Relationship at work? Problem!

Hello everyone! Please, read my story (I will try to write it short) and just tell me what is your opinion without attacking me or being rude. I am 23 years old and a couple of months ago moved to my new job where I met someone (he is 8 years older than me) In a 1-2 weeks we start dating (yes, I know, it happened fast) and fall in love. He is on a higher position than me but he's not my boss. We are co-workers in one room with 10 more people. 4 months after we first met, our relationship is getting serious - he knows what terrible things happened in my life, I am staying at his place almost every day and etc. We have even plans that I will move to his place in the end of this year. So far so good. The thing is that we have talked about our work. Our colleagues do not know about our relationship. They have some jokes about that he should be married and have children and laugh. To be honest I definetely do not like this even though I start to laught too or pretend I do not listen to them. We both think that they might know but just pretend. We both understand the risk that if we tell them, (our company is big) and people might start messing around and tell lies, which is possible. But I am quite worried that I am sick of this hiding and be jealous of the jokes "I will find you a wife", "How is your girlfriend, when are we going to meet her" and things like this, "I want to meet you with one girl" and things like this. I was wondering if I quit job is it going to be the best solution or what is more - having in mind that he has in his facebook theirs,that he might continuie to hide our relationship.. I just want to know opinions that are not from my friends, family and so on... Thank you in advance!

Posted by Confgirl91

I just want to know opinions that are not from my friends, family and so on...

The assumption is made that you've already talked to friends and family, and you didn't like what they had to say, so you come here to try and get validated for making bad decisions.

Red flags are all over this, but, you choose to ignore them .... probably just like you choose to ignore the sound advice your friends and family have given you.

It doesn't matter what anyone in here says, if you've already made a decision on what answers you will accept ... which pretty much describes why you are in this situation to begin with.

You've already decided that he feels the same way as you, even though his actions don't prove it.

You've rendered yourself blind and deaf ... so, any practical advice that doesn't coincide with what you want is as worthless as you asking strangers what you should do with your heart.

Do NOT .....


shit where you eat

sleep where you work

I wouldn't leave my job for that. Ask yourself this question, would he leave his job for you? That's the price you pay when getting involved at work. How long has he been there? Maybe there were others before you?

You must be Sagittarius.... Hmmm him a Taurus?

- No, I did not ask my family or friends. I am that type of people that don't disturb my closest people with my problems. I wrote this because you guys don't know us and your opinion will be yours I mean you won't say what I want and etc.
- He is from an year here and he is a coeditor. I started at the end of January.
- I am Scorpio and he is Cancer.

I don't want him to leave this job first of all he is good at what he is doing, he was here before me and it is not fair. On the other hand, I am just from couple of months here and yeah... I was thinking - if I stay and one day we are married and I get pregnant ( it might be strange for you but he alreadt told me that he wants it ) that for me it is not only impossible but also and ridiculous to keep it in secret.

Posted by Confgirl91
I don't want him to leave this job first of all he is good at what he is doing, he was here before me and it is not fair. On the other hand, I am just from couple of months here and yeah... I was thinking - if I stay and one day we are married and I get pregnant ( it might be strange for you but he alreadt told me that he wants it ) that for me it is not only impossible but also and ridiculous to keep it in secret.

You've already "named your children" and this man hasn't even claimed you publicly. Don't allow people to place fantasies in your head, especially when their actions reflect the opposite.

I don't believe in sh*tting where I eat or sleep (e.g. I don't date colleagues or friends of friends/ neighbors) just because it's too much drama if things don't work out. You are well past that, so let's work with your situation as it stands... My suggestion would be to slow the relationship down until you can figure out a way to be together publicly. There is no need to rush into moving in with him. If he is unwilling to do this, you know where this relationship stands. I'm not suggesting you issue any ultimatums, simply express your feelings and slow yourself down. He will make his own decisions.

First thing, I just experienced my first don't get evolved with someone at work type of bull shit. Now that he confessed everything...

I have had a change of heart.. like you lied to me now I look stupid, and for what... for distancing myself when at one point we chill with the same social circle... everyone notices something.. that's the shit I don't like.. everyone wanting to know where I am, or everyone Asking me where he is..wtf.. or just in the business... .. get off our jocks..



If there is a guy who likes me he gets jealous alittle bit, I know because of how we used to chill before....Even if I am not interested in any one at work atm....I can't just date someone else and still see my friend as I used to like him and expressed some emotions and this is what I get.. fucking drama problems.

