REALLY are 5 years later if that's a person they've never seen or knew was there

35. There's who you WISH that person was. Then there's who that person USED to be. And finally, there's who that person actually IS. Know the difference. And make sure you're in a relationship with who they currently ARE, not who they used to be or whom you wish they were

36. Others won't/don't respect your relationship if the 2 people in them don't. If the opposite sex keeps coming onto your partner, chances are your partner is not doing their job in coming off as unavailable.

I'm married. And happily =)

@krysrenee- great advice. you are on fire! 🙂

37. No, you don't always get out what you put in. That's only true when you're in the right relationship with the right partner. If you're with the wrong person however, it won't matter whether or not you put in 80% or 20% until you're blue in the face, you still won't get back the same in return.

38. We wonder what's the secret to our elders relationships lasting so long, yet when they take the time to break it down & tell us, we shrug it off or don't take the advice. We think we know it all & have it all figured out even though marriage/divorce statistics say otherwise. We're the generation that's the quickest to ignore elder wisdom and we also just so happen to be the generation that has the lowest marriage rate & highest divorce rate. We oughta start listening & stop leaning unto our own understanding. They obviously knew what they were doing

39. Do you even know what you want? Are you more in love with the concept of love than you are the actual person? For most of you, you just need a void filled; that's it. That's why how it's possible for half of you to end up in relationships with people that don't make sense. When your hearts not really in it, or in it period for the right reasons, it shows

40. So what you're single and you see alot of couples walking around holding hands or online saying sweet nothings to eachother?! Whose to say those couples are actually happy when they get home & have to deal with eachother away from all the lights, cameras and others watching? Be careful of what you envy. Don't ever forget that quality matters of quantity. It's better to have nothing than to have someone and still feel empty

41. Love is not a person, place or thing. It's a mentality. That is why those with the least live the most emotionally-rich lives, while those who have everything are constantly off'ing themselves or can't seem to be happy. Love starts with self 1st

42. When you're hurting, lonely, just got dumped, you're depressed or need a void filled, that's normally the time when we go out and date. Unfortunately, when you pick THAT as your timing for when you look for love, you're opening yourself up to fall victim to some of the worst kinds of people. Don't ever forget or underestimate that some people can spot a weak, emotionally vulnerable, depressed, usuable person from a mile away. Not only only are you the most likely target if they're looking for someone to manipulate, remember that you are also the most likely to fall for bull when you're in a vulnerable state

43. Don't move on until you're healed. If that means being single for 4 months, so be it. 10 years, so be it? Forever, so be it. How dare you expect a good man/woman to come into a situation with you knowing up front that they're gonna have to share you or compete in a race your ex lost 100 times all b/c you're not strong enough to let go? That's not fair to them no different than someone making you compete or pay for mistakes others made is not fair to you. Stop trying to skip the healing process. Trust me, you're not missing out on anything. If you try moving on too fast, you'll end up not only trying to get over 1 long term relationship, but also 5 other short term mini romances that didn't last either and that stressed you out. Why put yourself through the torture?!

44. Men and women have different needs. Men need to feel supported, and needed. Women need to feel listened to & heard. What you need to feel secure in a relationship is not necessarily what someone else needs. Read the book, "The 5 Love Languages." It's true, where 1 person may need lots of verbal reassurance to feel secure/loved, another may need less of that and more of something else. Always be willing to give you partner more than you yourself might require. You may need more of something than they do & vice versa. And so what?! It's ok for people to be different

45. The silent treatment is childish and borderline abusive. If you've got something to say, say it. If you don't wanna talk, say that. If whatever they did to you (or vice versa) was that bad, leave. When you give someone the silent treatment, you are no longer the victim. Whatever hell they are giving you that leads you to that form of abuse in the 1st place is no better than you purposely stripping the relationship of effective communication, which is just as destructive to a relationship as whatever they di

Posted by Goddessproxy
krsrenee7 is my favorite DXPer from now on.

Aww thanx lovie! =) =)

Posted by krysrenee7
I'm married. And happily =)

So now you're a pro? What works for YOU may not work for others. Everyones relationship is different.

I think this makes a lot of sense!

Posted by krysrenee7
31. Your ex wants you back & now you feel flattered. That's not good. They either want you back b/c who they REALLY wanted (after you) didn't work out and now they need a plan b or c OR b/c some people get a kick out of knowing they still have emotional power over you.

Uh no. That's not true. I wanted my ex back because I STILL LOVED HIM.

