@mimiitsshortfornoemi
13 Years
Cheaters, the damage they dont know about
thank you , i feel like im going to need it because also ive become extremely anti-social and thats out of my nature so you can understand my concern ... :l
It takes time to heal maybe you just haven't done that yet .. Not everyone cheats and those who do usually repeat the pattern throughout there entire lives so just think your better off without him .
Good luck but don't let it kill your future there are some good people out in the world you just have to find them 🙂
Being insecure isn't something someone else can do to you. Him cheating didn't cause you to be insecure .. you're own emotional weakness causes you to be insecure.
he was the effec, not the cause
The longer you wallow in your self pity, the longer you'll convince yourself that you have no duty in healing from the emotional injury, which will result in your own lonliness.
I'm sure him cheating hurt your heart ... but YOU are the one who continues to hurt it by claiming that he was worth you to hold onto it .. why the fuck would you give a cheater so much credit that they deserve to own your heart like that?
Bull-fucking-shit ... if you actually want to a strong and confident woman then YOU will take charge of yourself.
Posted by mimiitsshortfornoemi
thank you , i feel like im going to need it because also ive become extremely anti-social and thats out of my nature so you can understand my concern ... :l
wow
So, you are going to blame him for you being anti-social with everyone?
At what point are you going to take responsibility? .... because he isn't at fault because you choose to carry this baggage into other social areas of your life.
Seriously ... Geminis
hey P-Angel thank you , for that i agree 100% youre right i do need to take control!! I cant believe it really looks like that from the outside. how embarrassing. thank you again!!
and thank you lblibra, your words are too very helping.. 😄 you guys rock!!!!
Some folks are meant to be life lessons and not life partners. Good vibes to you Miz Mimi. You are better off without him.
thank you wonderful strangers, i think i never talked about this and so it became big. im glad i came here for feed back its amazing what an opinion from the outside can do (: and if youre judging me thank you. youre probably wrong! lol HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! MUCH LOVE TO ALL OF YOU 😄
bikerchick thank you that helps (: i am really hard on myself, maybe it is time i ease off !!! merry Christmas thank you so much
The problem with cheaters and cheating is that they think it's as simple as what someone doesn't know won't hurt them, or even if found out, that they can simply say sorry and everything be okay.
Often times cheaters don't take into account the health impacts their cheating can have. STDs and veneral diseases can be spread this way, one partner cheating and then giving the other partner a disease. This is a long term consequence that the innocent party has to deal with in one way or another.
Another is the long-term emotional impact their cheating has on their partner. Not only does a cheaters actions affect their relationship, but also potential future relationships their partner may have.
Cheating is a selfish, short-sighted act that harms people. It harms the cheater and it harms their partner, and through that damage it can even harm future partners for both parties.
WINGS!!!! you just read me as your fav book omgg yess thats it -_- theres not much we can do ... i think time, but how much is too much time dueling on this:?
Posted by mimiitsshortfornoemi
WINGS!!!! you just read me as your fav book omgg yess thats it -_- theres not much we can do ... i think time, but how much is too much time dueling on this:?
It gets to be too much time when you're constantly contemplating on what's already been done & there's not a thing you can do to change it. You can learn from it & occasionally remind yourself why it is that you want change in the NOW and the tomorrow. Here's the irony, history has a funny way of repeating itself: physically, emotionally, mentally, you name it... so it's up to you to play the incredible role of choice. YOU are choosing to let your past control the now.
Hope I helped,
Cheers
Posted by P-Angel
Being insecure isn't something someone else can do to you. Him cheating didn't cause you to be insecure .. you're own emotional weakness causes you to be insecure.he was the effec, not the cause
The longer you wallow in your self pity, the longer you'll convince yourself that you have no duty in healing from the emotional injury, which will result in your own lonliness.
I'm sure him cheating hurt your heart ... but YOU are the one who continues to hurt it by claiming that he was worth you to hold onto it .. why the fuck would you give a cheater so much credit that they deserve to own your heart like that?
Bull-fucking-shit ... if you actually want to a strong and confident woman then YOU will take charge of yourself.
+1
If children are involved, then the cheating hurts the children as well. Children grow up thinking its either okay to do so or they learn to believe that that is what is expected from their partners. Or they end up hating the opposite sex because of their image of their mom/dad. (i.e. If it was mom cheating, boys can grow up thinking all women are whores so they treat women that way, and so many other examples).
If children are involved, then the cheating hurts the children as well. Children grow up thinking its either okay to do so or they learn to believe that that is what is expected from their partners. Or they end up hating the opposite sex because of their image of their mom/dad. (i.e. If it was mom cheating, boys can grow up thinking all women are whores so they treat women that way, and so many other examples).
I disagree with that.