Posted by Confgirl91
Hello everyone! Please, read my story (I will try to write it short) and just tell me what is your opinion without attacking me or being rude. I am 23 years old and a couple of months ago moved to my new job where I met someone (he is 8 years older than me) In a 1-2 weeks we start dating (yes, I know, it happened fast) and fall in love. He is on a higher position than me but he's not my boss. We are co-workers in one room with 10 more people. 4 months after we first met, our relationship is getting serious - he knows what terrible things happened in my life, I am staying at his place almost every day and etc. We have even plans that I will move to his place in the end of this year. So far so good. The thing is that we have talked about our work. Our colleagues do not know about our relationship. They have some jokes about that he should be married and have children and laugh. To be honest I definetely do not like this even though I start to laught too or pretend I do not listen to them. We both think that they might know but just pretend. We both understand the risk that if we tell them, (our company is big) and people might start messing around and tell lies, which is possible. But I am quite worried that I am sick of this hiding and be jealous of the jokes "I will find you a wife", "How is your girlfriend, when are we going to meet her" and things like this, "I want to meet you with one girl" and things like this. I was wondering if I quit job is it going to be the best solution or what is more - having in mind that he has in his facebook theirs,that he might continuie to hide our relationship.. I just want to know opinions that are not from my friends, family and so on... Thank you in advance!

I'd venture to say there is one or two Scorpio's in the group and knew about the two of you from day one. Regardless..what Pangel said...never shit where you work/keep the penis/pussy out of the payroll.

Thank you! It was really messy in my head because I barely express my feelings or whatever... and keep everything but to be honest you cleared more or less that mess in my head. Probably it will be good to have a conversation with him and explain him this. I forgot to say that I told him that sooner or later our colleagues will find out and he told me that it is not appropriate for us this situatuion because they can fire both of us. There is logic but in spite of this I don't like such things especially for a relationship because it makes you feel that you are not so important.I have believed in that you should not meet people who you are working with but it happenes...

I am hard headed I have to experience myself. Always have I suppose. Do listen to people on here if you need to figure what it's like then do it. So you get the experience....or take it from the older and most experienced experts on dxp..

This is my first and last time I do some shit like that.. like damn this connection was good in the beginning not any more.. I just feel like leaving sometimes but I am not letting some stupid thing get the best of my career. I worked too hard for that...

Posted by Confgirl91

.... you should not meet people who you are working with but it happenes...

It's that helpless attitude that has brought you here, and it will probably land you in similar situations your whole life, so long as you believe you can't help yourself.


Shit doesn't happen to you, arbitrarily ... what happens to you, is up to you. Your job, as a rational adult, is to decide for yourself what is in your best interest

It sounds to me like you threw yourself out there, without consideration of consequences and without consideration of what is best for you ... and you are blaming it on "shit happens"


so long as you aren't accountable for your actions ... your life happenings will probably always be shitty.

Why not take charge of yourself and act in accordance of your best interest, instead of leaving the fate of your heart up to, "shit happens"

I know what might the consequences be, but I chose to be with him in spite of that. I just feel him really close and he is so important that I can leave from that please because of him... I really, REALLY have not allowed until now someone to have such "control" over me.. I just don't know is it right to want even if I do leave to stop hide our relationship or is too much... Having in mind that he has them in his facebook, if our relationship gets more serious that he can still hide it... You know that it is normal people when get married to post a picture and etc...

Posted by Confgirl91
I know what might the consequences be, but I chose to be with him in spite of that.

Okay, so there is no real point to this thread. Keeping your relationship in the dark is one of the consequences. So is losing or leaving your job. So your statement suggest that you thought he was worth all of that. So what exactly is the dilemma? Accept the consequence(s).

Sounds like you weren't being very honest with yourself.

Posted by Confgirl91

I just don't know is it right to want even if I do leave to stop hide our relationship

I don't think you are being realistic.

In the title, you say "problem", and if I'm comprehending correctly, you believe the problem is that the dude is not announcing you to his people, rather keeping you a secret.

And that's ^^^^ not the problem.

So, you're going to have to realize what the problem actually is, if you plan on having resolution.

The problem is your trying to live a fantasy, rather than the reality .. so, what the dude does, says, or doesn't do/say amounts to squat, since you aren't realizing that this isn't a game.

You talk about what/how you will do to manipulate the situation in getting him to want to present you as his. That's not him wanting you, that's not him feeling deeply for you like you falsely believe.

And you don't know that that ^^^ is wrong. You have this belief that you can maneuver him into holding you in a different regard.

So, instead of actually being a with a guy who wants you to be by his side ... you've decided to take a dude who doesn't want you, and then pretend that he has deep feelings for you.

It doesnt' matter what he tells you, what matters are his actions. And seems to fly over your head.

why choose manipulation? when are you going to leave the ground?

Posted by Confgirl91

I was thinking - if I stay and one day we are married and I get pregnant ...

aaaannnnnd ..... there it is !!!!



crazy bitch .... you fuck her, and she's picking out a wedding dress.

poor men ... they don't have a chance

Lololol

Ohhh Scorpio.... Yikes 😄

Never butter where you eat I learned that it makes an ugly work situation. You will get your feelings hurt it will turn to anger you will want revenge.