Posted by krysrenee7


4. He didn't call you b/c he didn't want to.

SMH...You people give guys way too much credit. The shoe was on the other foot & that didn't mean negative. I'm actually VERY interested in someone now, but sometimes I won't call him. Not because I don't want to it's because I'm AFRAID to. Meaning, I already like him now, by talking to him often will make me want him more & I don't want to go there right now.

I just want to be friends with him now, but I like him & I would like to see where it goes, if that makes any sense, but I'm not going ALL in. Whenever I do talk to him I end the convo first because I know I can talk to him for hours & just get caught up. I don't want to do that so that's why I don't talk to him too much. It has NOTHING to do with me being interested.

*not interested.

@RealTalk...please quote me where I said that my advice applies to any and every situation.....

Don't worry I'll wait

I'm fully aware that each specific situation sometimes requires special more personal advice. And then there are common general situations where general advice can just as effectively be used and given.

And you proved my point when you said you wouldn't call b/c you didn't want to. WHY you don't wanna call is besides the point when the end result is that there is someone out there not receiving a call from you. Big picture is you haven't called b/c you don't want to...your excuse is the same as not wanting to when the end result is still the same. So let's not play semantics

I also NEVER said that if someone doesn't call it's 100% of the time b/c they are not interested. I said that the facts are the facts. They call b/c they want to (for whatever reason) and they don't call b/c they don't want to (for whatever reason). That is fact

Posted by RealTalk

Posted by krysrenee7
I'm married. And happily =)

So now you're a pro? What works for YOU may not work for others. Everyones relationship is different.

click to expand

Lol see now you're giving me too much credit. I never claimed to be a pro. And even if I was, I don't think any relationship expert or 'pro' goes into it thinking their advice is gonna touch every single person reading it. Can't worry about the people who can't relate when there are 100 others who do get it and can relate. Sorry

Posted by krysrenee7
@RealTalk...please quote me where I said that my advice applies to any and every situation.....

Don't worry I'll wait

I'm fully aware that each specific situation sometimes requires special more personal advice. And then there are common general situations where general advice can just as effectively be used and given.

And you proved my point when you said you wouldn't call b/c you didn't want to. WHY you don't wanna call is besides the point when the end result is that there is someone out there not receiving a call from you. Big picture is you haven't called b/c you don't want to...your excuse is the same as not wanting to when the end result is still the same. So let's not play semantics

I also NEVER said that if someone doesn't call it's 100% of the time b/c they are not interested. I said that the facts are the facts. They call b/c they want to (for whatever reason) and they don't call b/c they don't want to (for whatever reason). That is fact

Isn't your thread called "Relationship Advice 101"? That title alone says you know it all. I don't need to quote you, you already did, but you can still wait though. The way you came with it didn't come across that way.

I'm not playing a damn thing. You missed it. I DO want to call him & the reason why I'm explaining the reason, is because you make it sound like the reason being is because they're not interested & I'm sure alot of minds went there. "He's not calling because he doesn't want to". Most people would think "He's just not that into you". Let's not play on words.

You don't need to say it, AGAIN it's how you're delivering your um..."facts". Everyone who has been through bullshit in their relationship, is going to perceive it that way. I don't give a damn how you dress it up.

Posted by krysrenee7

Posted by RealTalk

Posted by krysrenee7
I'm married. And happily =)

So now you're a pro? What works for YOU may not work for others. Everyones relationship is different.

Lol see now you're giving me too much credit. I never claimed to be a pro. And even if I was, I don't think any relationship expert or 'pro' goes into it thinking their advice is gonna touch every single person reading it. Can't worry about the people who can't relate when there are 100 others who do get it and can relate. Sorry

click to expand

Who said I didn't "get it" or I didn't "relate"? I NEVER said that, those are your words. Usually when people give so called "relationship" advice, they're speaking from their experience. I agree with some of what you're saying, but HOW you're saying certain things has a negative vibe. But whatevs...this is relationship advice 101. Let me not debate your words of wisdom.

You seem extremely defensive lol. What's with the cussing? Chill.

If a person writes a book titled "Dating Advice" unless they specifically clarify that their 'advice' should be used in EVERY single situation, there is no reason the reader should assume that's what the author said do.

My advice not applying to every specific person/situation is no different than any other kind of advice given that relates to subjects other than relationships. The person writing the post shouldn't have to clarify every other sentence that how they feel doesn't necessarily apply to EVERY single situation. It's up to the reader to know/remember that

I don't mind you disagreeing with me but again, let's not play semantics and put words in my mouth. The only person who assumed I was or implied that I was somehow a 'pro' was YOU, not me. Had I implied that, I could better understand where you're coming from, but I didn't so I see this as a pointless argument

Anywho, moving on...