The cheater isn't the person who plants these suggestions in the children's mind .... it's the ignorance of the cheatee, in staying and tolerating such behaviour that teaches the children it's ok
If children are involved, then the cheating hurts the children as well. Children grow up thinking its either okay to do so or they learn to believe that that is what is expected from their partners. Or they end up hating the opposite sex because of their image of their mom/dad. (i.e. If it was mom cheating, boys can grow up thinking all women are whores so they treat women that way, and so many other examples).
I disagree with that.
The cheater isn't the person who plants these suggestions in the children's mind .... it's the ignorance of the cheatee, in staying and tolerating such behaviour that teaches the children it's ok
click to expand
I believe both are responsible. Children see what they see. AND, more importantly, children feed off the attitudes of the parents. They see the actions, hear the comments, and observe the behavior.
Either way you look at it, regardless which one of us is right, the children are influenced and are a by-product of cheating.
Sorry, not really a by-product. I meant to say collateral damage.
If children are involved, then the cheating hurts the children as well. Children grow up thinking its either okay to do so or they learn to believe that that is what is expected from their partners. Or they end up hating the opposite sex because of their image of their mom/dad. (i.e. If it was mom cheating, boys can grow up thinking all women are whores so they treat women that way, and so many other examples).
I disagree with that.
The cheater isn't the person who plants these suggestions in the children's mind .... it's the ignorance of the cheatee, in staying and tolerating such behaviour that teaches the children it's ok
I believe both are responsible. Children see what they see. AND, more importantly, children feed off the attitudes of the parents. They see the actions, hear the comments, and observe the behavior.
click to expand
In this belief system you have ... you are making the determination that the cheatee stays with the cheater.
Children see nothing of the sort, observe nothing of the sort .... if the parent being cheated on left on the spot. Only if the parent stays to tolerate it, does it run a risk for the children.
Children are NOT affected by one parent cheating, IF the other parent has honor and decency and walks like they are suppose to do.
Well, one would say that the fact that the relationship between the parents has changed, with the very real possibility of their living conditions changing, is quite a bit effect on the children.
P-Angel, I get your point. I only gave a couple examples how it could affect the children. That said, regardless whether the cheatee stays with the cheater or not, the children are affected. If the cheatee leaves, then kids get torn from their happy two-parent home. They have to deal with instability, uncertainty, lesser income, parents going through a divorce (often ugly when cheating is involved), they get drug back and forth between parents, etc.
Posted by Wings
Well, one would say that the fact that the relationship between the parents has changed, with the very real possibility of their living conditions changing, is quite a bit effect on the children.
We weren't discussing whether it effected the children ..... we were discussing whether it hurt the children.
... the cheating hurts the children ....
I disagree with that.
click to expand
When I disagreed with you, I was addressing your claim that it hurts the children ... you didn't say 'effects' the children.
Those two posts were for Wings, not you, Cap
Honey you need to heal from the relationship 1st.
Cheaters are usually not mature, and someone who is immature usually cares that lack of maturity into all of their relationships.
Well someone who isn't healed or is still bitter from a past relationship will tend to carry that into future relationships
When you haven't yet healed but yet try to move on before you're ready, other people will either seem extremely better than they really are OR way worse than they really are
Cheating changes things. It eats at your self esteem. It makes you question who you are sometimes & it def. makes you lesson or atleast question your worth as a woman. I get it
But honey as you said, he's done moved on and rode off into the sunset with someone else & it's b/c he chose to find happiness instead of harping over you and/or all the mistakes he made
It's easy to sit around and pity yourself when someone betrays you but that's not how you heal & that's def NOT how you naturally attract the right kind of people to you
Sucks but women who are bitter, insecure, always negative or have lots of baggage don't necessarily tend to attract the right guys. And I think that's how it should be
After all, what if you were to meet the right guy tomorrow? Is it really fair to him that he has to deal with someone who won't trust him even if he does/says all the right things? That wouldn't be fair to him, now would it? No different than cheaters don't deserve faithful/loyal/trustworthy women, right?
Vulnerable people tend to attract predators & even though it sucks & leaves you wondering why/how people can be so cold, you should deal with the FACTS & realize that yes, although it sucks, it is what it is. That's the real world
Pick yourself up, stop blaiming/questioning yourself for someone else's actions & stop going about this as if it's your loss when it's really his.
When you get yourself together, restore your self-esteem and remember that the world doesn't evolve around him and what he did to you, guarantee you'll start meeting a different breed of person
But for now, you're obviously not ready. Your judgment is too clouded & that's ok. That's normal. Respect that there's a process to everything, especially when it comes to healing
than for one parent to move on while still in the marriage.
Posted by P-Angel
Being insecure isn't something someone else can do to you. Him cheating didn't cause you to be insecure .. you're own emotional weakness causes you to be insecure.he was the effec, not the cause
The longer you wallow in your self pity, the longer you'll convince yourself that you have no duty in healing from the emotional injury, which will result in your own lonliness.