Just leave the Cancer man alone we know damn well you are going to try sting him, your stinger doesn't penetrate a crabs shell.

Go find yourself a Gemini man to torment Scorp and Gemini is a perfect match for each other.

I was just confused with all this mess. Thank you once again! I spoke with him yesterday and explained everything I wrote here. He was surprised but then we took the decision that I will leave in 2 months (I will look for another job during that period). He said that he is sorry that I am feeling like I am in a cage because we have to hide our relationship and this brings a lot of new issues - I go to work with no desire and so on..

tizani - you are right, I know people who met their partners at work and they are still together. It depends of the age, let's not forget that we are adults, not 16-year old teenagers who want to try with different partners... I said that it is risky because if the couple is not together it will be very difficult after that. My story is another thing but... I think there is no easy answer because every situation is specific

I just think you should ask yourself some of these harder questions. Have you ever been in a long term relationship before?




Yes, I had 4-year relationship

And guys, I told you that about the wedding, because he wants it. He already told me that he wants to live with me and planned a lot of things. It wasn't me and I am definetly not a manipulating him. We are slowing down because "there is time for everything"

Look, I am going to put this a nicely as I can ... you're a dumbass, and he knows it, and capitalizes on it.

A guy who is "talking" marriage and future with you, whose actions say the opposite, is using you.

Men aren't stupid ... he knows full well that you believe everything he says. He knows you're that gullible. And look at the evidence here .. you are that dumb and gullible.

He knows that alls he has to do is target your sensitivities and all rational thought in you disappears. He tells you what you want to hear.

In reality, he isn't owning you publicly because he doesn't want you as a serious partner ... his actions aren't matching his words .... and you're smart enough to realize it. Even after people are here telling you. You still haven't the brain cells to put two and two together.

Dumbasses like that, like you ... are what men look for when they need a hole on the side. And look at the evidence here ... you're clueless.

Maybe you're not a dumbass ... maybe you're just English, and being second-rate to a man is honorable to you.

Posted by Confgirl91

And guys, I told you that about the wedding, because he wants it.

I'd be willing to wager that every time he tells you this bullshit .... your knickers fall to the floor.


Seriously, do yourself a favor and grow some integrity. If a dude's actions aren't supporting his words ... then he's deceiving you.

You don't understand what the word, "charm" means?

If he isn't shouting to the world that you are his woman ... then you aren't.

Seriously here, and I don't give a fuck about your sensitivities in not wanting to hear the harsh truth ... you are causing all of your grief, you're doing to yourself.

His actions speak loud and clear ....... you're not important enough to him to claim publicly, so get a fucking grip on yourself and stop making an ass out of yourself with this man.

Dating or being in a relationship with someone that you work with is terrible. What I didn't like most about is the drama. I was dating someone I was working with. As time went on I found that he got around with multiple females at the job. I worked in a different department, so I was the last to know things, unless I asked or some volunteered to tell me. i really suspected it when different girls walked passed me on a daily basis with glares. So, I started asking questions. Of course, he lied. So, I still continued to ask him things until he broke down and told the truth, but he still refused to tell the truth. I didn't understand what was so hard about that, because we was just dating, but I finally told him that we shouldn't communicate anymore. So, he created drama by going to one of the girls with something that I asked about and started talking shit about me. I confronted him about that and as usual, he lied. So, she stirred up drama and made me out to be the bad seed because I knew about them messing around. She even got the manager involved. It's a lot more, but I'm going to say this... He did what he did, and the girl is pregnant with her boyfriends baby(she cheated on him with the guy I was dating). She got fired months ago.

So, they did what they did and look how everything turned out. The drama isn't worth it. I will say this though. He doesn't want to be with you. If he did, he would tell everyone that he's dating you.

Yup

I don't thing that I am a donkey or whatever... I know his friends, we are gathering together and things like this. People at work suspect that we might be together and maybe they do it on purpose ( I mean the jokes ) because they want to provoke us. The thing was that he doesn't want to tell it because we will get fired and I think If someone should leave that's me. We talked about the social profiles and he explained that for example he is using facebook only for professional use and yeah... You guys, with all the advices and attacks helped me to gain more strenght and to tell him all this things no matter what.

Posted by Confgirl91
I don't thing that I am a donkey or whatever... I know his friends, we are gathering together and things like this. People at work suspect that we might be together and maybe they do it on purpose ( I mean the jokes ) because they want to provoke us. The thing was that he doesn't want to tell it because we will get fired and I think If someone should leave that's me. We talked about the social profiles and he explained that for example he is using facebook only for professional use and yeah... You guys, with all the advices and attacks helped me to gain more strenght and to tell him all this things no matter what.

I hope I didn't attack you. That wasn't what I intended to do. It's just that it could get really ugly. Someone will end up getting hurt.