Posted by RealTalk

Posted by krysrenee7
31. Your ex wants you back & now you feel flattered. That's not good. They either want you back b/c who they REALLY wanted (after you) didn't work out and now they need a plan b or c OR b/c some people get a kick out of knowing they still have emotional power over you.

Uh no. That's not true. I wanted my ex back because I STILL LOVED HIM.

click to expand

Why didn't you respond to this one?

You speak as if this----------> "They either want you back b/c who they REALLY wanted (after you) didn't work out and now they need a plan b or c OR b/c some people get a kick out of knowing they still have emotional power over you", is the ONLY reason someone wants an ex back. Like yeah...that's totally the only 2 options in the world besides uh, still loving the person, wanting to work it out & be together, missing them, not wanting anyone else, realizing the break up was petty, etc. you know...other factors.

Posted by krysrenee7
You seem extremely defensive lol. What's with the cussing? Chill.

If a person writes a book titled "Dating Advice" unless they specifically clarify that their 'advice' should be used in EVERY single situation, there is no reason the reader should assume that's what the author said do.

My advice not applying to every specific person/situation is no different than any other kind of advice given that relates to subjects other than relationships. The person writing the post shouldn't have to clarify every other sentence that how they feel doesn't necessarily apply to EVERY single situation. It's up to the reader to know/remember that

I don't mind you disagreeing with me but again, let's not play semantics and put words in my mouth. The only person who assumed I was or implied that I was somehow a 'pro' was YOU, not me. Had I implied that, I could better understand where you're coming from, but I didn't so I see this as a pointless argument

Anywho, moving on...

I "cuss" because I want to. That's not any of your concern.

Anywho...blah, blah, fucking blah. RELATIONSHIP ADVICE 101. Nuff said...

Oh guess you didn't the memo that I'm done arguing with you. So save it bubba

If you don't like it, change the channel. Simple.

Posted by firewaterearthpiscesvenus
Just because an Ex comes back doesn't mean that they are still in love with you, looking for anything permanent, or worth your time.

Love isn't a competition. Holding onto a relationship/marriage with a loser because he/she has other interested candidates doesn't put you in a superior position. Except that perhaps you are financially joined with a loser.

Stop using your kids/pets/real estate as a hold over your partner. If they don't want to be with you...let them go and make it a matter for the courts.

Don't sabotage your Ex's new relationship. It will not make them rekindle their feelings for you. It will only create resentment towards you in the long run.

Great points! especially number 3! I'm amazed at how many people don't undersand this until it's too late. I wouldn't even consider someone being with me b/c I had their child as a favor to me OR the child

It's like hello, children are not stupid. They grow up, they develop common sense. We can't fool them no different than our parents couldn't fool us.

Being with someone you had a child with should be a bonus, not the primary reason you're together. There is no substitute for genuine love & committment that's there b/c both people naturally wanted it to be. Not even a child can make things 'natural' if it's just not

This is good stuff Kysrenee, and for the ppl that have rebuttle. Just take what you need and leave the rest. No one is saying you have to get this..

Posted by Striking
This is good stuff Kysrenee, and for the ppl that have rebuttle. Just take what you need and leave the rest. No one is saying you have to get this..

Thanx love!

Lmao! Fuck you & this wack ass thread. Relationship 101...haha, right. Smooches!!!! 🙂

Posted by krysrenee7

Posted by firewaterearthpiscesvenus
Just because an Ex comes back doesn't mean that they are still in love with you, looking for anything permanent, or worth your time.

Love isn't a competition. Holding onto a relationship/marriage with a loser because he/she has other interested candidates doesn't put you in a superior position. Except that perhaps you are financially joined with a loser.

Stop using your kids/pets/real estate as a hold over your partner. If they don't want to be with you...let them go and make it a matter for the courts.

Don't sabotage your Ex's new relationship. It will not make them rekindle their feelings for you. It will only create resentment towards you in the long run.

Great points! especially number 3! I'm amazed at how many people don't undersand this until it's too late. I wouldn't even consider someone being with me b/c I had their child as a favor to me OR the child

It's like hello, children are not stupid. They grow up, they develop common sense. We can't fool them no different than our parents couldn't fool us.

Being with someone you had a child with should be a bonus, not the primary reason you're together. There is no substitute for genuine love & committment that's there b/c both people naturally wanted it to be. Not even a child can make things 'natural' if it's just not

click to expand

I really enjoyed reading your tips. Thanks again for the kind words.

Great work krysrenee. Simple truths!