I'm sure him cheating hurt your heart ... but YOU are the one who continues to hurt it by claiming that he was worth you to hold onto it .. why the fuck would you give a cheater so much credit that they deserve to own your heart like that?
Bull-fucking-shit ... if you actually want to a strong and confident woman then YOU will take charge of yourself.
@ P that was insightful, I wouldn't have thought of it in this way and it helps with old wounds. Thanks
I suppose it has to do with the age of the children how they are affected. Younger children are more resilient, but older children, say teenagers, hold grudges, especially if raised with morals, then one parent is immoral. They see it as hippocritical. Who's to say what the long term affects are in their attitudes.
And, the home may be relatively happy while one parent is a philanderer by nature unbeknowest to the spouse. When the cheating becomes public knowledge, and it will eventually, it becomes a scandel in the community and the children are affected by that. Older children especially.
I agree with you that bad parenting = most of the negative effects. Yes. You are correct. However, it would be better for all involved if the divorce were to happen th
You still make the assumption that the two parents inflict their relationship problems onto the kids.
If you have a relationship issue with the father of your children ... you are NOT suppose to include the children into your feelings about this issue.
do you realize that?
Goddessproxy and Sweethears .... you are most welcome.
I suppose it has to do with the age of the children how they are affected. Younger children are more resilient, but older children, say teenagers, hold grudges, especially if raised with morals, then one parent is immoral. They see it as hippocritical. Who's to say what the long term affects are in their attitudes.
And, the home may be relatively happy while one parent is a philanderer by nature unbeknowest to the spouse. When the cheating becomes public knowledge, and it will eventually, it becomes a scandel in the community and the children are affected by that. Older children especially.
I agree with you that bad parenting = most of the negative effects. Yes. You are correct. However, it would be better for all involved if the divorce were to happen th
You still make the assumption that the two parents inflict their relationship problems onto the kids.
If you have a relationship issue with the father of your children ... you are NOT suppose to include the children into your feelings about this issue.
do you realize that?
click to expand
Yes, I do understand what you're saying! I basically agree with you. I'm just saying that it's not always the parents that are inflicting their relationship problems onto the kids. You can shelter them and hide it from them and have a positive relationship with the spouse, but if an affair becomes public knowledge (in a small town, gossip spreads like fire). Then kids, especially teens, have to live with that as well.
You made very valid points! I'm not disagreeing with you, its just I believe the children are affected when one parent has an affair. And that doesn't have to come from the parents.
Their friends - "hey, I heard your mom was banging So&So, Glad my mom's not a whore".
In school - "hey, I heard your dad was doing Ms. So&So. She's hot!".
In church - "yeah, well, they want ME not to sleep around, but look what they did"
In the community - "oh, the poor kids..."
See what I'm saying?
.... an affair becomes public knowledge (in a small town, gossip spreads like fire).
Their friends - "hey, I heard your mom was banging So&So, Glad my mom's not a whore".
In school - "hey, I heard your dad was doing Ms. So&So. She's hot!".
In church - "yeah, well, they want ME not to sleep around, but look what they did"
In the community - "oh, the poor kids..."See what I'm saying?
Holy fucking mother of Jesus ... I HATE stupid people.
And I'm not meaning you, truecap .. I'm talking about whoever this dumb-ass mystery person is that had the choice of respecting their children, respecting thier church/school/community by means of not being a gossip and spreading thier own shit, and respecting that shit of a spouse (who works/lives/breathes in that town) ... even if they did something wrong, there are children involved who have the potential to be hurt (who goes to school/lives/breathes in that town) ....
.... but, takes the other choice that is only in place because s/he is so emotionally weak that they have to make sure that every person and everything have to get caught up in dramatic bullshit.
Dude, are people really that fucking stupid that they'd choose to betray thier own goddam selves, then take a higher road in which leads to honor and fortitude in their own hour of confliction, in which brings misery, embarrassment to their own children?
And NO, I don't get what you're saying because I refuse to believe that people hate themselves that much that if their partner cheated on them that they would fuck up their own selves, for possibly .... ever
Dammit, I fucked it ^^^^ up again .. not changing it this time, eventhough I still messed up what I'm saying ... too stoned to be able to put my thoughts to words ...
out
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so last relationship i was in , he cheated with some girl he barley even knew.
i cut it off immediately but being a Gem i stayed friends with him , after a couple of months
he got a girl and i was okay. but now its so hard for me to get with anyone i feel as if everyone
lies to me, and when i do get close to someone im just like "lie lie lie lie" so it goes no where
i dont have to be with anyone but i wish i was okay with it i feel like im coming to a point where
i cant trust anyone and rather be alone i feel like no one really wants anything serious they
just think im beautiful and wanna fuck or just be friends , i dont mind the friends but i mind my feelings about it...
any feed back, opinions? thanks